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SCHEDULE: August 2014

Times listed for EASTERN and PACIFIC timezones except where otherwise noted.

Friday, August 1

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Snoozin' for a Bruisin'
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Two Balls, Two Strikes
Little Chubby (Norm MacDonald) comes to town to take over the family business after the death of his father.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Buck Can Do It
Buck mates another dog, making the owner of the dog so angry that he sues Al.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Poppy's By the Tree (1)
The Bundys are at a hotel in Florida, only to find that an ax murderer lives there.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Expensive Purse Episode, The
After balking at the high price of a purse Suzanne loves, Nick thinks again and tries to buy it as a gift - but Suzanne has already secretly bought the last purse for herself.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Celebrity
Brown, Derek and Renee try to get a photo of a celebrity's newborn. Meanwhile Will finds weed and thinks it's Christopher's, who takes the blame to keep Brianna out of trouble.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Not in the Cards
Curtis gets sucked in when Floyd hosts a casino night at the Help Center. Jazmine gets in trouble for talking in class.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Little Shop of Sweaters
D.J. and Stephanie become worried when they can't find enough money to replace a damaged Valentine's Day gift sweater. Meanwhile, Jesse has his first serious date with Rebecca, and Joey attends a Valentine's Day ball dressed as Popeye.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Mama's Baby, Carlton's Maybe
An ex-girlfriend claims Carlton fathered her child.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
P. S. I Love You
Will feels guilty accepting gifts from a plain girl.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Here Comes the Judge
Will gets arrested for numerous parking tickets as Phil runs for judge.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Boyz in the Woods
Snow traps campers Will, Uncle Phil and Carlton.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Hustle 'N Bros
Cleveland is shocked when Freight Train adopts Donna's ex-husband, Robert; Junior and Rallo track down lost dogs and use the reward money to pay a debt they owe Donna.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Wide World Of The Cleveland Show, The
As Cleveland and his family travel the world...in Italy, Cleveland must choose between Junior and Rallo to run "the family business;" in Mexico, Junior insists on having a Quinceanera, even though it's for girls; in Japan, Cleveland builds a robot to attend Junior's eating competition.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold
After officially being declared dead do to an accident, Stan comes back to life and realizes he dreams of leaving a legacy on the world. He excavates his home in search of Ollie Norths Contra-band buried treasure.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Spring Break-Up
With Francine gone to visit her parents, Roger holds a Spring Break blowout at the Smith house. During the festivities, Stan falls for a "Spring Break Buddy" and Steve is on the verge of losing his virginity.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
1600 Candles
In this Emmy nominated episode, the Smiths' plans to celebrate Roger's 1,600th birthday are sidetracked when Steve announces that he's finally going through puberty. Ever fearful of the thought of a Steve with raging hormones, Stan and Francine try to bypass the pains by having experimental medicine injected into Steve's head.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
One That Got Away, The
Roger discovers that one of his personas has taken on a life of his own. Back at home, the Smith family becomes addicted to the 1970s electronic game "Simon."
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Friender Bender
Doug hits and damages Deacon and Kelly's car.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Mean Streak
Doug tries to break the company record for the largest number of consecutive deliveries.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Is Fine, The
Ross drinks too much alcohol at dinner with Rachel, Joey and Charlie; Frank Jr. (Giovanni Ribisi) cannot cope with his precocious triplets.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Tan, The
Rachel and Joey nervously anticipate their first real date; Monica and Phoebe try to avoid an obnoxious friend (Jennifer Coolidge) with a fake British accent; Ross emerges from a tanning booth with a two-toned appearance.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Cake, The
An X-rated cake is delivered to Emma's first birthday party.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits, The
Rachel convinces her sister (Christina Applegate) to baby-sit over Ross' protests; Joey writes a letter to an adoption agency on Monica and Chandler's behalf.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Jacket, The
Jerry loves an expensive suede jacket until he buys it.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Chinese Restaurant, The
Jerry, Elaine and George need reservations at a Chinese restaurant.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Phone Message, The
George regrets a nasty message he put on a date's answering machine.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Apartment, The
Jerry regrets encouraging Elaine to move into his building.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Meet the Quagmires
Death allows Peter to go back in time for a night so he can sow his wild oats.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (SAP)
Blue Harvest Part 1 & 2
After a power outage in Quahog, Peter Griffin tells his family the greatest story every told, "Star Wars IV: A New Hope". "Family Guy" parodies the tale of Luke Skywalker (Chris Griffin) on his path to aid the rebellion. Along with his companions, R2D2 (Cleveland), C-3PO (Quagmire), Han Solo (Peter), Chewbacca (Brian), and Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert), Luke infiltrates the Death Star to rescue Princess Leia (Lois) from the clutches of Darth Vader (Stewie). After a daring escape, the rebellion attacks and eventually destroys the Death Star.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Moving Out
When Brian starts to show his age, the Griffins decide to get a new dog.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Funniest Wins
Tough Crowd
With help from Marlon Wayans and guest mentor David Alan Grier, the comics do funny interviews with people on the street. Later, Deon Cole and Marlon coach the remaining comedians as they develop stand-up routines to present for a hundred burly bikers who will help determine who stays in the competition.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Funniest Wins
Tough Crowd
With help from Marlon Wayans and guest mentor David Alan Grier, the comics do funny interviews with people on the street. Later, Deon Cole and Marlon coach the remaining comedians as they develop stand-up routines to present for a hundred burly bikers who will help determine who stays in the competition.
TV-14
12:00 am
Movie
Something Borrowed
Rachel is a talented attorney at a top New York law firm, a generous and loyal friend and, unhappily, still single as her engaged best friend Darcy is constantly reminding her. But after one drink too many at her 30th birthday party, perpetual good girl Rachel unexpectedly ends up in bed with the guy she's had a crush on since law school, Dex, who just happens to be Darcy's fiancé. When Rachel and Darcy's lifelong friendship collides with true love, it leads to unexpected complications and potentially explosive romantic revelations. Meanwhile, Ethan, who has been Rachel's constant confidante and sometimes conscience, has been harboring a secret of his own, and Marcus, an irrepressible womanizer, can't keep his mind out of the gutter or his hands off any girl within reach.
TV-14
2:30 am
Movie
Notting Hill
William Thacker is a shy London bookseller who has never had much luck with women. When Hollywood star Anna Scott wanders into his shop, he is transfixed, but doesn't expect to see her again. But coincidence brings them together again, and soon the unlikely couple are falling in love, and must deal with the problems of a relationship between a star and an ordinary guy.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Jeff Foxworthy Show, The
Clan of the Bare Caves
As he fights to save his business, Jeff discovers his sister-in-law won't be leaving anytime soon.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
G.E.D.
Earl studies to get his GED after being rejected for a credit card.
TV-14
 

Saturday, August 2

6:00 am
Married With Children
Poppy's By the Tree (2)
Peg gets kidnapped! Can Al get her back
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
If I Were a Rich Man
Al and Steve find out about 1 million dollars missing from the bank and the other Bundys think they have it.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Funniest Wins
Tough Crowd
With help from Marlon Wayans and guest mentor David Alan Grier, the comics do funny interviews with people on the street. Later, Deon Cole and Marlon coach the remaining comedians as they develop stand-up routines to present for a hundred burly bikers who will help determine who stays in the competition.
TV-14
8:00 am
CeeLo Green's The Good Life
You Can't Fight Fire
While in Vegas for the debut of CeeLo's big stage show, CeeLo and Gipp go to an animal refuge to find a tiger for CeeLo to ride. Meanwhile, Larry rides CeeLo about his diet, and T-Mo and Khujo take a joy ride.
TV-14
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
All Work and No Play
Calvin and Miranda may be able to move out. meanwhile, Jazmine goes to work with C.J. and Janine.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the California Dreamer
Cora is upset when Reggie decides to stay in California. Menawhile Brown is the only one brave enough to teach Brianna to drive.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Are We There Yet ?
Master of Ceremonies Episode, The
While hosting an awards ceremony, Nick gets laughs by making Suzanne the butt of his jokes, but finds he can't stand the heat when Suzanne starts making fun of him in public.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Movie
Notting Hill
William Thacker is a shy London bookseller who has never had much luck with women. When Hollywood star Anna Scott wanders into his shop, he is transfixed, but doesn't expect to see her again. But coincidence brings them together again, and soon the unlikely couple are falling in love, and must deal with the problems of a relationship between a star and an ordinary guy.
TV-PG
12:30 pm
Movie
Something Borrowed
Rachel is a talented attorney at a top New York law firm, a generous and loyal friend and, unhappily, still single as her engaged best friend Darcy is constantly reminding her. But after one drink too many at her 30th birthday party, perpetual good girl Rachel unexpectedly ends up in bed with the guy she's had a crush on since law school, Dex, who just happens to be Darcy's fiancé. When Rachel and Darcy's lifelong friendship collides with true love, it leads to unexpected complications and potentially explosive romantic revelations. Meanwhile, Ethan, who has been Rachel's constant confidante and sometimes conscience, has been harboring a secret of his own, and Marcus, an irrepressible womanizer, can't keep his mind out of the gutter or his hands off any girl within reach.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Grant, The
When Ross interviews with Charlie's ex-boyfriend (Greg Kinnear) for a prized grant, the doctor makes a shocking stipulation; Chandler lies about watching Joey's bizarre audition tape.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Home Study, The
Monica and Chandler fuss over their apartment as they expect a visit from the adoption worker (Maria Pitillo); Phoebe and Mike opt for a small wedding and donate the extra money to a children's charity.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Birth Mother, The
A prospective birth mother (Anna Faris) labors under a misconception about Monica and Chandler's respective occupations.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Gets Caught, The
Rachel and Phoebe spot Chandler getting into a vehicle with a mysterious blond woman.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
King of Queens, The
No Retreat
Doug goes with Carrie on her company retreat while Arthur is left to fend for himself at home.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Oxy Moron
Doug tries to prove to Carrie that he would risk himself to save her.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Model, The
After a modeling agent tells Robert he has a unique look, he convinces him to pose for head shots with their "in-house" photographer. But when Robert and Ray return for the pictures, they are surprised to find the modeling agency has mysteriously disappeared.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Mentor, The
A young man, Sam Gilula, explains Frank has been a mentor to him, much to Ray and Robert's disbelief.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Golf For It
Robert and Ray end up with the mother of all guilt trips when they decide not to help Marie with a home project so they can land a prime spot on the golf course.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Home, The
Frank and Marie return from a trip down to a retirement home in New Jersey and they tell the family that they plan on moving there. On they day of their moving, however, Debra reveals some mixed feelings about their moving.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Roommate Transmogrification, The
In the 4th season finale, Raj moves in with Sheldon when Leonard & Priya's "Star Trek" bedroom fantasy is too much for him; and the guys tease Howard when Bernadette gets her PHD, making Howard the only one without a doctorate.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Skank Reflex Analysis, The
On the fifth season premiere, Penny worries that she's screwed things up permanently with her friends after her night with Raj, while Sheldon takes command of the paintball team.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Infestation Hypothesis, The
A battle of wills between Sheldon and Penny leaves Amy caught in the middle, while Leonard tries to spice up his long-distance relationship with Priya (AARTI MANN).
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Pulled Groin Extrapolation, The
Attending a co-worker's wedding, Leonard and Amy (MAYIM BIALIK) get to know each other better, while Howard and Bernadette spend the weekend with Mrs. Wolowitz!
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Wiggly Finger Catalyst, The
When Raj is upset he's the only one of the four guys who's not in a relationship, Penny sets out to find the perfect date, introducing him to Emily, a girl he can actually talk to!
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Rhinitis Revelation, The
Sheldon craves attention from his visiting mother.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Sullivan & Son
Open Mic Night
When Steve wants to have an Open Mic night at the bar to get on the Hot List in The Pittsburgh Reader, Susan discovers she has a new talent -- and it involves making fun of Ok Cha. But when Open Mic night goes awry, Steve brings in Carol and Owen (and their inappropriate act) to save the day.
TV-14
11:30 pm
CeeLo Green's The Good Life
You Can't Fight Fire
While in Vegas for the debut of CeeLo's big stage show, CeeLo and Gipp go to an animal refuge to find a tiger for CeeLo to ride. Meanwhile, Larry rides CeeLo about his diet, and T-Mo and Khujo take a joy ride.
TV-14
12:00 am
Funniest Wins
Tough Crowd
With help from Marlon Wayans and guest mentor David Alan Grier, the comics do funny interviews with people on the street. Later, Deon Cole and Marlon coach the remaining comedians as they develop stand-up routines to present for a hundred burly bikers who will help determine who stays in the competition.
TV-14
1:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Hitch
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens is a legendary--and deliberately anonymous--New York City "date doctor" who, for a fee, has helped countless men woo the women of their dreams. While coaching Albert, a meek accountant who is smitten with a glamorous celebrity, Allegra Cole, Hitch finally meets his match in the person of the gorgeous, whip-smart Sara Melas, a gossip columnist who follows Allegra''s every move. The ultimate professional bachelor, Hitch suddenly finds himself falling deliriously in love with Sarah, a reporter whose biggest scoop could very well be the unmasking of Manhattan''s most famous date doctor.
TV-14
3:30 am
Movie
Just Married
Tom is a sports announcer who comes from blue collar roots. Sarah is a writer whose family is as wealthy as it is snobbish. Much to her family''s--and ex-boyfriend''s--horror, Sarah and Tom fall in love and get married. Following their wedding, Tom and Sarah set off for what they expect to be the perfect honeymoon; however, thanks to her conspiring family and vindictive ex, the happy couple experiences the honeymoon from hell.
TV-14
5:30 am
Married With Children
For Whom the Bell Tolls
The phone line to the Bundys get cut off after Al refuses to pay the bill.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, August 3

6:00 am
Married With Children
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (1)
Marcy and Peggy go to a strip club, but Marcy ends up losing her ring in a very uncomfortable space...
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (2)
The men take action over Peg and Marcy, just to make them feel bad about what happened.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Sullivan & Son
Open Mic Night
When Steve wants to have an Open Mic night at the bar to get on the Hot List in The Pittsburgh Reader, Susan discovers she has a new talent -- and it involves making fun of Ok Cha. But when Open Mic night goes awry, Steve brings in Carol and Owen (and their inappropriate act) to save the day.
TV-14
7:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where the Stripper Cries, The
Joey appears as a celebrity contestant on ``$100,000 Pyramid''; Monica and Rachel hire an ungainly stripper (Danny DeVito) for Phoebe's bachelorette party.
TV-14
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Phoebe's Wedding, The
A blizzard causes Phoebe and Mike's wedding to spiral out of control; uptight Monica steps in as her friend's wedding planner, then drives everyone crazy.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Speaks French, The
Monica and Chandler show Erica (Anna Faris) the sights but also learn their baby's biological father might be an unsavory character; Joey begs Phoebe to teach him how to speak French before an audition.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie
Just Married
Tom is a sports announcer who comes from blue collar roots. Sarah is a writer whose family is as wealthy as it is snobbish. Much to her family''s--and ex-boyfriend''s--horror, Sarah and Tom fall in love and get married. Following their wedding, Tom and Sarah set off for what they expect to be the perfect honeymoon; however, thanks to her conspiring family and vindictive ex, the happy couple experiences the honeymoon from hell.
TV-14
11:00 am
Movie
Stuck on You
Bob and Walt Tenor are small-town legends who excel at sports, and who are the proud owners of a fast-food restaurant where their four hands work the grill at lightning speed. When the acting bug bites Walt, he convinces Bob to honor their childhood pact to never hold back the other, and the brothers head west for the bright lights of Hollywood. Bob and Walt make fast friends with their sexy neighbor, who helps Walt land a grizzled agent whose idea of a prime gig for Walt is a porn film. Things finally begin to look up for Walt when the boys encounter legendary diva--and Academy Award winning actress--Cher. Looking to sabotage her new television series, of which she wants no part, Cher casts Walt as her co-star. Instead of dooming the show, Walt propels it to the top of the ratings, and the brothers became instant celebrities. But their real adventure is only beginning, as Bob finds romance with a longtime cyber-pal, and the brothers make a decision that will forever change their lives. Whatever happens to the boys, one thing is certain: nothing will ever come between them.
TV-14
1:30 pm
MLB on tbs (CC)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim @ Tampa Bay Rays
4:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Taste Buds
After Arthur chooses their dinner and movie, Doug stews about not getting his way.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Dog Shelter
Carrie learns Doug's parents have been sheltering him by replacing his beloved dog with look-alikes.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
Hitch
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens is a legendary--and deliberately anonymous--New York City "date doctor" who, for a fee, has helped countless men woo the women of their dreams. While coaching Albert, a meek accountant who is smitten with a glamorous celebrity, Allegra Cole, Hitch finally meets his match in the person of the gorgeous, whip-smart Sara Melas, a gossip columnist who follows Allegra''s every move. The ultimate professional bachelor, Hitch suddenly finds himself falling deliriously in love with Sarah, a reporter whose biggest scoop could very well be the unmasking of Manhattan''s most famous date doctor.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Help, The
At the dawn of the civil rights movement, three Mississippi women are about to take one extraordinary step. Twenty-two-year-old Skeeter has just returned home after graduating from Ole Miss, and her mother won't be happy until she finds a husband. Aibileen, a wise African-American maid and caretaker, suffers after the loss of her own child. And Minny, Aibileen's sassy best friend, struggles to find and hold a job. Seemingly as different from one another as can be, these women will nonetheless come together for a clandestine project that will put them all at risk.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Help, The
At the dawn of the civil rights movement, three Mississippi women are about to take one extraordinary step. Twenty-two-year-old Skeeter has just returned home after graduating from Ole Miss, and her mother won't be happy until she finds a husband. Aibileen, a wise African-American maid and caretaker, suffers after the loss of her own child. And Minny, Aibileen's sassy best friend, struggles to find and hold a job. Seemingly as different from one another as can be, these women will nonetheless come together for a clandestine project that will put them all at risk.
TV-14
2:01 am
Movie (DVS)
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Celebrity photographer Connor Mead loves freedom, fun and women - in that order. A committed bachelor with a no-strings policy, he thinks nothing of breaking up with multiple women on a conference call while prepping his next date. Connor''s brother Paul is more the romantic type. In fact, he''s about to be married. Unfortunately, on the eve of the big event, Connor''s mockery of romance proves a real buzz-kill for Paul, the wedding party and a houseful of well wishers - including Connor''s childhood friend Jenny, the one woman in his life who has always seemed immune to his considerable charm. Just when it looks like Connor may single-handedly ruin the wedding, he gets a wake-up call from the ghost of his late Uncle Wayne, the hard-partying, legendary ladies man upon whose exploits Connor has modeled his lifestyle. Uncle Wayne has an urgent message for his protege, which he delivers through the ghosts of Connor''s jilted girlfriends - past, present and future - who take him on a revealing and hilarious odyssey through a lifetime of failed relationships. Together, they will discover what turned Connor into such a shameless player and whether he has a second chance to find - and this time, keep - the love of his life.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Born to Walk
Al needs to renew his license, but fails the test. Kelly, on the other hand, gets her license on the same day.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Alley of the Dolls
When Peggy's old high school rival challenges her to a family bowl-off, Peggy is determined to win - with the help of an "adopted" Bundy, ringer Steve Rhoades.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Razor's Edge, The
When Steve returns from a river rafting trip, Marcy refuses to let him back into the house until he shaves his newly-grown beard, and he's forced to seek refuge with the Bundys.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
How Do You Spell Revenge?
Al is too busy scheming to get Peggy thrown off their neighbor-hood baseball team to notice that Kelly is about to be tattooed with the name of her latest boyfriend.
TV-PG
 

Monday, August 4

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Atlantic City
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Get a Real Job
Earl gets a job as a salesman at an appliance store; Joy makes an irrational decision when the dread of the upcoming trial gets to her.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Earth Angel
When Bud brings a beautiful, homeless young woman to stay with the Bundys, Al and the rest of the neighborhood guys begin acting like sex-crazed teenagers.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
You Better Watch Out
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Control Issue Episode, The
When Nick points out that Suzanne has issues letting go of controlling everything, Suzanne lets everything go. The family realizes they need Suzanne's controlling ways to run a successful household.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Not-So-Funny Valentine
The guys decide to boycott Valentine's day until they realize the girls have something special planned. Meanwhile Brown thinks Renee has a crush on him.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Sadly Mistaken
Calvin throws a party while the family is out of town. The firefighters help Calvin.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Pal Joey
Danny feels increasingly abandoned as his best friend, Joey, and his brother-in-law, Jesse, become closer.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Night at the Oprah, A
Will airs family dirty laundry on "The Oprah Winfrey Show.''
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Asses to Ashes
Will defends Phil against the charges of a sleazy rival candidate (Sherman Hemsley).
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Funny Thing Happened on the Way from the Forum, A
Will helps a pregnant sportscaster (Vanessa Williams) deliver.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Cold War, The
Will dates Carlton's ex-girlfriend.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Here Comes The Bribe
A marriage counselor tells Cleveland he can skew counseling sessions with Donna in his favor, provided he receives compensation; Junior's favorite refrigerator breaks.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
When a Man (Or a Freight Train) Loves His Cookie
When Freight Train misses their anniversary, Cookie runs off with musician George Clinton; Junior's visit to an office supply store triggers an elaborate fantasy.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
One Little Word
When Stan becomes his boss' new advisor, he feels like he can't say no to anything, not even outrageous personal requests. But when Francine gets involved in the situation and his annoying "yes-man" antics ruin her Valentine's Day vacation, she does everything in her power to force him to say "no".
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Choosey Wives Choose Smith
Stan becomes jealous when he finds out Francine was once engaged to a pilot whose plane crashed, and that she seemed to settle for Stan before learning her former fiancé was still alive. He and Roger try to track the man down, while Francine must choose between her husband or her lost love.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Escape from Pearl Bailey
Steve plots revenge against Lisa Silver and the cool kids after Debbie loses her bid to become Student Council president. But when the cool kids stage a counterattack, will Steve and his friends survive
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Pulling Double Booty
Hayley's boyfriend, Jeff, breaks up with her and Hayley, after going on a short rampage through the mall after the break up, falls for Stan's body double, Bill, from the CIA. Things take a bizarre twist when the double begins hitting on Francine. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve get their first summer job at a Chinese chicken hatchery.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Ticker Treat
Doug's Halloween decorations frighten Arthur into a minor heart attack.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Lyin' Hearted
Doug encounters one of his delivery customers while accompanying Arthur to the hospital.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Estelle Dies, The
Ross tries to win back Rachel's job with her former fashion employer; Phoebe tries to keep Joey from learning about his agent's death; Monica and Chandler make a horrifying discovery.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's Going Away Party
One of the guys becomes offended when Rachel does not give him the same goodbye she gives the others.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
Last One (Part 1), The
The six friends say goodbye and embark on the next chapters of their lives.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
Last One (Part 2), The
The six friends say goodbye and embark on the next chapters of their lives.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Stranded, The
Waiting for a ride, Jerry and Elaine keep a party's host up late.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Statue, The
Jerry thinks a friend stole his statue, but doesn't know how to get it back.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Heart Attack, The
George thinks he's having a heart attack.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Revenge, The
George seeks revenge on his ex-boss for not rehiring him.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Believe It or Not Joe's Walking on Air
Doctor Hartman performs a leg transplant on Joe, giving him the ability to walk. With his newly acquired mobility, the once crippled police officer also gains a new, more aggressive personality. Joe starts hanging with a different group of guys, but after ditching Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire, his former drinking buddies attempt to get their friend back by paralyzing him once again.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Stewie Kills Lois
Lois and Peter sail off on a cruise. Jealous that he was left behind, Stewie's matricidal tendencies are rekindled. When Brian challenges him to actually do it, Stewie carries out his diabolical plan.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Lois Kills Stewie
Lois and Peter sail off on a cruise. Jealous that he was left behind, Stewie's matricidal tendencies are rekindled.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Padre de Familia
Peter discovers that he is not an American citizen, but actually a Mexican immigrant.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Russian Rocket Reaction, The
Sheldon and Leonard get invited to a housewarming party at WIL WHEATON's house; while Howard gets an out-of-this-world opportunity!
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Good Guy Fluctuation, The
Sheldon tries to spook his friends on Halloween.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4601
Guests: Cast of Orange is the New Black, Nikki Lane
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Safety Training
Andy returns from anger-management classes, planning to make a fresh start with his co-workers; Michael and Dwight try to illustrate the dangers of the workplace.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4601
Guests: Cast of Orange is the New Black, Nikki Lane
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Product Recall
The staff goes into crisis mode after a shipment of paper goes out with an obscene watermark; Michael holds an impromptu press conference; Jim and Andy handle harried clients who used the paper.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Limitless
Aspiring author Eddie Morra is suffering from chronic writer's block, but his life changes instantly when an old friend introduces him to NZT, a revolutionary new pharmaceutical that allows him to tap his full potential. With every synapse crackling, Eddie can recall everything he has ever read, seen or heard, learn any language in a day, comprehend complex equations and beguile anyone he meets-as long as he keeps taking the untested drug. Soon Eddie takes Wall Street by storm, parlaying a small stake into millions. His accomplishments catch the eye of mega-mogul Carl Van Loon, who invites him to help broker the largest merger in corporate history. But they also bring Eddie to the attention of people willing to do anything to get their hands on his stash of NZT. With his life in jeopardy and the drug's brutal side effects taking their toll, Eddie dodges mysterious stalkers, a vicious gangster and an intense police investigation as he attempts to hang on to his dwindling supply long enough to outwit his enemies.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Guys and Dolls
When Al and Steve become obsessed with collecting baseball cards, Peggy and Marcy dig out their old Barbie dolls and re-live their childhood fantasies.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Build a Better Mousetrap
Al and Steve stare danger in the face when they decide to exterminate a pesky field mouse without the aid of professional help.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Master the Possibilities
When Buck, the Bundy family pooch, mistakenly receives a credit card in his name, Al and Peg decide to sample "the good life" and embark on a wild spending spree.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Trial, The
With a new, unlikely love interest, Earl is on the road to maturity; Earl commits the ultimate good deed to help Joy as her trial arrives.
TV-14
 

Tuesday, August 5

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Ghost Story
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
My Name Is Inmate 28301-016, Part 1
Earl attempts to become "invisible" in order to survive in prison; Joy teaches Randy how to think for himself now that Earl is in jail.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Peggy Loves Al, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
All Peggy wants for Valentine's Day is to hear unromantic Al utter those three little words - I love you.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Great Escape, The
When the Bundy family spends the night in Al's shoe store while their house is being exterminated, Kelly is forced to be especially creative in slipping out for the night.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Ghost Dog Episode, The
The entire family plays pranks on one another, to the chagrin of Suzanne. But when the family ignores Nick's choking because they think it's another prank, Nick has a near-death experience and embraces his Zen side.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Forgiveness
Colonel meets the son of a man he fought with in the war. Meanwhile Brown sees Dr. Jawfy for a checkup.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
And Justice for All
Malik meets someone on the Internet, who turns out to be a pedophile. Curtis and Claretha have jury duty together.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Baby Love
Michelle becomes very upset when her best friend and boyfriend, Howie, moves away.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Mommy Nearest
Will's mother (Vernee Watson-Johnson) wants to bring him home to Philadelphia.
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Winner Takes Off
Will and Carlton trick Geoffrey into thinking he won the lottery.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Robbing the Banks
The house is robbed after Philip hires an ex-convict handyman.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Bundle of Joy
The clan fantasizes about life with the new baby.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Pins, Spins and Fins
When Donna discovers a rat loose in the house, she immediately moves herself and the kids in with her mother, Dee Dee (guest voice Phylicia Rashad), leaving Cleveland home alone to hunt down the rodent. Cleveland takes advantage of having the house to himself and soon bonds with his new pet and best friend "Rat Lauer." Meanwhile Rallo and Jr. pretend they're spies, but things get out of hand when Junior won't reveal what's in his secret briefcase.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Brownsized
Cleveland accepts Mr. Waterman's offer to quit his job and receive six months severance pay. There's only one catch: figuring out a way to tell Donna. Rallo finds a new beau for Robert after Federline forgets about their anniversary.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Phantom of the Telethon
Stan hosts a CIA telethon to raise a million dollars for their torture programs. Meanwhile, an angry Roger works to sabotage the event. When Roger releases a terrorist at the telethon, Stan must find a way to meet the telethon's goal before everyone is blown up.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Chimdale
Roger, Francine, Hayley, and Klaus head off to the Chimdale Spa for a week of relaxation, but instead are hounded by nosey hotel detective, Ron Turlington. Back at home, Steve discovers that Stan is bald. Betrayed by Stan's deception, Steve steals Stan's wig and sneaks off to Chimdale to tell the family the truth.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Stan Time
Fed up with the lack of time to himself, Stan starts taking experimental CIA pills that allow him to remain fully awake 24/7. Using his newfound "Stan Time," Stan enters the world of competitive classic videogaming. When Francine discovers Stan's pills, she starts off on her own career. As Stan and Francine begin to drift apart, Stan must decide what's more important - "Stan Time" or family time Meanwhile, Steve and Roger write a movie together.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Family Affair
Roger is on the outs with Stan and the family when they discover he has been seeing other families behind their back. Before they can truly forgive him, Roger must overcome his family infidelity. Meanwhile, Klaus buys everyone tickets to see his favorite band.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Depo Man
Carrie asks Doug to be an expert witness at her boss's trial.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Life Sentence
Doug sets up a camera in the basement to monitor Arthur.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
Pilot
Six friends in their twenties pursue careers, love and happiness in New York City while relying on each other for support.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Sonogram, The
Ross is stunned to learn his ex-wife is pregnant with their child. Monica's dinner for her overly critical parents (ELLIOTT GOULD and CHRISTINA PICKLES) is a disaster.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Thumb, The
The group loves Monica's new boyfriend; Chandler resumes smoking; and Phoebe receives a large sum of money unexpectedly.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With George Stephanopoulos, The
While the men attend a hockey game and end up at a hospital, the women spy on President Clinton's top aide, George Stephanopoulos, who lives across the street. Rachel receives her first paycheck.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Deal, The
Jerry and Elaine mull intimacy but without commitment.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Keys, The
Kramer visits too much, so Jerry asks for his spare key back.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Trip, The (Part I)
Jerry and George search for Kramer in Los Angeles; George Wendt; Corbin Bernsen; Elmarie Wendel.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Trip, The (Part 2)
Jerry and George try to save Kramer from a serial-murder accusation; guest Clint Howard.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Isolation Permutation, The
Bernadette & Penny shop for wedding dresses...without Amy.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Ornithophobia Diffusion, The
Sheldon must overcome his fear of birds.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Flaming Spittoon Acquisition, The
Sheldon becomes jealous when Stuart asks Amy for a date.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Speckerman Recurrance, The
Leonard comes face-to-face with his high school bully.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Sullivan & Son
Hank Goes Black
Opposites attract when Roy's mom (Loretta Devine) moves back to town, and she starts dating Hank. Meanwhile, a girl gets in the way of Owen and Ahmed's friendship.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Shiny Trinket Maneuver, The
Sheldon gets in trouble with Amy, and it's up to Penny to teach him how to be a better boyfriend. Howard, meanwhile, must come to grips with Bernadette's dislike of children.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4602
Guests: Ethan Hawke, Mary Rajskub, Jamie Scott
TV-14
12:00 am
Sullivan & Son
Hank Goes Black
Opposites attract when Roy's mom (Loretta Devine) moves back to town, and she starts dating Hank. Meanwhile, a girl gets in the way of Owen and Ahmed's friendship.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4602
Guests: Ethan Hawke, Mary Rajskub, Jamie Scott
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Women's Appreciation
Outrage breaks out in the office when Phyllis gets an eyeful from a flasher; Dwight and Andy work on catching the predator.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Duplicity
CIA officer Claire Stenwick and MI6 agent Ray Koval have left the world of government intelligence to cash in on the highly profitable cold war raging between two rival multinational corporations. Their mission? Secure the formula for a product that will bring a fortune to the company that patents it first. For their employers--industry titan Howard Tully and buccaneer CEO Dick Garsik--nothing is out of bounds. But as the stakes rise, the mystery deepens and the tactics get dirtier, the trickiest secret for Claire and Ray is their growing attraction. And as they each try to stay one double-cross ahead, two career loners find their schemes endangered by the only thing they can't cheat their way out of: love.
TV-14
4:30 am
Married With Children
Impo-Dent
When Marcy accidentally dents Steve's brand new Mercedes, she finds it affects more than just his performance on the road.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Just Married ... with Children
Peggy and Al masquerade as their newlywed neighbors, Steve and Marcy Rhoades, on the game show "How Do I Love Thee" - with shocking results.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
My Name Is Inmate 28301-016, Part 2
Earl begins his prison sentence. Meanwhile, Joy tries to repay Earl by taking care of Randy, who is struggling to adjust, and a prison bully is looking for Earl.
TV-14
 

Wednesday, August 6

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Four Pillars, The
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Gangs of Camden County, The
The warden offers Earl a month off his sentence if he can negotiate a truce between the African-American gang and the Latino gang. But during the negotiations, he learns that the the two leaders are actually in love.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Father Lode
Al finally comes into some money at the track, but hasn't time to enjoy his winnings - he's too busy hiding the loot from his family.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
All in the Family
Al is less than thrilled when Peggy announces her family is coming for a visit - all six of them.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Lemon Squeeze Episode, The
When the family's morning routine devolves into fighting, Gigi suggests that they try an old sorority exercise called "the Lemon Squeeze," in order to turn the lemons of their issues into the lemonade of peaceful cohabitation.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Lay Off
A cut on the school budget forces Gordon to have to lay off Brown or Cora. Meanwhile Sasha regifts to Renee.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
I Got the Hook Up
C.J. is having dating dilemmas and Curtis motivates the other firefghters to help C.J. by offering a paid day off as incentive for anyone who gets him a date. Ella and Claretha befriend an HIV+ woman, Karen, who is volunteering at the Help Center.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
El Problemo Grande de D.J.
D.J. is shocked when she sees how her father, Danny, behaves toward her Spanish teacher after D.J. comes home with a poor report card.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Best Laid Plans, The
Will tries to dupe a girl (Kim Fields) into intimacy.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Alma Mater, The
Princeton accepts Will but rejects Carlton; guest Tom Jones.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Just Say Yo
A classmate gives tired Will amphetamines, which Carlton unwittingly takes.
TV-PG
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Baby Comes Out, The
With Vivian a week overdue, sympathy pains hospitalize Phil.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Rodent Like This, A
When a rat is discovered in the Brown home, Donna and the kids move out, leaving Cleveland to deal with the problem. But Cleveland discovers he likes living by himself and forms a friendship with the whiskered pest.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Hangover Part Tubbs, The
Donna campaigns to be elected to the school board; Cleveland accidentally "kills" an opponent while playing "the Hurt Locker game;" Junior realizes he's an excellent driver.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Live and Let Fry
Stan turns to smuggling when trans fat is banned from Langley Falls. But when Inspector Turlington of the Langley Falls police becomes suspicious of Stan, Stan recruits Steve into his illegal enterprise. Now Steve must find a way to keep the trans fat flowing while under Turlington's watch. Meanwhile, Roger helps Klaus claim an inheritance.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Roy Rodgers McFreely
After term limits force Stan out of his position as president of the HOA, Roger steps in as the new leader under the guise of one Roy Rogers McFreely. Roger uses his power to pass new resolutions and by-laws solely to anger Stan, who earlier refused to buy Roger grenadine. Stan teams up with Hayley and plots to have Roger removed from office.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Jack's Back
When Stan's con-man dad Jack resurfaces in prison awaiting trial for a crime did not commit, Steve gets Stan to let Jack stay with them under house arrest. Steve uses the chance to reconcile the two, but Stan is convinced that Jack is just using them to escape prison. Meanwhile, Hayley interns at Roger's attic bar.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Bar Mitzvah Shuffle
When snobby rich kid Etan steals Steve's girlfriend Debbie, Steve concocts a scheme to get revenge. Aided by Roger, Toshi, and Barry, Steve plots to rob Etan's Bar Mitzvah and get back his girlfriend. But when the plan goes awry and Snot takes the blame, Steve must decide whether to tell the truth and clear Snot's name or remain silent and get back Debbie. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine pitch an idea to a cell phone company.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Veiled Threat
A flashback shows Doug and Carrie's wedding day.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Double Downer
Doug spoils Carrie's plans for a romantic weekend when he organizes an outing to Atlantic City -- and his boss ends up joining them.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the East German Laundry Detergent, The
While Phoebe and Chandler end their respective romantic relationships, Rachel and Ross do laundry together on their first date.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Butt, The
Joey gets a film role as a stand-in for Al Pacino's butt. Ross tries to be less conservative. Chandler has an affair with a married woman (SOFIA MILOS).
TV-14
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Blackout, The
A citywide power outage leaves Chandler stranded in the vestibule for an automatic banking machine with gorgeous model JILL CONNICK. Ross tries to ask Rachel out on a date. Joey learns that Monica used to be infatuated with him.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where the Nana Dies Twice, The
Monica and Ross reminisce about their dying grandmother.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pitch, The (Part 1)
Network executives ask Jerry to create a show; Jerry tries to evade a vengeful writer; George woos an executive; guest Heidi Swedberg.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Ticket, The (Part 2)
Jerry tries to evade a vengeful writer; George woos an executive.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Wallet, The (Part I)
Jerry tries to explain the absence of a watch his parents gave him.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Watch, The (Part 2)
Jerry tries to buy back a discarded watch, a gift from his parents.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Peter's Daughter
Meg is admitted to the Hospital due to a severe accident, and Peter vowes to treat her better than he ever has before.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
McStroke
After growing a moustache and then losing it in a fire at McBurgertown, Peter is given a years worth of hamburgers for free. He eats thirty burgers and in turn, he has a stroke, paralyzing the left half of his body. Meanwhile, Stewie makes a bet with Brian that he can become the most popular kid at Meg's school in a week. Using a few catchphrases to the popular kids, he's in.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Recombination Hypothesis, The
Everything might change when Leonard offers Penny a spur of the moment invitation to a romantic dinner for two on the 100th episode of the series.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Beta Test Initiation, The
Leonard and Penny "beta test" their relationship.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Friendship Contraction, The
Sheldon's selfish demands force Leonard to reconsider their friendship. Meanwhile, Howard tries to pick his astronaut nickname. NASA astronaut MIKE MASSIMINO guest stars.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Vacation Solution, The
When Sheldon is forced to take a vacation by the university, he goes to work with Amy in her neurobiology lab.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4603
Guests: Lizzy Caplan
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Beach Games
Michael must recommend his own replacement when the company considers him for a corporate position; Pam must watch Jim and Karen have fun together at a company outing.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4603
Guests: Lizzy Caplan
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Job Part 1, The
Michael, Jim and Karen go to New York to be interviewed for a job opening; in Scranton, the new regime institutes sweeping reforms; Jan comes in with exciting news.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Bank Job, The
True story of a 1970's London bank heist with major political ramifications. A group of burglars tunnel through to the basement of a bank, but the tunnel almost collapses on them. Their communications with one another, via walkie-talkies and ham radios, are overheard and the police are notified. The police respond but don't find the robbers because they fail to look in the basement. The robbers steal the contents of the safety deposit boxes which contain compromising photographs and other evidence of wrong-doing by major politicians and business people. Before they can escape, however, their getaway car is stolen and the replacement truck gets stuck in the tunnel until a little boy, passing by the tunnel entrance, suggests that they let the air out of the tires and this helps them escape. After their escape they are tracked by the police as well as the powerful people they have inadvertently robbed.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Camping Show (aka A Period Piece), The
Al and Steve's much-anticipated vacation in the great outdoors is ruined by female hormones and man-eating animals.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
He Thought He Could
When Al finds a library book that is 31 years overdue, he decides to finally face the librarian who once pegged him as a deadbeat.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
I'm Going to Sweatland
Al is up to his armpits in rock `n' roll fanatics after Peggy "sees" an image of her idol in the sweat stains on one of Al's tee-shirts.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Frank Factor, The
Earl runs into his old roommate Frank, who is in prison for a bank robbery that Earl and Randy were supposed to help with. However, Earl missed the robbery at the last minute because he married Joy the night before.
TV-14
 

Thursday, August 7

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
3rd Wheel
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Creative Writing
While Earl struggles to write a paper for his prison creative writing class, Randy, Joy, Darnell, and Catalina have no trouble coming up with creative story ideas of their own.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Poke High (aka The Red Grange Story)
While Kelly tries to score with a high school fullback, Al roots for the opposing team in hopes his old school record will remain intact.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Dump of My Own, A
Al sets out to fulfill a lifelong dream when he begins construction on his very own bathroom, equipped with the legendary Ferguson Toilet.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Mother's-in-Law Episode, The
When Suzanne's Mother comes to visit, she attacks Nick for being an inadequate husband, while hiding her true feelings of her own husband's inadequacy, until Suzanne and Terrence press her. Guest Starring Ice Cube and Lynn Whitfield.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Baby Daddy
A man shows up claiming to be Cora's father. Meanwhile Renee promotes a blood drive party.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Absolutely Positive
Curtis gets a colonoscopy and thinks he's dying. Calvin goes on a date with Karen, the woman who's HIV+.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Goodbye Mr. Bear
Everyone is puzzled at Stephanie's overreaction when her favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Bear, is missing.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
You Bet Your Life
Carlton and Will lose to a card shark with a jealous beau (Riddick Bowe).
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Ain't No Business Like Show Business
Will's childhood pal visits.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Way We Were, The
Will flashes back when Vivian and Phil renew wedding vows.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Six Degrees of Graduation
Will must perform with 8-year-olds at commencement.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
California Dreamin' (All the Cleves Are Brown)
The Browns relocate to Los Angeles so Cleveland can pursue his fantasy of becoming a major league baseball scout; Donna and the kids are seduced by the glamorous Hollywood lifestyle.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Fist and the Furious
Cleveland attempts to improve Dr. Fist's social life, only to discover he used to work for the mob; Rallo and Junior discover a business opportunity in the form of a food truck.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Wife Insurance
Stan reveals to Francine that, in the case she should die, he has a back up wife. Enraged with Stan, Francine takes Jim, one of Stan's CIA buddies, as her back up husband. Jealous and realizing that he was wrong, Stan breaks it off with his back up and tells Jim to break it off with Francine. However, Jim confesses that he is in love with Francine and attempts to kill Stan. Now Stan must stop Jim from killing him and taking Francine. Meanwhile Wheels and the Legman (Steve and Roger's detective personas) are on the case trying to find Hayley's lost iPod Shuffle.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
DeLorean Story-An
Frustrated with their lack of common interests, Steve and Stan attempt to bond while on a cross-country trip to find a door for Stan's nearly complete DeLorean. Meanwhile, Roger, Francine and Hayley brainstorm ideas for an adventure to have while Stan and Steve are gone.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Every Which Way But Lose
Stan volunteers to coach Steve's junior football team and cuts Steve when he sees how terrible Steve is. Furious with his father, Steve enlists Roger to coach a new football team in an attempt to beat Stan's team and make Stan cry. When Steve and Roger succeed, Stan goes home not to cry, but to kill himself. Now Steve must teach Stan how to lose without wanting to kill himself. Meanwhile, Francine and Hayley compete in a pie baking contest.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Weiner of Our Discontent
For over seventy years Roger has been acting like he's the most important person on the planet, and Stan is sick of it! Stan considers Roger to be a worthless, lazy, lying, cheating, alcoholic slob.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Ovary Action
Holiday visitors interrupt Doug and Carrie's attempt to conceive.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Food Fight
Carrie grows jealous when Spence's girlfriend (Christine Nelson) recruits Doug to test her culinary homework.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Mrs. Bing, The
Chandler's flamboyant mother comes to New York for a visit. Phoebe and Monica cause a traffic accident. MORGAN FAIRCHILD and JAY LENO guest star.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Dozen Lasagnas, The
Rachel's Italian boyfriend tries to seduce Phoebe. Rachel accidentally reveals a secret to Ross. Monica's aunt refuses to take the lasagnas she ordered from Monica.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Boobies, The
Chandler sees Rachel nude. Joey learns his father is having an affair. BRENDA VACCARO guest stars as Joey's mother.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Stoned Guy, The
JON LOVITZ guest stars as a restaurant owner who interviews Monica for a chef's position. Ross asks Joey how to "talk dirty" to women.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Bubble Boy, The
Jerry gets lost en route to visiting a sickly fan; guest Jessica Lundy.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Cheever Letters, The
Jerry and George work on their pilot script.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Opera, The
Unaware her beau is a mad stalker, Jerry takes Elaine to the opera.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Virgin, The
Hours before a network meeting, Jerry and George draw a blank; guest Jane Leeves.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Back to the Woods
Peter and Lois' marriage hits a bit of a snag. When Brian wins the New England Rising Writer's award, the three of them head to Martha's Vineyard for a nice relaxing vacation. Peter's usual drinking habits take over and he soon spirals out of control, as does Brian's self restraint, as he soon professes his love for Lois. Peter and Brian test their friendship over the woman of their dreams.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Play It Again, Brian
Peter and Lois' marriage hits a bit of a snag. When Brian wins the New England Rising Writer's award, the three of them head to Martha's Vineyard for a nice relaxing vacation. Peter's usual drinking habits take over and he soon spirals out of control, as does Brian's self restraint, as he soon professes his love for Lois. Peter and Brian test their friendship over the woman of their dreams.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Rothman Disintegration, The
When a corner office at the University opens up, Sheldon must compete for it with his office nemesis, Barry Kripke. Meanwhile, Penny receives an unusual gift from Amy.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Werewolf Transformation, The
A change in Sheldon's routine forces him to re-evaluate his entire life, when his barber is sick. Meanwhile, Howard rethinks his decision to go into space after astronaut training.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Weekend Vortex, The
Sheldon chooses to participate in a guys-only weekend Star Wars gaming marathon rather than go with Amy to her aunt's birthday party... and gets a lesson from Penny and Amy.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Transporter Malfunction, The
It's a dream come true for Sheldon when he has a close encounter with his hero, Mr. Spock -- legendary sci-fi icon LEONARD NIMOY.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4604
Guests: Megan Fox, Todd Glass
TV-14
12:00 am
Way Out West
Way Out West 102
The three families are forced to work together when an important trail is blocked by trees and debris. But which set of brothers has the best solution to the problem: the slow but steady Bullocks, the modern-minded Korells or the highly unpredictable Yourens  And back at the Youren Ranch, Kelsey faces her own challenge; taming one of Harry's wild horses.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4604
Guests: Megan Fox, Todd Glass
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Fun Run Part 1
Michael accidentally runs over Meridith in the parking lot, and his guilt causes him to organize a 5-K run for her. Dwight and Angela have a falling-out after he kills her cat, and Jim and Pam's relationship is discovered.
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie
Eight Below
The fierce Antarctic winter is just setting in when an intrepid team of explorers and scientists on a research mission-survival guide Jerry Shepard, his best friend and cartographer Cooper and the rugged geologist Davis--just narrowly escape a fatal accident, thanks to their steadfast team of eight skilled sled dogs. Forced to evacuate, the men must leave the beloved dogs behind in the frozen wilds--with a promise they will return. But when the storm of the century approaches, cutting off all means of travel, the dogs are stranded. Now, as the intelligent, courageous dogs--including noble pack leader Maya, rambunctious rebel Shorty and rising young alpha-in-training Max--fight to make it through the most unforgiving winter on the planet, the heartbroken Jerry is driven to mount a seemingly impossible rescue mission, aided by a beautiful and adventurous bush pilot, Katie. Held together only by unwavering bonds of friendship, the humans and the dogs alike make a remarkable journey of grit, endurance and belief to find one another again in this spectacular but perilous land.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Her Cups Runneth Over
Peggy is so miserable when her favorite bra is discontinued, that Al is forced to take matters into his own hands and find a replacement.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Bald and the Beautiful, The
When Al and Steve face up to the bald fact that they are both losing their hair, they decide to seek the counsel and encouragement of a hairless support group.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Frank's Girl
It's conjugal visiting day at the prison and since no one is visiting Earl, Frank wants Earl to explain to his girlfriend Billie why he cannot see her that day. Things don't go as planned and Billie dumps Frank because of Earl. Earl blames himself and vows to get them back together.
TV-14
 

Friday, August 8

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Indian Giver
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Our Other Cops Is On!, Part 1
When Randy is about to turn off the prison TV, another Camden episode of "COPS" is shown, this time it evolves around the events on Independence Day.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
I'll See You in Court
Peggy hopes that an overnight stay in a motel will liven up her sex life with Al only to discover that their most intimate moments have been videotaped by the management.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Gypsy Cried, The
When a gypsy fortune teller predicts disaster for Marcy and good fortune for Al, Steve and Peggy, Marcy insists that they accompany her on a plane trip to New York, first class, of course.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Tit for Tat Episode, The
When a new buxom woman gets hired at the station, Nick's career is threatened. Suzanne takes matters into her own hands to save her husband's job.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Phobia
Will discovers that an old friend of Sasha's is making herself sick. The Colonel and Derek try to get Brown off their golf team. He's really bad.
TV-14
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Teacher's Pet
C.J. is out of town for a firefighter's convention. Jazmine steals the school hamster and gets caught.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Blast from the Past
Joey is smitten when his old college sweetheart returns looking for romance.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Where There's a Will There's a Way (Part 1)
Partygoers overrun Will and Carlton's off-campus apartment.
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Where There's a Will There's a Way (Part 2)
Will and Carlton are booted from their apartment; Hilary gets a shocking on-air proposal.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
All Guts, No Glory
Will takes a philosophy course to meet a girl.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Father of the Year
To meet girls, Will poses as his newborn cousin's single dad.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Who Done Did It?
Cleveland seeks revenge against people who've wronged him and his family...until he's accused of a murder he didn't commit.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Squirt's Honor
When Rallo joins Stoolbend's version of the Boy Scouts, he discovers he can make money selling candy bars for a fictitious charity; Cleveland and Donna win a vacation.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Daddy Queerest
Stan is once again humiliated by the way Francine behaves in social situations, so he pushes her in the pool at a party; he can't take it any more.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Stan's Night Out
Stan feels left out when he discovers that a few of the guys from work have been hitting the town while he sits at home with Francine eating dinner on a TV tray and watching gardening shows.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
In Country...Club
When Steve is selected to sing the national anthem at the Langley Falls Veterans' Day celebration, he gets some heat from Stan who doesn't think he's ready for such an undertaking. Unimpressed with Steve's vocal talents, Stan decides Steve needs to experience real war in order to sing about our country's military prowess. But things quickly go south when Roger gets involved and Steve goes bananas.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Moon Over Isla Island
Stan convinces the dictator of Isla Island to sign a treaty to get a promotion at work. Meanwhile, Steve and Snot get competitive to see who can get farther with the other's mom.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Dougie Nights
Doug starts club-hopping with newly single Deacon.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
No Orleans
Doug and Carrie sneak off to New Orleans without Doug's cousins.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Two Parts (Part 1), The
Phoebe's twin sister causes confusion and conflict. Ross attends childbirth classes with his ex-wife and her girlfriend
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Two Parts (Part 2), The
Rachel and Monica squabble over two handsome doctors (GEORGE CLOONEY and NOAH WYLE). Ross ponders his impending fatherhood with his own father (ELLIOTT GOULD).
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With All the Poker, The
The women lose money in a poker game with the men. After getting advice from a champion card player, they demand a rematch.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where the Monkey Gets Away, The
Rachel accidentally lets Ross' pet monkey escape, and the friends form a search party. Rachel learns that her former best friend is engaged to marry Rachel's former fianci.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Airport, The
On a flight, Jerry meets a beauty, while Elaine sits next to a smelly guy.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pick, The
Elaine sends out a revealing photo of herself in Christmas cards.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Visa, The
A deportee (Brian George) blames helpful Jerry; Kramer returns from baseball fantasy camp.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Movie, The
Jerry tries to coordinate two comedy appearances and a movie with friends; guest Tom La Grua.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Former Life of Brian, The
Brian, afraid that he may have lost his last chance at love, searches for a former flame, Tracy. To his surprise, he discovers that he is the father to her son, Dylan. Tracy decides that Brian should raise the boy, and she drops him off at the Griffin's house. When Dylan runs rough-shot in the house, Brian's attitude towards parenting doesn't settle too well with Lois and Peter.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Long John Peter
When Peter gets a pet parrot, he begins acting like a pirate. Peter accidentally kills the bird after raising hell through all of Quahog. Meanwhile, when Brian is visiting the vet, Chris falls in love with the intern, Anna.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Love Blactually
When Stewie convinces Brian to go slow with his new girlfriend Carolyn, Cleveland moves in and steals her away; to get her back, Brian does his best to get Cleveland back together with his ex-wife.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
I Dream of Jesus
Peter rediscovers his love for the painfully annoying song, "Surfin' Bird" which drives people around him crazy; and when Peter finds Jesus in a record store, he's determined to be his new best friend.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Funniest Wins
Get Animated
In this week's episode, the comics have one day to write and shoot a hilarious commercial parody to screen for not only Marlon Wayans and guest mentor Jamie Kennedy, but also a live audience. Then they must take on one of their biggest challenges yet: making an animated short from scratch in just two days. The comedians are thrilled to learn from animation voiceover legend, Billy West, in the process, but ultimately one of them is going home.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Funniest Wins
Get Animated
In this week's episode, the comics have one day to write and shoot a hilarious commercial parody to screen for not only Marlon Wayans and guest mentor Jamie Kennedy, but also a live audience. Then they must take on one of their biggest challenges yet: making an animated short from scratch in just two days. The comedians are thrilled to learn from animation voiceover legend, Billy West, in the process, but ultimately one of them is going home.
TV-14
12:00 am
Movie
Lottery Ticket
Kevin Carson a young man living in the projects, is just an ordinary Guy -- until he wins $370 million in the Mondo Millions Lottery. That's the good news. The bad news is, the lottery claim office is closed for the long Fourth of July weekend, so, before he can collect his prize, Kevin is going to have to figure out how to keep a lid on his good fortune and survive the next three days. As news of his windfall spreads through the community like a grass fire, Kevin quickly discovers the good, the bad and the ugly in his closest friends and neighbors. Girls who could never be bothered before start chasing him down. Everyone wants a piece of him-including the reverend, the local loan shark and one very threatening recent parolee won't take no for an answer. On edge and on the run, he even begins to question the intentions of his best friend, Benny. He also starts to realize the power he holds in his hands and what this lottery ticket could really mean to him, his future, and the community. It's funny what people will do when money is involved.
TV-14
2:15 am
Movie
My Baby's Daddy
Lonnie, Dominic and ''G'' are three bachelor buddies from the hood who, after a lifetime of hard-partying, are in for a crude awakening when their respective girlfriends all get pregnant at the same time. The fathers-to-be embark on an emotional journey while learning as much about themselves as they do about love and fatherhood.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Requiem for a Dead Barber
When Al's long-time barber passes on, Al is forced to face the fact that the old-fashioned barber shop is a thing of the past and resigns himself to a future of beauty salon haircuts.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Eatin' Out
When the Bundy's receive a modest inheritance check from Peg's deceased uncle, they decide to splurge and eat out at an elegant restaurant.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Jeff Foxworthy Show, The
Before You Say "No," Just Hear Me Out
Jeff's brother Wayne offers to help keep his business alive.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Our Other Cops Is On !, Part 2
When Randy is about to turn off the prison TV, another Camden episode of "COPS" is shown, this time it evolves around the events on Independence Day.
TV-14
 

Saturday, August 9

6:00 am
Married With Children
My Mom, the Mom
Peggy is the hit of Mother/Daughter Career Day at Kelly's school when she instructs the girls in the art of being a housewife, including demonstrations of wallet pilfering and mastering the TV remote control.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Can't Dance, Don't Ask Me (aka Kelly's Dance)
When Kelly is faced with a choice of getting kicked out of school or joining the tap dance club, she swallows her pride, buckles on her tap shoes and performs some dirty dancing that leaves the audience sweating in their seats.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Three Job, No Income Family, A
When Peggy gets a job selling cosmetics and brings home more money than Al, he gets a second job to regain his self-respect, but still finds himself losing the breadwinning game.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Harder They Fall, The
After Peggy gives the highway salute to a rude driver while in the Rhoades' car, Steve is obsessed with the fear that the enraged driver - a possible ex-con - may come looking for him.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Funniest Wins
Get Animated
In this week's episode, the comics have one day to write and shoot a hilarious commercial parody to screen for not only Marlon Wayans and guest mentor Jamie Kennedy, but also a live audience. Then they must take on one of their biggest challenges yet: making an animated short from scratch in just two days. The comedians are thrilled to learn from animation voiceover legend, Billy West, in the process, but ultimately one of them is going home.
TV-14
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Perfect Storm, The
Because of a huge storm, C.J. and Nicole get stuck at school. Everyone else gets stuck at the firehouse.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Confession
Vera thinks she is dying and confesses a secret. Simone tells Brianna she's pregnant.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Quarantine Episode, The
When Marilyn brings a dangerous flu back from a trip to Mexico, the family must stay inside their house under quarantine.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Missing Links
Doug and Carrie search for a compatible couple to take with them to the firm's annual golf outing.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Movie
My Baby's Daddy
Lonnie, Dominic and ''G'' are three bachelor buddies from the hood who, after a lifetime of hard-partying, are in for a crude awakening when their respective girlfriends all get pregnant at the same time. The fathers-to-be embark on an emotional journey while learning as much about themselves as they do about love and fatherhood.
TV-14
12:45 pm
Movie (DVS)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Big Happy Family
Madea, a wise-cracking, take-no-prisoners grandma, jumps into action when her niece, Shirley, receives distressing news about her health. All Shirley wants is to gather her three adult children around her and share the news as a family. But Tammy, Kimberly and Byron are too distracted by their own problems: Tammy can't manage her unruly children or her broken marriage; Kimberly is gripped with anger and takes it out on her husband; and Byron, after spending two years in jail, is under pressure to deal drugs again. It's up to Madea, with the help of the equally rambunctious Aunt Bam, to gather the clan together and make things right the only way she knows how: with a lot of tough love, laughter, and the revelation of a long-buried family secret.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Evil Orthodontist, The
Rachel reunites with her duplicitous ex-fianci. Chandler agonizes about a woman who doesn't call him after the first date.
TV-14
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Fake Monica, The
Monica meets a woman who helps her live out her fantasies. Ross' pet monkey becomes sexually mature and makes everyone crazy.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Ick Factor, The
Monica finds out more than she wants to know about her latest love. Chandler's friends at work treat him differently since his promotion. Ross' ex-wife begins giving birth.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Birth, The
When Carol gives birth, Ross and Susan almost miss the event. Joey befriends an unmarried pregnant woman.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Hero Worship
Doug's uncle (Gavin MacLeod) offers to back financially his desire to open a sandwich shop.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Screwed Driver
Doug's parents take over the house when Carrie goes on a business trip.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Not So Fast
When Ray and Debra visit Fank and Marie's condo, they learn that the owners are going to kick them out. Marie and Frank move out. Robert and Amy are upset, but they let Frank and Marie live with them.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Angry Sex
Ray worries that Debra's fight with Marie could put a stop to his plans.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
P.T. & A
After being chided for wearing a shoddy shirt and getting stains on it, Ray lies and tells Debra that members of the PTA called her outfit "trampy." This leads her to dress extra-trampy on purpose at a PTA meeting in their home, where the truth finally comes out.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Ally's F
Ally comes home with an F in math on her report card, and her parents are shocked.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hawking Excitation, The
Sheldon has a chance to meet his hero, STEPHEN HAWKING.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Stag Convergence, The
Howard's wedding plans are in jeopardy after the guys (and Wil Wheaton) throw him a bachelor party and details of his sexual history are leaked online.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Launch Acceleration, The
When NASA reschedules Howard's mission and puts his wedding plans in jeopardy, he's forced to face his fears and Bernadette's dad (guest star CASEY SANDER).
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Countdown Reflection, The
When Howard and Bernadette decide they want to be married before his NASA space launch, the gang rushes to put on a wedding, on the fifth season finale.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Date Night Variable, The
On the sixth season premiere, Howard discovers that he can't escape his mother -- even in space! Back on earth, meanwhile, Raj turns his existence as a third wheel into an art form.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Decoupling Fluctuation, The
When Sheldon learns that Penny is thinking about breaking up with Leonard, he tries to intervene. Meanwhile, Howard is being picked on in space by the other astronauts.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Sullivan & Son
Hank Goes Black
Opposites attract when Roy's mom (Loretta Devine) moves back to town, and she starts dating Hank. Meanwhile, a girl gets in the way of Owen and Ahmed's friendship.
TV-14
11:30 pm
Funniest Wins
Get Animated
In this week's episode, the comics have one day to write and shoot a hilarious commercial parody to screen for not only Marlon Wayans and guest mentor Jamie Kennedy, but also a live audience. Then they must take on one of their biggest challenges yet: making an animated short from scratch in just two days. The comedians are thrilled to learn from animation voiceover legend, Billy West, in the process, but ultimately one of them is going home.
TV-14
12:30 am
Movie
Hulk, The
Scientist Bruce Banner has, to put it mildly, anger management issues. His quiet life as a brilliant researcher working with cutting edge genetic technology conceals a nearly forgotten and painful past. His ex-girlfriend and fellow researcher, Betty Ross, has grown tired of Bruce's cordoned off emotional terrain and resigns herself to remaining an interested onlooker to his quiet life--until a simple oversight in the lab leads to an explosive situation in which Bruce heroically saves a life by absorbing a normally deadly dose of gamma radiation. Believing himself to have emerged from the accident unscathed, Bruce can't deny he's experiencing some strange side effects--including blackouts and the feeling that there is some kind of strange and dark, yet attractive, presence within him. All the while an impossibly strong, rampaging creature, who comes to be known as the Hulk, continues its sporadic appearances, cutting a swath of destruction in his wake. But Betty Ross has her theories, she knows the shadowy figure lurking in the background, Bruce's father David, is somehow connected. She may be the only one who understands the link between the scientist and the Hulk, but her efforts may be too late to save both man and creature.
TV-PG
3:30 am
Married With Children
House That Peg Lost, The
When Steve and Marcy return from vacation after entrusting the keys to their house to Peggy, they're shocked to find a big hole where their house used to be.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Prom Queen (1)
In this two-part story, Peggy and Al attend the Polk High School Reunion where Peggy is determined to defeat her old nemesis for the title of Reunion Queen.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Prom Queen: the Sequel (2)
Peggy vigorously campaigns for the title of Reunion Queen while Al settles an old score with a former classmate at the Polk High School Reunion.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Computer Show, The
Peggy brings the family closer to the poorhouse when she insists on buying a home computer.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Dateless Amigo, The
When Bud finds it difficult to line up a date, he resorts to the next best thing - a mannequin -with a penchant for losing her head.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, August 10

6:00 am
Married With Children
Life's a Beach
When Al decides the Bundy clan needs to spend quality time together, they pack up the suntan oil, bug spray and portable TV and head for the beach.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Here's Lookin' at You, Kid
When a neighborhood peeping tom has taken a peek at everyone on the block except Peggy, she tries to rectify the situation by leaving milk, cookies and a ladder.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Hot off the Grill
In honor of Labor Day, Al Bundy "treats" Peggy, Kelly, Bud, Steve and Marcy to an oldfashioned barbecue - Bundy style.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Sullivan & Son
Hank Goes Black
Opposites attract when Roy's mom (Loretta Devine) moves back to town, and she starts dating Hank. Meanwhile, a girl gets in the way of Owen and Ahmed's friendship.
TV-14
8:00 am
King of Queens, The
Queens' bro Bridge
Doug becomes excited when he learns Arthur inherited a house 10 years ago and may move.
TV-PG
8:30 am
King of Queens, The
Driving Reign
Doug reluctantly agrees to give his cousin a recommendation to be promoted to driver at IPS.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Clothes Encounter
Carrie returns expensive clothes for a full refund after wearing them.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Bed Spread
Doug and Carrie borrow twin beds belonging to Deacon's children after their own bed breaks.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Finds Out, The
Rachel finds out about Ross' secret love for her -- but another surprise awaits her.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's New Girlfriend, The
Rachel gets an unpleasant surprise when Ross returns home. Phoebe has varied success cutting the friends' hair.
TV-14
11:00 am
Movie
Funny People
George Simmons is a famous stand-up comedian, who learns that he has a terminal illness and less than a year to live. When, he meets Ira, a struggling comedian at a comedy club where both the comedians are performing, George hires Ira to be his personal assistant and opening act at his performances. The two forge a close friendship as George helps Ira with his career and Ira helps George find closure in his legacy. However, when George learns that his disease has gone into remission and an ex-girlfriend re-enters his life, he's inspired to reevaluate what is important to him and what truly gives meaning to his life.
TV-14
2:00 pm
MLB on tbs (CC)
Los Angeles Dodgers @ Milwaukee Brewers
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Breast Milk, The
Phoebe unwittingly disgusts everybody. Joey competes with a fellow salesman.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Heckles Dies, The
The downstairs neighbor dies and bequeaths his strange possessions to Monica and Rachel.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Blades of Glory
Perhaps nowhere in sports is the marriage of athleticism and grace more evident than in the arena of world champion pairs figure skating--the lifts, the jumps, the routines. It''s an elegant world, a rarefied universe, a noble place populated by the crème de la crème of skating elite. Well, it used to be. When the macho, swaggering Chazz Michael Michaels takes to the rink, he is the rock star of the arena, leaving a trail of thrashed ice and shrieking female fans in his wake. The only competitor who can match Michaels'' scores is the driven former child prodigy, Jimmy MacElroy. Spotted as a youth executing triple lutzes on the frozen pond of an orphanage, MacElroy was whisked away to days of endless training, and now stands as the picture of poise, the personification of the highest ideals of the men''s sport. Michaels and MacElroy have met in finals rounds before, but their latest head-to-head at the World Championships--when they tie for first--is more than either one can bear, and their longstanding rivalry erupts into a no-holds-barred fight. The ensuing brawl not only sets fire to the World Championship''s helpless mascot, but lands both athletes in hot water: Chazz and Jimmy are called before the sport''s governing board, stripped of their gold medals and banned from the sport for life. Now, three-and-a-half years later, both men are still trying to find their way in a world without competitive skating. Michaels has devolved into a drunken party machine, skating as a costumed evil wizard in a kiddie ice review, and MacElroy has been banished to the shoe department of a chain sporting goods store. But then, inspiration (in the form of an over-friendly, former stalker of Jimmy''s) strikes, and a loophole emerges. To skate again, all Chazz and Jimmy have to do is set aside their long festering hatred of one another and join forces--as the first male/male figure skating pair to compete in the history of the sport.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Ron Burgundy is the top-rated anchorman in San Diego in the 1970s. When feminism marches into the newsroom in the form of ambitious newswoman Veronica Corningstone, Ron is willing to play along at first--as long as Veronica stays in her place, covering cat fashion shows, cooking, and other "female" interests. But when Veronica refuses to settle for being eye candy and steps behind the news desk, it's more than a battle between two perfectly coiffed anchor-persons--it's war.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Ron Burgundy is the top-rated anchorman in San Diego in the 1970s. When feminism marches into the newsroom in the form of ambitious newswoman Veronica Corningstone, Ron is willing to play along at first--as long as Veronica stays in her place, covering cat fashion shows, cooking, and other "female" interests. But when Veronica refuses to settle for being eye candy and steps behind the news desk, it's more than a battle between two perfectly coiffed anchor-persons--it's war.
TV-14
12:01 am
Movie (DVS)
Arthur
Loveable billionaire Arthur Bach, an irresponsible charmer who has always relied on two things to get by: his limitless fortune and the good sense of his lifelong nanny and best friend Hobson, to keep him out of trouble. Kind-hearted, fun-loving, and utterly without purpose, Arthur spends every day in the heedless pursuit of amusement. But when his unpredictable public image threatens the staid reputation of the family foundation, Bach Worldwide, he is given an ultimatum: marry the beautiful but decidedly unlovable Susan Johnson, an ambitious corporate exec who can keep him in line, or say goodbye to his billion-dollar inheritance and the only way of life he knows. It's a deal Arthur would be inclined to take...if he hadn't just fallen for Naomi, a New York City tour guide who shares his idealism and spontaneity.
TV-14
2:01 am
Movie (DVS)
Blades of Glory
Perhaps nowhere in sports is the marriage of athleticism and grace more evident than in the arena of world champion pairs figure skating--the lifts, the jumps, the routines. It''s an elegant world, a rarefied universe, a noble place populated by the crème de la crème of skating elite. Well, it used to be. When the macho, swaggering Chazz Michael Michaels takes to the rink, he is the rock star of the arena, leaving a trail of thrashed ice and shrieking female fans in his wake. The only competitor who can match Michaels'' scores is the driven former child prodigy, Jimmy MacElroy. Spotted as a youth executing triple lutzes on the frozen pond of an orphanage, MacElroy was whisked away to days of endless training, and now stands as the picture of poise, the personification of the highest ideals of the men''s sport. Michaels and MacElroy have met in finals rounds before, but their latest head-to-head at the World Championships--when they tie for first--is more than either one can bear, and their longstanding rivalry erupts into a no-holds-barred fight. The ensuing brawl not only sets fire to the World Championship''s helpless mascot, but lands both athletes in hot water: Chazz and Jimmy are called before the sport''s governing board, stripped of their gold medals and banned from the sport for life. Now, three-and-a-half years later, both men are still trying to find their way in a world without competitive skating. Michaels has devolved into a drunken party machine, skating as a costumed evil wizard in a kiddie ice review, and MacElroy has been banished to the shoe department of a chain sporting goods store. But then, inspiration (in the form of an over-friendly, former stalker of Jimmy''s) strikes, and a loophole emerges. To skate again, all Chazz and Jimmy have to do is set aside their long festering hatred of one another and join forces--as the first male/male figure skating pair to compete in the history of the sport.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Dead Men Don't Do Aerobics
When Peggy wins a personalized workout with TV fitness host Jim Jupiter, "the healthiest man in Chicago," he sets out to change her unhealthful lifestyle, but she changes his instead.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Buck Saves the Day
When Al and Steve take Bud and his friends on a camping trip, Kelly sees a friendly poker game with the girls as a chance to earn money for a rock concert.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Tooth or Consequences
Stricken with a toothache, Al reluctantly visits a dentist for the first time, leaving him in too much pain to enjoy the family meal that Peggy has begrudgingly agreed to prepare.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
He Ain't Much, But He's Mine
When a flashy blond at the beauty parlor brags about her affair with a married man, Peggy worries that Al is picking up more than a spare on his bowling night.
TV-PG
 

Monday, August 11

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Free Free Time
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Randy in Charge (Of our Days and Our Nights)
The warden wants Earl to develop a "scared straight show" for children to scare them away from committing crimes, but while doing this, Earl and Randy are having an argument about who is in charge. Meanwhile, Joy starts to get annoyed by her pregnancy and wants the baby out.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Fair Exchange
The Bundys are elated over the extra income they receive when they house a foreign exchange student, but Kelly gets a run for her money when the student turns out to be a beautiful, sexy French girl.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Desperately Seeking Miss October
Al panics when Peggy sells his beloved collection of Playboy magazines to buy a good luck idol to help her win the lottery.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
V.I.P. Tickets Episode, The
Nick angers Suzanne when he invites Martin to an exclusive sporting event before inviting his wife.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Best Friend
Will's good friend, Anthony, brings another woman over, angering Sasha. Cora bets Brown he can't be quiet for an entire day.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
Malik befriends a girl at school. He invites her over for dinner and the family is dismayed my what they discover. Meanwhile, Miranda comes back into Calvin's life.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
I'm There for You Babe
After Jesse inadvertently schedules his musical group in two different places for the same night, the family helps by performing as a back-up band.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
It's Better to Have Loved And Lost It...
Carlton seeks his first meaningful relationship with a woman.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Will Goes to Courtin'
Phil sues Will and Carlton for back rent.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Hex and the Single Guy
Hilary summons a spirit channeler, who hexes Will.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Blood Is Thicker Than Mud
Will and Carlton try to get accepted to an African-American fraternity.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Grave Danger
Cleveland and his friends discover the joys of hanging out at a local cemetery; Rallo befriends neighborhood tough guys after making a trip to Robert's apartment in East Stoolbend.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Of Lice And Men
Rallo is forced to have his head shaved after he contracts lice; Cleveland housesits for Freight Train and Cookie.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Home Adrone
When Steve gets the chance to sing the Star-Spangled Banner at a Veterans' Day event, Stan takes it upon himself to be Steve's vocal coach. Dissatisfied with Steve's progress, Stan signs Steve up for a Vietnam reenactment in the hopes that a little battle experience will help Steve to truly understand the national anthem. But the pressure of mock war, along with Stan's coaching, gets to Steve causing him to become a relentless reenacting machine. Meanwhile, Roger prepares to watch a pay-per-view Barbra Streisand concert.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Brains, Brains, and Automobiles
When Hayley and Steve leave for their respective summers of fun, Francine looks forward to her newfound alone time with Stan.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Man in the Moonbounce
Stan vows to live out all the teenage pranks he missed with Steve and his friends. But when they are caught, he winds up going to prison.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Shallow Vows
Upset that Francine has let herself go, Stan takes drastic measures when she asks him to renew their wedding vows.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Lush Life
Doug tries to get Carrie inebriated so he can cheat on his diet.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Patrons Ain't
When their accountant makes them feel guilty about their lack of charitable donations, Doug and Carrie decide to make a large donation to a school library.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Goes Back to Work, The
Rachel crosses swords with her temporary replacement (Dermot Mulroney) at the shop; Phoebe wreaks havoc on the set of Joey's soap opera.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Phoebe's Rats, The
Monica invites Rachel's workplace rival (Dermot Mulroney) to her birthday party; Joey flirts with Emma's new nanny (Melissa George); Phoebe and Mike (Paul Rudd) take care of a litter of rats.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Monica Sings, The
Monica exults in the applause she receives on karaoke night, unaware that the cheering audience can see through her blouse.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Blind Dates, The
Joey and Phoebe conspire to send Rachel and Ross on disastrous blind dates.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Shoes, The
Jerry and George struggle to keep their idea for a TV series alive.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Old Man, The
Jerry, George and Elaine volunteer to help senior citizens; guest Edie McClurg.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Handicap Spot, The
George parks in a handicapped spot, inciting an angry mob.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Smelly Car, The
A valet's odor permeates Jerry's car; guests Nick Bakay, Taylor Negron.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Road to Germany
When Mort accidentally steps into a time machine, Stewie and Brian decide to follow him; but when they learn they are in Poland on the day of the Nazi invasion, they have to find their way back home.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Baby Not On Board
When Peter wins free gas for a year, Brian suggests a road trip to the Grand Canyon. After careful planning and packing, they depart, only to leave Stewie behind. Hilarity ensues as they race back to Quahog.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Man With Two Brians, The
When Brian hurts his back saving Peter, Peter thinks Brian's getting too old, and brings another dog--named New Brian--into the family; and when everyone falls in love with the new pet, Brian leaves home.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Tales of a Third Grade Nothing
Peter is forced to go back to the third grade to try and qualify for a promotion at work. Meanwhile, Brian opens a bar with Frank Sinatra Jr, where they employ Stewie to make it a hotspot.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Higgs Boson Observation, The
Amy's nervous when Sheldon hires Alex, a female assistant.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Re-Entry Minimization, The
Howard returns from space...without the welcome he wanted.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4605
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Fun Run Part 2
Michael accidentally runs over Meridith in the parking lot, and his guilt causes him to organize a 5-K run for her. Dwight and Angela have a falling-out after he kills her cat, and Jim and Pam's relationship is discovered.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4605
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Dunder Mifflin Infinity Part 1
Michael feels threatened when Ryan returns to the Scranton office to share his ideas about the future of Dunder Mifflin. Jim and Pam's relationship is shared with the entire office, while Angela and Dwight's relationship is on the rocks.
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie
Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde
Having conquered Harvard, Elle Woods, the blonde, effervescent, pink-loving law school grad, is now a rising young lawyer at a great firm, balancing a demanding a career with preparations for her wedding to the man of her dreams. But when she finds out that her beloved dog Bruiser's family members are being used as cosmetic test subjects by one of her firm's own clients, she stands up for their rights--and is promptly fired. She's devastated, but you can't keep an optimist down. Ms. Woods goes to Washington to take matters into her own French-manicured hands. Trying to learn the political ropes and win over politicians, Elle faces a formidable challenge--and in a sea of grey, black, and navy, she sticks out like a pink thumb. Others on The Hill aren't immediately kind to "Capitol Barbie" and D.C. isn't an easy place for a person with impeccable fashion sense and a Harvard Law degree. But with her clever and sassy signature blend of intelligence and determination, she bucks the system the Elle Woods way. Speaking up for Bruiser and his family, Elle eventually inspires those around her to find voices of their own.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
976-SHOE
Al tries to cash in on his knowledge of shoe business by starting a shoe hotline.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Oh, What a Feeling
When Al's car bites the dust, he digs up his nest egg and heads for the auto showroom to wheel and deal for the car of his dreams.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
At the Zoo
After couch potato in-training Steve is fired, he plays hooky from his job hunt to go to the zoo, determined to save a sea turtle named Bosco.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Midnight Bun
Earl and Randy are teamed up against their will to catch Frank, who escaped from a prison van under Randy's watch. Joy and her sister fight over how Joy's baby will be born.
TV-14
 

Tuesday, August 12

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Score, The
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Burn Victim
After the warden destroys all his time off sentence certificates and thereby prevents Earl from getting an early release, Earl decides that it is time to break out of the prison.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Who'll Stop the Rain
A rainstorm brings out the handyman in Al, who doggedly attempts to fix a leaky roof.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
It's a Bundyful Life (1)
Despite his rare good intentions, Al fails to make it to the bank in time to withdraw his Christmas Club money, and the Bundy family is destined to go presentless, again, unless Al can find a way to make some quick cash. (Part I of II)
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Lindsey Dances Episode, The
Lindsey auditions to dance in a P-Nut music video, but considers quitting when she discovers that the choreographer is a drill sergeant and the other dancers are far more experienced.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Home Alone
A major storm traps everyone at Colonel and Edna's house leaving Joaquin home alone.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Game Over
The men and women prepare for game night at the Payne house. Meanwhile, Ella's old college friend comes to visit.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Luck Be a Lady (Part 1)
The family travels to Lake Tahoe, where Joey and the girls get lucky, and Jesse proposes marriage to Rebecca.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Fresh Prince After Dark
Will fakes illness so he can get out of a date and attend a Playboy-mansion party.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Home Is Where the Heart Attack Is
Will feels responsible for Phil's heart attack.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Take My Cousin...Please
Will sets up his English professor (Phil Morris) with Hilary.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
You've Got to Be a Football Hero
Fraternity brothers leave drunken Will in a cemetery, where he is haunted.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Mr. and Mrs. Brown
Cleveland and Cookie get mistaken for a married couple; after he gets caught stealing a candy bar, Rallo pins the theft on Junior.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Crazy Train
When Freight Train begins treating Cleveland with respect, Donna concludes there's only one cause: a mental breakdown; Junior and Rallo make off with a cherry-picker.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
My Morning Straitjacket
After attending a concert with Hayley, Stan becomes obsessed with her music.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
G-String Circus
When Hayley rejects Stan's advice, he decides to start a dry-cleaning business run by a bunch of strippers. But when the business fails miserably, he is forced to become a male stripper to make some extra money.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Rapture's Delight
The Rapture happens on Christmas Eve, and Stan is left behind.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Don't Look a Smith Horse in the Mouth
When Francine demands that Stan get rid of his gas-guzzling SUV because it's draining the family of money, he hatches a plan with Roger at the local horse track to avoid giving up his ride. Meanwhile, it's up to Steve and his friends to help out an old friend.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Bun Dummy
Doug tries to find a tactful way of telling Carrie he does not like her new hairstyle.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Shrink Wrap
Carrie and Doug send Arthur to a psychiatrist (William Hurt), to whom he reveals his relationship with his father (Ben Stiller).
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Mugging, The
Joey stumbles upon a way to impress a famous actor (Jeff Goldblum) during an audition; Ross learns the identity of a long-ago mugger; Chandler accepts an internship at a shoe company.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Boob Job, The
Both Monica and Chandler secretly approach Joey for a loan; Phoebe invites Mike (Paul Rudd) to move in with her; Rachel baby-proofs the apartment.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Memorial Service, The
Ross and Chandler trade barbed insults on their alma mater's Web site.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Lottery, The
The gang buys scads of lottery tickets for the multimillion-dollar jackpot.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pilot, The (Part I)
Jerry and George produce their pilot, but George doesn't like the actor playing him; Kramer has a personal problem.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pilot, The (Part 2)
Jerry and George produce their pilot, but George doesn't like the actor playing him; Kramer has a personal problem.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Mango, The
Jerry learns Elaine pretended to enjoy their intimacy; Kramer is banned from a fruit store.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Glasses, The
George buys effeminate glasses; dog-bite victim Elaine thinks she has rabies.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Holographic Excitation, The
The gang celebrates Halloween at Stuart's comic book store. Meanwhile Leonard and Penny discover a new spark in their relationship when he seduces her with science.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Extract Obliteration, The
Sheldon's friendship with renowned scientist STEPHEN HAWKING is threatened by a game of "Words with Friends," while Penny secretly enrolls in a class at the local college.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Habitation Configuration, The
Bernadette pressures Howard to move out of his mother's house, while Sheldon finds himself caught in the middle of a fight between Amy and Wil Wheaton.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Parking Spot Escalation, The
Sheldon & Howard battle over an assigned parking spot.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Sullivan & Son
Owenbrau
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
43 Peculiarity, The
Howard and Raj try to solve a mystery about Sheldon.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4606
TV-14
12:00 am
Sullivan & Son
Owenbrau
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4606
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Dunder Mifflin Infinity Part 2
Michael feels threatened when Ryan returns to the Scranton office to share his ideas about the future of Dunder Mifflin. Jim and Pam's relationship is shared with the entire office, while Angela and Dwight's relationship is on the rocks.
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie
Flipped
When second-graders Bryce and Juli first meet, Juli knows it's love. Bryce isn't so sure. Beginning that day, and for the next six years, young Bryce does everything he can to keep his outspoken wannabe girlfriend at arm's length, which isn't easy since they go to the same school and live across the street from each other. Smart, dreamy, independent and willing to stand up for what she believes in, Juli is different from anyone else he knows and, frankly, it's a little overwhelming. What's a guy supposed to do when a girl tells him his hair smells like watermelon or wants him to sit in a tree for the spectacular view? There's just no telling what Juli will do next, and Bryce is one guy who'd rather be safe than sorry. Though disappointed by Bryce's unwillingness to see things her way, or even to see the things in life she finds most meaningful, Juli continues to give her potential dreamboat the benefit of the doubt. Until those doubts stack up so high that she finally thinks maybe she was wrong about him. It's just about the same time Bryce starts to think maybe he was wrong about her, too. But is he too late?
TV-PG
4:00 am
Married With Children
It's a Bundyful Life (2)
When Al blows his only chance to give the family a merry Christmas, he miserably wishes that he didn't exist until a not-so-angelic angel shows what life without Al - but with Peggy's loving husband Norman - would be like. (Part II)
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Rock and Roll Girl
Sick and tired of being the sole breadwinner, Al challenges the family to find jobs, but is in for a surprise when Kelly's talents land her the lead as "The Girl" in the Guttercats" music video.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Taxing Problem
About to be audited by the IRS, Al has to come up with a quick five grand and decides to sell Peggy's hair.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Early Release
The warden reneges on his promise to Earl to grant an early release, so Earl launches a plan to escape from prison.
TV-14
 

Wednesday, August 13

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Surrogate, The
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Bad Earl
Earl is out of prison, but he and Randy are broke and homeless. So when he sees Ralph living the good life doing bad things, he declares that there is no karma and throws away the list.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
You Gotta Know When to Fold 'Em (1)
About to be audited by the IRS, Al has to come up with a quick five grand and decides to sell Peggy's hair.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
You Gotta Know When to Fold 'Em (2)
When Peg and Marcy lose everything in Las Vegas, Al attempts to win back their money by going into the ring with a lady wrestler. (Part II)
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Career Day Episode, The
While speaking before Kevin's class for Career Day, Nick confuses the students by implying that building connections is more important than studying hard and getting good grades.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Nightmare
Sasha becomes jealous when Renee's friend comes to town. Brown is haunted by nightmares of kissing Edna.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Can I Get a Witness?
Ella learns that she has a lump in her breast. Meanwhile, Calvin thinks he has to go into the witness protection program.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Luck Be a Lady (Part 2)
After Jesse and Rebecca agree to wed, Danny tries to convince them to change their minds.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
'Twas the Night Before Christening
Vivian tells her sisters each can be the godmother; guests Boyz II Men.
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Sleepless in Bel-Air
Distractions thwart Will's attempt to cram for an exam.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Who's the Boss
Carlton and Will clash over running the Peacock Stop.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
I Know Why the Caged Bird Screams
A rival college steals mascot Carlton.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Wheel! Of! Family!
An exhausted Cleveland and Donna ask relatives for help when Junior, Roberta and Rallo run them ragged; Robert and Dee Dee adopt a baby; Junior takes a pole dancing class.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Pilot
Cleveland and his overweight 14-year-old son say goodbye to Quahog and set out for California. Along the way, Cleveland stops in his old hometown, where he eventually marries former classmate Donna Tubbs.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Jones for a Smith, A
Stan puts down liberal social programs because he thinks they're a waste of money and gives Francine a hard time for lending a helping hand at the local homeless shelter. When Stan develops a nasty addiction and needs help, he suddenly has a change of heart.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
May the Best Stan Win
As Valentine's Day approaches...a cyborg version of Stan attempts to steal Francine away from Stan; Roger directs a shot-for-shot remake of the movie 'The Goonies.'
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Return of the Bling
Stan is appalled to discover that Roger - a "Miracle On Ice" hockey team member - used steroids; Hayley finds herself falling for Reginald.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Cops and Roger
In an attempt to prove his manhood to Stan, Roger joins the Police Academy. However it's not very long until he becomes a corrupt cop.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Eddie Money
Doug tries to keep secret from Carrie $5,000 he won in a gambling pool.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Two Thirty
When Doug goes to Dr. Farber (Tim Matheson) for a root canal, he finds out Carrie used have a major crush on the dentist.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's Dream, The
Rachel's visit to a soap opera set inspires her to dream about Joey; Chandler takes Ross on a weekend getaway after Monica cannot take time off from work.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Phoebe's Husband, The
Everyone is surprised when Phoebe's husband shows up.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Five Steaks And an Eggplant, The
The friends want to give Ross a birthday party but disagree about money. Monica gets promoted and learns a tough lesson.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Baby On the Bus, The
Matt and Chandler try to attract women with baby Ben. Phoebe gets terminated from her singing job and replaced by a professional, Stephanie (CHRISSIE HYNDE).
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Puffy Shirt, The
Jerry appears on ``Today'' wearing a silly shirt; guests Bryant Gumbel, Jerry Stiller.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Sniffing Accountant, The
Jerry, Kramer and Newman investigate their accountant's unexplained sniffle.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Bris, The
A religious ceremony makes Jerry and Elaine apprehensive about being godparents.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Lip Reader, The
George enlists a lip-reader (Marlee Matlin) to learn why his girlfriend dumped him.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Ocean's Three and a Half
After seven years of pregnancy, Bonnie gives birth to baby Susie, and Stewie immediately falls in love; but when Joe can't pay the massive hospital bill, Peter and the boys plan to rob Mr. Pewterschmidt.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Family Gay
To pay off a massive debt, Peter participates in a medical experiment, allowing himself to be injected with the "gay" gene; and this change in lifestyle leads him to find a new mate, leaving a broken-hearted Lois behind.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Fish Guts Displacement, The
Howard bonds with his father-n-law on a fishing trip.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Santa Simulation, The
Sheldon unwillingly revisits some Christmas memories during a lively game of Dungeons and Dragons, while Raj joins the girls for ladies night out.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Egg Salad Equivalency, The
Sheldon is accused of sexual harassment at the University and winds up dragging Leonard, Raj and Howard into the fray.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bakersfield Expedition, The
Leonard's car is stolen when the guys take a road trip to a comic book convention in Bakersfield, dressed as Star Trek characters.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4607
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Launch Party Part 1
The Dunder Mifflin Infinity website is launching and Michael is excited about going to the big launch party in New York while Angela plans a satellite party for the Scranton branch.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4607
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Launch Party Part 2
Michael heads to New York City thinking he is going to attend a party for the launch of the new Dunder Mifflin Infinity website. He later learns that he has simply been invited to a chat room. Meanwhile, Dwight tries to prove that he is better than a computer by trying to make more sales than the new website.
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Going the Distance
Erin''s wry wit and unfiltered frankness charms newly single Garrett over beer, bar trivia and breakfast the next morning. Their chemistry sparks a full-fledged summer fling, but neither expects it to last once Erin heads home to San Francisco and Garrett stays behind for his job in New York City. But when six weeks of romping through the city inadvertently become meaningful, neither is sure they want it to end. And while Garrett''s friends, Box and Dan, joke about his pre-flight calorie-cutting and his full-time relationship with his cell phone, they don''t like losing their best drinking buddy to yet another rocky romance. At the same time, Erin''s high-strung, overprotective married sister, Corrine, wants to keep Erin from heading down an all-too-familiar road. But despite the opposite coasts, the nay-saying friends and family, and a few unexpected temptations, the couple just might have found something like love, and with the help of a lot of texting, sexting and late-night phone calls, they might actually go the distance.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
What Goes Around Comes Around
Bent on revenge, Bud makes a date with the girl who once stole his clothes and ran his underwear up the flagpole.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Raingirl
Al's groveling at the shoe store earns him a five-dollar-a-week-raise, but Kelly bursts his bubble when she announces that she'll be bringing home a thousand bucks a week as a cable TV weather girl.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Peggy Turns 300
Al's one chance at glory is to break the alley record at Jim's Bowlarama, but it's threatened by high-scoring Peggy.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
I Won't Die with a Little Help from My Friends, Part 1
After a double accident, Earl and Billie are lying unconscious on the street. While Earl is in a coma, his mind creates a sitcom world, where he is married to Billie. In the real world, Randy takes matters into his own hands to save Earl.
TV-14
 

Thursday, August 14

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Reunion
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
I Won't Die with a Little Help from My Friends, Part 2
After several happenings with his unconscious body, Earl is finally in Camden County Hospital. While his mind is still in the comatose fantasy sitcom, his friends try out different stimuli to wake him up.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Peggy Made a Little Lamb
Peggy is shocked to discover that she never graduated from high school and, needing one additional course to get her diploma, joins Kelly's home economics class.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Agony of Defeet, The
While an ecstatic Al prepares to judge a beauty contest, Marcy awakens on the Bundy couch next to a lipstick-smeared Bud and fears the worst.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
House Sitter's Episode, The
When the house sitters next door begin acting irresponsibly, Nick and Suzanne question if they are being played for fools.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Hero
Brown accidentally becomes a hero. Brianna and Jamal sneak out to a costume party taking Joaquin with them.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Commencement Day
Calvin finds out that he's graduating from college and tells everyone and later learns that the school made a mistake.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Tanner's Island
Danny invites the whole family to Hawaii, where they are accidentally stranded on an island.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
When You Hit Upon a Star
Will becomes a jet-setter while dating a pop star.
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Stop Will! In the Name of Love
Will chaperons Ashley's date; guest Branford Marsalis.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
You'd Better Shop Around
A car dealer hires Will, then persuades him to quit college.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Ol' Ball And Chain, The
Jazz's fiance (Karen Malina-White), a car thief, makes a pass at Will.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance
Cleveland asks Roberta to accompany him to a daddy/daughter dance at school, but his hopes of establishing a bond are torpedoed after he accidentally runs over the family's dog.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
One About Friends, The
Cleveland tries to pair up Cleveland Jr. with Lester's son, Ernie, but things backfire when Child Services puts Ernie in a foster home; Tim and Holt take a trip to Las Vegas.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Merlot Down Dirty Shame
Complications ensue when Roger accompanies Francine to wine country; Klaus and Hayley trick Steve into believing he's dreaming when he's really awake.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Bully for Steve
Stan becomes tired of Steve never standing up for himself. To help, he becomes a bully and picks on Steve. Meanwhile, Reginald finally asks Hayley out on a date. However, while at a carnival they run into her ex-boyfriend Jeff.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Incident at Owl Creek, An
Stan becomes the laughing stock of Langley Falls after he defecates in a swimming pool during a party.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Great Space Roaster
It is Roger's birthday, and he begs to be roasted, but Roger takes the cruel jokes to heart and goes on a rampage against the Smith family.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Dugan Groupie
Jealous of Carrie's new job, Doug asks his boss for a promotion and gets put in charge of safety.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Lost Vegas
Doug takes Carrie to a spa, hoping it will get her to let him take a trip to Vegas with the guys; Arthur teaches Spence his trick for beating the house in blackjack.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Finds Out, The
Dramatic developments occur in Ross and Rachel's relationship. Chandler regrets asking Monica to help him lose weight.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Russ, The
Joey gets a great acting opportunity. Rachel dates a guy who is amazingly similar to Ross. Series star DAVID SCHWIMMER plays a dual role.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After the Super Bowl (Part 1), The
Ross searches for his former pet monkey. Joey dates an obsessed fan. BROOKE SHIELDS, CHRIS ISAAK, ROARK CRITCHLOW, FRED WILLARD and TAHJ MOWRY guest star.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After the Super Bowl (Part 2), The
Ross spends some quality time with Marcel, his former pet monkey. Chandler gets a big surprise from a sexy former classmate. JULIA ROBERTS and JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME guest star.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Barber, The
Jerry doesn't have the nerve to dump his regular barber.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Non-Fat Yogurt, The
Jerry and Elaine suspect Kramer's yogurt shop is causing their weight gain.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Masseuse, The
Jerry can't get his masseuse girlfriend to give him a massage.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Cigar Store Indian, The
Jerry's gift to Elaine offends Elaine's friend; guest Al Roker.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Juice is Loose, The
Peter cashes in a raffle ticket, and wins a golf outing with O.J. Simpson; but when he brings home the infamous former running back, the residents of Quahog are not so welcoming to the new houseguest.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Fox-y Lady
Lois gets a job working for FOX News and has to do a report on a liberal filmmaker. However, she loses the job when her story implicates a conservative radio host.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cooper, The/Kripke Inversion
Outraged that he's being forced to work with his university nemesis, Barry Kripke (guest star JOHN ROSS BOWIE), Sheldon faces a crisis of conscience.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Spoiler Alert Segmentation, The
When Sheldon and Leonard fight, it affects Penny and Amy's living arrangements. Meanwhile, Raj takes care of Mrs. Wolowitz while Howard is away.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Tangible Affection Proof, The
Sheldon struggles to find a Valentine's gift for Amy.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Monster Isolation, The
Raj vows never to leave his apartment after a horrible date.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4608
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Money Part 1
Michael throws an extravagant going-away party for Toby, and falls in love with the woman who is replacing him. Jim plans to propose to Pam at the party, but gets out-staged. Back at corporate, Ryan is arrested for fraud.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4608
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Money Part 2
Michael throws an extravagant going-away party for Toby, and falls in love with the woman who is replacing him. Jim plans to propose to Pam at the party, but gets out-staged. Back at corporate, Ryan is arrested for fraud.
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie
American Wedding
With Great East Falls High now just a memory, the kids have grown into adults ready to wreak havoc with a new rite of passage: Jim and Michelle are getting married--in a hurry. Jim's grandmother is sick and wants to see Jim walk down the aisle, so they're going for it in two frantic weeks. Stifler plans to be there (for the bridesmaids!) and, more importantly, to throw the ultimate bachelor party (for the strippers!). Finch is all for the hedonistic rituals, but not for letting Stifler steal the maid of honor, who happens to be Michelle's sexy younger sister, Cadence. But while everybody else sweats and frets, Jim's Dad is cool as ever, dispensing advice that no one wants to hear and getting ready for one of the best days of his life.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Yard Sale
When Al discovers Peggy's passion for yard sales has gotten out of hand, he decides that the Bundys should hold one of their own.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Al ... with Kelly
After faking colds to get out of visiting Peggy's mother, Al and Kelly rejoice at their week of freedom, but when Kelly really gets sick, Al is forced to play nursemaid.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
We'll Follow the Sun
Al's plans for a family road trip come to a screeching halt when the Bundys get caught in Labor Day traffic.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Stole a Motorcycle
After Randy realized that working on the list helps Earl get better, he continues to cross things off the list. This time he has to make up for Earl and him stealing a motorcycle, which proves harder than he thinks, because both of them were drunk while stealing the motorcycle, so he can not remember where they put it.
TV-14