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SCHEDULE: August 2017

Times listed for EASTERN and PACIFIC timezones except where otherwise noted.

Wednesday, August 16

6:00 am
Married With Children
Enemies
A philandering delivery man's affair with Kelly causes problems with his own suspicious girlfriend.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Bud Hits the Books
Bud's unauthorized use of the library threatens his graduation.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Kiss of the Coffee Woman
Al and Marcy object to Kelly and Jefferson's appearing as a couple in a suggestive TV commercial.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Torch Song Duet
Al helps Griff win a pair of tickets to the Olympic Games.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Joke's on Al, The
Al and Jefferson vie to claim the title of King of Practical Jokes.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Twisted
A killer storm strikes, leaving the Bundys and D'Arcys sharing a basement shelter.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Roamin' Holiday
Doug invites Spence to move in as part of a plan to keep Carrie's annoying friends from spending a weekend.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
I, Candy
Doug's self-esteem gets a boost when a waitress flirts with him.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Sparing Carrie
Doug's bowling team must win a match or else fire Carrie.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Net Prophets
Carrie insists on using her Christmas bonus to invest in Internet stock.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
March Dadness
When Freight Train bonds with Cleveland Jr., Cleveland goes head-to-head with the pair in a two-man golf tournament - choosing the man who kept Freight Train from playing pro football as his teammate.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Men in Me, The
After winning a dance contest and being labeled "The Whitest Man in America," Cleveland decides to retrace his roots with help from his former nanny.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Irregarding Steve
When Steve realizes he's smarter than Stan, he throws it in Stan's face and moves with Roger to New York City to become writers. There, they quickly realize they're short on street smarts when they fall in with the pretentious hairdresser, Mr. Beauregard. Meanwhile, we catch a glimpse of the lives of the squirrels living in the Smith's backyard.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Best Christmas Story Never Told, The
Stan goes to the past to keep Jane Fonda from ruining Christmas, but he winds up creating an alternate future where the United States has been taken over by the Soviet Union.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Bush Comes to Dinner
President Bush comes to dinner when Stan wins an essay-writing contest. Hayley is determined to bring down the presidency after Roger accidentally gets Bush drunk. Meanwhile, Roger thinks he's found Osama bin Laden.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
American Dream Factory
Stan feels like he's not climbing the ladder fast enough at work, so he turns to his lifelong ambition of making festive teddy bears. However, when he realizes that making a quick profit takes a lot of work, he resorts to using illegal aliens as cheap labor.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Running Mates
Peter runs against Lois for a seat on the school board.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Picture Is Worth A Thousand Bucks, A
Peter is envious of an old friend's success; Chris' painting gets serious attention.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Paul's the Man, The
Elizabeth (ALEXANDRA HOLDEN) and Ross decide to hide their relationship from her father (BRUCE WILLIS) and head up to his cabin for the weekend.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Ring, The
Phoebe helps Chandler pick out an engagement ring for Monica.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Proposal Part 1, The
Chandler plans to propose to Monica.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Proposal Part 2, The
Monica asks Chandler to be her husband.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Monica's Thunder, The
Monica excitedly reveals her good news to everyone but Rachel and Ross upstage her. Chandler has trouble making love.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Rachel's Book, The
Monica is outraged to find out what her parents did with her wedding fund. Joey discovers Rachel's late-night reading material.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Couch, The
Elaine dates the guy who delivered Jerry's new couch.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Gymnast, The
Elaine must substitute for her boss in a merger deal; a girlfriend's mom sees George eating out of the trash; guest Maurice Godin.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Mom & Pop Store, The
George buys a convertible the salesman claims once belonged to Jon Voight.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Holographic Excitation, The
The gang celebrates Halloween at Stuart's comic book store. Meanwhile Leonard and Penny discover a new spark in their relationship when he seduces her with science.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Extract Obliteration, The
Sheldon's friendship with renowned scientist STEPHEN HAWKING is threatened by a game of "Words with Friends," while Penny secretly enrolls in a class at the local college.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Habitation Configuration, The
Bernadette pressures Howard to move out of his mother's house, while Sheldon finds himself caught in the middle of a fight between Amy and Wil Wheaton.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
43 Peculiarity, The
Howard and Raj try to solve a mystery about Sheldon.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Parking Spot Escalation, The
Sheldon & Howard battle over an assigned parking spot.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Fish Guts Displacement, The
Howard bonds with his father-n-law on a fishing trip.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
President Obama
Sam interviews President Obama. She also takes on trolls, conspiracy theories, and the alt-right movement.
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71067
Guests: Conor McGregor, James Van Der Beek, Dan St. Germain
TV-14
12:00 am
The Guest Book (DVS)
Story Three
Phyllis (Michaela Watkins) and her husband's weekend retreat with his boss from work (David Zayas) and the boss' much younger wife becomes unbearable for Phyllis, until she finds an unlikely escape by helping a stranger, Marcia (Stephnie Weir), run away from a plural marriage.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71067
Guests: Conor McGregor, James Van Der Beek, Dan St. Germain
TV-14
1:30 am
Wrecked (DVS)
Phantom, The
Under new rule, the island falls apart after they're unable to remember something from their life back home. Todd adjusts to a life of solitude in "The Pit". Pack stumbles upon other survivors of the crash. And if you can believe it, the island makes a discovery that could change everything.
TV-MA
2:00 am
Wrecked (DVS)
Trial, The
After one of their own is seriously injured, the survivors hold the island's first trial. And honestly, no joke, the island makes a discovery that could change everything.
TV-MA
2:30 am
Wrecked (DVS)
Adventures of Beth and Lamar, The
Danny and Owen flourish while starting a new camp. After one of their own falls ill, two survivors make a daring escape off the island. And I know we say this a lot, but the island makes a discovery that could change everything.
TV-MA
3:00 am
Wrecked (DVS)
Javier and the Gang
Owen has a shocking encounter in the jungle. Todd, Florence and Emma adjust to life off the island. And you might not believe us this time, but seriously, the island makes a discovery that could change everything.
TV-MA
3:30 am
Wrecked (DVS)
Cop Tricks
The island makes a discovery that could change everything.
TV-MA
4:00 am
Married With Children
Children of the Corns
Al and Griff try to blackmail their sweatshop-owning boss for a raise.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Kelly's Gotta Habit
As Kelly agrees to give up sex for a big TV commercial, Al teams with Officer Dan for an appearance on Cops.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Requiem for a Chevyweight Part 1
Al struggles to find a part for his ailing car.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Requiem for a Chevyweight Part 2
Following the death of his Dodge, Al sets out to get a new car.
TV-PG
 

Thursday, August 17

6:00 am
Married With Children
Bundy Thanksgiving, A
An untimely death threatens Al's Thanksgiving tradition; Kelly tries to a pet turkey from becoming a holiday dinner.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Juggs Have Left the Building, The
Peggy and Kelly team up as a singing duo for a talent contest in Branson, Missouri.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
God Help Ye Merry Bundymen
As Al and Griff lose their jobs on Christmas Eve, Marcy and Jefferson's entry in a neighborhood contest is sabotaged by Kelly and Bud.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Crimes Against Obesity
As he's trying to celebrate his birthday, Al is put on trial by a group of obese women.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Stepford Peg, The
Peggy's amnesia allows Al to mold her into the perfect wife.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Bud on the Side
Al's boss falls in love with Bud.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Block Buster
Doug's memories of his glory days as a football player don't match those of his old teammates.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Frozen Pop
Arthur moves into the upstairs bedroom when cold weather forces him out of the basement.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Party Favor
Carrie convinces Doug to be the best man for his cousin, and helps him organize the bachelor party.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Fair Game
Doug catches Carrie cheating while playing board games with friends.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Frapp Attack!
An online video of Donna throwing a frappuccino in Cleveland's face attracts the attention of a music producer who tries stealing Donna away from Cleveland.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
American Prankster
A series of escalating pranks between Rallo and Cleveland Jr. lands Rallo in court, where he's sentenced to serve time in juvenile hall.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
A.T. the Abusive Terrestrial
Feeling shunned by Steve, Roger befriends a new boy, Henry. Their honeymoon is short lived as Henry starts abusing Roger. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine hijack the Pibbmobile in an effort to save the fledgling soft drink from going off the market forever.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Black Mystery Month
While researching a paper about George Washington Carver in celebration of Black History Month, Steve uncovers a conspiracy that's been going on since the Civil War. When the curator of the Smithsonian Peanut Museum reaches out to tell Steve the truth, he's mysteriously murdered, and Steve and Stan are tracked by a secret society that will stop at nothing to keep this scandalous secret of American history.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Apocalypse to Remember, An
A misunderstanding at the CIA leads Stan to believe it's the end of the world. Even after he realizes his error, he keeps his family convinced they are the last people on Earth so they will respect him. Meanwhile, Roger gets married so he can buy a new blender.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Four Little Words
Stan goes to great lengths to never, ever end up in a situation ending with Francine telling him, "I told you so." She lets him hook his boss Bullock up with her friend, but when Bullock accidentally kills the woman, Stan frames Francine so she'll stop asking questions.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Fifteen Minutes of Shame
Meg exposes her family on a talk show.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Road to Rhode Island
Stewie misbehaves while visiting his grandparents.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Phoebe's Cookies, The
Monica desperately tries to figure out a secret cookie recipe. Chandler fails to impress Monica's father.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Rachel's Assistant, The
Rachel is in a quandary when a sexy but unqualified man applies to be her assistant. Chandler, Monica and Ross tell embarrassing secrets about one another.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Engagement Picture, The
Joey tries to teach Chandler how to smile for the camera. Phoebe and Ross bicker over their divorcing friends.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Nap Partners, The
Rachel and Phoebe compete to be Monica's maid of honor but Monica doesn't want to make the decision. Chandler tries to apologize to a girlfriend from his youth.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross's Library Book, The
Chandler's former girlfriend manipulates Chandler and Monica. Rachel and Phoebe meddle in Joey's relationship.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with All the Candy, The
Rachel gets in trouble for dating her assistant. Monica tries to become friendlier with her neighbors. Phoebe needs lessons in riding a bike.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Soup, The
Jerry regrets accepting a designer suit from an obnoxious comedian (Stephen Hytner).
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Secretary, The
A new secretary's efficiency arouses George; Jerry spots a dry cleaner wearing his clothes.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Switch, The
Kramer's mom (Sheree North) reveals her son's name to George; guest Terry Sweeney.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Label Maker, The
Jerry and Elaine are suspicious of a friend's gifts; guest Jessica Tuck.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Seinfeld
Race, The
An ex-classmate questions Jerry's status as the fastest runner in high school; guest Vicki Lewis.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Seinfeld
Scofflaw, The
A friend (Jon Lovitz) fakes illness to get Jerry's sympathy; Kramer obstructs justice.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Santa Simulation, The
Sheldon unwillingly revisits some Christmas memories during a lively game of Dungeons and Dragons, while Raj joins the girls for ladies night out.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Egg Salad Equivalency, The
Sheldon is accused of sexual harassment at the University and winds up dragging Leonard, Raj and Howard into the fray.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cooper, The/Kripke Inversion
Outraged that he's being forced to work with his university nemesis, Barry Kripke (guest star JOHN ROSS BOWIE), Sheldon faces a crisis of conscience.
TV-14
10:30 pm
The Guest Book (DVS)
Story Four
Christy (Jaime Pressly) heads up to the mountains to try and bond with her new boyfriend, Paul (John Ortiz), and his 8-year-old daughter. However, when she self-medicates to deal with her anxiety she ends up revealing some skeletons in her closet.
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71068
Guests: Carl Reiner, Nikki Glaser, Pokey Lafarge
TV-14
12:00 am
The Guest Book (DVS)
Story Four
Christy (Jaime Pressly) heads up to the mountains to try and bond with her new boyfriend, Paul (John Ortiz), and his 8-year-old daughter. However, when she self-medicates to deal with her anxiety she ends up revealing some skeletons in her closet.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71068
Guests: Carl Reiner, Nikki Glaser, Pokey Lafarge
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Kiss Hello, The
Jerry stops greeting friends with a kiss; Uncle Leo puts Nana in a nursing home; guest Wendie Malick, Carol Leifer.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the New Lease on Life
Max and Caroline are forced to find the original tenant of their apartment when the lease expires and convince him to re-sign or else they will face eviction.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Free Money
Caroline's love for horse racing gets out of hand when she and Max go to a racetrack as guests of Sophie's new bookie boyfriend.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Rock, The
For years Brigadier General Francis Xavier Hummel, a decorated military hero, has petitioned the United States government to honor his men who have lost their lives in service to their country during highly covert military operations by providing their families the same benefits and tributes due other war veterans. For years his efforts have been scorned. Now, angry and determined to seek justice, Hummel and a crack team of commandos seize control of Alcatraz Island, taking hostage a group of tourists. If reparations are not immediately forthcoming, Hummel plans to launch a battery of rockets charged with lethal V.X. poison gas on the San Francisco Bay area. The city's only hope for survival is FBI chemical/biological weapons expert, Stanley Goodspeed, and a top-secret federal prisoner, John Patrick Mason, who also happens to be the only known convict to have escaped the island fortress.
TV-14
 

Friday, August 18

6:00 am
Married With Children
Grime and Punishment
When he starts charging Bud rent, Al is confined to the basement until he makes some much-needed repairs.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
T*R*A*S*H
Al and Griff join Jefferson in the National Guard.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Breaking Up Is Easy to Do Part 1
A party game sends Al and Peggy to a marriage counselor; Kelly squares off in the boxing ring against a rival actress.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Breaking Up Is Easy to Do Part 2
When Al moves out, he and Peggy throw themselves into the singles scene, with widely different results.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Breaking Up Is Easy to Do Part 3
While Al finds single life dismal, Peggy tries to land a new husband.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Live Nude Peg
Al falls in love with a stripper, unaware that she's actually his wife.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Shmenkmans, The
Doug and Carrie search for new friends, who do not have children.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Meet By-Product
St. Valentine's Day finds Doug and Carrie reminiscing about the first time they met.
TV-14
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Wild Cards
Doug hides his losing trip to Atlantic City from Carrie.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Surprise Artie
Carrie's surprise birthday party for Arthur is ruined when Doug loses the guest of honor.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
B.M.O.C.
While researching potential colleges for Roberta to attend, Cleveland visits his old fraternity, where he's made a fool of; Rallo becomes a substitute for Junior's stuffed animal.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Jesus Walks
A cute girl entices Cleveland Jr. to join the church choir; Cleveland thinks Donna may be cheating on him.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
When Stan Loves a Woman
Stan gets jealous when he discovers how promiscuous Francine was in the past. He decides the only way to even the score is to divorce Francine and sow some wild oats of his own. Meanwhile, Steve gets addicted to an energy drink.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
I Can't Stan You
Stan drives himself crazy worrying about his neighbors' opinion of him. Roger and Steve become con artists.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Magnificent Steven, The
Stan takes Steve and his friends on a cattle drive through Langley Falls in an effort to turn them into men. But when Stan eats beef tainted with mad cow disease, it's up to the boys to save the day. Meanwhile, Roger pits Francine and Hayley against each other for his own amusement.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Joint Custody
Stan tries to get an unsuspecting Jeff Fischer out of his life for good by taking him on a road trip to Florida, where there is a warrant out for Jeff's arrest. Meanwhile, Roger wants to turn Jeff in himself so he can claim the reward money. Francine, Hayley, and Steve want to intervene as Stan and Roger battle it out on the road, but they are stranded at the Smith house until they can find Francine's car keys.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Let's Go To The Hop
Peter infiltrates Quahog High School as a new student; guest voice Gregg Allman.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Dammit Janet
Lois enrolls Stewie at a day care center.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with All the Cheesecakes, The
Phoebe's former boyfriend returns for one night only but Joey could ruin their plans. Monica plots revenge on her cousin's wedding day.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where They're Up All Night, The
Monica falls asleep during sex. Rachel argues with Tag. Ross and Joey get stranded on the roof.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rosita Dies, The
Phoebe becomes involved with a suicidal office worker. Rachel breaks Joey's favorite chair. Monica's beloved childhood belongings are destroyed.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where They All Turn Thirty, The
Rachel's 30th birthday prompts the friends to reminisce about their own 30th birthdays.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Joey's New Brain, The
Joey's character on a daytime drama becomes more prominent to the chagrin of the show's diva star. Phoebe and Rachel argue over who should return a sexy man's misplaced cell phone to him.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Truth About London, The
Chandler finds out who Monica really wanted to have sex with on the night they became lovers. Ross is furious after Rachel teaches Ben practical jokes.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Beard, The
Elaine tries to change a gay man; George and his date have similar problems.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Doorman, The
A doorman (Larry Miller) tries to cause trouble for Jerry; Kramer develops a male undergarment.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Jimmy, The
Jerry suspects his dentist and hygienist are living out their fantasies at his expense.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Doodle, The
Fleas force Jerry and his parents out of his apartment; guest Christa Miller.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Network Television Premiere (DVS)
Avengers: Age of Ultron
When Tony Stark tries to jumpstart a dormant peacekeeping program, things go awry and Earth's Mightiest Heroes, including Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Incredible Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye, are put to the ultimate test as the fate of the planet hangs in the balance. As the villainous Ultron emerges, it is up to the Avengers to stop him from enacting his terrible plans, and soon uneasy alliances and unexpected action pave the way for an epic and unique global adventure.
TV-14
11:00 pm
ELEAGUE
Road To The International Dota 2 Championships: OG vs. the World
This four-episode series will follow professional ELEAGUE players and teams vying for esports' largest prize pool - over 21 million dollars. Later episodes will explore teams' experiences, triumphs and failures during the tournament itself. The International's prize pool has set records for the largest in pro gaming since it began crowd funding in 2011.
12:00 am
The Guest Book (DVS)
Story One
Months after having a kid, Tim (Danny Pudi), a middle-school science teacher, books the cabin to spice up his sex life with his wife, Sandy (Lauren Lapkus). But when things take an unexpected turn, the mild-mannered science teacher finds himself in way over his head in a criminal conspiracy.
TV-MA
12:30 am
The Guest Book (DVS)
Story Two
A devout mother, Jill (Stockard Channing), is annoyed that her son, Ethan (Henry Zebrowski), has brought his atheist fiancÚe, Lynn (Mary Lynn Rajskub), to the cabin for a family getaway. Willing to do whatever it takes to make sure an atheist doesn't marry into her family, the devout mother ends up wrestling with her own belief in God as she struggles to do his bidding.
TV-MA
1:00 am
The Guest Book (DVS)
Story Three
Phyllis (Michaela Watkins) and her husband's weekend retreat with his boss from work (David Zayas) and the boss' much younger wife becomes unbearable for Phyllis, until she finds an unlikely escape by helping a stranger, Marcia (Stephnie Weir), run away from a plural marriage.
TV-MA
1:30 am
The Guest Book (DVS)
Story Four
Christy (Jaime Pressly) heads up to the mountains to try and bond with her new boyfriend, Paul (John Ortiz), and his 8-year-old daughter. However, when she self-medicates to deal with her anxiety she ends up revealing some skeletons in her closet.
TV-MA
2:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The
As Frodo and Sam infiltrate Mordor, their allies try to protect Rohan from the evil Sauron.
TV-PG
 

Saturday, August 19

6:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Left Back
Ray discovers he was held back a year of pre-kindergarten. Frank tries to get Michael advanced in school.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Movie
Twins
Six men combine their sperm in order for a beautiful woman to give birth to a superior infant. However, when two boys are born, they are separated at birth, and do not meet again until they are adults.
TV-14
8:45 am
Movie
Junior
A dedicated research scientist gets much more than he bargained for when an enterprising gynecologist persuades him to become the first human test subject for a wonder drug that ensures healthy pregnancies.
TV-14
11:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Bedtime Stories
Hotel handyman Skeeter Bronson's life is changed forever when the bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to mysteriously come true. When he tries to help his family by telling one outlandish tale after another, it's the kids' unexpected contributions that turn all of their lives upside down.
TV-PG
12:45 pm
Network Television Premiere (DVS)
Cinderella
TV-PG
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Cheap Wedding Dress, The
Monica battles another shopper for the perfect wedding dress. Ross and Joey compete for the same woman.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Joey's Award, The
Joey overreacts at a daytime drama awards show.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross & Monica's Cousin, The
Monica's gorgeous cousin unwittingly wreaks havoc on Chandler and Ross. Rachel and Phoebe hastily plan a surprise bridal party for Monica.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Rachel's Big Kiss, The
Rachel reveals a titillating secret about her and a former sorority sister. Ross and Chandler compete for wedding tuxedos.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the First Degree
Caroline helping Max earn her high-school diploma and reconnect with her estranged mother.
TV-14
5:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Reality Problem
Season 4 begins with a TV producer approaching Max and Caroline about shooting an episode of a Kardashians reality show at their cupcake window. Kim Kardashian appears as herself.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Diplomat's Club, The
Kramer woos a rich Texan in hopes she will finance his women's fashion line; guests Debra Jo Rupp, Kim Zimmer.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Understudy, The
George is suspected of injuring Bette Midler in a softball game.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Highlights of a Hundred Part 1
Jerry Seinfeld presents highlights from the series' first 100 episodes.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Highlights of a Hundred Part 2
Jerry Seinfeld presents highlights from the series' first 100 episodes.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Spoiler Alert Segmentation, The
When Sheldon and Leonard fight, it affects Penny and Amy's living arrangements. Meanwhile, Raj takes care of Mrs. Wolowitz while Howard is away.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Tangible Affection Proof, The
Sheldon struggles to find a Valentine's gift for Amy.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Monster Isolation, The
Raj vows never to leave his apartment after a horrible date.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Contractual Obligation Implementation, The
Leonard, Sheldon and Howard try to advance the cause of women in science by speaking with junior high girls about their future careers, while Raj plans his date with Lucy.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Closet Reconfiguration, The
To open or not to open When Howard finds a letter from his father, he's forced to confront his past. And Leonard and Penny throw a grown-up cocktail party at the apartment.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Tenure Turbulence, The
Leonard, Sheldon and Raj fight for tenure at the University.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
August 9, 2017
Eat your heart out Ivanka! Sam meets the Kurdish women who've taken work-life balance to a new level.
TV-MA
11:30 pm
Wrecked (DVS)
Setup, The
Danny launches an investigation after the survivors discover someone has sabotaged the ship by blowing up the engine. Steve makes a shocking discovery at the bottom of the ship. Honestly, no one is the captain now.
TV-MA
12:00 am
People of Earth
Always a Day Away
Gina uses her birthday party to distract Agent Foster so that Ozzie can sneak out to meet Walsh. The Cube pressures Jeff to clean up the ship. Don wants to tell Kelly a secret. Father Doug and Chelsea find it's hard to get out of their previous commitments.
TV-14
12:30 am
The Guest Book (DVS)
Story Four
Christy (Jaime Pressly) heads up to the mountains to try and bond with her new boyfriend, Paul (John Ortiz), and his 8-year-old daughter. However, when she self-medicates to deal with her anxiety she ends up revealing some skeletons in her closet.
TV-MA
1:00 am
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
NOT the White House Correspondents' Dinner
Full Frontal presents the "NOT The White House Correspondents' Dinner" to celebrate the free press, while there's still a free press to celebrate.
TV-MA
2:00 am
Movie
Superman Returns
Superman--born on a planet which has long since died--has been raised by adoptive parents on the Kent farm in Kansas. The young boy Kal-El is renamed Clark Kent, and though he has grown up among humans, he is not one of them. Under Earth's yellow sun, he can do two things humans can only dream of, but to co-exist with them he must live a dual life as mild, unassuming Clark Kent, secretly transforming into the Man of Steel when the world cries out for him. But now, the world's crises have gone unheeded for five long years since Superman's mysterious disappearance. Without him, crime has risen in the city of Metropolis and beyond; that's not even counting the future destructive acts of Lex Luthor, who has been sprung from prison with the specific intent of using Superman's technological secrets for his own personal gain and glory. Lois Lane, star reporter for the Daily Planet and the love of Superman's life, has moved on since Superman left without a word. She has even won a Pulitzer Prize for her essay, "Why the World Doesn't Need Superman." Lois has other issues to contend with--she is now engaged to the editor's nephew and has a young son to look after. But for Superman, the long search for his place in the universe ends back at the Kent farm, among the only family he has ever known. His destiny lies in Metropolis, where one look in Lois's eyes tell him that this place, among the flawed but ultimately good people of Earth, is his true home. And with Lex's plan coming to fruition mere hours after his return, the world will never need Superman more than it does now.
TV-14
5:15 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Alone Time
Ray is worried when Debra asks him to take the kids out more so she can have time to herself.
TV-PG
5:45 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Someone's Cranky
Debra searches for the cause of Robert's mean-spirited behavior.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, August 20

6:15 am
Married With Children
Babe in Toyland, A
Kelly becomes a prima donna after being asked to fill in on a popular children's television program.
TV-PG
6:45 am
Married With Children
Birthday Boy Toy
As Jefferson's worries about getting old force him into taking a job, Al tries to cure Peggy's shopping addiction.
TV-PG
7:15 am
Married With Children
Damn Bundys
Al sells his soul for a chance to play in the Super Bowl.
TV-PG
7:45 am
Married With Children
Lez Be Friends
Al strikes up a friendship with Marcy's identical cousin.
TV-PG
8:15 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Monica & Chandler's Wedding Part 1, The
On the eve of the wedding, Ross searches for missing Chandler, who has doubts, while the girls distract unsuspecting Monica.
TV-PG
8:45 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Monica & Chandler's Wedding Part 2, The
Monica remains blissfully unaware of the potential disasters on her wedding day. ELLIOTT GOULD, CHRISTINA PICKLES, MORGAN FAIRCHILD, GARY OLDMAN and KATHLEEN TURNER guest star.
TV-PG
9:15 am
Friends (SAP)
One After "I Do", The
The reception following Monica and Chandler's wedding is almost upstaged by the news that a member of the group might be pregnant.
TV-PG
9:45 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Red Sweater, The
Rachel debates whether she should break the news to her baby's father.
TV-PG
10:15 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Tells..., The
The real father of Rachel's baby is revealed; Monica and Chandler struggle to make their honeymoon flight.
TV-14
10:45 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Videotape, The
Ross reveals that he videotaped a sexual encounter between Rachel and him.
TV-PG
11:15 am
Network Television Premiere (DVS)
Cinderella
TV-PG
1:30 pm
MLB on tbs (CC)
New York Yankees @ Boston Red Sox
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Rachel's Date, The
Ross is horrified when Rachel goes on a date with a soap-opera star. Phoebe is attracted to a clumsy chef whom Monica wants to fire.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Batman Begins
How does one man change the world? It's a question that haunts Bruce Wayne like the specter of his parents, gunned down before his eyes in the streets of Gotham on a night that changed his life forever. Tormented by guilt and anger, battling the demons that feed his desire for revenge and his need to honor his parents' altruistic legacy, the disillusioned industrial heir vanished from Gotham and secretly travels the world, seeking the means to fight injustice and turn fear against those who prey on the fearful. In his quest to elucidate himself in the ways of the criminal mind, Bruce is mentored by a mysterious man called Ducard in the mastery of the physical and mental disciplines that will empower him to fight the evil he has vowed to destroy. He soon finds himself the target of recruiting efforts by the League of Shadows, a powerful, subversive vigilante group headed by enigmatic leader Ra's al Ghul. Bruce returns to Gotham to find the city devoured by rampant crime and corruption. Wayne Enterprises, his family's former bastion of philanthropic business ideals, now rests in the hands of CEO Richard Earle, a man more concerned with taking the company public than serving the public good. Meanwhile, Bruce's close childhood friend Rachel Dawes, now an Assistant District Attorney, can't secure a conviction of the city's most notorious criminals because the justice system has been so deeply polluted by scum like crime boss Carmine Falcone. It doesn't help that prominent Gotham psychiatrist Dr. Jonathan Crane bolsters insanity defenses for Falcone's thugs in exchange for nefarious favors that serve his own devious agenda.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Network Television Premiere (DVS)
Avengers: Age of Ultron
When Tony Stark tries to jumpstart a dormant peacekeeping program, things go awry and Earth's Mightiest Heroes, including Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Incredible Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye, are put to the ultimate test as the fate of the planet hangs in the balance. As the villainous Ultron emerges, it is up to the Avengers to stop him from enacting his terrible plans, and soon uneasy alliances and unexpected action pave the way for an epic and unique global adventure.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Network Television Premiere (DVS)
Avengers: Age of Ultron
When Tony Stark tries to jumpstart a dormant peacekeeping program, things go awry and Earth's Mightiest Heroes, including Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Incredible Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye, are put to the ultimate test as the fate of the planet hangs in the balance. As the villainous Ultron emerges, it is up to the Avengers to stop him from enacting his terrible plans, and soon uneasy alliances and unexpected action pave the way for an epic and unique global adventure.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Batman Begins
How does one man change the world? It's a question that haunts Bruce Wayne like the specter of his parents, gunned down before his eyes in the streets of Gotham on a night that changed his life forever. Tormented by guilt and anger, battling the demons that feed his desire for revenge and his need to honor his parents' altruistic legacy, the disillusioned industrial heir vanished from Gotham and secretly travels the world, seeking the means to fight injustice and turn fear against those who prey on the fearful. In his quest to elucidate himself in the ways of the criminal mind, Bruce is mentored by a mysterious man called Ducard in the mastery of the physical and mental disciplines that will empower him to fight the evil he has vowed to destroy. He soon finds himself the target of recruiting efforts by the League of Shadows, a powerful, subversive vigilante group headed by enigmatic leader Ra's al Ghul. Bruce returns to Gotham to find the city devoured by rampant crime and corruption. Wayne Enterprises, his family's former bastion of philanthropic business ideals, now rests in the hands of CEO Richard Earle, a man more concerned with taking the company public than serving the public good. Meanwhile, Bruce's close childhood friend Rachel Dawes, now an Assistant District Attorney, can't secure a conviction of the city's most notorious criminals because the justice system has been so deeply polluted by scum like crime boss Carmine Falcone. It doesn't help that prominent Gotham psychiatrist Dr. Jonathan Crane bolsters insanity defenses for Falcone's thugs in exchange for nefarious favors that serve his own devious agenda.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Desperate Half-Hour Part 1, The
Bud's prison pen pal arrives to rob the Bundys.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
How to Marry a Moron Part 2
Al objects to Kelly marrying an armed robber, until he discovers that he's the heir to a family fortune.
TV-PG
 

Monday, August 21

6:00 am
Married With Children
Chicago Shoe Exchange
Al and Griff trade the shoe store's inventory for a massage chair.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Pilot
Al and Peg Bundy meet their newlywed neighbors, Steve and Marcy Rhoades. Peg informs Marcy how to train her new husband, while Al teaches Steve how to be a man again.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Thinergy
Marcy enlightens Peggy with a new diet book called Thinergy, a program which only works if both partners go through it together.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
But I Didn't Shoot the Deputy
Steve and Marcy buy a huge watch dog which annoys Al with his constant barking. But when Peggy hears a noise in the night, Al accidentally shoots the dog.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Stain, The
Rachel wants to find her own apartment. Phoebe is ecstatic when Eric dumps Ursula to date her.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Stripper, The
Rachel tells her belligerent father that she is pregnant with Ross' child.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Monica's Boots, The
Chandler is angry when Monica buys expensive boots. Phoebe tries to get tickets to a Sting concert.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Dates Rachel, The
Rachel joins Joey for a night out in order to prepare him for a big date.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Takes a Bath, The
Monica blabs her suspicions when she mistakenly believes Joey is infatuated with Phoebe.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Secret Closet, The
Joey realizes his intense feelings for Rachel are excluding Ross from the joys of impending fatherhood.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Tells Rachel, The
Joey tells Rachel that he is in love with her.
TV-PG
11:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Tea Leaves, The
Rachel devises a lie about her unborn child that she hopes will break the silence between her and Joey. Phoebe reads tea leaves and predicts she will soon encounter the man of her dreams.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Flush of Genius
Cleveland attempts to make toilet seats safer; Rallo thinks he's tall enough to ride his favorite rollercoaster.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Mama Drama
As Mother's Day approaches, Cleveland hires an actress to impersonate Dee Dee, Donna's estranged mother.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Vacation Goo, The
The Smiths find out that their outstanding family vacations have only been experiences in virtual reality. Stan vows to redeem himself by taking the family on a cruise, but when they are stranded on a remote island, things get out of hand. Meanwhile, Roger goes from cruise ship singer to a dancer in a seedy gentlemen's club.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Meter Made
In order to be taken more seriously, Stan becomes a meter maid who seems to have all the power. Now he's getting the best tables at restaurants, pocketing quarters from meters, and impressing Francine with his prowess. But when Turlington from Parking Internal Affairs pays him a visit, Stan realizes crime and this lifestyle don't pay.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Dope and Faith
Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but the friend turns out to be an atheist. Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard, but the plan backfires. Meanwhile, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to Hogwarts.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Big Trouble in Little Langley
Francine's Chinese adoptive parents drop in. Stan can't stand them and tries to find Francine's real parents, but when it becomes obvious they are selfish people who gave up Francine because she would cramp their lifestyle, Stan makes a detour and never introduces them to Francine.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
House of 1000 Bounces
When there is a bounce house crisis at regular-sized Rudy's birthday party, the Belcher kids devise a scheme to save the day. Meanwhile, Bob deals with an unexpected guest at the restaurant and is forced to come to terms with a longstanding fear.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Bob's Burgers
Stand by Gene
When Gene overhears talk about a mystical creature that lives nearby, he leads the Belcher kids and their friends on a journey to find it. Meanwhile, Linda's competitive nature takes over during downtime at the restaurant.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Wag the Hog
When Bob's longtime friend, Critter, finds himself in jail for unpaid parking tickets, the Belchers decide to do what they can to help him out. Meanwhile, Linda takes on a babysitting job that becomes more work than she signed up for.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Bob's Burgers
Hormone-Iums, The
When Dottie Minerva comes down with a bad case of mono, Tina gets her shot as soloist of the Hormone-iums. But as she rehearses for the big assembly, Tina realizes that her role in the play could ruin her social status. Meanwhile, Linda strikes gold with a business plan that she thinks could make the Belchers rich.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Pro Tiki/Con Tiki
When Bob's friend, Warren, comes to town, he makes an offer to invest in the restaurant. Bob is thrilled that it finally could get a much-needed makeover, until he learns that Warren has some strong interior design choices in mind. Meanwhile, Warren's visit means one of the kids must give up their bedroom.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Life of Brian
While visiting 17th century Jamestown in his time machine, Stewie gives guns to the Native Americans in an effort to be amiable. Back in the present, Stewie and Brian are surprised to discover that Native Americans are now in control of the entire country.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
In Harmony's Way
Peter and Quagmire both scream when a bee flies by and realize they harmonize well together. They start writing and singing songs in their spare time. Mort overhears them one day and is amazed by their talent. He offers to manage them since he used to have his own record label in the 70┐s.
TV-14
6:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Christmas Guy
The Griffins visit the Quahog Mall for the Christmas Carnival only to find that it has been canceled. Upset, Stewie begins to act out.
TV-14
7:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Peter Problems
Lately Peter hasn't been able to perform very well in the bedroom. So he asks Quagmire and Joe to step in and help him get his mojo back.
TV-14
7:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Grimm Job
Stewie is having trouble falling asleep, so Peter decides to read him three fairytales from the Brothers Grimm. As he reads, familiar Quahogians become characters in the stories.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Brian's a Bad Father
Brian receives a call from his son, Dylan Flannigan, who wants to reconnect with him. At first, Brian is hesitant to meet up, but changes his tune when he discovers Dylan is the star of a new television show.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Mom's the Word
After some questionable food choices, Peter accidentally soils himself at work. Ashamed, he heads home and finds all of his family and friends have gathered there. He thinks they're going to make fun of him but they're actually there to deliver some sad news. His mother, Thelma, has passed away.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
3 Acts of God
It┐s football season and the Patriots have just lost their tenth game in a row. A disgruntled Peter joins Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland at The Clam to drink and complain about their home team. Peter suddenly has an epiphany while watching the post-game show: the teams that defeat the Patriots consistently thank God for carrying them to victory.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Fresh Heir
Peter breaks his promise to take Chris on a fishing trip, leaving Chris feeling rejected. Lois suggests he spend more time with Carter, who has a broken leg and needs someone to take care of him.
TV-14
10:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Kloger
Roger and Klaus start having a secret affair after they accidentally end up on an online date together. Steve tries to catch Hayley's pink eye to get out of doing a fitness test at school.
TV-14
10:30 pm
People of Earth
Why Can't We Be Friends?
Ozzie confronts Walsh about being an alien. Richard gets fired from his job and joins Agent Foster on her search for Walsh.
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71069
Guests: Matt LeBlanc, Brittany Snow
TV-14
12:00 am
People of Earth
Why Can't We Be Friends?
Ozzie confronts Walsh about being an alien. Richard gets fired from his job and joins Agent Foster on her search for Walsh.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71069
Guests: Matt LeBlanc, Brittany Snow
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Face Painter, The
Elaine's boyfriend's behavior at a hockey game appalls her and Jerry.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the DJ Face
Max is mortified when she learns the hot guy she's been spending time with is a deejay at a grocery store.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Childhood Not Included
Caroline accidentally loses one of Han's expensive fish while cleaning the tank, so Max considers selling a sentimental gift from her mother in order to replace the fish.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Mortdecai
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Whose Room Is It Anyway?
The Rhoades get a tax refund and they decide to build a room, but can't decide on what kind of room to build, a pool room for Al or an exercise room for Peggy.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Have You Driven a Ford Lately?
Al and Steve buy a classic Mustang and become consumed in restoring back to mint condition.
TV-PG
 

Tuesday, August 22

6:00 am
Married With Children
Sixteen Years and What Do You Get?
Al's credit card is maxed out when he tries to find a gift for Peggy on their anniversary.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Married ... Without Children
Al and Peg run away for the weekend and leave Bud and Kelly with the Rhoades, who've underestimated their intelligence.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Poker Game, The
Steve loses his paycheck in a poker game to Al and needs to get it back before Marcy finds out.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Peggy Sue Got Work
When Peggy asks Al for a VCR, Marcy suggests that she go to work and earn the money herself where she learns what having a job is all about minimum wage.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Al Loses His Cherry
An argument leads Al to Luke's bachelor pad, where he basks in the swingers life he had envisioned.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Nightmare on Al's Street
Marcy has dreams about Al while Steve is on a business trip, leading her to ask Peggy for help.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Big Dougie
Doug becomes a Big Brother and attempts a 10k run.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Soft Touch
Doug is lured into a pyramid scheme that requires him to sell water filters.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Restaurant Row
Carrie forbids Doug from eating at his favorite Italian restaurant.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Whine Country
A coin toss decides the destination for Doug and Carrie's vacation; Arthur and Spence join Doug and Carrie on vacation.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
All You Can Eat
After undergoing a stylish makeover, Cleveland Junior asks a girl to accompany him to the school prom. Mistakenly believing that Junior is a lesbian like her, the girl accepts.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Escape From Goochland
As Halloween approaches...Cleveland and his friends attended a rival high school's football game, only to find themselves stranded in enemy territory; Donna's sexy Halloween costume gets her into trouble with the police; Roberta and Junior dress up as Cleveland and Donna.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Haylias
Stan, unhappy with the decisions Hayley is making for herself, decides to set her up with a proper husband. He gets her to go along by using her "activation word" which was ingrained in her during CIA summer camp visits when she was little. She listens to everything Stan says, but because it takes too long, reverts to a "mind clause" to kill her handler - Stan.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
42-Year-Old Virgin
While playing poker with the guys, Stan is exposed as a virgin, but not in the traditional way - he's never killed anyone. Roger and the guys help Stan bust his killing cherry.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Surro-Gate
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska border, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Most Adequate Christmas Ever, The
After Stan comes home from another dangerous mission, he finds that his family has decked the halls with boughs of holly and donned themselves with gay apparel, but just not to his satisfaction.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
There's Something About Paulie
As a favor, Peter takes a mobster's nephew to a movie.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
He's Too Sexy For His Fat
Peter talks himself into getting liposuction and other plastic surgery.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One in Massapequa, The
Phoebe brings her annoyingly upbeat boyfriend (Alec Baldwin) to the 35th anniversary of Monica and Ross' parents (Christina Pickles, Elliott Gould), who urge Ross and pregnant Rachel to pretend to be married.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Joey's Interview, The
When Soap Opera Digest requests an interview, Joey enlists his friends to make sure he does not say anything that could cost him his role.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Baby Shower, The
During her baby shower, Rachel realizes she is unprepared to be a mother and accepts her mother's offer to move in to help with the child.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Cooking Class, The
A food critic blasts Monica's cooking in a newspaper review; a cute saleswoman riles Rachel when she flirts with Ross; Phoebe coaches Chandler for a job interview.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Is Late, The
Overdue Rachel tries everything to rush the delivery of her baby.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Has a Baby Part 1, The
The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Mango, The
Jerry learns Elaine pretended to enjoy their intimacy; Kramer is banned from a fruit store.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Glasses, The
George buys effeminate glasses; dog-bite victim Elaine thinks she has rabies.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Closure Alternative, The
After one of his favorite TV shows gets canceled too soon, Sheldon feels lost, so Amy tries to help him get over his compulsive need for closure by retraining his brain.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Proton Resurgence, The
Leonard and Sheldon hire Professor Proton (guest star BOB NEWHART), the host of their favorite childhood TV show to perform. Raj leaves his dog with Howard and Bernadette.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Love Spell Potential, The
When the girls' trip to Vegas falls through, the guys invite them to a Dungeons & Dragons date night that causes Sheldon and Amy's relationship to take an unexpected turn.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bon Voyage Reaction, The
On the sixth season finale, Sheldon and Penny are thrown for a loop when Leonard is offered an exciting new job opportunity overseas.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hofstadter Insufficiency, The
Leonard is away at sea, so Sheldon & Penny spend some time together and spill some revealing secrets. Meanwhile, Howard comes to Raj's aid after his breakup with his girlfriend.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Deception Verification, The
Leonard returns from the North Sea expedition and finds things chilly between him and Sheldon, while Howard's relationship with his mother opens the door to questions about his masculinity.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Scavenger Vortex, The
Raj puts together a scavenger hunt that turns into serious, cutthroat competition among the gang.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Wrecked (DVS)
Nerd Speak
As the ship sinks, the survivors attempt to escape. Will anyone be the captain now ever again
TV-MA
11:01 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71070
Guests: Jim Lauderdale
TV-14
12:01 am
Wrecked (DVS)
Nerd Speak
As the ship sinks, the survivors attempt to escape. Will anyone be the captain now ever again
TV-MA
12:32 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71070
Guests: Jim Lauderdale
TV-14
1:32 am
Seinfeld
Puffy Shirt, The
Jerry appears on ``Today'' wearing a silly shirt; guests Bryant Gumbel, Jerry Stiller.
TV-PG
2:02 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Old Bike Yarn
Caroline takes an abandoned bicycle to start a delivery service for their cupcake business but soon discovers that Max doesn't know how to ride one.
TV-14
2:32 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Brand Job
Max and Caroline's friendship is severely tested when Caroline drags Max to a motivational business seminar to help brand their cupcake business.
TV-14
3:02 am
Movie
Music and Lyrics
Alex Fletcher is a washed-up '80s pop star who's been reduced to working the nostalgia circuit at county fairs and amusement parks. The charismatic and talented musician gets a chance at a comeback when reigning diva Cora Corman invites him to write and record a duet with her, but there's a problem. Alex hasn't written a song in years, he's never written lyrics, and he has to come up with a hit in a matter of days. Enter Sophie Fisher, Alex's beguilingly quirky plant lady, whose flair for words strikes a chord with the struggling songwriter. On the rebound from a bad relationship, Sophie is reluctant to collaborate with anyone, especially commitment-phobe Alex. As their chemistry heats up at the piano and under it, Alex and Sophie will have to face their fears and the music if they want to find the love and success they both deserve.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Where's the Boss?
Al can't seem to find Gary anywhere, which leads him to the conclusion that she's dead. He decides to go find another job.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Johnny B. Gone
Al and Peggy have tickets to attend the final night of their favorite hamburger joint. But when family problems get in the way, Al may miss out on the historical night.
TV-PG
 

Wednesday, August 23

6:00 am
Married With Children
Poppy's by the Tree Part 1
The Bundys are at a hotel in Florida, only to find that an ax murderer lives there.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Poppy's by the Tree Part 2
Peg gets kidnapped! Can Al get her back
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
If I Were a Rich Man
Al and Steve find out about 1 million dollars missing from the bank and the other Bundys think they have it.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Buck Can Do It
Buck mates another dog, making the owner of the dog so angry that he sues Al.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Part 1
Marcy and Peggy go to a strip club but Marcy ends up losing her ring in a very uncomfortable space.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Part 2
The men take action over Peg and Marcy, just to make them feel bad about what happened.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Flower Power
Carrie thinks Doug has lost his romantic side; Arthur is called for jury duty.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
King Pong
After losing to Carrie, Doug asks Arthur to help him improve his pingpong game.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Nocturnal Omission
Doug decides not to ruin Deacon's weekend with a beautiful stewardess by telling him about his ex-wife's plans.
TV-14
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Doug Less Part 1
Newly slim Doug surprises Carrie with a romantic getaway to a resort in the mountain; romance turns to anger when Carrie discovers that Doug was at the same resort with an old girlfriend.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Menace II Secret Society
Cleveland discovers the existence of a secret hip hop society after Kenny West refuses to share credit for a hit song they wrote together; Junior starts his own polka band.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
General Thanksgiving Episode, A
As Thanksgiving approaches...Cleveland opens a bar at the airport; Holt and his estranged father bond when Cleveland becomes trapped on a pilotless airplane.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Franny 911
Francine fakes Roger's kidnapping so she can prove to Roger that Stan still cares about him. So why won't Stan pay his ransom
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Tearjerker
Stan and the family are characters in a James Bond-style spoof. Stan must stop Tearjerker, played by Roger, a diabolical film producer who makes movies that can kill. Tearjerker's fiendish plot involves abducting celebrities from his spa and replacing them with celebrity robots that make horrible movies, all in an effort to make his masterpiece "Oscar's Gold" the best and saddest movie ever, causing millions of moviegoers to cry themselves to death.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Oedipal Panties
When Stan's mom, Betty, gets dumped by a boyfriend for the umpteenth time, she comes running to Stan for support. Feeling threatened by her always-visiting mother-in-law, Francine is determined to cut Stan's umbilical cord and figure out what keeps going wrong with the men in Betty's life. Like a regular Cagney & Lacey, Francine and Roger go undercover to solve the case. Meanwhile, Klaus gives Steve the ick.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Widowmaker
Francine pushes Stan to open up to her emotionally, but she gets more than she bargained for when he tells her that he killed her best friend Julie's husband. Meanwhile, Roger plays psychiatrist to help them work through their issues.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
E Peterbus Unum
Peter declares his land a country and makes himself president.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Story On Page One, The
Meg writes for the school paper to improve her Ivy League chances.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Has a Baby Part 2, The
The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where No One Proposes, The
Joey finds himself engaged to Rachel soon after she delivers her baby girl, while Phoebe assumes Ross is the one who proposed.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Emma Cries, The
Joey seeks forgiveness from Ross, while Rachel tries to quell Emma's incessant crying.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Pediatrician, The
Emma's pediatrician drops her as a patient because of Rachel's constant calls.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Can't Flirt, The
Ross' flirting technique fails to impress a cute pizza-delivery woman. A surprise awaits Joey when he tells everyone about his big television appearance.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Ride Along, The
The guys enjoy riding along with a police officer until a gunshot is heard. Rachel overhears a telephone message for Ross from his second ex-wife.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Sniffing Accountant, The
Jerry, Kramer and Newman investigate their accountant's unexplained sniffle.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Bris, The
A religious ceremony makes Jerry and Elaine apprehensive about being godparents.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Lip Reader, The
George enlists a lip-reader (Marlee Matlin) to learn why his girlfriend dumped him.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Raiders Minimization, The
Sheldon is fit to be tied when Amy ruins one of his favorite adventure films, while Leonard finds the key to getting Penny to do his bidding, and Raj & Stuart get creative with their online-dating profiles.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Workplace Proximity, The
Amy takes a job at Sheldon's university, putting their relationship to the test.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Romance Resonance, The
Sheldon makes a major scientific breakthrough, but he feels it may haunt him for the rest of career. Meanwhile, Howard makes a grand romantic gesture to Bernadette, which causes Penny to put more effort into her relationship with Leonard.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Proton Displacement, The
When Sheldon's childhood hero, Professor Proton, seeks Leonard's help with an experiment, the slighted Sheldon goes nuclear and decides to get revenge by befriending another TV science guy.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Itchy Brain Simulation, The
Leonard fails to stop Sheldon from overreacting after a past slight comes to light, and as punishment Leonard must walk a mile in Sheldon's shoes. Meanwhile, Penny has a run-in with Raj's former girlfriend Lucy.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Thanksgiving Decoupling, The
Howard's mother has a say when he and Bernadette host Thanksgiving dinner for the gang.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
February 8, 2017
Full Frontal takes a trip across the pond before Trump decides to drain that too.
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71071
Guests: Kathy Bates, Chef Aquiles Chavez
TV-14
12:00 am
Seinfeld
Barber, The
Jerry doesn't have the nerve to dump his regular barber.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71071
Guests: Kathy Bates, Chef Aquiles Chavez
TV-14
1:30 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Pilot
The mayor is being blackmailed and the lieutenant is just sick about it. Angie Tribeca is assigned a new partner, Jay Geils, to find the blackmailer and bring him to justice. The only problem Tribeca works alone.
TV-14
2:00 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Wedding Planner Did It, The
A baker's been murdered and the lieutenant is just sick about it. Tribeca must track down the murderer before any other people get murdered by that murderer. The only problem She doesn't know who did it.
TV-14
2:30 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Famous Ventriloquist Did It, The
A ventriloquist is dead and the lieutenant is just sick about it. On the case, Tribeca delves into the salacious world of American ventriloquism. The only problem Geils always wanted to be a ventriloquist, which may not sound like a problem but is.
TV-PG
3:00 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Thumb Affair, The
A priceless work of art is missing and the lieutenant is extremely sick. Tribeca and Geils search and high and low and in the middle to recover the stolen painting. The only problems The demons in Tribeca's past and the lieutenant's lingering illness.
TV-14
3:30 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Commissioner Bigfish
Tribeca and Geils are poking around into a prostitution ring and the lieutenant is just sick, mostly about it. Afraid of what they might uncover, he orders them to stop. The only problem "Stop" isn't a word in Angie Tribeca's vocabulary.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
For Whom the Bell Tolls
The phone line to the Bundys get cut off after Al refuses to pay the bill.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Born to Walk
Al needs to renew his license but fails the test. Kelly, on the other hand, gets her license on the same day.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Alley of the Dolls
When Peggy's old high school rival challenges her to a family bowl-off, Peggy is determined to win with the help of an adopted Bundy, ringer Steve Rhoades.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Razor's Edge, The
When Steve returns from a river rafting trip, Marcy refuses to let him back into the house until he shaves his newly-grown beard, and he's forced to seek refuge with the Bundys.
TV-PG
 

Thursday, August 24

6:00 am
Married With Children
How Do You Spell Revenge?
Al is too busy scheming to get Peggy thrown off their neighbor-hood baseball team to notice that Kelly is about to be tattooed with the name of her latest boyfriend.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Earth Angel
When Bud brings a beautiful, homeless young woman to stay with the Bundys, Al and the rest of the neighborhood guys begin acting like sex-crazed teenagers.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
You Better Watch Out
This Christmas episode tells about Santa Claus, who is late showing up at the mall. His parachute doesn't open up and he falls off his sleigh and onto the Bundy property...dead.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Guys and Dolls
When Al and Steve become obsessed with collecting baseball cards, Peggy and Marcy dig out their old Barbie dolls and re-live their childhood fantasies.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Build a Better Mousetrap
Al and Steve stare danger in the face when they decide to exterminate a pesky field mouse without the aid of professional help.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Master the Possibilities
When Buck, the Bundy family pooch, mistakenly receives a credit card in his name, Al and Peg decide to sample the good life and embark on a wild spending spree.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Dreading Vows
Doug and Carrie decide to renew their wedding vows, then try to cancel the ceremony; Arthur debates keeping his wedding present for himself.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Doug Less Part 2
Newly slim Doug surprises Carrie with a romantic getaway to a resort in the mountain; romance turns to anger when Carrie discovers that Doug was at the same resort with an old girlfriend.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Secret Garden
Carrie's relationship with her gynecologist (Judge Reinhold) is in jeopardy when Doug's cousin charges the doctor more than he quoted for landscaping work.
TV-14
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Affidavit Justice
When the partners of Carrie's law firm notice Doug's softball skills, they ask him to pretend he is a lawyer and play on the company team; Arthur believes his great-grandfather was a slave owner.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Turkey Pot Die
As Thanksgiving approaches...Cleveland takes Junior to a turkey farm to pick out holiday dinner, but Junior concocts a plot to set the birds free; Donna and Rallo set to work building a Thanksgiving parade float.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Vas Deferens Between Men and Women, A
Complications ensue when Donna decides she wants another child; Rallo lands the lead role in a local production of the musical "Annie."
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Red October Sky
Stan goes in search of a former KGB agent, Sergei, and is shocked to find that the man is his new next-door neighbor and that Sergei has already turned Steve into a communist. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head to France for a little R&R but their trip takes a turn for the worst when Klaus gets busted for drug smuggling.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Office Spaceman
When the CIA initiates an Alien Task Force, a peculiar twist of fate puts disguised Roger in charge. Roger marks Stan as an alien to protect his own identity. Meanwhile, Francine comes to grips with being left-handed.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold
After officially being declared dead due to an accident, Stan comes back to life and realizes he dreams of leaving a legacy on the world. He excavates his home in search of Ollie North's Contra-band buried treasure.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Spring Break-Up
With Francine gone to visit her parents, Roger holds a Spring Break blowout at the Smith house. During the festivities, Stan falls for a "Spring Break Buddy" and Steve is on the verge of losing his virginity.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Wasted Talent
Peter and his friends go on a drinking binge to find a winning ticket in a bottle; Lois works Ling too hard for a competition.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Fore Father
Chris gets a job picking up golf balls; Peter ignores Chris in favor of Cleveland Jr.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Ball, The
Phoebe's boyfriend wants her to move in with him. Ross and Joey involve Chandler and Monica in an obsessive game.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Joey's Big Break, The
Joey's first major film role leads to an unexpected experience in Las Vegas. Phoebe can't remember why she hates Ross.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One in Vegas Part 1, The
The gang travels to Las Vegas, Nevada, where more than one surprise awaits. After Ross misinterprets Rachel's actions, a war of public humiliation results.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One in Vegas Part 2, The
Monica and Chandler get lucky in Las Vegas, Nevada. Rachel makes Ross regret playing a prank on her. Joey schemes for fame and fortune.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After Vegas, The
Two of the friends leave Las Vegas married. Joey and Phoebe have a cross-country adventure.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Hugs Rachel, The
Monica is bewildered by Rachel's reaction to a change in their living arrangement. Phoebe tries to make Ross confront his feelings for Rachel.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Non-Fat Yogurt, The
Jerry and Elaine suspect Kramer's yogurt shop is causing their weight gain.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Masseuse, The
Jerry can't get his masseuse girlfriend to give him a massage.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Cigar Store Indian, The
Jerry's gift to Elaine offends Elaine's friend; guest Al Roker.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Conversion, The
Jerry thinks his girlfriend has a fungus; George converts.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Seinfeld
Stall, The
Elaine's toilet stall has no tissue; George acts giddy around Elaine's boyfriend (Dan Cortese); guest Jami Gertz.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Seinfeld
Marine Biologist, The
George poses as a marine biologist; guest Carol Kane.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Discovery Dissipation, The
When Sheldon's accidental scientific discovery is disproved, Amy and Leonard try to help him deal with the shame and the disappointment. Meanwhile, Howard and Bernadette open their home to Raj for a week.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cooper Extraction, The
With Sheldon in Texas, the gang gathers to decorate for Christmas, and they contemplate if each would have had a wonderful life had they never met him.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hesitation Ramification, The
Penny turns to Leonard for comfort after her guest appearance on NCIS does not turn out well. She ends up putting Leonard on the spot regarding their relationship. Sheldon works on his sense of humor and Raj practices talking to girls.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
The Guest Book (DVS)
Story Five
Hopeful medical researcher Laurie (Jenna Fischer) visits the cabin with her Alzheimer's patient Edgar (Orson Bean) in an attempt to recreate his past life and help him recapture some of his memories.
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71072
Guests: Jane Lynch, Rancid
TV-14
12:00 am
The Guest Book (DVS)
Story Five
Hopeful medical researcher Laurie (Jenna Fischer) visits the cabin with her Alzheimer's patient Edgar (Orson Bean) in an attempt to recreate his past life and help him recapture some of his memories.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71072
Guests: Jane Lynch, Rancid
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Dinner Party, The
The gang shops for last-minute gifts for a dinner party.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Model Apartment
Supermodels Lily Aldridge and Martha Hunt rent Max and Caroline's apartment for a fun girls' weekend.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And a Loan for Christmas
Max and Caroline obtain a bank loan to mass-produce their cupcake T-shirts so they can sell them at high-end boutiques. Meanwhile, the diner gang poses in Chestnut's barn for a holiday decorating contest Sophie entered.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Final Destination 5
Death is just as omnipresent as ever, first revealing its menacing reality to a group of coworkers headed for a corporate retreat. During the bus ride, Sam has a premonition in which he and most of his friends, as well as numerous others, die in a horrific bridge collapse. When his vision ends, events begin to mirror what he had seen, and he frantically ushers as many of his colleagues-including his friend, Peter, and girlfriend, Molly-away from the disaster before Death can claim them. But these unsuspecting souls were never supposed to survive and, in a terrifying race against time, the ill-fated group tries to discover a way to escape Death''s sinister agenda.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Peggy Loves Al, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
All Peggy wants for Valentine's Day is to hear unromantic Al utter those three little words, I love you.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Great Escape, The
When the Bundy family spends the night in Al's shoe store while their house is being exterminated, Kelly is forced to be especially creative in slipping out for the night.
TV-PG
 

Friday, August 25

6:00 am
Married With Children
Impo-Dent
When Marcy accidentally dents Steve's brand new Mercedes, she finds it affects more than just his performance on the road.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Just Married ... with Children
Peggy and Al masquerade as their newlywed neighbors, Steve and Marcy Rhoades, on a game show called How Do I Love Thee and have shocking results.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Father Lode
Al finally comes into some money at the track but hasn't time to enjoy his winnings. He's too busy hiding the loot from his family.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
All in the Family
Al is less than thrilled when Peggy announces her family is coming for a visit, all six of them.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
He Thought He Could
When Al finds a library book that is 31 years overdue, he decides to finally face the librarian who once pegged him as a deadbeat.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
I'm Going to Sweatland
Al is up to his armpits in rock 'n' roll fanatics after Peggy sees an image of her idol in the sweat stains on one of Al's tee-shirts.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Dougie Houser
Carrie reminds Doug of a past incident when he wants to buy a chainsaw from an infomercial.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Eggsit Strategy
After hearing of possible layoffs at her law firm, Carrie begins to worry about her own job security; Doug loses Deacon's lucky Koosh ball.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
American Idle
Doug gets annoyed when Carrie loses her job and refuses to look for a new one.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Santa Claustrophobia
Carrie drives Doug crazy when she takes a part-time job at IPS during the holiday season; Arthur tries to bring everyone together for a Christmas portrait.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
'Tis The Cleveland To Be Sorry
As Christmas approaches...Cleveland pretends to be homeless after discovering that food at a local shelter is better than the meals Donna prepares.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Hustle 'N Bros
Cleveland is shocked when Freight Train adopts Donna's ex-husband, Robert; Junior and Rallo track down lost dogs and use the reward money to pay a debt they owe Donna.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
1600 Candles
In this Emmy-nominated episode, the Smiths' plans to celebrate Roger's 1,600th birthday are sidetracked when Steve announces that he's finally going through puberty. Ever fearful of the thought of a Steve with raging hormones, Stan and Francine try to bypass the pains by having experimental medicine injected into Steve's head.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
One That Got Away, The
Roger discovers that one of his personas has taken on a life of his own. Back at home, the Smith family becomes addicted to the 1970s electronic game "Simon."
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
One Little Word
When Stan becomes his boss' new advisor, he feels like he can't say no to anything, not even outrageous personal requests. But when Francine gets involved in the situation and his annoying "yes-man" antics ruin her Valentine's Day vacation, she does everything in her power to force him to say "no".
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Choosey Wives Choose Smith
Stan becomes jealous when he finds out Francine was once engaged to a pilot whose plane crashed, and that she seemed to settle for Stan before learning that her former fiancÚ was still alive. Stan and Roger try to track the man down, while Francine must choose between her husband and her lost love.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Untitled Griffin Family History
The Griffins get robbed; Peter narrates a chain of events in world history that explains the Griffin name.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Thin White Line
Brian's keen sense of smell gets him a job with the police department.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross' Denial, The
Despite Phoebe's admonitions, Ross makes a drastic decision about Rachel. Chandler and Monica bicker over their living arrangements.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Loses His Insurance, The
Injured Joey must get an acting part in order to qualify for health insurance. Rachel finally learns the truth about her marriage to Ross.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Sharks, The
Monica fears Chandler has a sexual fetish involving sharks.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Phoebe's Birthday Dinner, The
Famished Phoebe waits for tardy friends to arrive at her birthday dinner.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Male Nanny, The
Ross ridicules Rachel's choice of a male nanny.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross's Inappropriate Song, The
Chandler and Joey find a videotape while checking out Richard's apartment; Ross sings Emma an off-color lullaby.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pie, The
A date's refusal to eat pie obsesses Jerry; a mannequin resembles Elaine; guest Lane Davies.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Stand-In, The
Kramer is a stand-in on a soap opera; George wants to break up with a girlfriend.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Wife, The
A girlfriend (Courteney Cox) poses as Jerry's wife so he can get a dry-cleaning discount.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Fire, The
A kitchen fire makes George confront his cowardliness; guests Melanie Chartoff, Dom Irrera.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Occupation Recalibration, The
There's impactful news on the work front as Penny makes a big step toward pursuing a full-time acting career, and Sheldon is forced to take a vacation.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Locomotive Manipulation, The
Amy has amour on her mind when she talks Sheldon into a romantic Valentine's Day getaway to Napa Valley wine country. Back at home, Leonard and Penny make an emergency visit to the vet with Raj's dog.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Table Polarization, The
Leonard's purchase of a dining-room table for the apartment doesn't sit well with Sheldon, so much so that it forces him to reevaluate his life. Meanwhile, Bernadette isn't quite over the moon about Howard taking another trip to space.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Friendship Turbulence, The
Things turn rocky between Sheldon and Wolowitz after a barrage of insults, and Bernadette steps in to mediate a peace. Meanwhile, Penny is offered a movie role that may prove embarrassing.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
ELEAGUE
Road To The International Dota 2 Championships: The Final Battle
This four-episode series will follow professional ELEAGUE players and teams vying for esports' largest prize pool - over 21 million dollars. Later episodes will explore teams' experiences, triumphs and failures during the tournament itself. The International's prize pool has set records for the largest in pro gaming since it began crowd funding in 2011.
11:00 pm
Movie
Back to the Future
A young man travels into the past and almost keeps his parents from getting married.
TV-PG
1:30 am
Movie
Back to the Future Part II
Sequel to the 1985 hit "Back to the Future," where Marty McFly goes into the future.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Interview, The
Dave Skylark and producer Aaron Rapoport run the celebrity tabloid show "Skylark Tonight." When they land an interview with a surprise fan, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, they are recruited by the CIA to turn their trip to Pyongyang into an assassination mission.
TV-14
 

Saturday, August 26

6:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Bully on the Bus
Ray and Debra learn Ally has been bullying another child on the bus.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Prodigal Son
Ray gets criticism for not regularly attending Sunday Mass.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Movie
Back to the Future Part III
Marty McFly drives into the Old West to rescue Doc, whose blossoming romance makes him reluctant to return, from the clutches of the villainous Tannen Gang.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Movie
Back to the Future Part II
Sequel to the 1985 hit "Back to the Future," where Marty McFly goes into the future.
TV-PG
12:30 pm
Movie
Back to the Future
A young man travels into the past and almost keeps his parents from getting married.
TV-PG
3:00 pm
Network Television Premiere (DVS)
Avengers: Age of Ultron
When Tony Stark tries to jumpstart a dormant peacekeeping program, things go awry and Earth's Mightiest Heroes, including Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Incredible Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye, are put to the ultimate test as the fate of the planet hangs in the balance. As the villainous Ultron emerges, it is up to the Avengers to stop him from enacting his terrible plans, and soon uneasy alliances and unexpected action pave the way for an epic and unique global adventure.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Raincoats Part 1, The
Kramer's scheme to sell vintage raincoats backfires; George sells his dad's clothes; guest Judge Reinhold.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Raincoats Part 2, The
Kramer's scheme to sell vintage raincoats backfires; George sells his dad's clothes; guest Judge Reinhold.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Opposite, The
George learns success lies in doing the opposite of what he would normally do; guests Dedee Pfeiffer, Regis Philbin, Kathie Lee Gifford; French Stewart.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Hamptons, The
Jerry's girlfriend sees George naked during a weekend at the beach.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Mommy Observation, The
While Sheldon and Howard continue their bonding holiday to Houston Texas, Sheldon's surprise visit to see his mommy forces him to start addressing a new reality. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang are subjected to a surprise Koothrappali Murder Mystery party that leads the gang to speculate where they might all be 20 years from now.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Indecision Amalgamation, The
Raj wrestles with dating two women at the same time; Penny is offered a part in a trashy movie; and Sheldon can't decide between two gaming systems.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Relationship Diremption, The
Raj and Howard double-date and the latter is flushed with embarrassment after Raj's girlfriend reveals a secret she knows about Howard. Meanwhile, Sheldon is at loose ends when he begins to believe he's wasted his life trying to prove string theory.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Anything Can Happen Recurrence, The
Leonard reinstates Anything Can Happen Thursday, and it leads the regimented Sheldon to attempt something spontaneous, which creates friction among Penny, Amy and Bernadette. Meanwhile, Raj requests help from Howard in prepping for a date with Emily.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Gorilla Dissolution, The
A trying day at the movie shoot leaves Penny with questions about her life choices, so she decides to act on it; and caring for a bedridden Mrs. Wolowitz proves a challenge for Howard and Bernadette.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Status Quo Combustion, The
Sheldon gets caught up in all the life-altering changes going on around him and considers a monumental move.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
July 26, 2017
Samantha Bee offers up a warning to the newest member of the Trump administration... beware the spreading taint!
TV-MA
11:30 pm
Wrecked (DVS)
Nerd Speak
As the ship sinks, the survivors attempt to escape. Will anyone be the captain now ever again
TV-MA
12:01 am
People of Earth
Why Can't We Be Friends?
Ozzie confronts Walsh about being an alien. Richard gets fired from his job and joins Agent Foster on her search for Walsh.
TV-MA
12:31 am
The Guest Book (DVS)
Story Five
Hopeful medical researcher Laurie (Jenna Fischer) visits the cabin with her Alzheimer's patient Edgar (Orson Bean) in an attempt to recreate his past life and help him recapture some of his memories.
TV-MA
1:01 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Fun Factory
Max and Caroline hire a factory to produce their cupcake T-shirts, but they become suspicious of the work conditions there due to the company's overly enthusiastic employees.
TV-14
1:31 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Past and the Furious
Caroline is shocked when she receives a Lamborghini for her birthday, which her father ordered for her four years ago. Meanwhile, Oleg plans something special for Sophie.
TV-14
2:01 am
Movie
King Kong
It is 1933, and vaudeville actress Ann Darrow has found herself--like so many other New Yorkers during the Great Depression--without the means to earn a living. Unwilling to compromise and allow herself to sink into a career in burlesque, she considers her limited options while aimlessly wandering the streets of Manhattan. When her hunger drives her to unsuccessfully try to steal an apple from a fruit vendor''s stall, she is rescued--literally--by filmmaker and multiple hyphenate Carl Denham. It seems that the entrepreneur-raconteur-adventurer is no stranger to theft, having that day lifted the only existing print of his most recent and unfinished film from under his studio executives'' noses when they threatened to pull his completion funds. Carl has until the end of the day to get his crew onboard the Singapore-bound tramp steamer, the S.S. Venture, in hopes of completing his travelogue/action film. With that, the showman is certain he will finally achieve the personal greatness he knows awaits him around the corner--and although the crew believe that corner to be Singapore, Denham actually hopes to find and capture on film the mysterious place of legend: Skull Island. Unfortunately for Carl, his headlining actress has pulled out of his project, but his search for a size-four leading lady (the costumes have all been made) has, fatefully, led him to Ann. The struggling actress is reluctant to sign on with Denham, until she learns that the up-and-coming, socially relevant playwright Jack Driscoll is penning the screenplay--the fees his friend Carl pays for potboiling adventure are a welcome supplement to Driscoll''s nominal income from his stage plays. With his newly discovered star and coerced screenwriter reluctantly onboard, Denham''s "moving picture ship" heads out of New York Harbor--and toward a destiny that none aboard could possibly foresee.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, August 27

6:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Tenth Anniversary, The
Debra discovers Ray taped over their wedding with the 1991 Super Bowl.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Hackidu
Ray pays a high price for a Hackidu card when the owner of a comic-book store gives him a hard time.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Rachel's Phone Number, The
Rachel impulsively gives her telephone number to a handsome guy but worries he will call when Ross is there.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Goes Back to Work, The
Rachel crosses swords with her temporary replacement at the shop; Phoebe wreaks havoc on the set of Joey's soap opera.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Phoebe's Rats, The
Monica invites Rachel's workplace rival to her birthday party; Joey flirts with Emma's new nanny; Phoebe and Mike take care of a litter of rats.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Monica Sings, The
Monica exults in the applause she receives on karaoke night, unaware that the cheering audience can see through her blouse.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Blind Dates, The
Joey and Phoebe conspire to send Rachel and Ross on disastrous blind dates.
TV-14
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Mugging, The
Joey stumbles upon a way to impress a famous actor during an audition; Ross learns the identity of a long-ago mugger; Chandler accepts an internship at a shoe company.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Boob Job, The
Both Monica and Chandler secretly approach Joey for a loan; Phoebe invites Mike to move in with her; Rachel baby-proofs the apartment.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
Trouble-prone Percy Jackson is having problems in high school - but that's the least of his challenges. It's the 21st century, but the gods of Mount Olympus seem to have walked out of the pages of Percy's Greek mythology texts and into his life. Percy has learned that his real father is Poseidon, god of the sea, which means Percy is a demigod - half human, half god. At the same time, the powerful gods on Olympus are feuding, which could launch a war enveloping our entire planet. Now, Percy must prepare for the adventure of a lifetime, and the stakes couldn't be higher. With ominous storm clouds brewing over Earth and his own life now in peril, Percy travels to a special enclave called Camp Half Blood, where he trains to harness his newly discovered powers and prevent a devastating war among the gods. There, Percy meets two fellow demigods - the warrior Annabeth, who is searching for her mother, the goddess Athena; and his friend and protector, Grover, who is actually a brave but untested satyr. Grover and Annabeth then join Percy on an incredible transcontinental odyssey that takes them six hundred stories above New York City (the portal to Mount Olympus) and to the iconic Hollywood sign, under which burn the fires of the Underworld. At journey's end rests the fate of the world - and the life of Percy's mother Sally, whom Percy must rescue from the depths of Hell itself.
TV-PG
1:00 pm
MLB on tbs (CC)
Seattle Mariners @ New York Yankees
4:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Transformers
The Earth is caught in the middle of an intergalactic battle between two races of robots, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons. All that stands between the Decepticons and ultimate power is a clue held by young Sam Witwicky. Unaware that he is mankind''s last chance for survival, Sam and Bumblebee, his robot disguised as a car, are in a race against an enemy unlike anything anyone has seen before.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Network Television Premiere (DVS)
Avengers: Age of Ultron
When Tony Stark tries to jumpstart a dormant peacekeeping program, things go awry and Earth's Mightiest Heroes, including Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Incredible Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye, are put to the ultimate test as the fate of the planet hangs in the balance. As the villainous Ultron emerges, it is up to the Avengers to stop him from enacting his terrible plans, and soon uneasy alliances and unexpected action pave the way for an epic and unique global adventure.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Network Television Premiere (DVS)
Avengers: Age of Ultron
When Tony Stark tries to jumpstart a dormant peacekeeping program, things go awry and Earth's Mightiest Heroes, including Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Incredible Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye, are put to the ultimate test as the fate of the planet hangs in the balance. As the villainous Ultron emerges, it is up to the Avengers to stop him from enacting his terrible plans, and soon uneasy alliances and unexpected action pave the way for an epic and unique global adventure.
TV-14
1:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Transformers
The Earth is caught in the middle of an intergalactic battle between two races of robots, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons. All that stands between the Decepticons and ultimate power is a clue held by young Sam Witwicky. Unaware that he is mankind''s last chance for survival, Sam and Bumblebee, his robot disguised as a car, are in a race against an enemy unlike anything anyone has seen before.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Married With Children
Poke High
While Kelly tries to score with a high school fullback, Al roots for the opposing team in hopes his old school record will remain intact.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Camping Show, The
Al and Steve's much-anticipated vacation in the great outdoors is ruined by female hormones and man-eating animals.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Dump of My Own, A
Al sets out to fulfill a lifelong dream when he begins construction on his very own bathroom, equipped with the legendary Ferguson Toilet.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Her Cups Runneth Over
Peggy is so miserable when her favorite bra is discontinued that Al is forced to take matters into his own hands and find a replacement.
TV-PG
 

Monday, August 28

6:00 am
Married With Children
Bald and the Beautiful, The
When Al and Steve face up to the bald fact that they are both losing their hair, they decide to seek the counsel and encouragement of a hairless support group.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Gypsy Cried, The
When a gypsy fortune teller predicts disaster for Marcy and good fortune for Al, Steve and Peggy, Marcy insists that they accompany her on a plane trip to New York, first class, of course.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Requiem for a Dead Barber
When Al's long-time barber passes on, Al is forced to face the fact that the old-fashioned barber shop is a thing of the past and resigns himself to a future of beauty salon haircuts.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Eatin' Out
When the Bundy's receive a modest inheritance check from Peg's deceased uncle, they decide to splurge and eat out at an elegant restaurant.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Memorial Service, The
Ross and Chandler trade barbed insults on their alma mater's Web site.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Lottery, The
The gang buys scads of lottery tickets for the multimillion-dollar jackpot.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Rachel's Dream, The
Rachel's visit to a soap opera set inspires her to dream about Joey; Chandler takes Ross on a weekend getaway after Monica cannot take time off from work.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Soap Opera Party, The
Ross invites an attractive paleontologist to a rooftop Days of Our Lives party being thrown by Joey.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Fertility Test, The
Monica and Chandler run into an old acquaintance when they secretly go to a fertility clinic; Ross helps Joey woo the same professor he wants to date.
TV-14
10:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Donor, The
Monica and Chandler interview unsuspecting candidates, hoping to find the right man to father their baby.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One in Barbados Part 1, The
The gang heads to Barbados for a paleontology convention where Ross is the keynote speaker; David prepares to propose to Phoebe, but ex-boyfriend Mike is not yet out of the picture.
TV-PG
11:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One in Barbados Part 2, The
The gang heads to Barbados for a paleontology convention where Ross is the keynote speaker; David prepares to propose to Phoebe, but ex-boyfriend Mike is not yet out of the picture.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Wide World Of The Cleveland Show, The
As Cleveland and his family travel the world...in Italy, Cleveland must choose between Junior and Rallo to run "the family business;" in Mexico, Junior insists on having a Quinceanera, even though it's for girls; in Japan, Cleveland builds a robot to attend Junior's eating competition.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Here Comes the Bribe
A marriage counselor tells Cleveland he can skew counseling sessions with Donna in his favor, provided he receives compensation, Junior's favorite refrigerator breaks.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Pulling Double Booty
Hayley's boyfriend, Jeff, breaks up with her. After going on a short rampage through the mall after the break-up, Hayley falls for Stan's body double, Bill, from the CIA. Things take a bizarre twist when the double begins hitting on Francine. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve get their first summer job at a Chinese chicken hatchery.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Phantom of the Telethon
Stan hosts a CIA telethon to raise a million dollars for their torture programs. Meanwhile, an angry Roger works to sabotage the event. When Roger releases a terrorist at the telethon, Stan must find a way to meet the telethon's goal before everyone is blown up.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Chimdale
Roger, Francine, Hayley, and Klaus head off to the Chimdale Spa for a week of relaxation, but instead are hounded by nosey hotel detective, Ron Turlington. Back at home, Steve discovers that Stan is bald. Betrayed by Stan's deception, Steve steals Stan's wig and sneaks off to Chimdale to tell the family the truth.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Stan Time
Fed up with a lack of alone time, Stan starts taking experimental CIA pills that allow him to remain fully awake 24/7. Using his new-found "Stan Time," Stan enters the world of competitive classic videogaming. When Francine discovers Stan's pills, she starts off on her own career. As Stan and Francine begin to drift apart, Stan must decide what's more important - "Stan Time" or family time. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger write a movie together.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Bye Bye Boo Boo
When Louise hears that Boo Boo is leaving Boyz 4 Now, she enters a contest that could give Tina the chance to meet him. Meanwhile, Bob and Linda learn an interesting piece of history regarding the restaurant, which leads to tension between Bob and Jimmy Pesto.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Bob's Burgers
Horse Rider-Er, The
After finally convincing Bob and Linda to send her to horse camp, Tina realizes she has to part ways with Jericho, her imaginary horse. Meanwhile, Linda decides to create a restaurant camp in an attempt to make things fair for Gene and Louise.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Secret Admiral-Irer
Tina's ideas of love and romance are tested when she volunteers at a nursing home to earn her next Thunder Girls badge. Meanwhile, Bob makes new friends who cause him to make some questionable choices.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Bob's Burgers
Glued, Where's My Bob?
The kids' goop war lands Bob in a sticky situation. The prank happens to occur on the same day that Skip Marooch calls to tell Bob that a journalist is going to interview him for a piece on unknown restaurants. The entire town gets involved and zany Belcher antics ensue.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Human Flesh
Bob rallies the team to cook up some business for Grand Re-Re-Re-Opening of Bob's Burgers, sending middle child Gene to push samples in the streets, eldest daughter Tina to work the grill and youngest daughter Louise to staff the counter.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Secondhand Spoke
Peter discovers he can skip out of work by taking smoke breaks. He begins smoking to dodge other tasks and soon gets addicted. When he wakes up one day with sunken cheeks and gray skin, Lois pushes him to visit a smoking rehab clinic.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Herpe the Love Sore
Stewie is fascinated by the blood oath in The Outlaw Josey Wales and begs Brian to perform the same ritual with him. After some nagging, Brian finally relents. They cut their palms and firmly shake hands, thus becoming blood brothers. The next morning, Stewie wakes up to find his lip has broken out with herpes sores.
TV-14
6:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Most Interesting Man in the World, The
Peter attends theater shows, museums, and other high culture events across the country. Eventually, he transforms into a sophisticated and scholarly individual.
TV-14
7:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Baby Got Black
Chris hits it off with Pam, a black girl from school who happens to be Jerome┐s daughter. Jerome doesn┐t approve because he thinks Chris is just interested in sex.
TV-14
7:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Meg Stinks!
Peter and Meg bond during a college visit to Vermont. The two party all night resulting in Meg missing out on an important interview. Lois begins to worry that Peter is becoming too much of a distraction and warns Meg not to get too attached, but Meg is just happy to be getting positive attention from her father for the first time.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
He's Bla-ack!
With the Brown family moving back to Quahog, it looks like the old gang is reunited. But Peter┐s friendship with Cleveland is quickly put on hold when Donna and Lois butt heads over different parenting styles, and forbid them to see each other.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Chap Stewie
Stewie is happily watching the season finale of his favorite British television program when Chris and Peter suddenly show up in the living room, playing a game where they run around and hit each other with mattresses. Peter knocks Chris into the television set, which breaks and leaves Stewie furious because he can't watch his show. He throws a tantrum and gets sent to his room, where he decides to rebuild his time machine and use it to prevent his birth into the Griffin family.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Simpsons Guy
The GriffinĂs are forced to flee their hometown of Quahog after PeterĂs offensive newspaper comics spark uproar amongst the local townspeople. Driving through the night, the GriffinĂs arrive in a small suburban town called ˘Springfield÷.
TV-14
10:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Garbage Stan
Stan and Steve open up their own father-son garbage business after Stan inherits his father's old truck. Roger finds Hayley is a natural at bumper pool and brings her to play with the best player in town.
TV-14
10:30 pm
People of Earth
Aftermath
The group copes with a tragedy. Agent Foster reports back to the FBI. Jonathan Walsh and Don have reservations about the alien mission.
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71041
Guests: Sarah Silverman, Shawn Hatosy, ALT-J
TV-14
12:00 am
People of Earth
Aftermath
The group copes with a tragedy. Agent Foster reports back to the FBI. Jonathan Walsh and Don have reservations about the alien mission.
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71041
Guests: Sarah Silverman, Shawn Hatosy, ALT-J
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Pilot
A woman's impending visit excites Jerry, until he learns she's getting married.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Move-in Meltdown
Max, Caroline, Earl and Han help Oleg move into Sophie's apartment, until she begins turning away all of his stuff.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Crime Ring
Max and Caroline are arrested for breaking into a cute guy's apartment to retrieve some rings Caroline left there after she spent the night.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Fright Night
Charley is a high school senior who's on top of the world-he's running with the popular crowd and dating Amy, the most coveted girl in school. In fact, he's so cool, he's even dissing his best friend, Ed. But trouble arrives when Jerry moves in next door. He seems like a nice guy--at first. But there's something not quite right, and no one else, including Charley's mom seems to notice. After observing some very strange activity, Charley comes to an unmistakable conclusion: Jerry is a vampire preying on the neighborhood. Unable to convince anyone of this, Charley looks to popular Las Vegas illusionist and self-proclaimed vampire expert Peter Vincent for help and advice before taking matters into his own hands to get rid of the monster.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
My Mom, the Mom
Peggy is the hit of Mother/Daughter Career Day at Kelly's school when she instructs the girls in the art of being a housewife, including demonstrations of wallet pilfering and mastering the TV remote control.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Can't Dance, Don't Ask Me
When Kelly is faced with a choice of getting kicked out of school or joining the tap dance club, she swallows her pride, buckles on her tap shoes and performs some dirty dancing that leaves the audience sweating in their seats.
TV-PG
 

Tuesday, August 29

6:00 am
Married With Children
Three Job, No Income Family, A
When Peggy gets a job selling cosmetics and brings home more money than Al, he gets a second job to regain his self-respect but still finds himself losing the breadwinning game.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Harder They Fall, The
After Peggy gives the highway salute to a rude driver while in the Rhoades' car, Steve is obsessed with the fear the enraged driver, a possible ex-con, may come looking for him.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
House That Peg Lost, The
When Steve and Marcy return from vacation after entrusting the keys to their house to Peggy, they're shocked to find a big hole where their house used to be.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Prom Queen Part 1
In this two-part story, Peggy and Al attend the Polk High School Reunion where Peggy is determined to defeat her old nemesis for the title of Reunion Queen.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Prom Queen: the Sequel Part 2
Peggy vigorously campaigns for the title of Reunion Queen while Al settles an old score with a former classmate at the Polk High School Reunion.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Dateless Amigo, The
When Bud finds it difficult to line up a date, he resorts to the next best thing, a mannequin, with a penchant for losing her head.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Thanks Man
Carrie forces a stranded motorist to wait out in the cold on Thanksgiving Day.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Frigid Heirs
After Arthur wins $2,500 playing bingo, a dispute erupts over how the money should be spent.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Switch Sitters
Deacon and Kelly decide to take Arthur out to dinner so Doug and Carrie can be alone, but they ignore a warning about Arthur's reaction to spicy food.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Cheap Saks
Carrie discovers Doug's annoying ex-girlfriend (Janeane Garofalo) has an employee discount at Saks Fifth Avenue.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
When a Man (Or a Freight Train) Loves His Cookie
When Freight Train misses their anniversary, Cookie runs off with musician George Clinton; Junior's visit to an office supply store triggers an elaborate fantasy.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Pins, Spins and Fins
Rallo thinks he's a stud bowler when he keeps scoring strikes by using the gutter rails. But when his prowess goes to his head, Donna reveals to him the hard truth: little kids mostly suck at everything. Cleveland, Lester, Holt and Terry decide their friendship has become too predictable, and attempt to spice things up by taking a road trip to an abandoned amusement park.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Live and Let Fry
Stan turns to smuggling when trans fat is banned from Langley Falls. But when Inspector Turlington of the Langley Falls police becomes suspicious of Stan, Stan recruits Steve into his illegal enterprise. Now Steve must find a way to keep the trans fat flowing while under Turlington's watch. Meanwhile, Roger helps Klaus claim an inheritance.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Roy Rodgers McFreely
After term limits force Stan out of his position as president of the HOA, Roger steps in as the new leader under the guise of one Roy Rogers McFreely. Roger uses his power to pass new resolutions and by-laws solely to anger Stan, who earlier refused to buy Roger grenadine. Stan teams up with Hayley and plots to have Roger removed from office.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Jack's Back
When Stan's con-man dad Jack resurfaces in prison awaiting trial for a crime he did not commit, Steve gets Stan to let Jack stay with them under house arrest. Steve takes the opportunity to reconcile the two, but Stan is convinced that Jack is just using them to escape prison. Meanwhile, Hayley interns at Roger's attic bar.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Bar Mitzvah Shuffle
When snobby rich kid Etan steals Steve's girlfriend Debbie, Steve concocts a scheme to get revenge. Aided by Roger, Toshi, and Barry, Steve plots to rob Etan's Bar Mitzvah and get back his girlfriend. But when the plan goes awry and Snot takes the blame, Steve must decide whether to tell the truth and clear Snot's name or remain silent and get back Debbie. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine pitch an idea to a cell phone company.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Brian Does Hollywood
Brian's first job in Hollywood is directing a pornographic film.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Mr. Griffin Goes To Washington
The tobacco industry sends Peter to Washington to present a speech about smoking.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After Joey and Rachel Kiss, The
In Barbados, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe eavesdrop on their friends' passionate encounters; Monica styles her hair to look like a blowfish; Phoebe and Mike rekindle their romance.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Is Fine, The
Ross drinks too much alcohol at dinner with Rachel, Joey and Charlie; Frank Jr. cannot cope with his precocious triplets.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross's Tan, The
Rachel and Joey nervously anticipate their first real date; Monica and Phoebe try to avoid an obnoxious friend with a fake British accent; Ross emerges from a tanning booth with a two-toned appearance.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Cake, The
An X-rated cake is delivered to Emma's first birthday party.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits, The
Rachel convinces her sister to baby-sit over Ross' protests; Joey writes a letter to an adoption agency on Monica and Chandler's behalf.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross's Grant, The
When Ross interviews with Charlie's ex-boyfriend for a prized grant, the doctor makes a shocking stipulation; Chandler lies about watching Joey's bizarre audition tape.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Male Unbonding
Jerry finds ending a friendship harder than ending a romance.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Stakeout, The
Jerry woos an ex-girlfriend's friend.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Robbery, The
Jerry's decision to move sets off a chain of events.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Stock Tip, The
George gives Jerry a bad stock-tip.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Locomotion Interruption, The
Amy and Leonard take a surprise road trip to Arizona, while Penny goes on a job interview at Bernadette's company, and Howard has problems wrapping his head around Stuart's relationship with Mrs. Wolowitz.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Junior Professor Solution, The
Sheldon is ordered to teach a class, and the gang is surprised when Howard signs up to take it; and tensions between Penny and Bernadette afford Amy an opportunity to play one against the other.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
First Pitch Insufficiency, The
A nervous Wolowitz is thrown for a loop when NASA asks him to toss out the first pitch at a Los Angeles Angels baseball game. Meanwhile, Sheldon brags that he and Amy are a better couple than Leonard and Penny.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hook-Up Reverberation, The
Raj's girlfriend, Emily, gives Penny the cold shoulder after he reveals some info about their past history; and the guys contemplate buying into Stuart's comic-book emporium.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Focus Attenuation, The
Amy and Bernadette accuse former party girl Penny of becoming a party pooper when she lets an email from work impact their girls' weekend in Las Vegas. Meanwhile, the guys brainstorm about inventing something cool.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Expedition Approximation, The
Sheldon and Raj undertake an underground research expedition that turns into a test of how long before they get under each other's skin. Meanwhile, Leonard and Penny argue about money.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71043
Guests: Nick Offerman, Annabelle Wallis, Mark Normand
TV-14
12:00 am
Seinfeld
Ex-Girlfriend, The
George puzzles over how to dump a domineering girlfriend.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71043
Guests: Nick Offerman, Annabelle Wallis, Mark Normand
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Pony Remark, The
Jerry thinks his off-the-cuff remark killed a woman.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Knock Off Knockout
Max and Caroline get into a legal battle with two teens who knocked off their cupcake T-shirts and sold them.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Great Unwashed
Max and Caroline learn that one of their customers at the diner is a successful photographer who is keeping a secret.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Warm Bodies
After a zombie epidemic, an unusual zombie name R rescues a human survivor named Julie from a zombie attack. Julie sees that R is different from the other zombies, and as the two form a special relationship in their struggle for survival, R becomes increasingly more human setting off an exciting, romantic and often comical chain of events that begins to transform the other zombies and maybe even the whole lifeless world.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Computer Show, The
Peggy brings the family closer to the poorhouse when she insists on buying a home computer.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
I'll See You in Court
Peggy hopes an overnight stay in a motel will liven up her sex life with Al only to discover their most intimate moments have been videotaped by the management.
TV-PG