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SCHEDULE: July 2015

Times listed for EASTERN and PACIFIC timezones except where otherwise noted.

Wednesday, July 1

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Chair, The
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Scavenger Hunt
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Legend of Ironhead Haynes, The
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Nooner or Nothing
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Kelly Knows Something
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Assault and Batteries
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Ride Scare
TV-PG
9:30 am
Married With Children
Al Goes Deep
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Gambling N' Diction
Doug tries to capitalize on his mother's poker skills by having her help him win a high-stakes tournament.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Apartment Complex
Doug and the guys secretly rent an apartment above their favorite Chinese restaurant; Carrie goes to extremes to keep her newest client, Kirstie Alley, happy.
TV-PG
11:00 am
King of Queens, The
Raygin Bulls
When Carrie goes on a trip with her father, Doug and his friend (Ray Romano) plan a guys night on the town.
TV-PG
11:30 am
King of Queens, The
Knee Jerk
Doug fakes being injured so that Carrie, who feels responsible, will continue to tend to his every need and allow him to miss a dreaded wedding.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Brown Knight, The
Cleveland is mistakenly hailed as a hero after he ends up getting shot in an armed robbery; Rallo discovers what Roberta's "that time of the month" is all about.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Roy Rodgers McFreely
After term limits force Stan out of his position as president of the HOA, Roger steps in as the new leader under the guise of one Roy Rogers McFreely. Roger uses his power to pass new resolutions and by-laws solely to anger Stan, who earlier refused to buy Roger grenadine. Stan teams up with Hayley and plots to have Roger removed from office.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Jack's Back
When Stan's con-man dad Jack resurfaces in prison awaiting trial for a crime he did not commit, Steve gets Stan to let Jack stay with them under house arrest. Steve takes the opportunity to reconcile the two, but Stan is convinced that Jack is just using them to escape prison. Meanwhile, Hayley interns at Roger's attic bar.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Bar Mitzvah Shuffle
When snobby rich kid Etan steals Steve's girlfriend Debbie, Steve concocts a scheme to get revenge. Aided by Roger, Toshi, and Barry, Steve plots to rob Etan's Bar Mitzvah and get back his girlfriend. But when the plan goes awry and Snot takes the blame, Steve must decide whether to tell the truth and clear Snot's name or remain silent and get back Debbie. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine pitch an idea to a cell phone company.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Wife Insurance
Stan reveals to Francine that, in the case she should die, he has a backup wife. Enraged with Stan, Francine takes Jim, one of Stan's CIA buddies, as her backup husband. Jealous, Stan breaks it off with his backup and tells Jim to break it off with Francine. However, Jim confesses that he is in love with Francine and attempts to kill Stan. Now Stan must stop Jim from killing him and taking Francine. Meanwhile Wheels and the Legman (Steve and Roger's detective personae) are on the case trying to find Hayley's lost iPod Shuffle.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Lottery Fever
Peter blows his savings on lottery tickets and the family writes it off as one of his usual shenanigans until they end up millionaires. In true Griffin fashion, they can't handle the good fortune and struggle to stay grounded.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Moves Out, The
Monica's parents find out about her middle-aged boyfriend (TOM SELLECK). Chandler and Joey argue -- and it could mean the end of their living arrangement.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Eddie Moves In, The
Joey wants to move back in with Chandler, but there's a new problem. Phoebe tapes a rock video. Ross upsets Monica.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Dr. Ramoray Dies, The
Monica and Richard experience the same romantic problems as Rachel and Ross. Joey's ill-advised comments to a fan magazine threaten his acting career.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Eddie Won't Go, The
Chandler wants his annoying new roommate to move out. Joey's exorbitant bills come due. The women learn from a book about personal empowerment.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Seinfeld
Wink, The
An uncontrollable wink creates problems for George and Kramer.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Seinfeld
Hot Tub, The
Elaine's house guest arrives for the city's marathon; Kramer gets a hot tub.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Apology, The
Jerry's girlfriend teaches him some naked truths; George anticipates an apology.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Soul Mate, The
George suspects the foundation attorney believes he murdered Susan.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Nap, The
George discovers how to take a nap at work and not get caught.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Junk Mail, The
Jerry agrees to perform for a car company in exchange for a new car.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Nerdvana Annihilation, The
When the delivery of a full-size prop of 1960's The Time Machine makes Penny miss work, she scolds Leonard about his sci-fi collectibles. He decides it's time to give up such childish pursuits.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Pork Chop Indeterminacy, The
The rest of the gang fall for Sheldon's twin sister, and Leonard's plan to win her heart is derailed when Sheldon declares he'll be the one to decide who can date her.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Peanut Reaction, The
Penny wants to throw a surprise party for Leonard, but Sheldon's indulgence at an electronics store throws her off-track.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Tangerine Factor, The
Penny's break-up spurs Leonard to summon the courage to ask her out, and each goes to Sheldon for advice on their upcoming date.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bad Fish Paradigm, The
Penny opens up to a reluctant Sheldon after a less-than-stellar first date with Leonard, placing him in the uncomfortable position of having to keep a secret.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Codpiece Topology, The
Seeing Penny with another guy sends Leonard back to Leslie Winkle (Sarah Gilbert), much to Sheldon's dismay.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5753
Guests: Maya Rudolph, Hannibal Buress, Tove Lo
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Launch Party Part 1
The Dunder Mifflin Infinity website is launching and Michael is excited about going to the big launch party in New York while Angela plans a satellite party for the Scranton branch.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5753
Guests: Maya Rudolph, Hannibal Buress, Tove Lo
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Learning to Fly
Laurie teaches Jules the rules of karma after Jules lies to customers at the annual cul-de-sac yard sale. Andy uses some of his new yard sale purchases to test Ellie after they make a bet that she can't refrain from being snarky for one day. Meanwhile, Bobby must overcome his fear of rollercoasters to fulfill his grandfather's dying wish.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Eurotrip
Have you ever pressed "Send" on an e-mail and immediately wished you could get it back? Scotty Thomas and his Berlin-based computer pen pal, Mieke, have been writing each other for years, sharing every detail of their lives. When Mieke makes a ''cyber pass'' at Scotty, he completely freaks out, thinking that this guy he''s known for years is coming on to him--in German no less. Too bad the one detail Scotty doesn''t seem to know is that, in Germany, Mieke is a girl''s name. By the time Scotty figures out that Mieke is a girl, and a hot one at that, Mieke has cut off her e-mail account and all contact with him. Thinking that this might be his one chance at true love--even though he''s never actually met the girl--Scotty and his best friends, Cooper and the twins Jenny and Jamie, embark on a raucous trip across Europe headed for Berlin. Their trek takes them from London to Paris to Amsterdam and Eastern Europe, exposing them--literally--to every lascivious, larcenous and lecherous indulgence Europe has to offer, in a comedy that gives new meaning to the phrase "foreign relations."
TV-14
4:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2121
In the background and what's behind the big blue blob
TV-G
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2122
Third $100,000 show of season 21
TV-G
 

Thursday, July 2

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Big Bust, A
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
After the Lovin'
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Shoeway to Heaven
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Driving Mr. Boondy
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Kelly Breaks Out
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Naughty but Niece
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Business Sucks (1)
TV-PG
9:30 am
Married With Children
Business Still Sucks (2)
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Baker's Doesn't
Doug needles Carrie when she is not as quick as he is to fulfill a promise to help out at church.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Present Tense
When the Heffernans receive an oil painting of themselves as an anniversary gift from Deacon and Kelly, they dislike the picture so much that they decide to stage a robbery rather than hang the painting in their home.
TV-PG
11:00 am
King of Queens, The
Buggie Nights
When Arthur brings back bug-infested hotel sheets from his vacation in Florida, the creatures take over the house and force Doug and Carrie to move out.
TV-PG
11:30 am
King of Queens, The
Sold-y Locks
Doug convinces Carrie to sell her hair so they can afford a cruise, but finds he does not like her new, shorter style.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Gone with the Wind
Cleveland's flatulence interrupts a karaoke contest at the Broken Stool, embarrassing Donna no end; Cleveland and Donna have bad news for Cleveland Jr.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
DeLorean Story-An
Frustrated with their lack of common interests, Steve and Stan attempt to bond while on a cross-country trip to find a door for Stan's nearly complete DeLorean. Meanwhile, Roger, Francine, and Hayley brainstorm ideas for an adventure to have while Stan and Steve are gone.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Every Which Way But Lose
Stan volunteers to coach Steve's junior football team and cuts Steve when he sees how terrible Steve is. Furious with his father, Steve enlists Roger to coach a new football team in an attempt to beat Stan's team and make Stan cry. When Steve and Roger succeed, Stan goes home not to cry, but to kill himself. Now Steve must teach Stan how to lose without wanting to kill himself. Meanwhile, Francine and Hayley compete in a pie baking contest.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Weiner of Our Discontent
For over seventy years Roger has been acting like he's the most important person on the planet, and Stan is sick of it! Stan considers Roger to be a worthless, lazy, lying, cheating, alcoholic slob.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Daddy Queerest
Stan is once again humiliated by the way Francine behaves in social situations, so he pushes her in the pool at a party.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Seahorse Sea Shell Party
A storm hits the towns of Stoolbend, Quahog and Langley Falls. To help pass the time and calm his nerves, Brian consumes some questionable substances and has trouble sobering up. Meanwhile, Meg goes off the deep end after the family takes one too many jabs at her.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Old Yeller Dies, The
Monica's boyfriend impresses Chandler and Joey. Phoebe finds out what she missed as a child.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Bullies, The
Chandler and Joey are scared of two bullies. Phoebe meets her long-lost family members. LARAINE NEWMAN (Saturday Night Live) guest stars.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Two Parties, The
Rachel gets a surprise at her birthday party when her parents (MARLO THOMAS and RON LEIBMAN) show up.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Chicken Pox, The
When Phoebe catches chicken pox, her chances for romance with a former lover (CHARLIE SHEEN) are almost ruined. Monica worries that she is too strange for Richard.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Seinfeld
Soup Nazi, The
Jerry's favorite soup vendor won't serve his new girlfriend (Alexandra Wentworth).
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Seinfeld
Secret Code, The
George conceals his ATM code from fiancee Susan; guest John O'Hurley.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Couch, The
Elaine dates the guy who delivered Jerry's new couch.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Bottle Deposit, The (Part 1)
Jerry's mechanic steals his car; Kramer plans to return used bottles to Michigan.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Bottle Deposit, The (Part 2)
Jerry's mechanic steals his car; Kramer plans to return used bottles to Michigan.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
English Patient, The
Jerry lifts weights with his parents' Florida neighbor (Lloyd Bridges).
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q
Quagmire and his friends try to talk his sister into getting away from her abusive boyfriend. But when she won't listen, they decide to take matters into their own hands.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Stewie Goes for a Drive
Peter befriends actor Ryan Reynolds until he discovers that Reynolds may be attracted to him, and Stewie leaves home after Brian figures out that he wrecked Brian's car.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Back to the Pilot
Brian and Stewie travel back in time to January 31, 1999 and witness the events that took place in the very first episode of Family Guy, "Death Has a Shadow".
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Thanksgiving
Joe's son, who was reported missing in Iraq, suddenly and unexpectedly appears during Thanksgiving dinner, but the story of his disappearance doesn't add up.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Barbarian Sublimation, The
Penny becomes addicted to an online game based on the world of Conan the Barbarian and persistantly pesters Sheldon for advice.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Griffin Equivalency, The
Full of confidence following being named one of People's "30 to Watch Under 30", Raj hits on Penny and becomes impossibly arrogant.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5754
Guests: Jane Lynch, Conor McGregor, John Roy
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Launch Party Part 2
Michael heads to New York City thinking he is going to attend a party for the launch of the new Dunder Mifflin Infinity website. He later learns that he has simply been invited to a chat room. Meanwhile, Dwight tries to prove that he is better than a computer by trying to make more sales than the new website.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5754
Guests: Jane Lynch, Conor McGregor, John Roy
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Time to Move On
With Travis graduating college in a few months, Jules starts to worry about his job prospects with an art degree. Laurie and Ellie pose as a lesbian couple in a desperate effort to get Stan into a fancy new school. Meanwhile, Andy insists on making a cat video with the guys for Bro-day.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Ron Burgundy is the top-rated anchorman in San Diego in the 1970s. When feminism marches into the newsroom in the form of ambitious newswoman Veronica Corningstone, Ron is willing to play along at first--as long as Veronica stays in her place, covering cat fashion shows, cooking, and other "female" interests. But when Veronica refuses to settle for being eye candy and steps behind the news desk, it''s more than a battle between two perfectly coiffed anchor-persons--it''s war.
TV-14
4:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2123
Season 21 grand prize spectacular part 1
TV-G
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2124
Season 21 grand prize spectacular part 2
TV-G
 

Friday, July 3

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Missed Connections
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Five Things, The
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Dial "B" for Virgin
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Sleepless in Chicago
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
No Pot to Pease In
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Dud Bowl
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Man for No Seasons, A
TV-PG
9:30 am
Married With Children
Naked and the Dead, but Mostly the Naked, The
TV-PG
10:00 am
July 4th Movie Marathon (DVS)
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Ron Burgundy is the top-rated anchorman in San Diego in the 1970s. When feminism marches into the newsroom in the form of ambitious newswoman Veronica Corningstone, Ron is willing to play along at first--as long as Veronica stays in her place, covering cat fashion shows, cooking, and other "female" interests. But when Veronica refuses to settle for being eye candy and steps behind the news desk, it''s more than a battle between two perfectly coiffed anchor-persons--it''s war.
TV-14
12:00 pm
July 4th Movie Marathon (DVS)
Old School
A trio of thirty-something buddies tries to recapture the outrageous, irrepressible fun of their college years by starting their own off-campus frat house. Mitch, Frank and Beanie have all reached a crossroads in their lives. They can choose to be responsible adults, with wives, families and steady jobs--or they can postpone adulthood in favor of the reckless abandon of frat house living with all the fun and none of the education. No contest.
TV-14
2:00 pm
July 4th Movie Marathon (DVS)
Campaign, The
When congressman Cam Brady commits a major, public faux pas before an election, two wealthy CEOs see an opportunity to gain influence over their North Carolina district by putting up their own candidate for the job. Their man is Marty Huggins, the na´ve director of the local tourism center. At first, Marty is an improbable candidate, but with the help of his backers, a ruthless campaign manager and his family''s political connections, he soon becomes a real threat to Cam''s reelection.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Barry And Mindy's Wedding, The
Rachel is a bridesmaid at her ex-fianci's wedding. Monica and Richard's relationship is jeopardized when the subject of children is discussed.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Princess Leia Fantasy, The
Ross' secret fantasy doesn't stay secret for long after he confides in Rachel. Chandler resumes an old relationship.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pool Guy, The
The pool man at Jerry's health club wants to be his best friend.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Seinfeld
Sponge, The
Elaine considers intimacy with her new boyfriend (Scott Patterson).
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Statue, The
Jerry thinks a friend stole his statue, but doesn't know how to get it back.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Deal, The
Jerry and Elaine mull intimacy but without commitment.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Tape, The
Elaine puts an erotic message on Jerry's tape recorder; George gets excited.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Mom & Pop Store, The
George buys a convertible the salesman claims once belonged to Jon Voight.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Amish Guy
While stranded in Amish country with her family, Meg falls for a cute Amish boy-leading to a feud between Peter and the boy's father.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Cool Hand Peter
Peter and the guys take a stand against their wives and flee to the Deep South on a road trip. On the way there, the men earn a one-way ticket to jail. But when they decide to make a run for it, Joe's quick planning and Peter's seductive ways help them escape. Meanwhile, Lois spends some quality time with the girls and they engage in childish antics.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Notting Hill
William Thacker is a shy London bookseller who has never had much luck with women. When Hollywood star Anna Scott wanders into his shop, he is transfixed, but doesn't expect to see her again. But coincidence brings them together again, and soon the unlikely couple are falling in love, and must deal with the problems of a relationship between a star and an ordinary guy.
TV-PG
11:45 pm
Movie
Terminal, The
Viktor Navorski is a visitor to New York from Eastern Europe. His homeland erupts in a fiery coup, while he is in the air en route to America. Stranded at Kennedy Airport with a passport from nowhere, he is unauthorized to actually enter the United States and must improvise his days and nights in the terminal's international transit lounge, until the war at home is over. As the weeks and months stretch on, Viktor finds the compressed universe of the terminal to be a richly complex world of absurdity, generosity, ambition, amusement, status, serendipity--and even romance with a beautiful flight attendant named Amelia. But he has long worn out his welcome with airport official Frank Dixon, who considers Viktor a bureaucratic glitch--a problem he cannot control but wants desperately to erase.
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie (DVS)
It's Complicated
Jane is the mother of three grown kids, owns a thriving Santa Barbara bakery/restaurant and has-after a decade of divorce-an amicable relationship with her ex-husband, attorney Jake. But when Jane and Jake find themselves out of town for their son''s college graduation, things start to get complicated. An innocent meal together turns into the unimaginable-an affair. With Jake remarried to the much younger Agness, Jane is now, of all things, the other woman. Caught in the middle of their renewed romance is Adam, an architect hired to remodel Jane''s kitchen. Healing from a divorce of his own, Adam starts to fall for Jane, but soon realizes he''s become part of a love triangle. Should Jane and Jake move on with their lives, or is love truly lovelier the second time around? It''s-complicated.
TV-14
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2201
A man teases an alligator; homemade rocket disasters
TV-G
 

Saturday, July 4

6:00 am
Married With Children
I Want My Psycho Dad (1)
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
I Want My Psycho Dad (2)
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Kelly Takes a Shot
Bud helps Kelly with a commercial audition to prove himself to Marcy's niece.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Something Larry This Way Comes
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Get the Dodge Outta Hell
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
25 Years and What Do You Get?
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Pacifier, The
Assigned to protect the endangered children of an assassinated scientist working on a secret invention, Shane Wolfe is suddenly faced with juggling two incompatible jobs: fighting evil while keeping house. As he adds to his usual arsenal of wetsuits and weapons the new tools of juice boxes and a minivan, Shane not only must defeat a world-threatening enemy but also wrangle teen rebel Zoe, uplift sullen 14-year-old Seth and outwit 8-year-old Ninja-wannabe Lulu, simultaneously keeping toddler Peter and baby Tyler out of mischief, not to mention harm's way. While drop zones, demolitions and destroying enemy targets come naturally to Shane, he has no idea what tough really is until he pits his courage against diapering, den-mothering and driver's education. He's truly a S.E.A.L. out of water, but this tough-guy loner soon realizes that he's also facing the most important mission of his life: becoming part of a family and bringing them all closer together.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Movie (DVS)
It's Complicated
Jane is the mother of three grown kids, owns a thriving Santa Barbara bakery/restaurant and has-after a decade of divorce-an amicable relationship with her ex-husband, attorney Jake. But when Jane and Jake find themselves out of town for their son''s college graduation, things start to get complicated. An innocent meal together turns into the unimaginable-an affair. With Jake remarried to the much younger Agness, Jane is now, of all things, the other woman. Caught in the middle of their renewed romance is Adam, an architect hired to remodel Jane''s kitchen. Healing from a divorce of his own, Adam starts to fall for Jane, but soon realizes he''s become part of a love triangle. Should Jane and Jake move on with their lives, or is love truly lovelier the second time around? It''s-complicated.
TV-14
1:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
Notting Hill
William Thacker is a shy London bookseller who has never had much luck with women. When Hollywood star Anna Scott wanders into his shop, he is transfixed, but doesn't expect to see her again. But coincidence brings them together again, and soon the unlikely couple are falling in love, and must deal with the problems of a relationship between a star and an ordinary guy.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Metaphorical Tunnel, The
Chandler wants to commit to a relationship with Janice. Phoebe poses as Joey's agent.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Frank Jr., The
Phoebe tries to be more friendly with her half-brother. Ross meets ISABELLA ROSSELLINI (As Herself).
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Flashback, The
The friends recall secrets from their pasts.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Race Car Bed, The
Joey sees Janice kissing her husband, whom she is divorcing while she dates Chandler. Rachel's father (RON LEIBMAN) clashes with Ross.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pilot, The (Part I)
Jerry and George produce their pilot, but George doesn't like the actor playing him; Kramer has a personal problem.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pilot, The (Part 2)
Jerry and George produce their pilot, but George doesn't like the actor playing him; Kramer has a personal problem.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Limo, The
Jerry and George commandeer a limousine headed for a neo-Nazi rally.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Fire, The
A kitchen fire makes George confront his cowardliness; guests Melanie Chartoff, Dom Irrera.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Euclid Alternative, The
An intervention is used to try to force Sheldon to overcome his fear of driving.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem, The
Sheldon, and his friends, are mystified when a younger undergraduate student is attracted to him.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Panty Pinata Polarization, The
When Sheldon bans Penny from the apartment for numerous minor infractions, she decides to retaliate. Howard and Raj search for the America's Next Top Model house.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Lizard-Spock Expansion, The
Sheldon wants to use an alternate version of rock-paper-scissors to help resolve conflicts. A girl (Sara Rue) Wolowitz has a major crush on falls for Leonard.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
White Asparagus Triangulation, The
Sheldon is overexuberant that Leonard finally has a girlfriend (Sara Rue) matching his high standards.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Vartabedian Conundrum, The
Leonard seeks Penny's counsel when his relationship with Stephanie (Sara Rue) takes off faster than he'd like. Sheldon's hypochondriac tendencies get the better of him.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Clipped
Go Below
Ben is embarrassed after a one-night stand with Rita Doyle, considering her to be a "go- below." He's offended to find out that Rita is the one who thinks he is below her stature. Meanwhile, Danni is suspicious that a Spanish class that A.J. and Charmaine are taking together might be something more.
TV-MA
11:30 pm
Cougar Town (SAP)
Mystery of Love
After Travis and Laurie have Jules and Grayson over for a sophisticated brunch, Jules attempts to prove that she and Grayson are the better couple. Andy plans a beach day for Stan so he will be considered a fun dad. Meanwhile, Tom helps Ellie finish a teen novel she started writing years ago.
TV-14
12:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Too Much Ain't Enough
After Jules receives a large commission check, she enlists Andy to be her business partner in a get-rich-quick scheme. Meanwhile, Grayson tries to seem cool to Travis's new hipster friends, and Bobby struggles to feel comfortable with his new bag.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Movie
Happy Gilmore
For centuries, golf has been a gentleman's game. A game of tradition, etiquette and, above all, sportsmanship... until now. Happy Gilmore is a hockey player skating on thin ice who discovers that his wicked slap shot easily converts into a crushing 400 yard tee shot with the potential for big bucks. Happy's career takes a 180 degree swing and lands him on the Pro Golf Tour, where he's about to turn the gentleman's game into a contact sport. A working stiff with a temper as short as his drives are long, Happy doesn't fit on the manicured greens of the country club. His outrageous antics, both on and off the course, cause an uproar among the players and officials; but his roughhouse style attracts hordes of new blue collar fans. Now Happy is going from rinks to links--and driving the game of golf straight into the ground.
TV-14
2:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Mr. Deeds
When Deeds inherits controlling interest in a media corporation from his deceased uncle, he''s quickly besieged by opportunists gunning for their piece of the pie. When Babe, a television tabloid reporter posing as an innocent smalltown girl, is sent to do an expose on Deeds, she instead feels herself falling in love.
TV-14
4:30 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2202
Cat attacks; kids pull out their loose teeth in unusual ways
TV-G
5:30 am
Married With Children
Ship Happens (1)
The Bundys and D'Arcys go on a Caribbean cruise.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, July 5

6:00 am
Married With Children
Ship Happens (2)
The Bundys' and D'Arcy's Caribbean cruise is ruined when the ship sinks.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
And Bingo was Her Game-O
Peggy wins $10,000 playing Bingo. Meanwhile, NO MA'AM chooses their official beer.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Undergraduate, The
A twelve year old boy with a crush on Kelly gets her to go to his junior prom with him.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
User Friendly
While Al and his friends tries to find out what a light switch in the Bundy house do, Bud experiences cyber sex... with Amber.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Giant Poking Device, The
Chandler and Janice make a difficult decision about their relationship. Monica accidentally injures Ben and tries to hide it from Ross.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister, The
Rachel meets a handsome stranger (STEVEN ECKHOLDT) who might help her career. Chandler gets into trouble with Joey's sisters.
TV-14
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With All the Jealousy, The
Ross overreacts when Rachel starts working with a handsome guy. Monica becomes enamored with a sexy busboy.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Monica And Richard Are Just Friends, The
When Monica and Richard (TOM SELLECK) accidentally meet, they decide to become friends -- with dire consequences.
TV-14
10:00 am
Movie
Zoolander
The international misadventures of fashion model Derek Zoolander, who is hired to stop a secret cartel of political assassins posing as male models. Derek soon discovers the horrifying secret of why no male models live past the age of thirty. While Derek tries to infiltrate the fashion/assassin clique led by the mean-spirited designer Mugatu, he must also contend with Hansel, a dense, on-the-rise male model who threatens to sabotage his mission--as well as his modeling career.
TV-14
12:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Yes Man
Carl Allen''s life is going nowhere--the operative word being "no"--until he signs up for a self-help program based on one simple covenant: say yes to everything--and anything. Unleashing the power of "YES" begins to transform Carl''s life in amazing an unexpected ways, getting him promoted at work and opening the door to a new romance. But his willingness to embrace every opportunity might just become too much of a good thing.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Change-Up, The
Growing up together, Mitch and Dave were inseparable best friends, but as the years have passed they''ve slowly drifted apart. While Dave is an overworked lawyer, husband and father of three, Mitch has remained a single, quasi-employed man-child who has never met a responsibility he liked. To Mitch, Dave has it all: beautiful wife Jamie, kids who adore him and a high-paying job at a prestigious law firm. To Dave, living Mitch''s stress free life without obligation or consequence would be a dream come true. Following a drunken night out together, Mitch and Dave''s worlds are turned upside down when they wake up in each other''s bodies and proceed to freak out. Despite the freedom from their normal routines and habits, the guys soon discover that each other''s lives are nowhere near as rosy as they once seemed. Further complicating matters are Dave''s sexy legal associate, Sabrina, and Mitch''s estranged father. With time not on their side, Mitch and Dave struggle to avoid completely destroying each other''s lives before they can find a way to get their old ones back.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Mr. Deeds
When Deeds inherits controlling interest in a media corporation from his deceased uncle, he''s quickly besieged by opportunists gunning for their piece of the pie. When Babe, a television tabloid reporter posing as an innocent smalltown girl, is sent to do an expose on Deeds, she instead feels herself falling in love.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Movie
Happy Gilmore
For centuries, golf has been a gentleman's game. A game of tradition, etiquette and, above all, sportsmanship... until now. Happy Gilmore is a hockey player skating on thin ice who discovers that his wicked slap shot easily converts into a crushing 400 yard tee shot with the potential for big bucks. Happy's career takes a 180 degree swing and lands him on the Pro Golf Tour, where he's about to turn the gentleman's game into a contact sport. A working stiff with a temper as short as his drives are long, Happy doesn't fit on the manicured greens of the country club. His outrageous antics, both on and off the course, cause an uproar among the players and officials; but his roughhouse style attracts hordes of new blue collar fans. Now Happy is going from rinks to links--and driving the game of golf straight into the ground.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Hangover, The
Two days before his wedding, Doug and his three buddies drive to Vegas for a blow-out night they'll never forget. But when the three groomsmen wake up the next morning with pounding headaches, they can't remember a thing. Their posh hotel suite is beyond trashed and the groom is nowhere to be found. With no clue of what happened and little time to spare, the trio must attempt to retrace their bad decisions from the night before in order to figure out where things went wrong and hopefully get Doug back to L.A. in time for his wedding. However, the more they begin to uncover, the more they realize just how much trouble they're really in.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Hangover Part II, The
Phil, Stu, Alan and Doug travel to exotic Thailand for Stu''s wedding. With the memory of Doug''s nearly disastrous bachelor party in Las Vegas still fresh-or at least well-documented-Stu is taking no chances. He has opted for a safe, subdued, pre-wedding trip brunch, with pancakes, coffee and no alcohol. However, things don''t always go as planned. Two nights before the big day, at a fabulous resort in Thailand, Stu relents. One beer each. In sealed bottles. What could go wrong? What happens in Vegas may stay in Vegas, but what happens in Bangkok can''t even be imagined.
TV-14
12:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Due Date
Peter Highman is an expectant first-time father whose wife''s due date is a mere five days away. As Peter hurries to catch a flight home from Atlanta to be at her side for the birth, his best intentions go completely awry when a chance encounter with aspiring actor Ethan Tremblay forces Peter to hitch a ride with Ethan--on what turns out to be a cross-country road trip that will ultimately destroy several cars, numerous friendships and Peter''s last nerve.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Change-Up, The
Growing up together, Mitch and Dave were inseparable best friends, but as the years have passed they''ve slowly drifted apart. While Dave is an overworked lawyer, husband and father of three, Mitch has remained a single, quasi-employed man-child who has never met a responsibility he liked. To Mitch, Dave has it all: beautiful wife Jamie, kids who adore him and a high-paying job at a prestigious law firm. To Dave, living Mitch''s stress free life without obligation or consequence would be a dream come true. Following a drunken night out together, Mitch and Dave''s worlds are turned upside down when they wake up in each other''s bodies and proceed to freak out. Despite the freedom from their normal routines and habits, the guys soon discover that each other''s lives are nowhere near as rosy as they once seemed. Further complicating matters are Dave''s sexy legal associate, Sabrina, and Mitch''s estranged father. With time not on their side, Mitch and Dave struggle to avoid completely destroying each other''s lives before they can find a way to get their old ones back.
TV-14
4:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2203
A mother accidentally cheers for the wrong girl at a swim meet
TV-G
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2204
A dog steals a birthday cupcake; a woman forgets bears can climb
TV-G
 

Monday, July 6

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Meat Wars
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Goodbye Dolly
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Shoeless Al
Al can't wear shoes because of his phony lawsuit against the mall.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Pump Fiction
Al and Kelly make a short film about shoes, and they end up getting $10,000 dollars to produce another one.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Radio Free Trumaine
In an attempt for a spinoff, we follow the lives of DJs Oliver Cole and Mark Campbell at a local radio station at Bud's college. Oliver and Mark risk being expelled for revealing the truth about dean Steve Rhoades' past.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Shoe Room with a View, A
Al arranges for an aerobics studio to open next to the shoe store.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Guess Who's Coming to Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner
When Bud decides to move out, Peggy's mother arrives to stay.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Married With Children
Requiem for a Dead Briard
The family tries to console Kelly when Buck dies.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Emotional Rollrcoaster
Doug tells Carrie that, as part of the IPS management program, he needs to conquer a local roller coaster he's been yearning to ride.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Four Play
Doug realizes he has more in common with Deacon's wife than with Deacon, so he starts spending time with her.
TV-PG
11:00 am
King of Queens, The
Hartford Whaler
Doug tries to be romantic by making an unexpected appearance at Carrie's company retreat; Danny and Spence sneak into a Huey Lewis concert.
TV-PG
11:30 am
King of Queens, The
Acting Out
Carrie considers moving Arthur into a retirement home after he sets the basement on fire.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Brotherly Love
Rallo helps Junior as he tries to win the heart of Chanel, a girl he's infatuated with; Cleveland becomes Terry's pimp.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Stan's Night Out
Stan feels left out when he discovers that a few of the guys from work have been hitting the town while he sits at home with Francine eating dinner on a TV tray and watching gardening shows.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
In Country...Club
When Steve is selected to sing the national anthem at the Langley Falls Veterans' Day celebration, he gets some heat from Stan who doesn't think he's ready for such an undertaking. Unimpressed with Steve's vocal talents, Stan decides Steve needs to experience real war in order to sing about our country's military prowess. But things quickly go south when Roger gets involved and Steve goes bananas.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Moon Over Isla Island
Stan convinces the dictator of Isla Island to sign a treaty to get a promotion at work. Meanwhile, Steve and Snot get competitive to see who can get farther with the other's mom.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Home Adrone
When Steve gets the chance to sing the Star-Spangled Banner at a Veterans' Day event, Stan takes it upon himself to be Steve's vocal coach. Dissatisfied with Steve's progress, Stan signs Steve up for a Vietnam reenactment in the hopes that a little battle experience will help Steve to truly understand the national anthem. But the pressure of mock war, along with Stan's coaching, gets to Steve causing him to become a relentless reenacting machine. Meanwhile, Roger prepares to watch a pay-per-view Barbra Streisand concert.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Grumpy Old Man
After Lois's father, Carter, falls asleep while driving, the Griffins realize he is getting close to retirement, and visit retirement communities in Florida.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner, The
Phoebe's ex-singing partner wants to make Phoebe's signature song, "Smelly Cat," a commercial success. Chandler dates a woman (SHERILYN FENN) with a handicap.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross And Rachel Take a Break (Part 1), The
Phoebe becomes involved with a foreign diplomat. Ross becomes involved with another woman after a fight with Rachel.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One the Morning After (Part 2), The
Ross wakes up with Chloe, but an oblivious Rachel wants to resume their relationship.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Without the Ski Trip, The
Ross and Rachel remain apart while their friends feel forced to choose between them.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Seinfeld
Note, The
Jerry tries to help a dentist friend accused of insurance fraud.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Seinfeld
Truth, The
A woman (Valerie Mahaffey) wants to know why George doesn't want to see her.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Trip, The (Part I)
Jerry and George search for Kramer in Los Angeles; George Wendt; Corbin Bernsen; Elmarie Wendel.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Trip, The (Part 2)
Jerry and George try to save Kramer from a serial-murder accusation; guest Clint Howard.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Shower Head, The
Jerry jokes about his uncle on television; Elaine fails a drug test; guest Jay Leno.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Abstinence, The
George benefits when his new girlfriend's illness requires their abstinence.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Quagmire and Meg
When Meg turns 18, Peter and Lois attempt to keep Quagmire from seducing their daughter.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Blind Side, The
Brian starts dating a blind girl and things get a little crazy when she says that she hates dogs. Meanwhile, the Griffin family installs a new staircase in their home when Peter keeps falling on the old one and decides to live upstairs full-time.
TV-14
9:00 pm
American Dad
Dr. Klaustus
After tricking Roger into going to Iraq, Klaus assumes the role of the Smiths' psychologist, but his emphasis on emotional honesty backfires.
TV-14
9:30 pm
American Dad
Stan's Best Friend
When Steve's new puppy is gravely injured, Stan attempts to save the dog using a doctor who specializes in alternative medicine.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bath Item Gift Hypothesis, The
Sheldon irks the gangs with his obession with proper Christmas gift protocol. Lenoard's crushed when Penny dates a colleague of his.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Killer Robot Instability, The
Penny's criticism of Wolowitz's romantic life pushes him into depression and AWOL for a fighting robot battle the rest of guys are depending on him for.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5697
Guests: Aziz Ansari, Cristela Alonzo.
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Money Part 1
Michael throws an extravagant going-away party for Toby, and falls in love with the woman who is replacing him. Jim plans to propose to Pam at the party, but gets out-staged. Back at corporate, Ryan is arrested for fraud.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5697
Guests: Aziz Ansari, Cristela Alonzo.
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Too Good to be True
Travis starts an open mic night at Coffee Bucks, but things go awry when Andy tries to do stand-up comedy. Tom's daughter, Haylee (guest star Julianna Guill), comes to visit, and Grayson and Jules decide to play along when they discover that Tom's been lying to Haylee in order to make himself sound cool.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Box, The
What if someone gave you a box containing a button that, if pushed, would bring you a million dollars...but simultaneously take the life of someone you don''t know? Would you do it? And what would be the consequences? The year is 1976. Norma Lewis is a teacher at a private high school and her husband, Arthur, is an engineer working at NASA. They are, by all accounts, an average couple living a normal life in the suburbs with their young son...until a mysterious man with a horribly disfigured face appears on their doorstep and presents Norma with a life-altering proposition: the box. With only 24 hours to make their choice, Norma and Arthur face an impossible moral dilemma. What they don''t realize is that no matter what they decide, terrifying consequences will have already been set in motion. They soon discover that the ramifications of this decision are beyond their control and extend far beyond their own fortune and fate.
TV-14
4:30 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2205
A toddler in a costume fears his own reflection
TV-G
5:30 am
Married With Children
Reverend Al
Al and his friends turn No Ma'am into a tax-exempt church.
TV-PG
 

Tuesday, July 7

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Audrey's Shower
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Liz Moves In
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
How Bleen Was My Kelly
Kelly accidentally invents a baldness cure with some unusual side effects.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Weaker Sex, The
Al suffers public scorn when Peggy is declared a hero for taking out a pickpocket.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Flight of the Bumblebee
Bud takes on wrestler King Kong Bundy as his initiation into "No Ma'am."
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Blonde and Blonder
Kelly's class reunion becomes the scene for an ex-nerd's revenge.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Dud Bowl II
Marcy is determined to keep Polk High's new football scoreboard from being named after Al.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Married With Children
Bearly Men
Al must prove himself a man so his father-in-law will take Peggy's mom back home.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Fight Schlub
Doug plots revenge after learning that his friendship with a driver from a rival service was nothing more than a con.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Major Disturbance
The Palmers' vacation plans are ruined when Doug frightens Major so much that he refuses to be babysat by the Heffernans. In the meantime, Arthur begins hiring out himself and friends from the senior center to ride with solo drivers so they can use car-pool lanes.
TV-PG
11:00 am
King of Queens, The
Brace Yourself
An unflattering picture by Major prompts Arthur to ask Doug and Carrie for braces. Meanwhile, Kelly hires an out-of-work Spence to help out around the house.
TV-PG
11:30 am
King of Queens, The
Moxie Moron
Doug and Deacon fill in for Supervisor O'Boyle at the IPS depot. Carrie regrets her decision to complain about her company's chinzy gift for work on an important project.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Brown History Month
After Cleveland and Lester get into a fight during Black History month, a judge orders them to work together on a float for a unity parade; Rallo tries to steal Lester's confederate flag, only to become trapped under Kendra's body.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Brains, Brains, and Automobiles
When Hayley and Steve leave for their respective summers of fun, Francine looks forward to her newfound alone time with Stan.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Man in the Moonbounce
Stan vows to live out all the teenage pranks he missed with Steve and his friends. But when they are caught, he winds up going to prison.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Shallow Vows
Upset that Francine has let herself go, Stan takes drastic measures when she asks him to renew their wedding vows.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
My Morning Straitjacket
After attending a concert with Hayley, Stan becomes obsessed with her music.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Livin' on a Prayer
When Lois discovers that Stewie's sick playmate is being denied medical treatment because his parents are Christian Scientists, she decides to take matters into her own hands.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Clipped
Pilot
When barber/aspiring professional baseball player A.J. Salerno (Mike Castle) gets a phone call from a sports agent wanting to meet with him, he tells his co-worker Danni (Ashley Tisdale) that this is the big break he's been waiting for, and his barber days will soon be behind him. Meanwhile, the owner of the barbershop, Ben (Ryan Pinkston), is determined to fire one of his employees - Buzzy (George Wendt), Mo (Matt Cook), Joy (Lauren Lapkus), or Charmaine (Diona Reasonova) - to avoid paying an insurance premium increase.
TV-MA
3:30 pm
Clipped
Dreamers
Danni advises A.J. to give up on his dream of being a ball player, while A.J. inspires Danni to pursue her passion as a singer. Meanwhile, Joy's involvement in an AIDS Walk brings up the issue of charity, and just how cheap Ben can be.
TV-MA
4:00 pm
Clipped
Go Below
Ben is embarrassed after a one-night stand with Rita Doyle, considering her to be a "go- below." He's offended to find out that Rita is the one who thinks he is below her stature. Meanwhile, Danni is suspicious that a Spanish class that A.J. and Charmaine are taking together might be something more.
TV-MA
4:30 pm
Seinfeld
Cheever Letters, The
Jerry and George work on their pilot script.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Seinfeld
Dog, The
Jerry gets stuck sitting for an unruly dog.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pen, The
Jerry accepts a gift his parents wanted him to refuse.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Stand-In, The
Kramer is a stand-in on a soap opera; George wants to break up with a girlfriend.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Wait Out, The
Jerry and Elaine anticipate dating soon-to-be-single friends (Cary Elwes, Debra Messing).
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Yada Yada, The
George realizes his girlfriend's slang may leave out vital information.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Burning, The
George seeks timely exits; Jerry's gal has a secret; Elaine learns Puddy is religious.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Friendship Algorithim, The
Looking to get friendly with Barry Kripke to gain access to a piece of high-tech lab equipment, Sheldon develops a flowchart process to make friends.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Financial Permeability, The
When Sheldon loans money to Penny so she can pay her rent, it leads to Leonard coming face-to-face with her ex, Kurt.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Maternal Capacitance, The
A visit from Leonard's mother (Christine Baranski) ends up bringing him and Penny closer.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cushion Saturation, The
Paintball leads to a squabble between Sheldon and Penny, as well as romance between Howard and Leslie.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Clipped
Wi-Fi
The girls are upset that Ben won't pay for the barbershop to have WiFi, so they go to great lengths to get the WiFi password from the tattoo parlor next door. Mo spills the beans to the gang that Ben is being peed on in the shower at the gym by somebody he considers a friend, and A.J. decides to do something about it.
TV-MA
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Terminator Decoupling, The
The gang is thrilled when they see Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles' Summer Glau is also aboard their train to San Francisco for a scientific symposium. Meanwhile, Sheldon frets over having forgotten a paper he wants to present to George Smoot.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5699
Conan in Cuba: Conan O'Brien becomes the first American late-night host to do a show in Cuba in more than 50 years.
TV-14
12:00 am
Clipped
Wi-Fi
The girls are upset that Ben won't pay for the barbershop to have WiFi, so they go to great lengths to get the WiFi password from the tattoo parlor next door. Mo spills the beans to the gang that Ben is being peed on in the shower at the gym by somebody he considers a friend, and A.J. decides to do something about it.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5699
Conan in Cuba: Conan O'Brien becomes the first American late-night host to do a show in Cuba in more than 50 years.
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Refugee
When Bobby's boat goes missing, Jules and Bobby step into their old crime fighting personas, "Blacktop" and "Gumshoe", in order to solve the mystery. Meanwhile, Grayson helps Andy win over his new supervisor by teaching him "the neg," and Laurie and Travis attempt to decorate her apartment together.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Lakeview Terrace
Veteran Los Angeles cop Abel Turner guards his neighborhood with the same zeal he brings to his patrol route. The single father of a teenaged daughter and preteen son, Abel is one-man security force, ensuring that his strict standards of behavior are adhered to, even if it means ruffling a few feathers in the process. Chris and Lisa Mattson, a progressive and upwardly mobile couple, move in next door to Turner, who disapproves of their interracial marriage. Hoping to rid the neighborhood of anything or anyone he deems "undesirable," Turner launches an escalating series of pranks and insults against the Mattsons. Abel takes full advantage of his police connections to antagonize his new neighbors with impunity, hoping to get them to pick up and move out. When their air conditioning unit is sabotaged in the middle of a heat wave and their car tires are mysteriously slashed, the Mattsons begin to suspect Abel is behind their troubles. But without proof, they can only try to negotiate a truce--an offer Abel does not accept. Abel's anger flares when his use of inappropriate force on the job lands him on extended leave and he discovers his daughter has been spending time with Lisa. As Abel crosses the line from annoying neighbor to dangerous adversary, the couple tries to fight back, which only feeds Turner's fury. With the resentment between the neighbors building daily, it's only a matter of time before the situation escalates into a potentially deadly stand off.
TV-14
4:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2206
A woman in labor gets held up by a train on the way to the hospital
TV-G
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2207
The $100,000 award show includes the "Bride Gets the Giggles"
TV-G
 

Wednesday, July 8

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Taking Names
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Cats & Dogs
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Two That Got Away, The
Bumped from their fishing lodge cabin, Al and Jefferson seek revenge against actress Shannon Tweed.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
I Can't Believe It's Butter
Al forces Peggy's mom to get a job right before Christmas.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Love Conquers Al
Peggy takes Al and her parents to a marriage therapy retreat.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Hood, the Bud and the Kelly (1), The
To keep Kelly as a client, Bud sets out to produce a sexy exercise video.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Hood, the Bud and the Kelly (2), The
In order to save his life, Bud must finish his exercise video on time.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Married With Children
Calendar Girl
Al uses Bud's class project to beat out a rival shoe store owner.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Ruff Goin'
Feeling hurt over not being invited to a block party, Doug adopts a dog just to prove to the neighbors that he's an okay guy - a decision he soon regrets. Meanwhile, Arthur falls prey to the gambling bug when trying to help Danny beat it.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Mama Cast
Doug decides to spend the Heffernans' tax refund on an ice cream truck. Meanwhile, Carrie fills in as a pretend mom at model homes, and discovers a reemergence of her maternal desires.
TV-PG
11:00 am
King of Queens, The
Home Cheapo
Carrie is convinced that Deacon and Kelly were only able to afford a vacation home by being cheap. Meanwhile, Arthur tries to help Spence get a new job.
TV-PG
11:30 am
King of Queens, The
Affair Trade
Doug panics when he starts getting sexy phone messages meant for another Doug Heffernan, but Carrie doesn't seem to care. Meanwhile, Danny tries to force a wedge between Spence and a new lady friend.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Cleveland's Angels
After Cleveland gambles away money meant for Roberta's college fund, Kendra, Donna and Arianna embark on a mission to retrieve the money from a crooked riverboat casino.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
G-String Circus
When Hayley rejects Stan's advice, he decides to start a dry-cleaning business run by a bunch of strippers. But when the business fails miserably, he is forced to become a male stripper to make some extra money.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Rapture's Delight
The Rapture happens on Christmas Eve, and Stan is left behind.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Don't Look a Smith Horse in the Mouth
When Francine demands that Stan get rid of his gas-guzzling SUV because it's draining the family of money, he hatches a plan with Roger at the local horse track to avoid giving up his ride. Meanwhile, it's up to Steve and his friends to help out an old friend.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Jones for a Smith, A
Stan puts down liberal social programs because he thinks they're a waste of money and gives Francine a hard time for lending a helping hand at the local homeless shelter. When Stan develops a nasty addiction and needs help, he suddenly has a change of heart.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Tom Tucker: The Man and His Dream
When Peter decides to be a famous actor, he becomes Tom Tucker's agent as his first step toward stardom. Meanwhile, Chris dates a girl who looks disturbingly like a member of the Griffin household.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Tan, The
Rachel and Joey nervously anticipate their first real date; Monica and Phoebe try to avoid an obnoxious friend (Jennifer Coolidge) with a fake British accent; Ross emerges from a tanning booth with a two-toned appearance.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Cake, The
An X-rated cake is delivered to Emma's first birthday party.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits, The
Rachel convinces her sister (Christina Applegate) to baby-sit over Ross' protests; Joey writes a letter to an adoption agency on Monica and Chandler's behalf.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Grant, The
When Ross interviews with Charlie's ex-boyfriend (Greg Kinnear) for a prized grant, the doctor makes a shocking stipulation; Chandler lies about watching Joey's bizarre audition tape.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Seinfeld
Parking Garage, The
Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer lose their car in a mall parking garage.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Seinfeld
Cafe, The
Jerry tries to help the owner of a deserted neighborhood cafe.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Raincoats, The (Part 1)
Kramer's scheme to sell vintage raincoats backfires; George sells his dad's clothes; guest Judge Reinhold.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Raincoats, The (Part 2 )
Kramer's scheme to sell vintage raincoats backfires; George sells his dad's clothes; guest Judge Reinhold.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pilot
A woman's impending visit excites Jerry, until he learns she's getting married.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Phone Message, The
George regrets a nasty message he put on a date's answering machine.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Work Song Nanocluster, The
Penny's business selling hair accessories out of her apartment gets out of hand when an over-caffeinated Sheldon takes charge.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Dead Hooker Juxtaposition, The
Penny feels threatened when another sexy woman moves into the apartment building and angered when she senses the guys are being taken advantage of.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hofstadter Isotope, The
A fellow comic book enthusiast's hitting on Penny leads to Leonard, Raj, and Howard going to a bar's Ladies' Night.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Vegas Renormalization, The
Leonard and Raj take Wolowitz to Las Vegas to help him get over his break-up with Leslie (Sara Gilbert). Sheldon, home alone and looking forward to it, locks himself out and has only one other place to stay; Penny's.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Classified Materials Turbulence, The
Leonard is torn between being honest or self-serving when Stuart asks his advice for an upcoming second date with Penny. Wolowitz realizes there's a crucial error in a toilet he designed for the International Space Station.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Monopolar Expedition, The
The guys' prestigious offer to work over the summer at the North Pole; and Penny's resultant behavior; leaves Leonard unsure if he should go.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5755
Guests: Elijah Wood, Chris Hardwick.
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Money Part 2
Michael throws an extravagant going-away party for Toby, and falls in love with the woman who is replacing him. Jim plans to propose to Pam at the party, but gets out-staged. Back at corporate, Ryan is arrested for fraud.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5755
Guests: Elijah Wood, Chris Hardwick.
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Love Is a Long Road
As Chick (guest star Ken Jenkins) deals with the fallout from his first Alzheimers symptoms, Jules convinces him to look at houses nearby. Without meaning to, Grayson introduces the idea of Chick moving in with them, a suggestion he quickly regrets. All the while, the Cul de Sac Crew excitedly prepares for Travis's college graduation which kicks off, among other things, a rivalry between Ellie and Laurie for who is #1 on Jules' most-important-friend list.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Domestic Disturbance
Frank Morrison wants what's best for his son. Since he and his wife Susan divorced a few years ago, their son Danny has been rebellious and troubled, with a history of lying. Frank and Susan love Danny dearly; they understand that beneath his defiant exterior lies an eleven year old boy who needs compassion, understanding and good parenting. Now everything is changing. Susan is about to become Mrs. Rick Barnes. A newcomer in town, Barnes has already made his mark as a wealthy philanthropist. He'll be able to give Danny things that Frank, a boatbuilder, simply can't. Struggling with jealousy, Frank has to admit that two parents at home might be just what Danny needs. When Danny starts telling Frank troubling stories about Rick Barnes, Frank is torn between refusing to believe his son, whose reputation for telling the truth has always been spotty, and considering the awful possibility that Barnes might be an altogether different person than he appears.
TV-14
3:45 am
TBS Network Preview
Episode 1
A backstage peek at TBS's original programs.
4:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2208
Clips of "guys with their pants on fire" versus "dogs with itchy poopers"
TV-G
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2209
Some of the funniest home videos!
TV-G
 

Thursday, July 9

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Cupcake
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Fountain of Youth
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Spring Break (1)
As Kelly and her friends trick Bud's fraternity out of their spring break in Florida, Al and Griff join Jefferson in Fort Lauderdale to judge a college co-ed beauty contest.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Spring Break (2)
As Al prepares to chest to see that Kelly is named Miss Spring Break, Marcy and Bud lead some burned fraternity brothers to Florida for revenge.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Agony and the Extra C, The
A Jefferson anniversary surprise is ruined when a drunken tattoo artist misspells Marcy's name.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Turning Japanese
To secure a big promotion at the bank, Marcy must first buy Al's car for her Japanese boss.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Bud Hits the Books
Bud's unauthorized use of the library threatens his graduation.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Married With Children
Al Goes to the Dogs
Al and Marcy clash over a doghouse for Lucky.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Offensive Fowl
Carrie soon grows tired of Doug's forcing his new vegetarian lifestyle down her throat. Meanwhile, Carrie's boss wants to start discussing novels with her, and Spence takes on some humiliating new jobs.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Mild Bunch
Doug's 20th high school reunion seems like a dud until an old friend comes up with a way to retaliate for past grievances with their old principal, while Danny and Spence try to hook up with old classmates. Carrie and Arthur try to have a movie night together.
TV-14
11:00 am
King of Queens, The
Manhanttan Project
Carrie's ecstatic when an affordable apartment opens in Manhattan, but Doug's reluctant to leave Queens. Arthur meets singer Ava St. Clair.
TV-PG
11:30 am
King of Queens, The
Single Spaced
Seeing friends who recently had a child makes Doug and Carrie consider adopting.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
You're the Best Man, Cleveland Brown!
Freight Train and Cookie announce their plans to re-marry; Cleveland is chosen to be best man...until he's replaced by Donna's ex-husband; Cleveland Jr. offers to pay for the wedding ceremony after he inherits money from his mother.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
May the Best Stan Win
As Valentine's Day approaches, a cyborg version of Stan attempts to steal Francine away from Stan; Roger directs a shot-for-shot remake of the movie "The Goonies."
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Return of the Bling
Stan is appalled to discover that Roger - a "Miracle On Ice" hockey team member - used steroids; Hayley finds herself falling for Reginald.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Cops and Roger
In an attempt to prove his manhood to Stan, Roger joins the Police Academy. But it's not very long until he becomes a corrupt cop.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Merlot Down Dirty Shame
Complications ensue when Roger accompanies Francine to wine country; Klaus and Hayley trick Steve into believing he's dreaming when he's really awake.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Be Careful What You Fish For
When Peter and the guys try to salvage a sunken Mercedes-Benz, Peter half-heartedly promises a favor to a helpful dolphin (guest voice Ricky Gervais). Soon the dolphin moves to Quahog, outstays his welcome at Peter's and moves into Cleveland's house across the street. Peter tries to reunite the dolphin with his ex-wife in hopes that he'll return to the ocean, but his plan backfires and the whole dolphin family moves into Cleveland's.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Home Study, The
Monica and Chandler fuss over their apartment as they expect a visit from the adoption worker (Maria Pitillo); Phoebe and Mike opt for a small wedding and donate the extra money to a children's charity.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Birth Mother, The
A prospective birth mother (Anna Faris) labors under a misconception about Monica and Chandler's respective occupations.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Gets Caught, The
Rachel and Phoebe spot Chandler getting into a vehicle with a mysterious blond woman.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where the Stripper Cries, The
Joey appears as a celebrity contestant on ``$100,000 Pyramid''; Monica and Rachel hire an ungainly stripper (Danny DeVito) for Phoebe's bachelorette party.
TV-14
5:00 pm
Seinfeld
Alternate Side, The
Elaine dumps a 66-year-old, who then has a heart attack.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Seinfeld
Red Dot, The
Elaine's alcoholic boyfriend resumes drinking; Jerry is the unwitting cause.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Old Man, The
Jerry, George and Elaine volunteer to help senior citizens; guest Edie McClurg.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Chinese Woman, The
George's crossed phone lines acquaint the gang with a woman who isn't what she seems.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Gum, The
Kramer complicates Jerry's quest to locate a special brand of Chinese gum.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Fatigues, The
Jerry's new girlfriend has a mentor; Elaine must fire a troubled employee.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Burning Down the Bayit
Overwhelmed with financial troubles, Mort asks Peter and Quagmire to help him save his pharmacy. However, things take a turn for the worse when the trio decides to burn it down to collect insurance money.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Killer Queen
When Peter and Chris go away to fat camp, they cross paths with a serial killer who targets overweight kids. Meanwhile, Stewie is traumatized by the frightening cover of a Queen album.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Forget Me Not
After a car accident, Peter, Brian, Joe, and Quagmire wake up in a hospital with no memory and discover that they're the last people left on Earth.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
You Can't Do That on Television, Peter
After Peter's favorite children's television show gets cancelled, he takes matters into his own hands by creating and starring in his own show for kids. Meanwhile, Meg begins an internship at the hospital with Dr. Hartman.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Electric Can Opener Fluctuation, The
Discovering that Leonard, Raj, and Howard fudged the results of his Arctic research expedition, a disgraced Sheldon heads home to Texas.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Jiminy Conjecture, The
Sheldon and Howard wager comic books over a cricket's species. Meanwhile, a less-than-perfect romantic night agonizes Leonard and Penny.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5756
Guests: The stars of The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2: Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Local Ad
When the Scranton branch is asked to participate in a Dunder Mifflin ad, Michael (Golden Globe winner Steve Carell) seizes his chance to exhibit his creativity. Meanwhile, Dwight (Rainn Wilson) explores the online world of Second Life.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5756
Guests: The stars of The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2: Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
We Stand a Chance
After winning Cul de Sac Crew Trivia, Tom gets to pick the location of the next group vacation. The gang is less than thrilled, however, when Tom opts for a stay-cation. Meanwhile, Jules fakes being healthy at her annual physical exam and gets some shocking results. And Bobby accidentally signs Grayson and himself up for a breakdancing competition.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Hide & Seek
"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" That command is familiar to everyone who has played the children''s game, Hide and Seek. The words and game take us back to an innocent carefree time in our lives, where the simple goal was to find hiding playmates. Many children could even enjoy a spirited game with imaginary friends. But then, imaginary friends can sometimes seem so real For young Emily Callaway, her games of Hide and Seek with an imaginary friend named Charlie have become anything but simple and innocent. Instead, she finds herself in the middle of a series of increasingly nightmarish acts that even her father David cannot stop. Who--or what--is Charlie? David wonders. How can an "imaginary" entity have this kind of hold on her? Maybe Charlie is not imaginary at all, but instead a flesh-and-blood, malevolent presence?
TV-14
4:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2210
TV-G
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2211
This week's episode includes animals on the attack
TV-G
 

Friday, July 10

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Baby Talk
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Role Play
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Kiss of the Coffee Woman
Al and Marcy object to Kelly and Jefferson's appearing as a couple in a suggestive TV commercial.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Enemies
A philandering delivery man's affair with Kelly causes problems with his own suspicious girlfriend.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Torch Song Duet
Al helps Griff win a pair of tickets to the Olympic Games.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Joke's on Al, The
Al and Jefferson vie to claim the title of King of Practical Jokes.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Stepford Peg, The
Peggy's amnesia allows Al to mold her into the perfect wife.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Married With Children
Children of the Corns
Al and Griff try to blackmail their sweatshop-owning boss for a raise.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Married With Children
Twisted
A killer storm strikes, leaving the Bundys and D'Arcys sharing a basement shelter.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
China Syndrome (1)
Doug and Carrie's marital tension continues, as they ponder whether they have a future together. Arthur and Ava's wedding day turns problematic.
TV-PG
11:00 am
King of Queens, The
China Syndrome (2)
At Arthur's wedding reception, Doug and Carrie's marital tension continues, and they ponder whether they have a future together.
TV-PG
11:30 am
King of Queens, The
Queasy Rider
Doug buys a motorcycle against Carrie's wishes; Carrie takes up smoking.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Harder, Better, Faster, Browner
Cleveland helps ignite the career of a struggling rapper after the pair produce a new hit single.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Cleveland Live!
In this "live" broadcast of "The Cleveland Show," complications ensue when Cleveland and Donna attempt to celebrate their anniversary.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Bully for Steve
Stan becomes tired of Steve never standing up for himself. To help, he becomes a bully and picks on Steve. Meanwhile, Reginald finally asks Hayley out on a date.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Incident at Owl Creek, An
Stan becomes the laughing stock of Langley Falls after he defecates in a swimming pool during a party.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Great Space Roaster
It is Roger's birthday, and he begs to be roasted, but Roger takes the cruel jokes to heart and goes on a rampage against the Smith family.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
100 A.D.
When Hayley and her old boyfriend, Jeff, elope, Stan freaks out and offers a reward to anyone who can stop them, sparking a wild goose chase throughout town. Though Reginald attempts to get involved, he ends up fighting with Bullock over the man's time with Halley. Roger and Steve are on the case to find Hayley and Jeff as "Wheels and the Legman."
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Hypnosis Tape, The
Phoebe is distraught when her brother wants to marry a woman twice his age. While working as a waitress, Monica gets a tip from an admirer worth a small fortune. A hypnosis tape makes Chandler act like a woman.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Tiny T-Shirt, The
Ross is upset when Rachel returns his personal belongings and dates Mark. Monica dates a millionaire.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Dollhouse, The
Joey thinks he's found his true love. Rachel's boss (ALISON LaPLACA) dates Chandler, creating big trouble for Rachel. Monica inherits a dollhouse.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With a Chick and a Duck, The
When Pete buys a restaurant, Monica must make a difficult decision. Ross makes a sacrifice for Rachel. Joey buys Chandler an unusual pet.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Seinfeld
Suicide, The
Jerry fears his girlfriend's comatose ex-boyfriend will awaken; guest Wayne Knight.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pez Dispenser, The
George worries over gaining the upper hand in his current romance.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Boyfriend, The (Part I)
Jerry and Elaine vie for time with his new friend, baseball player Keith Hernandez.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Boyfriend, The (Part 2)
Jerry and Elaine vie for time with his new friend, baseball player Keith Hernandez.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Highlights of a Hundred (Part I)
Jerry Seinfeld presents highlights from the series' first 100 episodes.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Highlights of a Hundred (Part 2)
Jerry Seinfeld presents highlights from the series' first 100 episodes.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Mr. and Mrs. Stewie
Stewie meets a little girl who might be his soulmate; Lois buys twin beds after Peter repeatedly crushes her in his sleep.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Leggo my Meg-O
Stewie and Brian attempt to track down Meg after she's abducted in Paris by sex slave operatives.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Bad Teacher
Elizabeth Halsey is a foulmouthed, ruthless, and inappropriate teacher. She drinks, gets high, and can''t wait to marry a meal ticket to get out of her bogus day job. When she''s dumped by her fiancÚ, she sets her sights on a rich, handsome substitute while shrugging off the advances of the school gym teacher. The consequences of her wild and outrageous schemes give her students, coworkers, and even herself an education like no other.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5757
Guests: The stars of Game of Thrones, The stars of The Walking Dead.
TV-14
12:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
American Dream Plan B
Jules agrees to stop drinking wine during Laurie's pregnancy, but the rest of the gang doesn't agree, so Tom opens up his garage as a speakeasy. Meanwhile, Grayson prepares Travis for fatherhood with the help of a baby pig.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5757
Guests: The stars of Game of Thrones, The stars of The Walking Dead.
TV-14
1:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Life As We Know It
Holly Berenson is an up-and-coming caterer and Eric Messer is a promising network sports director. After a disastrous first date, the only thing they have in common is their dislike for each other and their love for their goddaughter, Sophie. But when they suddenly become all Sophie has in the world, Holly and Eric are forced to put their differences aside. Juggling career ambitions and competing social calendars, they''ll have to find some common ground while living under one roof.
TV-14
4:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Branch Wars
When Karen (guest star Rashida Jones) tries to woo Stanley away from Scranton, Michael fights back, dragging her ex, Jim, into his war. Meanwhile, the existence of a "Finer Things Club" further disturbs Dunder Mifflin's calm.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Survivor Man
Michael goes on a survival adventure into the woods.with nothing except the suit on his back.in retaliation for not getting an invite to a similar party from corporate. Back at the office, there is a birthday going on while Jim tries to revolutionize the party.
TV-PG
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2212
A boy hides his toys in his pajamas; mishaps caught on camera; angry deer
TV-G
 

Saturday, July 11

6:00 am
Married With Children
Grime and Punishment
When he starts charging Bud rent, Al is confined to the basement until he makes some much-needed repairs.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Crimes Against Obesity
As he's trying to celebrate his birthday, Al is put on trial by a group of obese women.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Kelly's Gotta Habit
As Kelly agrees to give up sex for a big TV commercial, Al teams with Officer Dan for an appearance on Cops.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Daddy's Little Girls
A single father, Monty, is a garage mechanic who lives in a poor neighborhood and struggles to make ends meet as he raises his three young daughters on his own. But when the courts award custody of his daughters to his corrupt, drug-dealing ex-wife, Monty desperately tries to win them back, enlisting the help of Julia, a beautiful--and hard-nosed--attorney he meets during his short stint as a chauffeur. While Monty and the Ivy-League-educated Julia couldn''t be less alike, an unexpected romance blossoms--and it soon begins to feel like true love. But in order for their relationship to survive, the couple must reconcile their two very different worlds--and overcome the forces that threaten to tear Monty''s family apart.
TV-14
9:30 am
Movie (DVS)
17 Again
At 17 Mike O''Donell (Zac Efron) was on top of the world; he was a basketball star and was a shoe in for a college scholarship. But on what''s supposed to be his big game where college scouts are checking him out, His girlfriend Scarlett reveals that she''s pregnant. Mike decides to leave the game and asks Scarlett to marry him. During their marriage, Mike could only whine about the life he lost because he married her. So she throws him out. And when he loses his job, he returns to the only place he''s happy at - his old high school. And while looking at his high school photo, a janitor asks him if he wishes he could be 17 again and he says yes. One night while driving he sees the janitor on a bridge and apparently jumps in and he goes after him. When he returns to his friend Ned''s house, where he has been staying, he sees that he is 17 again. He decides to take this opportunity to get the life he lost.
TV-14
11:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Life As We Know It
Holly Berenson is an up-and-coming caterer and Eric Messer is a promising network sports director. After a disastrous first date, the only thing they have in common is their dislike for each other and their love for their goddaughter, Sophie. But when they suddenly become all Sophie has in the world, Holly and Eric are forced to put their differences aside. Juggling career ambitions and competing social calendars, they''ll have to find some common ground while living under one roof.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Bad Teacher
Elizabeth Halsey is a foulmouthed, ruthless, and inappropriate teacher. She drinks, gets high, and can''t wait to marry a meal ticket to get out of her bogus day job. When she''s dumped by her fiancÚ, she sets her sights on a rich, handsome substitute while shrugging off the advances of the school gym teacher. The consequences of her wild and outrageous schemes give her students, coworkers, and even herself an education like no other.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Screamer, The
Ross tries to convince Rachel that her date (BEN STILLER) is psychotic. Joey's play gets terrible reviews.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Thing, The
Ross finds a strange growth on his buttocks. Phoebe can't choose between two guys. Monica's boyfriend surprises her.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Ultimate Fighting Champion, The
Monica's boyfriend cannot stop fighting. Chandler's boss is overly friendly. BILLY CRYSTAL and ROBIN WILLIAMS guest star. Referee JOHN McCARTHY and announcer BRUCE BUFFER guest star as themselves.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One at the Beach, The
The friends stay at a beach house. Phoebe meets someone who knows details about her family. Rachel expresses her jealousy of Ross' uninhibited girlfriend.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Keys, The
Kramer visits too much, so Jerry asks for his spare key back.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Bris, The
A religious ceremony makes Jerry and Elaine apprehensive about being godparents.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Slicer, The
Kramer buys a meat slicer; Jerry's date (Marcia Cross) considers his job meaningless.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Reverse Peephole, The
Puddy wears a fur coat; Jerry doesn't use a wallet; Newman may face eviction.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
21-Second Excitation, The
The guys camp out in line to see a print of Raiders of the Lost Ark with :21 extra seconds and are outraged to see Wil Wheaton and his friends being allowed to skip the line. Penny and Bernadette invite Amy to their girls night.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Good Guy Fluctuation, The
Sheldon tries to spook his friends on Halloween.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bakersfield Expedition, The
Leonard's car is stolen when the guys take a road trip to a comic book convention in Bakersfield, dressed as Star Trek characters.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cooper, The/Kripke Inversion
Outraged that he's being forced to work with his university nemesis, Barry Kripke (guest star JOHN ROSS BOWIE), Sheldon faces a crisis of conscience.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Convention Conundrum, The
Unable to score tickets for Comic-Con, Sheldon decides to stage his own comic-book convention, while the ladies attempt to act like "grown ups".
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Proton Transmogrification, The
A grief-stricken Sheldon receives counseling from his childhood TV idol, Professor Proton (Bob Newhart), while Penny and Leonard reach a relationship milestone and turn it into a competition and Bernadette and Amy turn "Star Wars Day" into a special event for the guys.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5758
Guests: Special surprise film; cast to be revealed in San Diego during Comic-Con.
TV-14
12:00 am
Clipped
Wi-Fi
The girls are upset that Ben won't pay for the barbershop to have WiFi, so they go to great lengths to get the WiFi password from the tattoo parlor next door. Mo spills the beans to the gang that Ben is being peed on in the shower at the gym by somebody he considers a friend, and A.J. decides to do something about it.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5758
Guests: Special surprise film; cast to be revealed in San Diego during Comic-Con.
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Full Grown Boy
Jules is overprotective when Chick wants to go to his Civil War reenactment. Bobby considers a job opportunity in another state. Travis hates Laurie's choices for baby names and needs Ellie to destroy them.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Funny People
George Simmons is a famous stand-up comedian, who learns that he has a terminal illness and less than a year to live. When, he meets Ira, a struggling comedian at a comedy club where both the comedians are performing, George hires Ira to be his personal assistant and opening act at his performances. The two forge a close friendship as George helps Ira with his career and Ira helps George find closure in his legacy. However, when George learns that his disease has gone into remission and an ex-girlfriend re-enters his life, he''s inspired to reevaluate what is important to him and what truly gives meaning to his life.
TV-14
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2213
A toddler reacts to a phone ringing
TV-G
 

Sunday, July 12

6:00 am
Married With Children
Requiem for a Chevyweight (1)
Al struggles to find a part for his ailing car.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Juggs Have Left the Building, The
Peggy and Kelly team up as a singing duo for a talent contest in Branson, Missouri.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Requiem for a Chevyweight (2)
Following the death of his Dodge, Al sets out to get a new car.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Bud on the Side
Al's boss falls in love with Bud.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Jellyfish, The
Ross loves dating Rachel again -- but hates what he did to accomplish the reconciliation. Phoebe gets to know her mother.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Movie
Funny People
George Simmons is a famous stand-up comedian, who learns that he has a terminal illness and less than a year to live. When, he meets Ira, a struggling comedian at a comedy club where both the comedians are performing, George hires Ira to be his personal assistant and opening act at his performances. The two forge a close friendship as George helps Ira with his career and Ira helps George find closure in his legacy. However, when George learns that his disease has gone into remission and an ex-girlfriend re-enters his life, he''s inspired to reevaluate what is important to him and what truly gives meaning to his life.
TV-14
11:30 am
Movie (DVS)
One for the Money
A proud, born-and-bred Jersey girl, Stephanie Plum''s got plenty of attitude, even if she''s been out of work for the last six months and just lost her car to a debt collector. Desperate for some fast cash, Stephanie turns to her last resort: convincing her sleazy cousin to give her a job at his bail bonding company as a recovery agent. True, she doesn''t even own a pair of handcuffs and her weapon of choice is pepper spray, but that doesn''t stop Stephanie from taking on Vinny''s biggest bail-jumper: former vice cop and murder suspect Joe Morelli - yup, the same sexy, irresistible Joe Morelli who seduced and dumped her back in high school. Nabbing Morelli would be a satisfying payback - and a hefty payday - but as Stephanie learns the ins and outs of becoming a recovery agent from Ranger, a hunky colleague who is the best in the business, she also realizes the case against Morelli isn''t airtight. Add to the mix her meddling family, a potentially homicidal boxer, witnesses who keep dying and the problem of all those flying sparks when she finds Morelli himself. Suddenly Stephanie''s new job isn''t nearly as easy as she thought.
TV-14
1:30 pm
MLB on tbs (CC)
New York Yankees @ Boston Red Sox
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Cat, The
Phoebe thinks her adoptive mother's spirit inhabits a stray cat. Joey's attempt to sell his entertainment center proves hazardous. DAN GAUTHIER guest stars.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Cuffs, The
Monica tries to prove her mother wrong. Chandler gets into an embarrassing situation while dating Rachel's boss.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Ballroom Dancing, The
Joey makes an odd deal with the building superintendent to prevent him from evicting Rachel and Monica. Phoebe wants to date her sexy massage client.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Killers
Trying to recover from a sudden break-up, Jen Kornfeldt believes she''ll never fall in love again. But when she reluctantly joins her parents on a trip to the French Riviera, Jen happens to meet the man of her dreams, the dashing, handsome Spencer Aimes. Three years later, her seemingly impossible wish has come true: she and Spencer are newlyweds living the ideal suburban life - that is, until the morning after Spencer''s 30th birthday when bullets start flying. Literally. It turns out Spencer never bothered to tell Jen he''s also an international super-spy, and now Jen''s perfect world has been turned upside down. Faced with the fact that her husband is a hit man, Jen is determined to discover what other secrets Spencer might be keeping - all the while trying to dodge bullets, keep up neighborly appearances, manage the in-laws and work out some major trust issues. And you thought suburban life was easy.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Knocked Up
Alison Scott is an up-and-coming entertainment journalist whose 24-year-old life is on the fast track. But it gets seriously derailed when a drunken one-nighter with slacker Ben Stone results in an unwanted pregnancy. Faced with the prospect of going it alone or getting to know the baby''s father, Alison decides to give the lovable doof a chance. An overgrown kid who has no desire to settle down, Ben learns that he has a big decision to make with his kid''s mom-to-be: will he hit the road or stay in the picture! Courting a woman you''ve just knocked up, however, proves to be a little difficult when the two try their hands at dating. As they discover more about one another, it becomes painfully obvious that they''re not the soul mates they''d hoped they might be. With Alison''s harried sister Debbie and hen-pecked brother-in-law Pete the only parenting role models the young lovers have, things get even more confusing. Should they raise the baby together? What makes a happy lifetime partnership after all? A couple of drinks and a wild night later, they''ve got nine confusing months to figure it out.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Celebrity photographer Connor Mead loves freedom, fun and women - in that order. A committed bachelor with a no-strings policy, he thinks nothing of breaking up with multiple women on a conference call while prepping his next date. Connor''s brother Paul is more the romantic type. In fact, he''s about to be married. Unfortunately, on the eve of the big event, Connor''s mockery of romance proves a real buzz-kill for Paul, the wedding party and a houseful of well wishers - including Connor''s childhood friend Jenny, the one woman in his life who has always seemed immune to his considerable charm. Just when it looks like Connor may single-handedly ruin the wedding, he gets a wake-up call from the ghost of his late Uncle Wayne, the hard-partying, legendary ladies man upon whose exploits Connor has modeled his lifestyle. Uncle Wayne has an urgent message for his protege, which he delivers through the ghosts of Connor''s jilted girlfriends - past, present and future - who take him on a revealing and hilarious odyssey through a lifetime of failed relationships. Together, they will discover what turned Connor into such a shameless player and whether he has a second chance to find - and this time, keep - the love of his life.
TV-14
12:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Killers
Trying to recover from a sudden break-up, Jen Kornfeldt believes she''ll never fall in love again. But when she reluctantly joins her parents on a trip to the French Riviera, Jen happens to meet the man of her dreams, the dashing, handsome Spencer Aimes. Three years later, her seemingly impossible wish has come true: she and Spencer are newlyweds living the ideal suburban life - that is, until the morning after Spencer''s 30th birthday when bullets start flying. Literally. It turns out Spencer never bothered to tell Jen he''s also an international super-spy, and now Jen''s perfect world has been turned upside down. Faced with the fact that her husband is a hit man, Jen is determined to discover what other secrets Spencer might be keeping - all the while trying to dodge bullets, keep up neighborly appearances, manage the in-laws and work out some major trust issues. And you thought suburban life was easy.
TV-14
2:30 am
Movie (DVS)
One for the Money
A proud, born-and-bred Jersey girl, Stephanie Plum''s got plenty of attitude, even if she''s been out of work for the last six months and just lost her car to a debt collector. Desperate for some fast cash, Stephanie turns to her last resort: convincing her sleazy cousin to give her a job at his bail bonding company as a recovery agent. True, she doesn''t even own a pair of handcuffs and her weapon of choice is pepper spray, but that doesn''t stop Stephanie from taking on Vinny''s biggest bail-jumper: former vice cop and murder suspect Joe Morelli - yup, the same sexy, irresistible Joe Morelli who seduced and dumped her back in high school. Nabbing Morelli would be a satisfying payback - and a hefty payday - but as Stephanie learns the ins and outs of becoming a recovery agent from Ranger, a hunky colleague who is the best in the business, she also realizes the case against Morelli isn''t airtight. Add to the mix her meddling family, a potentially homicidal boxer, witnesses who keep dying and the problem of all those flying sparks when she finds Morelli himself. Suddenly Stephanie''s new job isn''t nearly as easy as she thought.
TV-14
4:30 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2214
A girl makes funny comments while disoriented from surgery
TV-G
5:30 am
Married With Children
Bundy Thanksgiving, A
An untimely death threatens Al's Thanksgiving tradition; Kelly tries to a pet turkey from becoming a holiday dinner.
TV-PG
 

Monday, July 13

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Catering
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Cooking Class
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Live Nude Peg
Al falls in love with a stripper, unaware that she's actually his wife.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
God Help Ye Merry Bundymen
As Al and Griff lose their jobs on Christmas Eve, Marcy and Jefferson's entry in a neighborhood contest is sabotaged by Kelly and Bud.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
T*R*A*S*H
Al and Griff join Jefferson in the National Guard.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Babe in Toyland, A
Kelly becomes a prima donna after being asked to fill in on a popular children's television program.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Breaking Up Is Easy to Do (1)
A party game sends Al and Peggy to a marriage counselor; Kelly squares off in the boxing ring against a rival actress.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Married With Children
Breaking Up Is Easy to Do (2)
When Al moves out, he and Peggy throw themselves into the singles scene, with widely different results.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Female Problems
Carrie befriends a new neighbor; Doug feels left out.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Assaulted Nuts
After Doug convinces Carrie he doesn't goof around at work, horseplay gets him into a painful and embarrassing predicament.
TV-14
11:00 am
King of Queens, The
Parent Trapped
Deacon and Kelly ask Doug and Carrie to be the godparents of their new baby; Arthur is put in charge of the pretzel stand.
TV-PG
11:30 am
King of Queens, The
Dire Strayts
Doug and Carrie invite Ray and Debra Barone (``Everybody Loves Raymond'') to dinner; Doug gets stuck in the attic.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
How Cleveland Got His Groove Back
After being humiliated in a baseball challenge, Cleveland decides to vacation in Africa, but a layover in Hawaii proves to be the cure for his shattered confidence.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Son of Stan
After Stan creates a clone of Steve, Francine and Stan compete with each other to determine who has better parenting skills. Meanwhile, Roger tracks down the AWOL bride and groom in Thailand.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Best Little Horror House in Langley Falls
After hosting the scariest haunted house in the neighborhood for years, Stan is threatened by a competitive neighbor.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Stan's Food Restaurant
Roger offers to help Stan live out his dream of opening a restaurant until their different visions for what the eatery should be causes havoc.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
White Rice
After an argument between Stan and Francine breaks out, Stan suggests they go see a counselor, who hypnotizes Francine and reawakens her lifelong dream of being a comedian. Meanwhile, back in Langley Falls, Steve brings home a potential love interest for Klaus.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy
Tea Peter
Peter joins the Tea Party but doesn't discover until it's too late that Carter Pewterschmidt is using the party to get rid of government for his own selfish motives.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Joey's New Girlfriend, The
Joey thinks that Chandler hates Joey's new girlfriend--but the truth could be even more upsetting. Ross and Rachel try to make each other jealous.
TV-14
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Dirty Girl, The
Ross' beautiful new girlfriend has a disgusting secret. Chandler becomes more familiar with Joey's girlfriend.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Crosses the Line, The
Chandler is guilt-ridden after kissing Joey's girlfriend. Ross' musical talents are not as amazing as he and Phoebe think
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Smokes, The
Rachel submits to peer pressure at work. Joey and Ross' son audition for the same commercial -- but only one can get the part.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Seinfeld
Fixup, The
Jerry and Elaine play matchmaker for George.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Seinfeld
Good Samaritan, The
Jerry tracks down a hit-and-run driver, then wants to date her; guest Helen Slater.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Puffy Shirt, The
Jerry appears on ``Today'' wearing a silly shirt; guests Bryant Gumbel, Jerry Stiller.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Library, The
The library asks Jerry about a book overdue since 1971.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Clip Show, The (Part I)
Clips highlight the show's past nine seasons.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Clip Show, The (Part 2)
Jerry Seinfeld presents highlights from the series' first 100 episodes.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Family Guy Viewer Mail #2
Three skits: the British program that Family Guy is based on, everybody Peter touches turns into Robin Williams, and a look at the day through Stewie's eyes.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Internal Affairs
Peter talks Joe into having an affair and gets into another epic fight with the giant chicken.
TV-14
9:00 pm
American Dad
Less Money, Mo' Problems
Stan bets Jeff and Hayley that he and Fran can live on minimum wage for one month; Roger and Steve test-drive a Ferrari after Klaus brags about having driven one.
TV-14
9:30 pm
American Dad
Kidney Stays in the Picture, The
When Hayley experiences kidney failure, Stan and Fran travel into the past to find the man who may be Hayley's real father.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Gothowitz Deviation, The
Howard takes Raj along to check out the Goth dating scene. Sheldon uses chocolate as part of a behavior modification experiment on Penny.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Pirate Solution, The
Facing a return to India, Raj needs a job desperately enough to consider working for Sheldon. Meanwhile, Howard becomes a third wheel to Leonard and Penny.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5759
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Deposition, The
Michael is put in an awkward position when Jan sues Dunder-Mifflin for wrongful termination and he is deposed as a witness. Meanwhile, Kelly begins smack talking Pam after Darryl beats Jim at ping pong.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5759
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
To Find a Friend
When Grayson helps Andy with his tryouts for a new best friend, Jules and Ellie step in to run the bar. But they soon find it's harder than they thought. And Travis and Laurie spend their first weekend alone with Baby Bobby.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Law Abiding Citizen
Clyde Shelton is an upstanding family man whose wife and daughter are brutally murdered during a home invasion. When the killers are caught, Nick Rice, a hotshot young Philadelphia prosecutor, is assigned to the case. Over his objections, Nick is forced by his boss to offer one of the suspects a light sentence in exchange for testifying against his accomplice. Fast forward ten years. The man who got away with murder is found dead and Clyde Shelton coolly admits his guilt. Then he issues a warning to Nick: Either fix the flawed justice system that failed his family, or key players in the trial will die. Soon Shelton follows through on his threats, orchestrating from his jail cell a string of spectacularly diabolical assassinations that can be neither predicted nor prevented. Philadelphia is gripped with fear as Shelton''s high-profile targets are slain one after another and the authorities are powerless to halt his reign of terror. Only Nick can stop the killing, and to do so he must outwit this brilliant sociopath in a harrowing contest of wills in which even the smallest misstep means death. With his own family now in Shelton''s crosshairs, Nick finds himself in a desperate race against time facing a deadly adversary who seems always to be one step ahead.
TV-14
4:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2215
A musical montage featuring dogs and cats who do not get along
TV-G
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2216
Some of the funniest home videos from across America
TV-G
 

Tuesday, July 14

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Unpleasant Surprises
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Timmy Quits
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Breaking Up Is Easy to Do (3)
While Al finds single life dismal, Peggy tries to land a new husband.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Birthday Boy Toy
As Jefferson's worries about getting old force him into taking a job, Al tries to cure Peggy's shopping addiction.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Damn Bundys
Al sells his soul for a chance to play in the Super Bowl.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Chicago Shoe Exchange
Al and Griff trade the shoe store's inventory for a massage chair.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Lez Be Friends
Al strikes up a friendship with Marcy's identical cousin.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Married With Children
Desperate Half-Hour (1), The
Bud's prison pen pal arrives to rob the Bundys.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Doug Out
Feeling guilty, Doug invites Arthur to a Mets game; Doug gets arrested trying to catch a foul ball.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Tube Stakes
Doug's big screen television is stolen when Carrie accidentally leaves the garage door open.
TV-PG
11:00 am
King of Queens, The
Get Away
On a weekend trip, Doug and Carrie discover that Deacon and Kelly have a much more active sex life.
TV-PG
11:30 am
King of Queens, The
Roamin' Holiday
Doug invites Spence to move in as part of a plan to keep Carrie's annoying friends from spending a weekend.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
It's the Great Pancake, Junior Brown
When Cleveland concludes that Cleveland Jr. is too young for Halloween trick or treating, Junior reinvents his personality and becomes one of the "cool kids."
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
There Will Be Bad Blood
The Smiths prepare for the arrival of Stan's half-brother's family for Thanksgiving.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
People Vs. Martin Sugar, The
Stan serves as jury foreman for the trial of one of Roger's personae, and he is hell-bent on making sure the jury finds him guilty.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
For Whom the Sleigh Bell Tolls
Stan gives Steve a gun for Christmas, even though Francine warns him that Steve is too young. As usual, Stan ignores her, and when Steve accidentally shoots Santa, he sends the North Pole into a tizzy and jeopardizes Christmas.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Fartbreak Hotel
When Roger releases lethal gas into the Smith residence, the family moves into a hotel while the fumes clear. Francine finds herself with a lot of free time on her hands, and she soon finds herself working in the construction business.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Into Fat Air
When the successful family of Lois' ex-boyfriend, Ross Fishman, mentions that they're all climbing Mount Everest, Peter announces that the Griffins are climbing it too...and will beat the Fishmans to the top. But the Griffins are woefully unprepared for the trip.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Can't Flirt, The
Ross' flirting technique fails to impress a cute pizza-delivery woman. A surprise awaits Joey when he tells everyone about his big television appearance.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Ride Along, The
The guys enjoy riding along with a police officer -- until a gunshot is heard. Rachel overhears a telephone message for Ross from his second ex-wife.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Ball, The
Phoebe's boyfriend wants her to move in with him. Ross and Joey involve Chandler and Monica in an obsessive game.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Joey's Big Break, The
Joey's first major film role leads to an unexpected experience in Las Vegas. Phoebe can't remember why she hates Ross.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Seinfeld
Letter, The
Jerry's new girlfriend is a plagiarist.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Seinfeld
Parking Space, The
Jerry's car clanks after Elaine and George borrow it.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Stakeout, The
Jerry woos an ex-girlfriend's friend.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Cadillac, The (Part 1)
Jerry surprises his parents (Barney Martin, Liz Sheridan) with a new Cadillac.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Cadillac, The (Part 2)
Jerry surprises his parents (Barney Martin, Liz Sheridan) with a new Cadillac.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Serenity Now, The
Jerry's new girlfriend (Lori Loughlin) encourages him to express his emotions.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Creepy Candy Coating Corollary, The
Sheldon looks forward to squaring off against the the one actor from the Star Trek universe he holds enmity towards; Wil Wheaton; in a fantasy collectable card game tournament. Wolowitz cashes in on an old pact with Leonard to get Penny to set him up with a friend of hers.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cornhusker Vortex, The
Leonard, hoping to fit in with Penny's football-loving friends, gets tutored in the sport by Sheldon. Raj is infuriated when Wolowitz's skirt-chasing leads to the loss of his prized patang.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Guitarist Amplification, The
Leonard and Penny's first big fight sees Sheldon playing mediator due to childhood trauma that's left him with an inability to be around loud verbal conflicts.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Adhesive Duck Deficiency, The
With the rest of the gang off on a desert camping trip to view the Leonid meteor shower, Sheldon must play hero after Penny slips in the tub and dislocates her shoulder.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Clipped
World's Rudest Barbershop
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Vengeance Formulation, The
Barry Kripke pranks Sheldon during his spot on NPR, leaving him with a taste for vengeance. Wolowitz, pressured by Bernadette to define their relationship, gets advice from a fantasy version of Katee Sackhoff.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5760
TV-14
12:00 am
Clipped
World's Rudest Barbershop
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5760
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Waiting for Tonight
Grayson makes a reservation at the hottest restaurant in town, and he and Jules are determined to make it despite constant obstacles. Andy rents a special costume for Stan's birthday, but he has trouble getting it off. And Ellie starts ghost tweeting for Laurie, eventually getting lost in her new character.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Cliffhanger
Gabe Walker is the leader of a mountain rescue team who loses his nerve after witnessing an amateur climber fall to her death. When a group of ingenious fugitives survive a plane crash, and take his ex-girlfriend and his former climbing partner hostage, Walker must overcome his fears and climb the mountain to take on the well-armed gang.
TV-14
4:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2217
Mishaps involving Easter eggs and children; a flower girl throws a tantrum
TV-G
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2218
Kids say funny things; a boy's reaction to getting socks for Christmas
TV-G