PRINT

SCHEDULE: May 2016

Times listed for EASTERN and PACIFIC timezones except where otherwise noted.

Friday, May 27

6:00 am
Married With Children
God Help Ye Merry Bundymen
As Al and Griff lose their jobs on Christmas Eve, Marcy and Jefferson's entry in a neighborhood contest is sabotaged by Kelly and Bud.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
T*R*A*S*H
Al and Griff join Jefferson in the National Guard.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Babe in Toyland, A
Kelly becomes a prima donna after being asked to fill in on a popular children's television program.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Breaking Up Is Easy to Do (1)
A party game sends Al and Peggy to a marriage counselor; Kelly squares off in the boxing ring against a rival actress.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Breaking Up Is Easy to Do (2)
When Al moves out, he and Peggy throw themselves into the singles scene, with widely different results.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Breaking Up Is Easy to Do (3)
While Al finds single life dismal, Peggy tries to land a new husband.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Birthday Boy Toy
As Jefferson's worries about getting old force him into taking a job, Al tries to cure Peggy's shopping addiction.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Double Downer
Doug spoils Carrie's plans for a romantic weekend when he organizes an outing to Atlantic City -- and his boss ends up joining them.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Ovary Action
Holiday visitors interrupt Doug and Carrie's attempt to conceive.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Food Fight
Carrie grows jealous when Spence's girlfriend (Christine Nelson) recruits Doug to test her culinary homework.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Turkey Pot Die
As Thanksgiving approaches...Cleveland takes Junior to a turkey farm to pick out holiday dinner, but Junior concocts a plot to set the birds free; Donna and Rallo set to work building a Thanksgiving parade float.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Vas Deferens Between Men and Women, A
Complications ensue when Donna decides she wants another child; Rallo lands the lead role in a local production of the musical "Annie."
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Pulling Double Booty
Hayley's boyfriend, Jeff, breaks up with her. After going on a short rampage through the mall after the break-up, Hayley falls for Stan's body double, Bill, from the CIA. Things take a bizarre twist when the double begins hitting on Francine. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve get their first summer job at a Chinese chicken hatchery.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Phantom of the Telethon
Stan hosts a CIA telethon to raise a million dollars for their torture programs. Meanwhile, an angry Roger works to sabotage the event. When Roger releases a terrorist at the telethon, Stan must find a way to meet the telethon's goal before everyone is blown up.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Chimdale
Roger, Francine, Hayley, and Klaus head off to the Chimdale Spa for a week of relaxation, but instead are hounded by nosey hotel detective, Ron Turlington. Back at home, Steve discovers that Stan is bald. Betrayed by Stan's deception, Steve steals Stan's wig and sneaks off to Chimdale to tell the family the truth.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Stan Time
Fed up with a lack of alone time, Stan starts taking experimental CIA pills that allow him to remain fully awake 24/7. Using his new-found "Stan Time," Stan enters the world of competitive classic videogaming. When Francine discovers Stan's pills, she starts off on her own career. As Stan and Francine begin to drift apart, Stan must decide what's more important - "Stan Time" or family time. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger write a movie together.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Family Affair
Roger is on the outs with Stan and the family when they discover he has been seeing other families behind their back. Before they can truly forgive him, Roger must overcome his family infidelity. Meanwhile, Klaus buys everyone tickets to see his favorite band.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Stew-roids
After Stewie gets beaten up by Joe's infant daughter, Peter injects Stewie with steroids; Chris's popularity at school soars when he begins dating Connie.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Halloween
Jess gets a job as a zombie at a haunted house, but is more frightened of her changing feelings towards Sam. Schmidt and Cece are (unfortunately) perfectly matched in the costumes they're wearing, while Winston and Shelby are worlds apart in theirs. Nick gets a visit from a former college crush who shows her affection in a scary way.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Menzies
As Jess' job search kicks into high gear, the guys fear her time of the month is also affecting their physical and psychological well-being. Meanwhile, Schmidt begins a "50 Shades of Grey" type of relationship with his corporate boss, and Nick gains wisdom from an unlikely, hands-on (and mute) source.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Hypnosis Tape, The
Phoebe is distraught when her brother wants to marry a woman twice his age. While working as a waitress, Monica gets a tip from an admirer worth a small fortune. A hypnosis tape makes Chandler act like a woman.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Tiny T-Shirt, The
Ross is upset when Rachel returns his personal belongings and dates Mark. Monica dates a millionaire.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Dollhouse, The
Joey thinks he's found his true love. Rachel's boss (ALISON LaPLACA) dates Chandler, creating big trouble for Rachel. Monica inherits a dollhouse.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With a Chick and a Duck, The
When Pete buys a restaurant, Monica must make a difficult decision. Ross makes a sacrifice for Rachel. Joey buys Chandler an unusual pet.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Reverse Peephole, The
Puddy wears a fur coat; Jerry doesn't use a wallet; Newman may face eviction.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Cartoon, The
Susan's old friend Sally succeeds with a one-woman show about Jerry.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Strongbox, The
Kramer hides his strongbox key at Jerry's place; a neighbor feuds with Jerry.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Wizard, The
Jerry buys his father an electronic organizer; Kramer retires to Florida.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Psychic Vortex, The
Leonard is aghast to find out a secret of Penny's: she believes in psychics. Meanwhile, Sheldon tries to assist Koothrappali in picking up a girl at a university party.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bozeman Reaction, The
A robbery of their apartment sees Leonard and Sheldon call on their friends to devise a security system.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Einstein Approximation, The
Stuck on the solution to a physics problem, Sheldon seeks a number of alternative approaches to change his thinking and free the mental block; including working with Penny at The Cheesecake Factory.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Large Hadron Collision, The
Leonard faces a dilemma in choosing between Sheldon or Penny to accompany him to Switzerland to see CERN's Large Hadron Collider on Valentine's Day.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
ELEAGUE
Week 1: Group Play of Valve's Counter-Strike: Global Offensive
Teams competing in Week 1 are Cloud9, Liquid, Luminosity Gaming, and Renegades.
1:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
All the Wrong Reasons
TV-PG
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
When a Kid Goes Bad
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Captain Jack Sparrow crosses paths with a woman from his past and is not sure if it's love or if she's a ruthless con artist using him to find the fabled Fountain of Youth. When she forces him aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge, the ship of the formidable pirate Blackbeard, Jack finds himself on an unexpected adventure in which he doesn't know who to fear more: Blackbeard or the woman from his past.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Damn Bundys
Al sells his soul for a chance to play in the Super Bowl.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Chicago Shoe Exchange
Al and Griff trade the shoe store's inventory for a massage chair.
TV-PG
 

Saturday, May 28

6:00 am
Seinfeld
Burning, The
George seeks timely exits; Jerry's gal has a secret; Elaine learns Puddy is religious.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Seinfeld
Bookstore, The
George hopes to meet women at a bookstore where Jerry spots Uncle Leo shoplifting.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Seinfeld
Frogger, The
Elaine eats Peterman's cake; Kramer helps George steal an arcade game.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Seinfeld
Maid, The
Jerry begins a relationship with his maid (Angela Featherstone); George wants a nickname.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Seinfeld
Clip Show (Part 1), The
Clips highlight the show's past nine seasons.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Seinfeld
Clip Show (Part 2), The
Clips highlight the show's past nine seasons.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Seinfeld
Pilot
A woman's impending visit excites Jerry, until he learns she's getting married.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Seinfeld
Male Unbonding
Jerry finds ending a friendship harder than ending a romance.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Movie
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Captain Jack Sparrow crosses paths with a woman from his past and is not sure if it's love or if she's a ruthless con artist using him to find the fabled Fountain of Youth. When she forces him aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge, the ship of the formidable pirate Blackbeard, Jack finds himself on an unexpected adventure in which he doesn't know who to fear more: Blackbeard or the woman from his past.
TV-14
12:45 pm
Movie (DVS)
Alice in Wonderland
While 19-year-old Alice is attending a party, she sees a white rabbit with a pocket watch go into the bushes and follows him. She falls down a rabbit hole that leads to Underland, where she is reunited with her childhood friends, the White Rabbit, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the Dormouse, the Caterpillar, the Cheshire Cat, and the Mat Hatter. All of the residents of Underworld are searching for someone to save them from the cruel Red Queen who has taken over the kingdom and decapitates anyone who crosses her. A scroll in Underland chronicles the history of the land, including events that have not yet occurred, and it states that Alice is the one who will set the kingdom free by defeating the queen's dragon-like Jabberwocky.
TV-PG
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Screamer, The
Ross tries to convince Rachel that her date (BEN STILLER) is psychotic. Joey's play gets terrible reviews.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Thing, The
Ross finds a strange growth on his buttocks. Phoebe can't choose between two guys. Monica's boyfriend surprises her.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Ultimate Fighting Champion, The
Monica's boyfriend cannot stop fighting. Chandler's boss is overly friendly. BILLY CRYSTAL and ROBIN WILLIAMS guest star. Referee JOHN McCARTHY and announcer BRUCE BUFFER guest star as themselves.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One at the Beach, The
The friends stay at a beach house. Phoebe meets someone who knows details about her family. Rachel expresses her jealousy of Ross' uninhibited girlfriend.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the First Day of School
Max attempts to make a good impression on her first day of pastry school, but finds the class clown to be extremely distracting - and intriguing.
TV-14
5:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Life After Death
Caroline learns that her childhood nanny passed away and brings Max with her to attend the funeral. But once there she discovers that the woman never spoke of Caroline to her own family.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the French Kiss
After a great make-out session with Max's teacher, Caroline learns a secret about him that she wishes she'd known beforehand.
TV-14
6:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (SAP)
And the Big But
Max wants to be more than friends with her pastry school partner; Caroline remains attracted to her married teacher.
TV-14
7:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Excelsior Acquisition, The
An appearance in traffic court comes at the worst possible time for Sheldon; the same day Stan Lee is appearing at the comic book store.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Precious Fragmentation, The
The guys go to a garage sale and find a ring from the "Lord of the Rings" films, and the rare find threatens their friendship.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Pants Alternative, The
Sheldon's fear of speaking in front of large groups threatens his ability to accept an award, so the gang tries to help him get ready for the big night.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Wheaton Recurrence, The
Sheldon gets to square off on the bowling alley against nemesis Wil Wheaton. Meanwhile, Leonard's miffed when Penny doesn't respond the way he hoped after saying, "I love you."
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Spaghetti Catalysis, The
Subsequent to Leonard and Penny's break-up, Sheldon tries to hide from Leonard and the gang that he had a friendly spaghetti dinner at Penny's.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Plimpton Stimulation, The
Sheldon hosts a visiting female physicist (Judy Greer), but her intelligence seems matched by her libido.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Staircase Implementation, The
A squabble over the thermostat setting leads to Leonard going over to Penny's and recounting for her the story of how he met and moved in with Sheldon.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Lunar Excitation, The
Howard and Raj try to find the perfect match for Sheldon by setting him up on an Internet dating site. Seeing her moronic new boyfriend interact with the gang makes it abundantly clear to Penny that she can't go back to dating stereotypical dumb jocks after dating Leonard.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
Vaping
New FDA regulations threaten the growing vaping industry . so contributor Allana Harkin stops by a vaping convention to see what America may be losing.
TV-MA
11:30 pm
The Detour
Drop, The
Nate needs to take a detour to Salvation, Florida where it's Christmas every day of the year - except on Christmas. Things get tense when the family discovers that Nate has been lying to them in addition to the fact that they are being followed by 'government goons'.
TV-MA
12:00 am
Separation Anxiety (DVS)
Matt & Samantha
Samantha and Matt are actors who met while on the job, entertaining on a cruise ship This bright and bubbly couple are hard not to root for. Does Samantha know Matt well enough to win it all
TV-14
1:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Alice in Wonderland
While 19-year-old Alice is attending a party, she sees a white rabbit with a pocket watch go into the bushes and follows him. She falls down a rabbit hole that leads to Underland, where she is reunited with her childhood friends, the White Rabbit, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the Dormouse, the Caterpillar, the Cheshire Cat, and the Mat Hatter. All of the residents of Underworld are searching for someone to save them from the cruel Red Queen who has taken over the kingdom and decapitates anyone who crosses her. A scroll in Underland chronicles the history of the land, including events that have not yet occurred, and it states that Alice is the one who will set the kingdom free by defeating the queen's dragon-like Jabberwocky.
TV-PG
3:30 am
Movie
Angels in the Outfield
A foster child believes that his luck will change if his beloved California Angels can win the pennant. Meanwhile, the last-place team''s manager is trying to turn the club around and save his job. He gets help from an angel named Al who miraculously leads the club to the playoffs.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Lez Be Friends
Al strikes up a friendship with Marcy's identical cousin.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, May 29

6:00 am
Seinfeld
Stakeout, The
Jerry woos an ex-girlfriend's friend.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Seinfeld
Robbery, The
Jerry's decision to move sets off a chain of events.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Seinfeld
Stock Tip, The
George gives Jerry a bad stock-tip.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Seinfeld
Ex-Girlfriend, The
George puzzles over how to dump a domineering girlfriend.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Jellyfish, The
Ross loves dating Rachel again -- but hates what he did to accomplish the reconciliation. Phoebe gets to know her mother.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Cat, The
Phoebe thinks her adoptive mother's spirit inhabits a stray cat. Joey's attempt to sell his entertainment center proves hazardous. DAN GAUTHIER guest stars.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Cuffs, The
Monica tries to prove her mother wrong. Chandler gets into an embarrassing situation while dating Rachel's boss.
TV-14
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Ballroom Dancing, The
Joey makes an odd deal with the building superintendent to prevent him from evicting Rachel and Monica. Phoebe wants to date her sexy massage client.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Movie
Sleepless in Seattle
A motherless boy uses a radio talk show to find a new wife for his father.
TV-PG
12:15 pm
Movie (DVS)
50 First Dates
Arctic marine life veterinarian Henry Roth has his future all mapped out. When he''s not tending to the sea animals at Sea Life Park in Hawaii, he is breaking the hearts of mainland tourists in search of a vacation romance. A long-term relationship for Henry is out of the question. It would scuttle his 10-year dream of sailing to Alaska to study the underwater life of walruses. Henry is close to making his dream come true when his schooner, the Sea Serpent, suffers a mishap during a trial run, which lands him at the Hukilau CafÚ where the regulars eye him with distrust when he sets his eyes on one of its patrons, the beautiful young Lucy Whitmore. Henry is immediately smitten with Lucy, and after a first chat with her about waffles and sea mammals, Henry finds himself more and more interested in Lucy. Ignoring his own rule about dating local girls, he makes a date to meet her for breakfast the next day. But when he arrives and makes a reference to their previous conversation, she thinks he''s some kind of freak and calls for help. Lucy has no idea who he is. And Henry realizes that if he wants to win her affections, he''s going to have to start over again every day for the rest of his life.
TV-14
2:15 pm
Movie (DVS)
Horrible Bosses
Management candidate Nick has been logging 12-hour days and eating everything his twisted supervisor Harken dishes out, toward the promise of a well-earned promotion. But now he knows that's never going to happen. Meanwhile, dental assistant Dale has been struggling to maintain his self-respect against the relentless X-rated advances of Dr. Julia Harris, when she suddenly turns up the heat. And accountant Kurt has just learned that his company's corrupt new owner, Pellit, is not only bent on ruining his career but plans to funnel toxic waste into an unsuspecting population. What can you do when your boss is a psycho, a man-eater or a total tool? Quitting is not an option. These monsters must be stopped. So, on the strength of a few-too-many drinks and some dubious advice from a hustling ex-con whose street cred is priced on a sliding scale, the guys devise a convoluted but foolproof plan to rid the world of their respective employers... permanently. But even the best-laid plans are only as good as the brains behind them.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
We're the Millers
A drug dealer creates a make-believe family in order to bring 1,400 pounds of marijuana into the U.S.
TV-14
7:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Robotic Manipulation, The
In the 4th season opener, Howard uses a robotic arm for his own pleasure; and Sheldon goes on a date with Amy Farrah Fowler---his first date ever---and Penny finds herself accompanying them. (Mayim Bialik guest stars)
TV-14
7:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification, The
Sheldon calculates that he'll be dead before technology exists to download his consciousness into a robot, so he goes on a binge of healthy living and ultra-safety.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Zazzy Substitution, The
When Sheldon "breaks up" with Amy Farrah Fowler (Mayim Bialik), the guys worry when he starts replacing her with cats.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hot Troll Deviation, The
Wolowitz is embarrassed when a secret of his is revealed; and Sheldon and Raj battle at work.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Desperation Emanation, The
Sheldon meets Amy Farrah Fowler's mother, and comes to the realization that he no longer wants to see Amy; and Leonard realizes that everyone is in a relationship except for him.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Irish Pub Formulation, The
When Raj's sister has a one-day layover he forbids the others from hooking up with her, unaware she and Leonard already did long ago.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Apology Insufficiency, The
The rest of the gang is interviewed by the FBI for Wolowitz's security clearance, with Sheldon accidentally letting slip some damaging information. (Eliza Dushku guest stars)
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
21-Second Excitation, The
The guys camp out in line to see a print of Raiders of the Lost Ark with :21 extra seconds and are outraged to see Wil Wheaton and his friends being allowed to skip the line. Penny and Bernadette invite Amy to their girls night.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
50 First Dates
Arctic marine life veterinarian Henry Roth has his future all mapped out. When he''s not tending to the sea animals at Sea Life Park in Hawaii, he is breaking the hearts of mainland tourists in search of a vacation romance. A long-term relationship for Henry is out of the question. It would scuttle his 10-year dream of sailing to Alaska to study the underwater life of walruses. Henry is close to making his dream come true when his schooner, the Sea Serpent, suffers a mishap during a trial run, which lands him at the Hukilau CafÚ where the regulars eye him with distrust when he sets his eyes on one of its patrons, the beautiful young Lucy Whitmore. Henry is immediately smitten with Lucy, and after a first chat with her about waffles and sea mammals, Henry finds himself more and more interested in Lucy. Ignoring his own rule about dating local girls, he makes a date to meet her for breakfast the next day. But when he arrives and makes a reference to their previous conversation, she thinks he''s some kind of freak and calls for help. Lucy has no idea who he is. And Henry realizes that if he wants to win her affections, he''s going to have to start over again every day for the rest of his life.
TV-14
1:00 am
Movie
Sleepless in Seattle
A motherless boy uses a radio talk show to find a new wife for his father.
TV-PG
3:15 am
Movie (DVS)
Life As We Know It
Holly Berenson is an up-and-coming caterer and Eric Messer is a promising network sports director. After a disastrous first date, the only thing they have in common is their dislike for each other and their love for their goddaughter, Sophie. But when they suddenly become all Sophie has in the world, Holly and Eric are forced to put their differences aside. Juggling career ambitions and competing social calendars, they''ll have to find some common ground while living under one roof.
TV-14
5:30 am
Married With Children
Desperate Half-Hour (1), The
Bud's prison pen pal arrives to rob the Bundys.
TV-PG
 

Monday, May 30

6:00 am
Married With Children
How to Marry a Moron (2)
Al objects to Kelly marrying an armed robber, until he discovers that he's the heir to a family fortune.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Pilot
Al and Peg Bundy meet their newlywed neighbors, Steve and Marcy Rhoades. Peg informs Marcy how to train her new husband, while Al teaches Steve how to be a man again.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Thinergy
Marcy enlightens Peggy with a new diet book called "Thinergy," a program which only works if both partners go through it together.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Sixteen Years and What Do You Get?
Al's credit card is maxed out when he tries to find a gift for Peggy on their anniversary.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Memorial Day Movie Marathon
Austin Powers in Goldmember
It's been three years since Austin Powers, that swinging international man of mystery, has faced his arch-nemesis, Dr. Evil. But after Dr. Evil and his accomplice Mini Me escape from a maximum-security prison, Austin is called to action once more in this third installment of the highly successful "Austin Powers" movie franchise. Teaming up with the mysterious Goldmember, Dr. Evil hatches a time-traveling scheme to take over the world, one that involves the kidnapping of Nigel Powers, Austin's beloved father and England's most renowned spy. As he chases the villains through time, Austin visits 1975 and joins forces with his old flame, Foxxy Cleopatra, a streetwise and stylish detective. Together Austin and Foxxy must find a way to save Nigel and stop Dr. Evil and Goldmember from their mischievous mayhem.
TV-14
10:00 am
Memorial Day Movie Marathon (DVS)
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Ron Burgundy is the top-rated anchorman in San Diego in the 1970s. When feminism marches into the newsroom in the form of ambitious newswoman Veronica Corningstone, Ron is willing to play along at first--as long as Veronica stays in her place, covering cat fashion shows, cooking, and other "female" interests. But when Veronica refuses to settle for being eye candy and steps behind the news desk, it''s more than a battle between two perfectly coiffed anchor-persons--it''s war.
TV-14
12:00 pm
Memorial Day Movie Marathon (DVS)
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby has always dreamed of driving fast--real fast--like his father, Reese Bobby, who left the family to pursue his racing dreams. Early on, Ricky''s mother, Lucy Bobby worried that her boy was also destined to end up as a professional daredevil on wheels. Ricky enters the racing arena as a "jackman" for slovenly driver Terry Cheveaux and accidentally gets his big break behind the wheel when Cheveaux makes an unscheduled pit stop during a race to gorge on a chicken sandwich. Ricky jumps into the car and so begins the ballad of Ricky Bobby. Ricky quickly becomes one of NASCAR''s top stars, supported by his pit boys--the impressively large crew chief Lucius Washington, a trio of lovably moronic but loyal crew members, Herschell, Kyle and Glenn, as well as racing partner and boyhood best friend, Cal Naughton, Jr. They are all part of the Dennit Racing team, headed by wealthy Dennit Senior and his petulant son, Dennit Junior, whose jealousy of Ricky Bobby increases with every victory. In a short time, Ricky Bobby is on top of the world. He has everything a championship NASCAR driver could ever want--a gorgeous wife, Carley, a lakeside mansion, two hell-raising sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, huge sponsor endorsements and a string of victories from Daytona to Darlington. Ricky Bobby''s "win at all costs" approach had made him a natural hero. But after a frightening crash sends Ricky Bobby to the hospital, he loses his nerve and falls on hard times. When his career and his wife are taken over by his friend Cal, Ricky Bobby turns his back on racing and takes his sons back to his small hometown to live with his mother. But Ricky just isn''t cut for the slow life away from the race track and soon hits rock bottom. His mother reluctantly turns to the only person she can think of to help her son--his estranged father Reese Bobby. Ricky Bobby will do anything to find a way back to the top, no matter how many speed bumps life throws his way.
TV-14
2:00 pm
The Detour Memorial Day Road Trip
Pilot, The
Nate, Robin and the kids are headed from Syracuse to Ft. Lauderdale in a janky mini van instead of flying. Between truckers, aggressive drivers and road side breakfast spots, nothing is really what it seems on the road.
TV-MA
2:30 pm
The Detour Memorial Day Road Trip
Hotel, The
Having driven their van, 'Blue Thunder', into a ditch, it has to be repaired over-night. The Parkers stay at a nearby motel, Swift Stay Suites. What could possibly go right
TV-MA
3:00 pm
The Detour Memorial Day Road Trip
Tank, The
The Parkers are barely back on the road when Nate gets pulled over for driving under the influence. He's completely sober but somehow there's still some jail time involved.
TV-MA
3:30 pm
The Detour Memorial Day Road Trip
Restaurant, The
Back on the road, the Parkers begrudgingly stop to eat at a nauseatingly culturally insensitive roadside restaurant and dinner theater called Conquistadors.
TV-MA
4:00 pm
The Detour Memorial Day Road Trip
B & B, The
While the kids recover from acute food poisoning, the Parkers decide to get some rest at a southern B&B. They are treated to southern hospitality, southern customs and Russian vodka.
TV-MA
4:30 pm
The Detour Memorial Day Road Trip
Wedding, The
Instead of getting back on the road, Robin agrees to marry the southern gentleman Dr. Rob and his Russian bride but soon realizes that something is very, very, very, very wrong.
TV-MA
5:00 pm
The Detour Memorial Day Road Trip
Road, The
Blue Thunder is stuck in traffic. Nate and Robin take a stroll down memory lane about how they met and the kids learn an important lesson in 'too much information'. Seriously. Too much. Stop telling us all this.
TV-MA
5:30 pm
The Detour Memorial Day Road Trip
Drop, The
Nate needs to take a detour to Salvation, Florida where it's Christmas every day of the year - except on Christmas. Things get tense when the family discovers that Nate has been lying to them in addition to the fact that they are being followed by 'government goons'.
TV-MA
6:00 pm
American Dad
Live and Let Fry
Stan turns to smuggling when trans fat is banned from Langley Falls. But when Inspector Turlington of the Langley Falls police becomes suspicious of Stan, Stan recruits Steve into his illegal enterprise. Now Steve must find a way to keep the trans fat flowing while under Turlington's watch. Meanwhile, Roger helps Klaus claim an inheritance.
TV-14
6:30 pm
American Dad
Roy Rodgers McFreely
After term limits force Stan out of his position as president of the HOA, Roger steps in as the new leader under the guise of one Roy Rogers McFreely. Roger uses his power to pass new resolutions and by-laws solely to anger Stan, who earlier refused to buy Roger grenadine. Stan teams up with Hayley and plots to have Roger removed from office.
TV-14
7:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Life of Brian
While visiting 17th century Jamestown in his time machine, Stewie gives guns to the Native Americans in an effort to be amiable. Back in the present, Stewie and Brian are surprised to discover that Native Americans are now in control of the entire country.
TV-14
7:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
In Harmony's Way
Peter and Quagmire both scream when a bee flies by and realize they harmonize well together. They start writing and singing songs in their spare time. Mort overhears them one day and is amazed by their talent. He offers to manage them since he used to have his own record label in the 70┐s.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Christmas Guy
The Griffins visit the Quahog Mall for the Christmas Carnival only to find that it has been canceled. Upset, Stewie begins to act out.
TV-14
8:30 pm
American Dad
Mine Struggle
When Stan discovers a salt mine in the backyard, the Morton Salt Company wants to buy it. It turns out Steve is the rightful owner of the land and he faces pressure from the family to sell.
TV-14
9:00 pm
The Detour
Track, The
The Parkers finally make it to Ft. Lauderdale only to have Nate's plan of getting his job back completely unravel. Fortunately, at a nearby race track, there is hope.
TV-MA
9:30 pm
The Detour
Beach, The
Nate, Robin and the kids attempt to take down Nate's company in epic whistle blowing fashion. It won't be easy, but if there's one thing we've learned about this family is that they don't give up without at least a punch to the throat and maybe a cheap kick to the groin.
TV-MA
10:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Peter Problems
Lately Peter hasn't been able to perform very well in the bedroom. So he asks Quagmire and Joe to step in and help him get his mojo back.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
Vaping
New FDA regulations threaten the growing vaping industry . so contributor Allana Harkin stops by a vaping convention to see what America may be losing.
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6843
Guests: Ray Romano, PewDiePie, Dulce Sloan
TV-14
12:00 am
The Detour
Track, The
The Parkers finally make it to Ft. Lauderdale only to have Nate's plan of getting his job back completely unravel. Fortunately, at a nearby race track, there is hope.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6843
Guests: Ray Romano, PewDiePie, Dulce Sloan
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
What Are You Doin' in My Life?
TV-PG
2:00 am
Angie Tribeca
Tribeca's Day Off
Tribeca's been hoarding vacation days and the lieutenant is sick about it. Ordered to take a day off, Tribeca dabbles in civilian life while Tanner and Geils solve a murder on a golf course. What's not a problem Bill Murray agreed to be in this episode.
TV-14
2:30 am
The Detour
Road, The
Blue Thunder is stuck in traffic. Nate and Robin take a stroll down memory lane about how they met and the kids learn an important lesson in 'too much information'. Seriously. Too much. Stop telling us all this.
TV-MA
3:00 am
Movie
Austin Powers in Goldmember
It's been three years since Austin Powers, that swinging international man of mystery, has faced his arch-nemesis, Dr. Evil. But after Dr. Evil and his accomplice Mini Me escape from a maximum-security prison, Austin is called to action once more in this third installment of the highly successful "Austin Powers" movie franchise. Teaming up with the mysterious Goldmember, Dr. Evil hatches a time-traveling scheme to take over the world, one that involves the kidnapping of Nigel Powers, Austin's beloved father and England's most renowned spy. As he chases the villains through time, Austin visits 1975 and joins forces with his old flame, Foxxy Cleopatra, a streetwise and stylish detective. Together Austin and Foxxy must find a way to save Nigel and stop Dr. Evil and Goldmember from their mischievous mayhem.
TV-14
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2222
The grand prize winner is announced
TV-G
 

Tuesday, May 31

6:00 am
Married With Children
Have You Driven a Ford Lately?
Al and Steve buy a classic Mustang and become consumed in restoring back to mint condition.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Whose Room Is It Anyway?
The Rhoades get a tax refund and they decide to build a room, but can't decide on what kind of room to build, a pool room for Al or an exercise room for Peggy.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Al Loses His Cherry
An argument leads Al to Luke's bachelor pad, where he basks in the swingers life he had envisioned.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Peggy Sue Got Work
When Peggy asks Al for a VCR, Marcy suggests that she go to work and earn the money herself where she learns what having a job is all about...minimum wage.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Married ... Without Children
Al and Peg run away for the weekend and leave Bud and Kelly with the Rhoades, who've underestimated their intelligence.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Poker Game, The
Steve loses his paycheck in a poker game to Al and needs to get it back before Marcy finds out.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Dougie Nights
Doug starts club-hopping with newly single Deacon.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
No Orleans
Doug and Carrie sneak off to New Orleans without Doug's cousins.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Missing Links
Doug and Carrie search for a compatible couple to take with them to the firm's annual golf outing.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Hero Worship
Doug's uncle (Gavin MacLeod) offers to back financially his desire to open a sandwich shop.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
'Tis The Cleveland To Be Sorry
As Christmas approaches...Cleveland pretends to be homeless after discovering that food at a local shelter is better than the meals Donna prepares.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Hustle 'N Bros
Cleveland is shocked when Freight Train adopts Donna's ex-husband, Robert; Junior and Rallo track down lost dogs and use the reward money to pay a debt they owe Donna.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Jack's Back
When Stan's con-man dad Jack resurfaces in prison awaiting trial for a crime he did not commit, Steve gets Stan to let Jack stay with them under house arrest. Steve takes the opportunity to reconcile the two, but Stan is convinced that Jack is just using them to escape prison. Meanwhile, Hayley interns at Roger's attic bar.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Bar Mitzvah Shuffle
When snobby rich kid Etan steals Steve's girlfriend Debbie, Steve concocts a scheme to get revenge. Aided by Roger, Toshi, and Barry, Steve plots to rob Etan's Bar Mitzvah and get back his girlfriend. But when the plan goes awry and Snot takes the blame, Steve must decide whether to tell the truth and clear Snot's name or remain silent and get back Debbie. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine pitch an idea to a cell phone company.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Wife Insurance
Stan reveals to Francine that, in the case she should die, he has a backup wife. Enraged with Stan, Francine takes Jim, one of Stan's CIA buddies, as her backup husband. Jealous, Stan breaks it off with his backup and tells Jim to break it off with Francine. However, Jim confesses that he is in love with Francine and attempts to kill Stan. Now Stan must stop Jim from killing him and taking Francine. Meanwhile Wheels and the Legman (Steve and Roger's detective personae) are on the case trying to find Hayley's lost iPod Shuffle.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
DeLorean Story-An
Frustrated with their lack of common interests, Steve and Stan attempt to bond while on a cross-country trip to find a door for Stan's nearly complete DeLorean. Meanwhile, Roger, Francine, and Hayley brainstorm ideas for an adventure to have while Stan and Steve are gone.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
We Love You, Conrad
Brian is devastated to learn that his ex-girlfriend Jillian is getting married until he meets The Hills star Lauren Conrad. Though Brian begins to think he and Conrad are the perfect match, he finds his heart may still belong to Jillian.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Three Kings
Peter hosts three adaptations of Stephen King tales: "Stand By Me," "Misery" and "The Shawshank Redemption."
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Parents
Jess invites her divorced Mom and Dad over for Thanksgiving dinner and enlists Nick and Cece to help her with a "Parent Trap" to reunite them. Meanwhile, Schmidt's cousin, Big Schmidt, visits, and Winston manipulates them into an escalating battle to prove their manhood.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Eggs
When Jess learns that a friend is pregnant, both she and Cece panic that time is running out for them to have children. Meanwhile, Schmidt seeks advice on how to please Emma, and Nick and Winston visit the zoo to find inspiration for Nick's zombie-themed novel.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Phoebe's Uterus, The
Phoebe's half-brother makes an astounding announcement and a thought-provoking request. Joey finds himself in a class struggle.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Embryos, The
Phoebe finds out whether she is pregnant or not. A simple challenge escalates into a full-blown contest between the guys and the women.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's Crush, The
Rachel schemes to get a handsome client to ask her on a date. Chandler's jealousy causes problems with his girlfriend.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Joey's Dirty Day, The
CHARLTON HESTON (As Himself) finds Joey in a compromising position during a movie shoot. Rachel regrets asking Ross for a favor.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Finale (Part 1), The
After NBC picks up Jerry and George's sitcom, the four pals are arrested for breaking the good Samaritan law.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Finale (Part 2), The
After NBC picks up Jerry and George's sitcom, the four pals are arrested for breaking the good Samaritan law.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Wait Out, The
Jerry and Elaine anticipate dating soon-to-be-single friends (Cary Elwes, Debra Messing).
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Foundation, The
George is ready to move on, but Susan's parents want to keep her memory alive.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Boyfriend Complexity, The
Penny asks Leonard to lie to her visiting father (Keith Carradine), while Howard, Raj & Bernadette spend all night looking through a telescope.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Alien Parasite Hypothesis, The
Amy crushes on one of Penny's dim ex-boyfriends, Zack. Raj and Wolowitz argue over who'd be the better superhero.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Justice League Recombination, The
The guys get Zack and Penny to join their Justice League costume for a New Year's Eve bash at the comic book store.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bus Pants Utilization, The
Their friendship becomes strained when Sheldon tries to take over Leonard's creation of a smartphone application that solves differential equations.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Separation Anxiety (DVS)
Jeff & Luke
Jeff and Luke are two Broadway actors, who have been best friends for years. These two crass, narcissistic men love to pick up girls, entertain and dance. Can Luke help his bromance win a lot of cash Or will they lose it all
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6847
Guest: Rob Lowe, Gina Rodriguez, Leonard Ouzts
TV-14
12:00 am
The Detour
Beach, The
Nate, Robin and the kids attempt to take down Nate's company in epic whistle blowing fashion. It won't be easy, but if there's one thing we've learned about this family is that they don't give up without at least a punch to the throat and maybe a cheap kick to the groin.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6847
Guest: Rob Lowe, Gina Rodriguez, Leonard Ouzts
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Counting on You
TV-PG
2:00 am
Angie Tribeca
Murder in the First Class
Another passenger arrives dead at LAX and the lieutenant has finally been diagnosed with bacterial meningitis. The gang goes undercover aboard an airplane to catch the killer in the act. The only problem The lieutenant doesn't believe in antibiotics.
TV-14
2:30 am
The Detour
Drop, The
Nate needs to take a detour to Salvation, Florida where it's Christmas every day of the year - except on Christmas. Things get tense when the family discovers that Nate has been lying to them in addition to the fact that they are being followed by 'government goons'.
TV-MA
3:00 am
Movie
Splash
A careless playboy finds love with a land-locked mermaid.
TV-PG
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2301
Who let the cats out And kids say...
TV-G
 

Wednesday, June 1

6:00 am
Married With Children
Nightmare on Al's Street
Marcy has dreams about Al while Steve is on a business trip, leading her to ask Peggy for help.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Johnny B. Gone
Al and Peggy have tickets to attend the final night of their favorite hamburger joint. But when family problems get in the way, Al may miss out on the historical night.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Buck Can Do It
Buck mates another dog, making the owner of the dog so angry that he sues Al.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Poppy's By the Tree (1)
The Bundys are at a hotel in Florida, only to find that an ax murderer lives there.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Poppy's By the Tree (2)
Peg gets kidnapped! Can Al get her back
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
If I Were a Rich Man
Al and Steve find out about 1 million dollars missing from the bank and the other Bundys think they have it.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Screwed Driver
Doug's parents take over the house when Carrie goes on a business trip.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Lush Life
Doug tries to get Carrie inebriated so he can cheat on his diet.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Patrons Ain't
When their accountant makes them feel guilty about their lack of charitable donations, Doug and Carrie decide to make a large donation to a school library.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Bun Dummy
Doug tries to find a tactful way of telling Carrie he does not like her new hairstyle.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Wide World Of The Cleveland Show, The
As Cleveland and his family travel the world...in Italy, Cleveland must choose between Junior and Rallo to run "the family business;" in Mexico, Junior insists on having a Quinceanera, even though it's for girls; in Japan, Cleveland builds a robot to attend Junior's eating competition.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Here Comes The Bribe
A marriage counselor tells Cleveland he can skew counseling sessions with Donna in his favor, provided he receives compensation; Junior's favorite refrigerator breaks.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Every Which Way But Lose
Stan volunteers to coach Steve's junior football team and cuts Steve when he sees how terrible Steve is. Furious with his father, Steve enlists Roger to coach a new football team in an attempt to beat Stan's team and make Stan cry. When Steve and Roger succeed, Stan goes home not to cry, but to kill himself. Now Steve must teach Stan how to lose without wanting to kill himself. Meanwhile, Francine and Hayley compete in a pie baking contest.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Weiner of Our Discontent
For over seventy years Roger has been acting like he's the most important person on the planet, and Stan is sick of it! Stan considers Roger to be a worthless, lazy, lying, cheating, alcoholic slob.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Daddy Queerest
Stan is once again humiliated by the way Francine behaves in social situations, so he pushes her in the pool at a party.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Stan's Night Out
Stan feels left out when he discovers that a few of the guys from work have been hitting the town while he sits at home with Francine eating dinner on a TV tray and watching gardening shows.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Peter's Progress
Peter has a psychic palm reading and discovers he led a past life as Griffin Peterson, a dignified gentleman who followed the beautiful Lady Redbush from 17th century England, where the fierce King Stewart III reigned supreme, to the newly founded American colony of Quahog to win her heart.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Road to Multiverse
Stewie and Brian visit alternate universes and become stuck in one ruled by dogs.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Bathtub
Tired of taking showers, Jess and Winston scheme to get a bathtub installed in the loft. Then at the bar, Nick meets a tough and beautiful customer with boyfriend troubles. Meanwhile, Schmidt is torn between his boss and trying to win back Cece.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Santa
When the gang attempts to juggle multiple holiday parties in one night, Jess tries to avoid a remorseful Sam, Nick tries to keep up with a sexually adventurous Angie and Winston panics when he gets a cranberry stuck in his ear.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With All the Rugby, The
Chandler's annoying former girlfriend reappears. Ross plays rugby to impress Emily -- with painful results.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Fake Party, The
Trying to become better acquainted with her sexy client, Rachel inadvertently thwarts Ross' plans for a romantic evening with his girlfriend.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Free Porn, The
Monica helps Ross tell his girlfriend that he loves her. Phoebe gets some surprising news about her pregnancy.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's New Dress, The
Ross and his ex-wife become jealous when their lovers go to England together. Rachel's plans to seduce her boyfriend go awry.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Soul Mate, The
George suspects the foundation attorney believes he murdered Susan.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Bizzaro Jerry, The
Elaine's soon-to-be former beau has two friends who resemble George and Kramer.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Little Kicks, The
Kramer's friend forces Jerry to perform an illegal activity.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Package, The
Kramer tries to scam the U.S. Postal Service to get a refund for Jerry's stereo.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Love Car Displacement, The
Howard is jealous when Bernadette runs into her old boyfriend (Rick Fox) at a science event they're attending.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Thespian Catalyst, The
Sheldon wants acting lessons from Penny, hoping they will make him a better teacher.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Benefactor Factor, The
After meeting at a fundraising gala, an aged, but wealthy, Caltech donor (Jessica Walter) makes Leonard ponder if he's willing to have sex with her to secure another donation.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cohabitation Formulation, The
Howard contemplates a serious decision in his relationship with Bernadette; and Leonard and Raj's sister start seeing each other again.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Toast Derivation, The
Sheldon is in a crisis when he realizes he's not the epicenter of the group, so he decides to find new friends.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Prestidigitation Approximation, The
Leonard has a tough choice to make when Priya asks him to stop spending time with Penny, forcing him to choose between the two women; and Howard keeps pestering Sheldon with a magic trick.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6849
CONAN welcomes the entire cast of the hit comedy The Big Bang Theory; Johnny Galecki, Jim Parsons, Kaley Cuoco, Simon Helberg, Kunal Nayyar, Mayim Bialik and Melissa Rauch celebrating the 200th episode of television's most popular comedy series.
TV-14
12:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Icing on the Cake
When Deke invites Max's friends over to his dumpster house, Caroline learns a big secret about his background.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6849
CONAN welcomes the entire cast of the hit comedy The Big Bang Theory; Johnny Galecki, Jim Parsons, Kaley Cuoco, Simon Helberg, Kunal Nayyar, Mayim Bialik and Melissa Rauch celebrating the 200th episode of television's most popular comedy series.
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Turn This Car Around
TV-PG
2:00 am
Angie Tribeca
Inside Man
A band of British gangsters has robbed another bank and the lieutenant's meningitis is worsening. He orders Tribeca and Geils to infiltrate the gang, but somehow they end up stuck in prison. The only problem Tribeca and Geils are stuck in prison.
TV-14
2:30 am
The Detour
Track, The
The Parkers finally make it to Ft. Lauderdale only to have Nate's plan of getting his job back completely unravel. Fortunately, at a nearby race track, there is hope.
TV-MA
3:00 am
Movie
Last Boy Scout, The
In this entertaining early ''90s classic, a former Secret Service agent teams up with a former pro-football star to solve the mysterious murder of his girlfriend. This is a must-see for any action-film aficionados. Starring Bruce Willis, Damon Wayans, Halle Berry, Taylor Negron and Chelsea Field.
TV-14
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2302
Season 23 premiere: the owl-ympics and the AFV pop quiz
TV-G
 

Thursday, June 2

6:00 am
Married With Children
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (1)
Marcy and Peggy go to a strip club, but Marcy ends up losing her ring in a very uncomfortable space...
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (2)
The men take action over Peg and Marcy, just to make them feel bad about what happened.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Born to Walk
Al needs to renew his license, but fails the test. Kelly, on the other hand, gets her license on the same day.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Alley of the Dolls
When Peggy's old high school rival challenges her to a family bowl-off, Peggy is determined to win - with the help of an "adopted" Bundy, ringer Steve Rhoades.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Razor's Edge, The
When Steve returns from a river rafting trip, Marcy refuses to let him back into the house until he shaves his newly-grown beard, and he's forced to seek refuge with the Bundys.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
How Do You Spell Revenge?
Al is too busy scheming to get Peggy thrown off their neighbor-hood baseball team to notice that Kelly is about to be tattooed with the name of her latest boyfriend.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Shrink Wrap
Carrie and Doug send Arthur to a psychiatrist (William Hurt), to whom he reveals his relationship with his father (Ben Stiller).
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Eddie Money
Doug tries to keep secret from Carrie $5,000 he won in a gambling pool.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Two Thirty
When Doug goes to Dr. Farber (Tim Matheson) for a root canal, he finds out Carrie used have a major crush on the dentist.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Pilot
In-laws (Jerry Stiller, Lisa Rieffel) displace Doug Heffernan (Kevin James) and his 70-inch TV from a basement lair; with Leah Remini.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
When a Man (Or a Freight Train) Loves His Cookie
When Freight Train misses their anniversary, Cookie runs off with musician George Clinton; Junior's visit to an office supply store triggers an elaborate fantasy.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Pins, Spins and Fins
Rallo thinks he's a stud bowler when he keeps scoring strikes by using the gutter rails. But when his prowess goes to his head, Donna reveals to him the hard truth: little kids mostly suck at everything. Meanwhile, Cleveland, Lester, Holt and Terry decide that their friendship has become too predictable, and attempt to spice things up by taking a road trip to an abandoned amusement park.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
In Country...Club
When Steve is selected to sing the national anthem at the Langley Falls Veterans' Day celebration, he gets some heat from Stan who doesn't think he's ready for such an undertaking. Unimpressed with Steve's vocal talents, Stan decides Steve needs to experience real war in order to sing about our country's military prowess. But things quickly go south when Roger gets involved and Steve goes bananas.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Moon Over Isla Island
Stan convinces the dictator of Isla Island to sign a treaty to get a promotion at work. Meanwhile, Steve and Snot get competitive to see who can get farther with the other's mom.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Home Adrone
When Steve gets the chance to sing the Star-Spangled Banner at a Veterans' Day event, Stan takes it upon himself to be Steve's vocal coach. Dissatisfied with Steve's progress, Stan signs Steve up for a Vietnam reenactment in the hopes that a little battle experience will help Steve to truly understand the national anthem. But the pressure of mock war, along with Stan's coaching, gets to Steve causing him to become a relentless reenacting machine. Meanwhile, Roger prepares to watch a pay-per-view Barbra Streisand concert.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Brains, Brains, and Automobiles
When Hayley and Steve leave for their respective summers of fun, Francine looks forward to her newfound alone time with Stan.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Family Goy
Peter falls in love with a life-size Kathy Ireland cut-out; Lois discovers she's Jewish.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Spies Reminiscent of Us
Actors Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase track down a spy hiding in Quahog; Peter, Joe and Quagmire start their own comedy improv group.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Cabin
Jess invites Nick and Angie to spend a couples' weekend with her and Sam. Once there, however, she quickly discovers that two's company and four's a crowd. Meanwhile, Winston tries to teach Schmidt about race relations.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Father's Love, A
When Nick's con-man father suddenly reappears, Jess tries her best to fix the two men's relationship, despite Nick's fears that he's being used in another one of his dad's gambling schemes. Meanwhile, Schmidt teams up with Robby to try to win back Cece.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With All the Haste, The
Drastic changes occur in Ross' relationship with Emily. Monica and Rachel will do anything to get their old apartment back from the guys.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With All the Wedding Dresses, The
Rachel reacts drastically to Ross' engagement. Chandler becomes exasperated by Joey's snoring.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Invitation, The
Rachel and the engaged Ross reminisce separately about when they dated each other. The friends get invitations to Ross' wedding--but not all of them are going.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Worst Best Man Ever, The
Joey loses Ross' treasured wedding ring. Phoebe has extreme mood variations from her pregnancy.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Susie, The
Elaine creates an alternate persona at work; George tries to keep a girlfriend.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pothole, The
George takes extreme measures to locate his lost Yankees key ring.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Fatigues, The
Jerry's new girlfriend has a mentor; Elaine must fire a troubled employee.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Checks, The
Jerry receives bundles of small residual checks from his Japanese TV appearance.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the ATM
Max decides to break up with Deke now that she knows about his wealthy background.
TV-14
8:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Married Man Sleepover
Caroline asks Max and Deke to join on her dinner date at Nicholas' loft to make sure she doesn't do anything she might regret. Caroline and Max also treat themselves to very special hair appointments.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Zarnecki Incursion, The
The guys become sleuths to find out who hacked Sheldon's online-game account.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Herb Garden Germination, The
Sheldon and Amy decide to start rumors about themselves as a social test. Meanwhile, Howard takes his relationship with Bernadette to an even higher level.
TV-14
10:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Near Death Experience
Caroline goes into a tailspin and drags Max with her when Nicolas tells her that he is going to leave is wife for her.
TV-14
10:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Kilt Trip
Caroline tries to fit in with Max and the diner gang as they go out to get wild and crazy at the St. Patrick's Day parade, but she finds herself longing to practice her former holiday traditions at the Plaza Hotel.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6853
Guests: Sacha Baron Cohen, Jimmy Pardo, Parquet Courts
TV-14
12:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Not Broke Parents
When the pastry school closes Deke has an idea of purchasing it, so he invites Caroline and Max to meet his parents, Max is tongue-tied until his mother confides in her about her secret past.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6853
Guests: Sacha Baron Cohen, Jimmy Pardo, Parquet Courts
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Everything Man
TV-PG
2:00 am
Angie Tribeca
One with the Bomb, The
Geils has been kidnapped and the lieutenant is inches from death though you wouldn't know it from watching the episode. Tribeca will stop at nothing to save Geils before time runs out. The only problem The 256 character limit on these descriptions makes i
TV-14
2:30 am
The Detour
Beach, The
Nate, Robin and the kids attempt to take down Nate's company in epic whistle blowing fashion. It won't be easy, but if there's one thing we've learned about this family is that they don't give up without at least a punch to the throat and maybe a cheap kick to the groin.
TV-MA
3:00 am
Movie
Shutter Island
In 1954, on a fortress-like island housing a hospital for the criminally insane at the height of the Cold War, U.S. Marshal Teddy Daniels and his new partner, Chuck Aule, are summoned to Shutter Island to investigate the implausible disappearance of a brilliant multiple murderess from a locked room within the impenetrable Ashecliffe Hospital. Surrounded by probing psychiatrists and dangerously psychopathic patients on the remote, windswept isle, they arrive into an eerie, volatile atmosphere that suggests nothing is quite what it seems. With a hurricane bearing down on them, the investigation moves rapidly. Yet, as the storm escalates, the suspicions and mysteries multiply. There are hints and rumors of dark conspiracies, sordid medical experiments, repressive mind control, secret wards, perhaps even a hint of the supernatural, but elusive proof. Moving in the shadows of a hospital haunted by the terrible deeds of its slippery inhabitants and the unknown agendas of its equally ingenious doctors, Teddy begins to sense that the deeper he pursues the investigation, the more he will be forced to confront some of his most profound and devastating fears. And he realizes that he may never leave the island alive.
TV-14
 

Friday, June 3

6:00 am
Married With Children
You Better Watch Out
This Christmas episode tells about Santa Claus, who is late showing up at the mall. His parachute doesn't open up and he falls off his sleigh and onto the Bundy property...dead.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Guys and Dolls
When Al and Steve become obsessed with collecting baseball cards, Peggy and Marcy dig out their old Barbie dolls and re-live their childhood fantasies.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Build a Better Mousetrap
Al and Steve stare danger in the face when they decide to exterminate a pesky field mouse without the aid of professional help.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Master the Possibilities
When Buck, the Bundy family pooch, mistakenly receives a credit card in his name, Al and Peg decide to sample "the good life" and embark on a wild spending spree.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Peggy Loves Al, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
All Peggy wants for Valentine's Day is to hear unromantic Al utter those three little words - I love you.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Great Escape, The
When the Bundy family spends the night in Al's shoe store while their house is being exterminated, Kelly is forced to be especially creative in slipping out for the night.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Impo-Dent
When Marcy accidentally dents Steve's brand new Mercedes, she finds it affects more than just his performance on the road.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Head First
Carrie convinces Doug to spend more time with Arthur.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Fat City
Doug worries that Carrie will grow to look like her mother.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Richie's Song
Doug learns Richie's wife is cheating on him.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Brownsized
Cleveland accepts Mr. Waterman's offer to quit his job and receive six months severance pay. There's only one catch: figuring out a way to tell Donna. Rallo finds a new beau for Robert after Federline forgets about their anniversary.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Rodent Like This, A
When a rat is discovered in the Brown home, Donna and the kids move out, leaving Cleveland to deal with the problem. But Cleveland discovers he likes living by himself and forms a friendship with the whiskered pest.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Man in the Moonbounce
Stan vows to live out all the teenage pranks he missed with Steve and his friends. But when they are caught, he winds up going to prison.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Shallow Vows
Upset that Francine has let herself go, Stan takes drastic measures when she asks him to renew their wedding vows.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
My Morning Straitjacket
After attending a concert with Hayley, Stan becomes obsessed with her music.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
G-String Circus
When Hayley rejects Stan's advice, he decides to start a dry-cleaning business run by a bunch of strippers. But when the business fails miserably, he is forced to become a male stripper to make some extra money.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Brian's Got A Brand New Bag
The Griffins ridicule Brian when he begins dating a 50-year-old woman.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Hannah Banana
The Griffins discover that the evil monkey in Chris's closet isn't so evil after all; Stewie befriends Miley Cyrus, who turns out to be an android.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Pepperwood
When Nick is convinced that one of Jess' students is hiding a nefarious secret, he goes undercover in her adult night school class. Meanwhile, Winston has an embarrassing encounter with Cece, causing an examination of all the loft-mate's peculiarities.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Cooler
Nick and Schmidt go out on a bro's night but quickly become infatuated with and highly competitive over a beautiful woman attracted to sadness. Meanwhile, Winston falls for a girl with absolutely no interest in him, which only makes him more attracted to her. Then, Jess' decision to have a night alone in the loft doesn't go as planned and involves another round of the drinking game "True American," and a surprising development in her relationship with one of the loft mates.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Wedding (Part 1), The
Rachel stays home while the others go to England for Ross' wedding. CHRISTINA PICKLES, RICHARD BRANSON, JENNIFER SAUNDERS, TOM CONTI, ELLIOTT GOULD and SARAH, THE DUCHESS OF YORK guest star.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Wedding (Part 2), The
Rachel frantically tries to get to London before Ross marries Emily. Ross' father clashes with Emily's. OLIVIA WILLIAMS and HUGH LAURIE guest star.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After Ross Says Rachel, The
Will Emily forgive Ross before their honeymoon Monica and Chandler agree to end their new relationship.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With All the Kissing, The
Ross' new wife won't speak to him. Rachel appoints Monica her advisor in romance. Phoebe feels neglected.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Chicken Roaster, The
A celebrity opens a chicken restaurant in Jerry's neighborhood.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Abstinence, The
George benefits when his new girlfriend's illness requires their abstinence.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
English Patient, The
Jerry lifts weights with his parents' Florida neighbor (Lloyd Bridges).
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Nap, The
George discovers how to take a nap at work and not get caught.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Agreement Dissection, The
Priya uses her legal expertise to rip apart Sheldon's roommate agreement, and the women take the flustered Sheldon out dancing.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Wildebeest Implementation, The
Raj makes an attempt to cure his phobia of talking to women; and Penny spies on Leonard and Priya with the help of Bernadette.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Engagement Reaction, The
Mrs. Wolowitz ends up in the hospital after Howard tells her he's marrying Bernadette. While there, Leonard stresses over Penny and Priya warming up to one another.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Roommate Transmogrification, The
In the 4th season finale, Raj moves in with Sheldon when Leonard & Priya's "Star Trek" bedroom fantasy is too much for him; and the guys tease Howard when Bernadette gets her PHD, making Howard the only one without a doctorate.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
ELEAGUE
Week 2: Group Play of Valve's Counter-Strike: Global Offensive
Teams competing in Week 2 are G2 eSports, Ninjas in Pyjamas (NiP), Optic, and TyLoo.
1:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Wake Up Time
TV-PG
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Letting You Go
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie
Cop Out
Two longtime NYPD partners on the trail of a stolen, rare, mint-condition baseball card find themselves up against a merciless, memorabilia-obsessed gangster. But before they can recover the prized `52 Pafko, they must first rescue a Mexican beauty who holds the key to millions of dollars in off-shore bank accounts-and who has already witnessed one high-profile murder because of them. Veteran detective Jimmy Monr needs to cash in on his perfect Pafko in order to pay for his daughter''s upcoming wedding, but in the tradition of everything that can go wrong--it''s pilfered before he has a chance to collect. Paul Hodges is Jimmy''s partner-against-crime, whose preoccupation with his wife''s alleged infidelity makes it hard for him to keep his eye on the ball, or his mind on the crime. Already in trouble and with nothing left to lose, Jimmy and Paul will have to break all the rules-including enlisting the aid of stoner thief Dave, who''s working Paul''s last nerve as Paul and Jimmy try to work the case.
TV-14
4:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2303
Salute to stupidity and dog park
TV-G
5:00 am
Married With Children
Just Married ... with Children
Peggy and Al masquerade as their newlywed neighbors, Steve and Marcy Rhoades, on the game show "How Do I Love Thee" - with shocking results.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Father Lode
Al finally comes into some money at the track, but hasn't time to enjoy his winnings - he's too busy hiding the loot from his family.
TV-PG
 

Saturday, June 4

6:00 am
Seinfeld
Andrea Doria, The
George wants a better apartment; Jerry learns Newman is hiding mail.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Seinfeld
Little Jerry, The
George finds the perfect woman; Kramer gets a pet; Elaine dates a bald man.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Seinfeld
Comeback, The
Jerry joins a tennis club; a co-worker's insults test George.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Seinfeld
Money, The
Jerry's parents sell their Cadillac, thinking he needs money; J. Peterman returns.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Seinfeld
Van Buren Boys, The
George interviews student candidates for Susan's scholarship.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Seinfeld
Yada Yada, The
George realizes his girlfriend's slang may leave out vital information.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie
Cop Out
Two longtime NYPD partners on the trail of a stolen, rare, mint-condition baseball card find themselves up against a merciless, memorabilia-obsessed gangster. But before they can recover the prized `52 Pafko, they must first rescue a Mexican beauty who holds the key to millions of dollars in off-shore bank accounts-and who has already witnessed one high-profile murder because of them. Veteran detective Jimmy Monr needs to cash in on his perfect Pafko in order to pay for his daughter''s upcoming wedding, but in the tradition of everything that can go wrong--it''s pilfered before he has a chance to collect. Paul Hodges is Jimmy''s partner-against-crime, whose preoccupation with his wife''s alleged infidelity makes it hard for him to keep his eye on the ball, or his mind on the crime. Already in trouble and with nothing left to lose, Jimmy and Paul will have to break all the rules-including enlisting the aid of stoner thief Dave, who''s working Paul''s last nerve as Paul and Jimmy try to work the case.
TV-14
11:00 am
Movie
Norbit
Norbit has never had it easy. As a baby, he was abandoned on the steps of a Chinese restaurant/orphanage and raised by Mr. Wong. Things get worse when he''s forced into marriage by the mean, junk food-chugging queen, Rasputia. Just when Norbit''s hanging by his last thread, his childhood sweetheart, Kate, moves back to town.
TV-PG
1:00 pm
Movie
Liar, Liar
A pathologically lying lawyer desperately tries to grant his son's wish that he tell the truth for a 24-hour period.
TV-PG
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One-Hundredth, The
While Phoebe delivers triplets, Joey experiences his own pain. Monica plans a date with a male nurse to spite Chandler.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Phoebe Hates PBS, The
Joey challenges Phoebe to perform a completely selfless act. Monica gets upset when Chandler gloats about sex. Ross might finally reconcile with Emily -- but he must make a tough decision.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Kips, The
Ross tells Rachel that he cannot be around her once Emily comes to New York. Chandler and Monica try to have a romantic weekend.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Yeti, The
Will Ross obey Emily and move away from his friends Monica and Rachel meet a monster.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Wedding Cake Cake Cake
Max and Caroline agree to make a wedding cake for a bride (Lindsey Lohan) who can't decide on what style of cake she wants, or much of anything else.
TV-14
5:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the New Lease on Life
Max and Caroline are forced to find the original tenant of their apartment when the lease expires and convince him to re-sign or else they will face eviction.
TV-14
6:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Free Money
Caroline's love for horse racing gets out of hand when she and Max go to a racetrack as guests of Sophie's new bookie boyfriend.
TV-14
6:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the First Degree
Season 3 ends with Caroline helping Max earn her high-school diploma and reconnect with her estranged mother.
TV-14
7:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Skank Reflex Analysis, The
On the fifth season premiere, Penny worries that she's screwed things up permanently with her friends after her night with Raj, while Sheldon takes command of the paintball team.
TV-14
7:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Infestation Hypothesis, The
A battle of wills between Sheldon and Penny leaves Amy caught in the middle, while Leonard tries to spice up his long-distance relationship with Priya (AARTI MANN).
TV-14
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Pulled Groin Extrapolation, The
Attending a co-worker's wedding, Leonard and Amy (MAYIM BIALIK) get to know each other better, while Howard and Bernadette spend the weekend with Mrs. Wolowitz!
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Wiggly Finger Catalyst, The
When Raj is upset he's the only one of the four guys who's not in a relationship, Penny sets out to find the perfect date, introducing him to Emily, a girl he can actually talk to!
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Russian Rocket Reaction, The
Sheldon and Leonard get invited to a housewarming party at WIL WHEATON's house; while Howard gets an out-of-this-world opportunity!
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Rhinitis Revelation, The
Sheldon craves attention from his visiting mother.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Good Guy Fluctuation, The
Sheldon tries to spook his friends on Halloween.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Isolation Permutation, The
Bernadette & Penny shop for wedding dresses...without Amy.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
Vaping
New FDA regulations threaten the growing vaping industry . so contributor Allana Harkin stops by a vaping convention to see what America may be losing.
TV-MA
11:30 pm
The Detour
Track, The
The Parkers finally make it to Ft. Lauderdale only to have Nate's plan of getting his job back completely unravel. Fortunately, at a nearby race track, there is hope.
TV-MA
12:00 am
The Detour
Beach, The
Nate, Robin and the kids attempt to take down Nate's company in epic whistle blowing fashion. It won't be easy, but if there's one thing we've learned about this family is that they don't give up without at least a punch to the throat and maybe a cheap kick to the groin.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Separation Anxiety (DVS)
Jeff & Luke
Jeff and Luke are two Broadway actors, who have been best friends for years. These two crass, narcissistic men love to pick up girls, entertain and dance. Can Luke help his bromance win a lot of cash Or will they lose it all
TV-14
1:30 am
Movie
Liar, Liar
A pathologically lying lawyer desperately tries to grant his son's wish that he tell the truth for a 24-hour period.
TV-PG
3:30 am
Movie
Norbit
Norbit has never had it easy. As a baby, he was abandoned on the steps of a Chinese restaurant/orphanage and raised by Mr. Wong. Things get worse when he''s forced into marriage by the mean, junk food-chugging queen, Rasputia. Just when Norbit''s hanging by his last thread, his childhood sweetheart, Kate, moves back to town.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
All in the Family
Al is less than thrilled when Peggy announces her family is coming for a visit - all six of them.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, June 5

6:00 am
Seinfeld
Millennium, The
Newman nixes Kramer's millennium-party plans; Jerry obsesses about his position on his girlfriend's speed dial.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Seinfeld
Muffin Tops, The
Elaine becomes a partner in a muffin business; Jerry shaves his chest.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Seinfeld
Summer of George, The
George plans a vacation; Elaine critiques a co-worker (Molly Shannon); guest Raquel Welch.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Seinfeld
Pony Remark, The
Jerry thinks his off-the-cuff remark killed a woman.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Moves In, The
Joey and Chandler regret letting Ross move in with them. Rachel schemes to get her new neighbor to ask her on a date.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross' Sandwich, The
Joey becomes exasperated from hiding Chandler and Monica's secret. Ross gets in trouble when he expresses his rage.
TV-14
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Chandler's Work Laugh, The
Chandler's behavior toward his boss annoys Monica. Ross' latest romance astounds everyone.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Joey's Bag, The
Phoebe meets another long-lost relative. Joey wears a shoulder bag. Series star LISA KUDROW plays a dual role.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Movie
Back to the Future
"Back to the Future" follows a boy, played by Michael J. Fox, and his a rough life in high school after being tormented by the principal, and a rough relationship with his father. When he befriends a scientist, played by Christopher Lloyd, he finds out that he is working on a time machine and is accidentally sent to the 1950s. He interferes with the romance of his parents, and must get them reunited to ensure his own existence back in the 1980s. "Back to the Future" has cemented itself as a 1980s classic.
TV-PG
12:30 pm
Movie
Back to the Future Part II
Sequel to the 1985 hit "Back to the Future," where Marty McFly goes into the future.
TV-PG
3:00 pm
Movie
Back to the Future Part III
Marty McFly drives into the Old West to rescue Doc, whose blossoming romance makes him reluctant to return, from the clutches of the villainous Tannen Gang.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
Now You See Me
When four talented magicians join forces, they mesmerize an international audience with a series of daring heists that has the law scrambling to anticipate their next big crime.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Network Television Premiere (DVS)
Incredible Burt Wonderstone, The
In the world of rival Las Vegas magicians, one member of a highly successful two-man team dies in a risky stunt. The surviving team member must then find a way to rediscover his love for magic.
TV-14
10:15 pm
Network Television Premiere (DVS)
Incredible Burt Wonderstone, The
In the world of rival Las Vegas magicians, one member of a highly successful two-man team dies in a risky stunt. The surviving team member must then find a way to rediscover his love for magic.
TV-14
12:30 am
Angie Tribeca
Pilot
The mayor is being blackmailed and the lieutenant is just sick about it. Angie Tribeca is assigned a new partner, Jay Geils, to find the blackmailer and bring him to justice. The only problem Tribeca works alone.
TV-14
1:00 am
Angie Tribeca
Wedding Planner Did It, The
A baker's been murdered and the lieutenant is just sick about it. Tribeca must track down the murderer before any other people get murdered by that murderer. The only problem She doesn't know who did it.
TV-14
1:30 am
Angie Tribeca
Famous Ventriloquist Did It, The
A ventriloquist is dead and the lieutenant is just sick about it. On the case, Tribeca delves into the salacious world of American ventriloquism. The only problem Geils always wanted to be a ventriloquist, which may not sound like a problem but is.
TV-PG
2:00 am
Angie Tribeca
Thumb Affair, The
A priceless work of art is missing and the lieutenant is extremely sick. Tribeca and Geils search and high and low and in the middle to recover the stolen painting. The only problems The demons in Tribeca's past and the lieutenant's lingering illness.
TV-14
2:30 am
Angie Tribeca
Commissioner Bigfish
Tribeca and Geils are poking around into a prostitution ring and the lieutenant is just sick, mostly about it. Afraid of what they might uncover, he orders them to stop. The only problem "Stop" isn't a word in Angie Tribeca's vocabulary.
TV-14
3:00 am
Angie Tribeca
Ferret Royale
Illegal pet ferrets are leaking into California and the lieutenant could not be sicker about it. Tribeca and Geils follow a trail that naturally leads them to a high stakes poker game. The only problem The Fish & Game Division is claiming jurisdiction.
TV-14
3:30 am
Angie Tribeca
Tribeca's Day Off
Tribeca's been hoarding vacation days and the lieutenant is sick about it. Ordered to take a day off, Tribeca dabbles in civilian life while Tanner and Geils solve a murder on a golf course. What's not a problem Bill Murray agreed to be in this episode.
TV-14
4:00 am
Angie Tribeca
Murder in the First Class
Another passenger arrives dead at LAX and the lieutenant has finally been diagnosed with bacterial meningitis. The gang goes undercover aboard an airplane to catch the killer in the act. The only problem The lieutenant doesn't believe in antibiotics.
TV-14
4:30 am
Angie Tribeca
Inside Man
A band of British gangsters has robbed another bank and the lieutenant's meningitis is worsening. He orders Tribeca and Geils to infiltrate the gang, but somehow they end up stuck in prison. The only problem Tribeca and Geils are stuck in prison.
TV-14
5:00 am
Angie Tribeca
One with the Bomb, The
Geils has been kidnapped and the lieutenant is inches from death though you wouldn't know it from watching the episode. Tribeca will stop at nothing to save Geils before time runs out. The only problem The 256 character limit on these descriptions makes i
TV-14
5:30 am
Married With Children
Camping Show (aka A Period Piece), The
Al and Steve's much-anticipated vacation in the great outdoors is ruined by female hormones and man-eating animals.
TV-PG
 

Monday, June 6

6:00 am
Married With Children
He Thought He Could
When Al finds a library book that is 31 years overdue, he decides to finally face the librarian who once pegged him as a deadbeat.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
I'm Going to Sweatland
Al is up to his armpits in rock 'n' roll fanatics after Peggy "sees" an image of her idol in the sweat stains on one of Al's tee-shirts.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Poke High (aka The Red Grange Story)
While Kelly tries to score with a high school fullback, Al roots for the opposing team in hopes his old school record will remain intact.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Dump of My Own, A
Al sets out to fulfill a lifelong dream when he begins construction on his very own bathroom, equipped with the legendary Ferguson Toilet.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Her Cups Runneth Over
Peggy is so miserable when her favorite bra is discontinued, that Al is forced to take matters into his own hands and find a replacement.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Bald and the Beautiful, The
When Al and Steve face up to the bald fact that they are both losing their hair, they decide to seek the counsel and encouragement of a hairless support group.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Cello, Goodbye
Doug fears Carrie's new job is coming between them.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Paternal Affairs
Arthur dates Doug's favorite, recently divorced aunt.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Rock, The
Doug belatedly learns Carrie's engagement ring is valuable.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Road Rayge
Doug cheats on a driver's test and loses his license.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Hangover Part Tubbs, The
Donna campaigns to be elected to the school board; Cleveland accidentally "kills" an opponent while playing "the Hurt Locker game;" Junior realizes he's an excellent driver.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
California Dreamin' (All the Cleves Are Brown)
The Browns relocate to Los Angeles so Cleveland can pursue his fantasy of becoming a major league baseball scout; Donna and the kids are seduced by the glamorous Hollywood lifestyle.
TV-14
12:00 pm
Seinfeld
Busboy, The
A busboy loses his job and his cat because of George.
TV-PG
12:30 pm
Seinfeld
Baby Shower, The
Kramer persuades Jerry to get illegal cable service; guest Christine Dunford.
TV-PG
1:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Everybody Finds Out, The
Chandler and Monica's relationship becomes less of a secret. Ross must prove to his boss that he's sane in order to return to work.
TV-14
1:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Girl Who Hits Joey, The
Chandler thinks Monica wants more from their relationship. Ross fails to impress his new neighbors.
TV-PG
2:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Cop, The
Joey wonders if he is in love with Monica. Phoebe impersonates a police officer.
TV-PG
2:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss, The
Rachel interviews for a great job--but she may get it for the wrong reason. Monica competes to have a better relationship than Phoebe's.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Table 34
The gang attends a dating convention, where Cece hopes to find a prospective husband even as Schmidt hopes to win her back. Meanwhile, Winston's mojo returns, and Jess and Nick get put in a compromising position in front of Dr. Sam.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Parking Spot
When Schmidt discovers a previously unknown yet highly-coveted parking spot, Jess and the roommates battle it out to see who will get to use it. Meanwhile, Winston has a hard time finding a condom when he gets an impromptu invitation from Daisy.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Seinfeld
Jacket, The
Jerry loves an expensive suede jacket until he buys it.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Seinfeld
Chinese Restaurant, The
Jerry, Elaine and George need reservations at a Chinese restaurant.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
American Dad
Rapture's Delight
The Rapture happens on Christmas Eve, and Stan is left behind.
TV-14
5:30 pm
American Dad
Don't Look a Smith Horse in the Mouth
When Francine demands that Stan get rid of his gas-guzzling SUV because it's draining the family of money, he hatches a plan with Roger at the local horse track to avoid giving up his ride. Meanwhile, it's up to Steve and his friends to help out an old friend.
TV-14
6:00 pm
American Dad
Jones for a Smith, A
Stan puts down liberal social programs because he thinks they're a waste of money and gives Francine a hard time for lending a helping hand at the local homeless shelter. When Stan develops a nasty addiction and needs help, he suddenly has a change of heart.
TV-14
6:30 pm
American Dad
May the Best Stan Win
As Valentine's Day approaches, a cyborg version of Stan attempts to steal Francine away from Stan; Roger directs a shot-for-shot remake of the movie "The Goonies."
TV-14
7:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Grimm Job
Stewie is having trouble falling asleep, so Peter decides to read him three fairytales from the Brothers Grimm. As he reads, familiar Quahogians become characters in the stories.
TV-14
7:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Brian's a Bad Father
Brian receives a call from his son, Dylan Flannigan, who wants to reconnect with him. At first, Brian is hesitant to meet up, but changes his tune when he discovers Dylan is the star of a new television show.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Mom's the Word
After some questionable food choices, Peter accidentally soils himself at work. Ashamed, he heads home and finds all of his family and friends have gathered there. He thinks they┐re going to make fun of him, but they┐re actually there to deliver some sad news┐his mother, Thelma, has passed away.
TV-14
8:30 pm
American Dad
Garfield and Friends
Stan brings President Garfield back to life in order to teach Hayley about history. Steve writes for the school newspaper.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Fleas Don't Kill Me
A man is found dead in a dog park, but a finally healthy Lieutenant Atkins doesn't think Tribeca's ready to take the case. Why Because Tribeca hates dogs. And also she's just woken up from a year-long coma.
TV-14
9:27 pm
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Miso Dead
Tensions flare between Tribeca and Scholls after the skull of a missing sushi chef is fished out of the ocean. Why Because they're in a love triangle with Geils. It actually has very little to do with the case.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Brian the Closer
A fight over a chew-rope with Peter leaves Brian toothless and disfigured. But after a visit with QuagmireĂs dentist, Brian puts his new ˘toothy÷ smile to the test, as a real estate agent.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
Episode 1014
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6891
TV-14
12:00 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Fleas Don't Kill Me
A man is found dead in a dog park, but a finally healthy Lieutenant Atkins doesn't think Tribeca's ready to take the case. Why Because Tribeca hates dogs. And also she's just woken up from a year-long coma.
TV-14
12:29 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6891
TV-14
1:29 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Feel a Whole Lot Better
TV-PG
2:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Breakdown
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie
Sweetest Thing, The
When it comes to dating, Christina Walters has a golden rule: avoid searching for Mr. Right and focus on Mr. Right Now. That is until one night at a club when she unexpectedly meets Peter, only to see him suddenly disappear the next day. She and her best friend Courtney decide to break the rules and go on a road trip to find him, encountering numerous misadventures along the way.
TV-14
4:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2304
Halloweenies 2012 and second guy bites it
TV-G
5:00 am
Married With Children
I'll See You in Court
Peggy hopes that an overnight stay in a motel will liven up her sex life with Al only to discover that their most intimate moments have been videotaped by the management.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Gypsy Cried, The
When a gypsy fortune teller predicts disaster for Marcy and good fortune for Al, Steve and Peggy, Marcy insists that they accompany her on a plane trip to New York, first class, of course.
TV-PG
 

Tuesday, June 7

6:00 am
Married With Children
Requiem for a Dead Barber
When Al's long-time barber passes on, Al is forced to face the fact that the old-fashioned barber shop is a thing of the past and resigns himself to a future of beauty salon haircuts.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Eatin' Out
When the Bundy's receive a modest inheritance check from Peg's deceased uncle, they decide to splurge and eat out at an elegant restaurant.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
My Mom, the Mom
Peggy is the hit of Mother/Daughter Career Day at Kelly's school when she instructs the girls in the art of being a housewife, including demonstrations of wallet pilfering and mastering the TV remote control.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Can't Dance, Don't Ask Me (aka Kelly's Dance)
When Kelly is faced with a choice of getting kicked out of school or joining the tap dance club, she swallows her pride, buckles on her tap shoes and performs some dirty dancing that leaves the audience sweating in their seats.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Three Job, No Income Family, A
When Peggy gets a job selling cosmetics and brings home more money than Al, he gets a second job to regain his self-respect, but still finds himself losing the breadwinning game.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Harder They Fall, The
After Peggy gives the highway salute to a rude driver while in the Rhoades' car, Steve is obsessed with the fear that the enraged driver - a possible ex-con - may come looking for him.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Educating Doug
Doug takes an English lit class to please Carrie.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Supermarket Story
Carrie's plan for a simple Thanksgiving falls apart when she shops for food.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Fixer Upper
Doug doesn't want Carrie to play matchmaker for Spence.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Crappy Birthday
Doug forgets Carrie's 30th birthday.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Fist and the Furious
Cleveland attempts to improve Dr. Fist's social life, only to discover he used to work for the mob; Rallo and Junior discover a business opportunity in the form of a food truck.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Who Done Did It?
Cleveland seeks revenge against people who've wronged him and his family...until he's accused of a murder he didn't commit.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Return of the Bling
Stan is appalled to discover that Roger - a "Miracle On Ice" hockey team member - used steroids; Hayley finds herself falling for Reginald.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Cops and Roger
In an attempt to prove his manhood to Stan, Roger joins the Police Academy. But it's not very long until he becomes a corrupt cop.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Merlot Down Dirty Shame
Complications ensue when Roger accompanies Francine to wine country; Klaus and Hayley trick Steve into believing he's dreaming when he's really awake.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Bully for Steve
Stan becomes tired of Steve never standing up for himself. To help, he becomes a bully and picks on Steve. Meanwhile, Reginald finally asks Hayley out on a date.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Quagmire's Baby
Peter's ham radio communicates with the ghost of Ronald Regan; Quagmire discovers he fathered a baby girl; Stewie has himself cloned.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Jerome is the New Black
Peter and the guys interview potential friends to fill the vacancy left by Cleveland. Meanwhile, Brian discovers that Quagmire hates him.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Tinfinity
Jess catches the eye of a professional football player, with whom Winston landed an exclusive interview for his radio station. Meanwhile, Nick and Schmidt argue over the planning of their "TinFinity" party celebrating their tenth anniversary of living together, and Cece gets a surprise offer.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Quick Hardening Caulk
Jess comes to a conclusion about her romantic feelings for Nick and she struggles to tell him until she's hopped up on pain medication. But after admitting her feelings, she finds out he may have been keeping something from her. Meanwhile, Schmidt becomes obsessed with buying a fish, which Winston sees as a metaphor for Schmidt's unresolved feelings toward Cece, and Nick plans a bar promotion to impress the bar owner.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Smokes, The
Rachel submits to peer pressure at work. Joey and Ross' son audition for the same commercial -- but only one can get the part.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Can't Flirt, The
Ross' flirting technique fails to impress a cute pizza-delivery woman. A surprise awaits Joey when he tells everyone about his big television appearance.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Ride Along, The
The guys enjoy riding along with a police officer -- until a gunshot is heard. Rachel overhears a telephone message for Ross from his second ex-wife.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Ball, The
Phoebe's boyfriend wants her to move in with him. Ross and Joey involve Chandler and Monica in an obsessive game.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Phone Message, The
George regrets a nasty message he put on a date's answering machine.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Apartment, The
Jerry regrets encouraging Elaine to move into his building.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Stranded, The
Waiting for a ride, Jerry and Elaine keep a party's host up late.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Statue, The
Jerry thinks a friend stole his statue, but doesn't know how to get it back.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Ornithophobia Diffusion, The
Sheldon must overcome his fear of birds.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Flaming Spittoon Acquisition, The
Sheldon becomes jealous when Stuart asks Amy for a date.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Speckerman Recurrance, The
Leonard comes face-to-face with his high school bully.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Shiny Trinket Maneuver, The
Sheldon gets in trouble with Amy, and it's up to Penny to teach him how to be a better boyfriend. Howard, meanwhile, must come to grips with Bernadette's dislike of children.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Separation Anxiety (DVS)
Marty & Lindsay
Marty and Lindsey have been dating for a while, but most of that time Marty has been deployed in Afghanistan. Now that he is back, his life has been tough. Does Lindsey know him well enough to win them the grand prize It's an emotional ride in the finale of Separation Anxiety.
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6892
TV-14
12:00 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Miso Dead
Tensions flare between Tribeca and Scholls after the skull of a missing sushi chef is fished out of the ocean. Why Because they're in a love triangle with Geils. It actually has very little to do with the case.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6892
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Finding Out
TV-PG
2:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
All Mixed Up
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie
Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!
Rosalee Futch is a grocery clerk living in rural West Virginia. But even a small-town girl can have big dreams, and Rosalee''s is to someday--somehow--meet her big-screen idol Tad Hamilton. The "somehow" arrives in the form of a contest--the grand prize: a date with Tad Hamilton--and the "someday" is now. Rosalee wins, much to the chagrin of her best friend and co-worker Pete, who is deeply, hopelessly--and secretly--in love with Rosalee. The "Win a Date" contest was cooked up by Tad''s agent, Richard Levy, and his manager, also named Richard Levy, to clean up Tad''s bad-boy image. Someone should have told them to be careful what you wish for. When Tad meets Rosalee and gets a taste of what he''s been missing in the "real world," he decides he wants seconds and moves to West Virginia, turning Rosalee''s dream come true into a nightmare for Richard Levy, Richard Levy and, most of all, Pete.
TV-14
4:30 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2305
Not so super-heroes and name that sound
TV-G
5:30 am
Married With Children
House That Peg Lost, The
When Steve and Marcy return from vacation after entrusting the keys to their house to Peggy, they're shocked to find a big hole where their house used to be.
TV-PG
 

Wednesday, June 8

6:00 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Prom Queen (1)
In this two-part story, Peggy and Al attend the Polk High School Reunion where Peggy is determined to defeat her old nemesis for the title of Reunion Queen.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Prom Queen: the Sequel (2)
Peggy vigorously campaigns for the title of Reunion Queen while Al settles an old score with a former classmate at the Polk High School Reunion.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Computer Show, The
Peggy brings the family closer to the poorhouse when she insists on buying a home computer.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Dateless Amigo, The
When Bud finds it difficult to line up a date, he resorts to the next best thing - a mannequin -with a penchant for losing her head.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Life's a Beach
When Al decides the Bundy clan needs to spend quality time together, they pack up the suntan oil, bug spray and portable TV and head for the beach.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Here's Lookin' at You, Kid
When a neighborhood peeping tom has taken a peek at everyone on the block except Peggy, she tries to rectify the situation by leaving milk, cookies and a ladder.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Noel Cowards
Arthur's Christmas gift drives Doug and Carrie crazy.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Best Man
Doug discovers Carrie's shocking secret at a wedding.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Dog Days
A barking dog keeps the Heffernans up all night.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Hungry Man
Doug embarrasses Carrie at her boss' cocktail party.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Squirt's Honor
When Rallo joins Stoolbend's version of the Boy Scouts, he discovers he can make money selling candy bars for a fictitious charity; Cleveland and Donna win a vacation.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Grave Danger
Cleveland and his friends discover the joys of hanging out at a local cemetery; Rallo befriends neighborhood tough guys after making a trip to Robert's apartment in East Stoolbend.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Incident at Owl Creek, An
Stan becomes the laughing stock of Langley Falls after he defecates in a swimming pool during a party.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Great Space Roaster
It is Roger's birthday, and he begs to be roasted, but Roger takes the cruel jokes to heart and goes on a rampage against the Smith family.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
100 A.D.
When Hayley and her old boyfriend, Jeff, elope, Stan freaks out and offers a reward to anyone who can stop them, sparking a wild goose chase throughout town. Though Reginald attempts to get involved, he ends up fighting with Bullock over the man's time with Halley. Roger and Steve are on the case to find Hayley and Jeff as "Wheels and the Legman."
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Son of Stan
After Stan creates a clone of Steve, Francine and Stan compete with each other to determine who has better parenting skills. Meanwhile, Roger tracks down the AWOL bride and groom in Thailand.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Dog Gone
Brian accidentally kills a dog; the Griffins hire a housekeeper.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Business Guy
When Mr. Pewterschmidt has a heart attack, Peter takes over his business.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Chicago
When a death occurs in Nick's family, Jess, Schmidt and Winston travel with Nick to the Windy City to help him with the funeral preparations and meet his boisterous family members, including his mom, Bonnie; his younger brother, Jamie; and his Boston cousin, Bobby.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
First Date
Nick and Jess continue to struggle with the sexual tension in their relationship both hoping and willing the other to make the first move. After an awkward but exhilarating encounter in the loft hallway, an emboldened Nick asks Jess out on a first date, but it turns out that they both may not be on the same page. And Schmidt and Winston worry that if Nick becomes involved with Jess, it will alter the carefully calibrated dynamics in the loft.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Joey's Big Break, The
Joey's first major film role leads to an unexpected experience in Las Vegas. Phoebe can't remember why she hates Ross.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One in Vegas (Part 1), The
The gang travels to Las Vegas, Nevada, where more than one surprise awaits. After Ross misinterprets Rachel's actions, a war of public humiliation results.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One in Vegas (Part 2), The
Monica and Chandler get lucky in Las Vegas, Nevada. Rachel makes Ross regret playing a prank on her. Joey schemes for fame and fortune.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After Vegas, The
Two of the friends leave Las Vegas married. Joey and Phoebe have a cross-country adventure.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Heart Attack, The
George thinks he's having a heart attack.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Revenge, The
George seeks revenge on his ex-boss for not rehiring him.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Deal, The
Jerry and Elaine mull intimacy but without commitment.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Chaperone, The
Kramer chaperons Jerry's date with a beauty contestant; guest Ian Abercrombie.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Recombination Hypothesis, The
Everything might change when Leonard offers Penny a spur of the moment invitation to a romantic dinner for two on the 100th episode of the series.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Beta Test Initiation, The
Leonard and Penny "beta test" their relationship.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Friendship Contraction, The
Sheldon's selfish demands force Leonard to reconsider their friendship. Meanwhile, Howard tries to pick his astronaut nickname. NASA astronaut MIKE MASSIMINO guest stars.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Vacation Solution, The
When Sheldon is forced to take a vacation by the university, he goes to work with Amy in her neurobiology lab.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Rothman Disintegration, The
When a corner office at the University opens up, Sheldon must compete for it with his office nemesis, Barry Kripke. Meanwhile, Penny receives an unusual gift from Amy.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Werewolf Transformation, The
A change in Sheldon's routine forces him to re-evaluate his entire life, when his barber is sick. Meanwhile, Howard rethinks his decision to go into space after astronaut training.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6893
TV-14
12:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Reality Problem
Season 4 begins with a TV producer approaching Max and Caroline about shooting an episode of a Kardashians reality show at their cupcake window. Kim Kardashian appears as herself.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6893
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Let Yourself Go
TV-PG
2:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Makin' Some Noise
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie
Our Family Wedding
"Our marriage, their wedding." It''s lesson number one for any newly engaged couple, and Lucia and Marcus are no exception. They learn the hard way that the path to saying "I do" can be rife with familial strife. When they return from college and too suddenly announce their marriage plans, they soon discover that their fathers - two highly competitive over-the-top egos - can wreak a major amount of havoc on their special day. With insults flying and tempers running high, it''s anyone''s guess if the alpha dads will survive to make it down the aisle in one piece. Lucia''s mother is busy planning the wedding of "her" dreams and the only levelheaded one in the bunch is Angela, the groom''s father''s best friend and lawyer, who manages to keep her cool when the madness reaches a crescendo. With only weeks to plan their wedding, Lucia and Marcus soon discover the true meaning of love and find there is truth to the saying - that when you marry someone, you marry their entire family.
TV-14
4:30 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2306
AFV's 500th episode
TV-G
5:30 am
Married With Children
Hot off the Grill
In honor of Labor Day, Al Bundy "treats" Peggy, Kelly, Bud, Steve and Marcy to an oldfashioned barbecue - Bundy style.
TV-PG
 

Thursday, June 9

6:00 am
Married With Children
Dead Men Don't Do Aerobics
When Peggy wins a personalized workout with TV fitness host Jim Jupiter, "the healthiest man in Chicago," he sets out to change her unhealthful lifestyle, but she changes his instead.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Buck Saves the Day
When Al and Steve take Bud and his friends on a camping trip, Kelly sees a friendly poker game with the girls as a chance to earn money for a rock concert.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Tooth or Consequences
Stricken with a toothache, Al reluctantly visits a dentist for the first time, leaving him in too much pain to enjoy the family meal that Peggy has begrudgingly agreed to prepare.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
He Ain't Much, But He's Mine
When a flashy blond at the beauty parlor brags about her affair with a married man, Peggy worries that Al is picking up more than a spare on his bowling night.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Fair Exchange
The Bundys are elated over the extra income they receive when they house a foreign exchange student, but Kelly gets a run for her money when the student turns out to be a beautiful, sexy French girl.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Desperately Seeking Miss October
Al panics when Peggy sells his beloved collection of Playboy magazines to buy a good luck idol to help her win the lottery.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Court Date
Doug hatches a scheme after Carrie gets a traffic ticket.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
S'ain't Valentine's
Arthur meets an intoxicating woman (Anne Meara) at a St. Valentine's Day dance.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
White Collar
A new promotion makes Doug miserable.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Rayney Day
Doug plays golf in the rain; guest Ray Romano.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Of Lice And Men
Rallo is forced to have his head shaved after he contracts lice; Cleveland housesits for Freight Train and Cookie.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Mr. and Mrs. Brown
Cleveland and Cookie get mistaken for a married couple; after he gets caught stealing a candy bar, Rallo pins the theft on Junior.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Best Little Horror House in Langley Falls
After hosting the scariest haunted house in the neighborhood for years, Stan is threatened by a competitive neighbor.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Stan's Food Restaurant
Roger offers to help Stan live out his dream of opening a restaurant until their different visions for what the eatery should be causes havoc.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
White Rice
After an argument between Stan and Francine breaks out, Stan suggests they go see a counselor, who hypnotizes Francine and reawakens her lifelong dream of being a comedian. Meanwhile, back in Langley Falls, Steve brings home a potential love interest for Klaus.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
There Will Be Bad Blood
The Smiths prepare for the arrival of Stan's half-brother's family for Thanksgiving.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Big Man on Hippocampus
Peter develops amnesia while appearing on the game show "Family Feud;" Lois goes on a date with Quagmire after Peter returns home with another woman.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Dial Meg For Murder
Peter participates in a rodeo; Meg dates a prison escapee.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Bachelorette Party
Jess decides to throw Cece a surprise bachelorette party while Nick and Winston awkwardly take her fiance, Shivrang, out for the night. Then, as Schmidt desperately tries to find a real girlfriend in time for the wedding in order to get a plus one, he is forced to seek out his old girlfriend from his fat Schmidt college days.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Virgins
In a series of flashbacks, Jess, Nick, Schmidt, Winston and Cece tell one another how they each lost their virginity. After regaling each other with their awkward exploits they begin to realize how their first sexual experience continues to affect their sex lives, and one relationship changes forever.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Hugs Rachel, The
Monica is bewildered by Rachel's reaction to a change in their living arrangement. Phoebe tries to make Ross confront his feelings for Rachel.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross' Denial, The
Despite Phoebe's admonitions, Ross makes a drastic decision about Rachel. Chandler and Monica bicker over their living arrangements.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Loses His Insurance, The
Injured Joey must get an acting part in order to qualify for health insurance. Rachel finally learns the truth about her marriage to Ross.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Joey's Porsche, The
Rachel forces Ross to terminate their marriage. Phoebe's first triplet baby-sitting experience proves stressful. Joey pretends to own a sports car.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Big Salad, The
Kramer helps an athlete wanted for a brutal crime flee police; guest Michelle Forbes.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pledge Drive, The
Jerry cashes old birthday checks from his grandmother.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Fleas Don't Kill Me
A man is found dead in a dog park, but a finally healthy Lieutenant Atkins doesn't think Tribeca's ready to take the case. Why Because Tribeca hates dogs. And also she's just woken up from a year-long coma.
TV-14
7:30 pm
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Miso Dead
Tensions flare between Tribeca and Scholls after the skull of a missing sushi chef is fished out of the ocean. Why Because they're in a love triangle with Geils. It actually has very little to do with the case.
TV-14
8:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the DJ Face
Max is mortified when she learns the hot guy she's been spending time with is a deejay at a grocery store.
TV-14
8:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Childhood Not Included
Caroline accidentally loses one of Han's expensive fish while cleaning the tank, so Max considers selling a sentimental gift from her mother in order to replace the fish.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Weekend Vortex, The
Sheldon chooses to participate in a guys-only weekend Star Wars gaming marathon rather than go with Amy to her aunt's birthday party... and gets a lesson from Penny and Amy.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Transporter Malfunction, The
It's a dream come true for Sheldon when he has a close encounter with his hero, Mr. Spock -- legendary sci-fi icon LEONARD NIMOY.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Old Bike Yarn
Caroline takes an abandoned bicycle to start a delivery service for their cupcake business but soon discovers that Max doesn't know how to ride one.
TV-14
10:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Brand Job
Max and Caroline's friendship is severely tested when Caroline drags Max to a motivational business seminar to help brand their cupcake business.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6894
TV-14
12:00 am
2 Broke Girls (SAP)
And the Model Apartment
Supermodels Lily Aldridge and Martha Hunt rent Max and Caroline's apartment for a fun girls' weekend.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6894
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Damage You've Done, The
TV-PG
2:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Keeping Me Alive
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie
Michael
When rumor of Michael's existence reaches the National Mirror, washed-up journalist Frank Quinlan smells a page-one scoop. True or not, it's his job to track down this alleged angel, and bring him back to Chicago in time for Christmas. But his fiesty boss won't let him go alone. He sends Quinlan on assignment with angel expert Dorothy Winters and Huey Driscoll, another jaded reporter who would have been canned years ago had he not rescued Sparky, a mongrel that has become famous as the paper's prized mascot. As the trio travels to Iowa, each believes the trip is a colossal hoax until they come face-to-feather with Michael. He smells like cookies, acts like a playboy and tosses off miracles when everyone least expects them. As Quinlan and Dorothy search for the incontrovertible proof they need not to believe in Michael, Michael sets out against all odds to get Dorothy and Quinlan to believe in each other.
TV-PG
4:45 am
TBS Network Preview
Episode 1
A backstage peek at TBS's original programs.
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2307
The first 6 nominees of the season battle it out to win the $100,000
TV-G