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SCHEDULE: November 2014

Times listed for EASTERN and PACIFIC timezones except where otherwise noted.

Sunday, November 23

6:00 am
Married With Children
Mystery of Skull Island, The
While Peggy, Al, Marcy and Jefferson play a New Age board game, Bud finds himself unable to say no to sexy Kara, even if it kills him.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Just Shoe It
Al relives his glory days as a high school football star (All City '66) when he lands a role in a Super Bowl commercial with ex-jocks Sugar Ray Leonard, Steve Carlton and Ed "Too Tall" Jones.
TV-PG
7:00 am
King of Queens, The
Cheap Saks
Carrie discovers Doug's annoying ex-girlfriend (Janeane Garofalo) has an employee discount at Saks Fifth Avenue.
TV-PG
7:30 am
King of Queens, The
Damned Yankee
Carrie catches Doug fantasizing about other women while he is under sedation at the hospital.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Dozen Lasagnas, The
Rachel's Italian boyfriend tries to seduce Phoebe. Rachel accidentally reveals a secret to Ross. Monica's aunt refuses to take the lasagnas she ordered from Monica.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Boobies, The
Chandler sees Rachel nude. Joey learns his father is having an affair. BRENDA VACCARO guest stars as Joey's mother.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Stoned Guy, The
JON LOVITZ guest stars as a restaurant owner who interviews Monica for a chef's position. Ross asks Joey how to "talk dirty" to women.
TV-14
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Cooking Class, The
A food critic blasts Monica's cooking in a newspaper review; a cute saleswoman (Rena Sofer) riles Rachel when she flirts with Ross; Phoebe coaches Chandler for a job interview.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Movie (DVS)
It's Complicated
Jane is the mother of three grown kids, owns a thriving Santa Barbara bakery/restaurant and has-after a decade of divorce-an amicable relationship with her ex-husband, attorney Jake. But when Jane and Jake find themselves out of town for their son's college graduation, things start to get complicated. An innocent meal together turns into the unimaginable-an affair. With Jake remarried to the much younger Agness, Jane is now, of all things, the other woman. Caught in the middle of their renewed romance is Adam, an architect hired to remodel Jane's kitchen. Healing from a divorce of his own, Adam starts to fall for Jane, but soon realizes he's become part of a love triangle. Should Jane and Jake move on with their lives, or is love truly lovelier the second time around? It's-complicated.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
Life As We Know It
Holly Berenson is an up-and-coming caterer and Eric Messer is a promising network sports director. After a disastrous first date, the only thing they have in common is their dislike for each other and their love for their goddaughter, Sophie. But when they suddenly become all Sophie has in the world, Holly and Eric are forced to put their differences aside. Juggling career ambitions and competing social calendars, they'll have to find some common ground while living under one roof.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Movie Encore (DVS)
Fred Claus
Fred Claus has lived his entire life in his brother's very large shadow. Fred tried, but could hardly live up to the example set by the younger Nicholas, who was just a perfect, well, saint. True to form, Nicholas grew up to be the model of giving, while Fred became the polar opposite: a fast-talking repo man who's run out of luck and money. Over Mrs. Claus' objections, Nicholas agrees to help his brother on one condition: that he come to the North Pole and earn the money he needs by working in Santa's Toy Shop. The trouble is that Fred isn't exactly elf material and, with Christmas fast approaching, Fred could jeopardize the jolliest holiday of the year.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
Home Alone
A young boy learns to fend for himself after his family accidentally leaves him at home while they go off on their vacation in France for Christmas.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Special (DVS)
Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas !
Bitter and hateful, the Grinch is irritated at the thought of the nearby village having a happy time celebrating Christmas. So, disguised as Santa Claus with his dog made to look like a reindeer, he raids the village to steal all the Christmas things.
TV-G
8:00 pm
Special (DVS)
Wizard Of Oz, The
A Kansas farm girl dreams herself into a magical land where she must fight a wicked witch to escape.
TV-G
10:15 pm
Special (DVS)
Wizard Of Oz, The
A Kansas farm girl dreams herself into a magical land where she must fight a wicked witch to escape.
TV-G
12:30 am
Movie (DVS)
It's Complicated
Jane is the mother of three grown kids, owns a thriving Santa Barbara bakery/restaurant and has-after a decade of divorce-an amicable relationship with her ex-husband, attorney Jake. But when Jane and Jake find themselves out of town for their son's college graduation, things start to get complicated. An innocent meal together turns into the unimaginable-an affair. With Jake remarried to the much younger Agness, Jane is now, of all things, the other woman. Caught in the middle of their renewed romance is Adam, an architect hired to remodel Jane's kitchen. Healing from a divorce of his own, Adam starts to fall for Jane, but soon realizes he's become part of a love triangle. Should Jane and Jake move on with their lives, or is love truly lovelier the second time around? It's-complicated.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
My Best Friend's Girl
Tank (Dane Cook) faces the ultimate test of friendship when his best friend (Jason Biggs) hires him to take his ex-girlfriend (Kate Hudson) out on a lousy date in order to make her realize how great her former boyfriend is.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Rites of Passage
Though Peggy has hired Sticky the Clown to entertain at Bud's 18th birthday party, Al follows Bundy tradition and takes his son to the nudie bar for his first brawl.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Egg and I, The
Steve Rhoades, on the run after hijacking an endangered egg, returns to reclaim his ex-wife, but Marcy doesn't want him back and all the Bundys want is to turn him in to the FBI for the reward money.
TV-PG
 

Monday, November 24

6:00 am
Full House
Trouble in Twin Town
Rebecca's rich cousin, Dick, enters his daughters in a cutest twin contest. Jesse, tired of being insulted by Dick, enters Nicky and Alex--hoping they will win instead of Dick's twins.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Optimal Male
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Psychic Avengers
When Al takes over Jefferson's psychic scam, rival mystic Madame Inga puts a curse on the entire Bundy family.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
My Dinner with Anthrax
It's Al and Peggy's 20th anniversary and Bud and Kelly pack them off to a time-share scam in Florida so heavy metal band Anthrax can party at the Bundy house.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
You Bet
Frank's sudden jovial mood makes Ray suspicious.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Can Opener, The
The whole family chooses sides when Ray and Debra fight over a newly acquired can opener.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie
Limitless
Aspiring author Eddie Morra is suffering from chronic writer's block, but his life changes instantly when an old friend introduces him to NZT, a revolutionary new pharmaceutical that allows him to tap his full potential. With every synapse crackling, Eddie can recall everything he has ever read, seen or heard, learn any language in a day, comprehend complex equations and beguile anyone he meets-as long as he keeps taking the untested drug. Soon Eddie takes Wall Street by storm, parlaying a small stake into millions. His accomplishments catch the eye of mega-mogul Carl Van Loon, who invites him to help broker the largest merger in corporate history. But they also bring Eddie to the attention of people willing to do anything to get their hands on his stash of NZT. With his life in jeopardy and the drug's brutal side effects taking their toll, Eddie dodges mysterious stalkers, a vicious gangster and an intense police investigation as he attempts to hang on to his dwindling supply long enough to outwit his enemies.
TV-14
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2202
Cat attacks; kids pull out their loose teeth in unusual ways
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Brown Magic
Cleveland and Rallo's "ventriloquist" act is a big hit - until Rallo tires of Cleveland taking all the credit for its success.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
'Til Deaf
Cleveland loses his hearing during a secret hunting trip and tries to keep the truth from Donna; Donna decides to go back to school; Roberta challenges Junior when he runs for reelection as student body president.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Of Ice and Men
Stan's competitive streak is unleashed when he and Francine start ice dancing together. Stan dumps Francine to compete with Roger. Meanwhile, Steve and his friends get a mail order Russian bride.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Irregarding Steve
When Steve realizes he's smarter than Stan he throws it in his face and moves with Roger to New York City to become writers. There, they quickly realize they're short on street smarts when they fall in with the pretentious hairdresser, Mr. Beauregard. Meanwhile, we catch a glimpse of the lives' of the squirrels living in the Smith's backyard.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Best Christmas Story Never Told, The
Stan goes to the past to keep Jane Fonda from ruining Christmas, but he winds up creating an alternate future where the United States has been taken over by the Soviet Union.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Bush Comes to Dinner
President Bush comes to dinner when Stan wins an essay-writing contest. Hayley is determined to bring down the presidency after Roger accidentally gets Bush drunk. Meanwhile, Roger thinks he's found Osama bin Laden.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Multiple Plots
Carrie, still unemployed, helps Holly with dog walking; Arthur sells his burial plot to Spence's mother, Veronica (Anne Meara).
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Trash Talker
Doug's grade school nemesis (Jon Favreau) is Deacon's new friend and may become Carrie's new boss.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Is Late, The
Overdue Rachel tries everything to rush the delivery of her baby.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 1), The
The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 2), The
The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where No One Proposes, The
Joey finds himself engaged to Rachel soon after she delivers her baby girl, while Phoebe assumes Ross is the one who proposed.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Betrayal, The
Elaine drags Jerry and George to a wedding in India; Kramer's life is threatened.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Apology, The
Jerry's girlfriend teaches him some naked truths; George anticipates an apology.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Dealership, The
Jerry seeks a good deal on a new car from Elaine's boyfriend (Patrick Warburton).
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Reverse Peephole, The
Puddy wears a fur coat; Jerry doesn't use a wallet; Newman may face eviction.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Herpe the Love Sore
Stewie is fascinated by the blood oath in The Outlaw Josey Wales and begs Brian to perform the same ritual with him. After some nagging, Brian finally relents. They cut their palms and firmly shake hands, thus becoming blood brothers. The next morning, Stewie wakes up to find his lip has broken out with herpes sores.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Most Interesting Man in the World, The
Peter attends theater shows, museums, and other high culture events across the country. Eventually, he transforms into a sophisticated and scholarly individual.
TV-14
9:00 pm
American Dad
Boy Named Michael, A
Greg and Terry decide to adopt a ten-year-old Russian boy named Michael. At a party celebrating the decision, Roger is jealous of Greg and Terry's fabulous lifestyle of culture and sophistication. Roger rejects the Smith family as trashy and impersonates Michael, successfully integrating into his new home.
TV-14
9:30 pm
American Dad
Blagsnarst: A Love Story
Roger has been acting incredibly needy and clingy with the family. He senses something in the air that is affecting his behavior but he can't tell where its coming from. Roger leads Francine to a forest where they find a crashed alien ship, with the alien still alive.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Gorilla Experiment, The
Penny seeks Sheldon's help to better comprehend Leonard's physics work. Wolowitz sees green when Leonard invites Bernadette to watch an experiment.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Maternal Congruence, The
A Christmas visit from his mother (Christine Baranski) has Leonard discovering she's kept a lot of news from him that she shares with Sheldon and worrying if she'll approve of his romance with Penny.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4605
Guests: Will Arnett, Anna Camp, Benjamin Booker
TV-14
12:00 am
Childrens Hospital
Father's Day
It's Fathers Day at Childrens Hospital and Lola and Brian are determined to finding Cat's estranged father. Meanwhile the other doctors wait on a prisoner to be executed so they can use his black heart for a transplant.
TV-14
12:15 am
Childrens Hospital
Stryker Bites the Dust
After the untimely death of beloved Dr. Brock Striker (Rob Riggle), Sy orders the entire staff to undergo counseling before they can practice medicine again.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4605
Guests: Will Arnett, Anna Camp, Benjamin Booker
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Depending on You
Jules and Grayson receive a wedding invitation from a couple they barely know and on a date that conflicts with Grayson's roller-hockey finals. Despite Grayson's important plans, Jules simply cannot say no. Meanwhile, Bobby finds out that Dog Travis has puppies, and the crew discovers that Tom (recurring guest star Robert Clendenin) has created a model of the neighborhood with eerily lifelike dolls of everyone.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Get Smart
Maxwell Smart is on a mission to thwart the latest plot for world domination by the evil crime syndicate known as KAOS. When the headquarters of U.S. spy agency Control is attacked and the identities of its agents compromised, the Chief has no choice but to promote his ever-eager analyst Maxwell Smart, who has always dreamt of working in the field alongside stalwart superstar Agent 23. Smart is partnered instead with the lovely-but-lethal veteran Agent 99. Given little field experience and even less time, Smart--armed with nothing but a few spy-tech gadgets and his unbridled enthusiasm--must thwart the doomsday plans of KAOS head Siegfried.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
High I.Q.
Bud is up in arms when Kelly is invited to join a group of geniuses, while Al and Jefferson try their hand at putting together a workbench -- and lose a few fingers in the process.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Teacher Pets
When Bud's English teacher has the hots for him, he seeks advice from Al, who takes time out of his busy schedule attending birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese to correct the situation with the usual Bundy flair.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Goodbye Girl, The
While Al takes a world tour via the living room couch and remote control, Kelly gets a job at the TV World theme park.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Gas Station Show, The
Al takes the family out for a Bundy Sunday Fun Day, but when he can't pay for gas, he is forced to work off his debt as an attendant on the full-serve island.
TV-PG
 

Tuesday, November 25

6:00 am
Full House
Play's the Thing, The
Jesse and Joey agree to direct Michelle's school play, but then Michelle is upset when they give someone else the starring role.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Russell's Father's Son
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
England Show (1)
The Bundys win a free trip to England, but little do they know they are being set up for execution, for only the death of every male Bundy can lift the curse of darkness from the English town of Lower Uncton.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
England Show (2)
Al, Peggy and Bud arrive in Lower Uncton, where the townspeople prepare to kill them, but lost, globetrotting Kelly, is able to warn them of danger.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Sex Talk
Ray and Debra consult Frank and Marie about what an older couple's sex life should be.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Will, The
Upon drafting their wills, Ray and Debra decide who would be guardians for their children.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie
National Lampoon's Vacation
The Griswold family treks cross country en route to the Wally World amusement park.
TV-14
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2203
A mother accidentally cheers for the wrong girl at a swim meet
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Das Shrimp Boot
Cleveland's determination to attend an all-you-can-eat shrimp cruise ends up getting him addicted to energy supplements and kidnapped by pirates.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
March Dadness
When Freight Train bonds with Cleveland Jr., Cleveland goes head-to-head with the pair in a two-man golf tournament - choosing the man who kept Freight Train from playing pro football as his teammate.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
American Dream Factory
Stan feels like he's not climbing the ladder fast enough at work, so he turns to his lifelong ambition of making festive teddy bears. However, when he realizes that making a quick profit takes a lot of work, he resorts to using illegal aliens as cheap labor.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
A.T. The Abusive Terrestrial
Feeling shunned by Steve, Roger befriends a new boy, Henry. Their honeymoon is short lived as Henry starts abusing Roger. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine hijack the Pibbmobile in an effort to save the fledgling soft drink from going off the market forever.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Black Mystery Month
While researching a paper about George Washington Carver in celebration of Black History Month, Steve uncovers a conspiracy that's been going on since the Civil War. When the curator of the Smithsonian Peanut Museum reaches out to tell Steve the truth, he's mysteriously murdered, and Steve and Stan are tracked by a secret society that will stop at nothing to keep this scandalous secret of American history.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Apocalypse to Remember, An
A misunderstanding at the CIA leads Stan to believe it's the end of the world. Even after he realizes his error, he keeps his family convinced they are the last people on Earth so they can respect him. Meanwhile, Roger gets married so he can buy a new blender.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Precedent Nixin'
Carrie's plan to stay at a hotel, while visiting her in-laws in Florida, backfires when their hotel is overrun by spring breakers.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Foe: Pa
When Arthur embarrasses Carrie at a job interview, Doug must heal the breach between father and daughter.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Emma Cries, The
Joey seeks forgiveness from Ross, while Rachel tries to quell Emma's incessant crying.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Pediatrician, The
Emma's pediatrician drops her as a patient because of Rachel's constant calls.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Sharks, The
Monica fears Chandler has a sexual fetish involving sharks.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Phoebe's Birthday Dinner, The
Famished Phoebe waits for tardy friends to arrive at her birthday dinner.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Cartoon, The
Susan's old friend Sally succeeds with a one-woman show about Jerry.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Strongbox, The
Kramer hides his strongbox key at Jerry's place; a neighbor feuds with Jerry.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Wizard, The
Jerry buys his father an electronic organizer; Kramer retires to Florida.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Burning, The
George seeks timely exits; Jerry's gal has a secret; Elaine learns Puddy is religious.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Psychic Vortex, The
Leonard is aghast to find out a secret of Penny's: she believes in psychics. Meanwhile, Sheldon tries to assist Koothrappali in picking up a girl at a university party.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bozeman Reaction, The
A robbery of their apartment sees Leonard and Sheldon call on their friends to devise a security system.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Einstein Approximation, The
Stuck on the solution to a physics problem, Sheldon seeks a number of alternative approaches to change his thinking and free the mental block; including working with Penny at The Cheesecake Factory.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Large Hadron Collision, The
Leonard faces a dilemma in choosing between Sheldon or Penny to accompany him to Switzerland to see CERN's Large Hadron Collider on Valentine's Day.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Excelsior Acquisition, The
An appearance in traffic court comes at the worst possible time for Sheldon; the same day Stan Lee is appearing at the comic book store.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Precious Fragmentation, The
The guys go to a garage sale and find a ring from the "Lord of the Rings" films, and the rare find threatens their friendship.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4624
Guests: Zooey Deschanel, Breckin Meyer, Beck
TV-14
12:00 am
Childrens Hospital
Children's Hospital: A Play in Three Acts
Childrens Hospital presents a very special episode that will take you back to simpler times, when ladies wore dresses, men wore top hats and clowns knew their place.
TV-14
12:15 am
Childrens Hospital
Munch by Proxy
Owen's secret wife, Alicia Silverstone, brings their baby in with a mysterious wound. Val dances with the Devil and by 'dances' I mean plays chess for her life.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4624
Guests: Zooey Deschanel, Breckin Meyer, Beck
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Trip to Pirate's Cove, The
The town of Gulf Haven is transformed into a pirate's cove for Buccaneer Week. Determined to step up his mayoral duties, Andy pleads with Ellie to appeal to tourists by bringing out her alter ego, Charming Ellie. Enamored by this new, lovable version of her best friend, Jules cannot get enough of "Chellie." Meanwhile, Laurie starts baking "naughty cakes" to increase sales.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
National Lampoon's Vacation
The Griswold family treks cross country en route to the Wally World amusement park.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
England Show (3)
When the townspeople of Upper and Lower Uncton fight over who gets to kill Al and Bud, Al jousts to save his neck, but a little trouble in Customs concerning a certain hotel towel gets him thrown in the dungeon.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Magnificent Seven
When Peg's 5-year-old nephew Seven is abandoned at the Bundy doorstep by his loser parents, Peg and Al decide to keep him, much to their kids' dismay.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
T-R-A-Something-Something Spells Tramp
When Kelly's date gives her an ultimatum, she finds herself stranded but not alone on a deserted road 15 miles outside Chicago. Meanwhile, Peg tries to put some spice back into her marriage by spending Saturday night "communicating" with Al.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Every Bundy Has a Birthday
When Seven can't remember his birthday, Peggy assigns him one, selecting the next day, which also happens to be Al's birthday. The family decides to go to the town park to celebrate, only to find it's been rented by a rich, snobby family.
TV-PG
 

Wednesday, November 26

6:00 am
Full House
Nice Guys Finish First
After Joey promises Michelle he'll act nicely and not be mean, he becomes an ineffectual hockey player in an important game.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Buyer's Remorse
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Al on the Rocks
When Peggy panics over Seven's sneezes, she begins piling up medical bills, forcing Al to take on a second job as a "topless" bartender.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
What I Did for Love
Peg tries everything in the book to renew Al's romantic interest in her -- up to and including promises of five-course meals.
TV-14
8:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Sister, The
Debra is upset when her sister, Jennifer, decides to become a nun.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Cousin Gerard
Debra points out the similarities between Ray and his annoying cousin.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie
My Baby's Daddy
Lonnie, Dominic and ''G'' are three bachelor buddies from the hood who, after a lifetime of hard-partying, are in for a crude awakening when their respective girlfriends all get pregnant at the same time. The fathers-to-be embark on an emotional journey while learning as much about themselves as they do about love and fatherhood.
TV-14
10:45 am
TBS Network Preview
Episode 1
A backstage peek at TBS's original programs.
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2204
A dog steals a birthday cupcake; a woman forgets bears can climb
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Men in Me, The
After winning a dance contest and being labeled "The Whitest Man in America," Cleveland decides to retrace his roots with help from his former nanny.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Frapp Attack!
An online video of Donna throwing a frappuccino in Cleveland's face attracts the attention of a music producer who tries stealing Donna away from Cleveland.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Four Little Words
Stan goes to great lengths to never, ever end up in a situation ending with Francine telling him, "I told you so." She lets him hook his boss Bullock up with her friend, but when Bullock accidentally kills the woman, Stan frames Francine so that she'll stop asking questions.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
When Stan Loves a Woman
Stan gets jealous when he discovers how promiscuous Francine's past really was. He decides the only way to even the score is to divorce Francine and sow some wild oats of his own. Meanwhile, Steve gets addicted to an energy drink.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
I Can't Stan You
Stan drives himself crazy worrying about the neighborhood's opinion of him. Roger and Steve become con artists.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Magnificent Steven, The
Stan takes Steve and his friends on a cattle drive through Langley Falls in an effort to turn them into men. But when Stan eats beef tainted with mad cow disease, it's up to the boys to save the day. Meanwhile, Roger pits Francine and Hayley against each other for his own amusement.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Loaner Car
Doug persuades Carrie to help Deacon prepare Thanksgiving Day dinner.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Thanks Man
Carrie forces a stranded motorist to wait out in the cold on Thanksgiving Day.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Two Parts (Part 1), The
Phoebe's twin sister causes confusion and conflict. Ross attends childbirth classes with his ex-wife and her girlfriend
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Two Parts (Part 2), The
Rachel and Monica squabble over two handsome doctors (GEORGE CLOONEY and NOAH WYLE). Ross ponders his impending fatherhood with his own father (ELLIOTT GOULD).
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With All the Poker, The
The women lose money in a poker game with the men. After getting advice from a champion card player, they demand a rematch.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where the Monkey Gets Away, The
Rachel accidentally lets Ross' pet monkey escape, and the friends form a search party. Rachel learns that her former best friend is engaged to marry Rachel's former fianci.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Bookstore, The
George hopes to meet women at a bookstore where Jerry spots Uncle Leo shoplifting.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Frogger, The
Elaine eats Peterman's cake; Kramer helps George steal an arcade game.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Clip Show, The (Part I)
Clips highlight the show's past nine seasons.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Clip Show, The (Part 2)
Jerry Seinfeld presents highlights from the series' first 100 episodes.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Play It Again, Brian
Peter and Lois' marriage hits a bit of a snag. When Brian wins the New England Rising Writer's award, the three of them head to Martha's Vineyard for a nice relaxing vacation. Peter's usual drinking habits take over and he soon spirals out of control, as does Brian's self restraint, as he soon professes his love for Lois. Peter and Brian test their friendship over the woman of their dreams.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Former Life of Brian, The
Brian, afraid that he may have lost his last chance at love, searches for a former flame, Tracy. To his surprise, he discovers that he is the father to her son, Dylan. Tracy decides that Brian should raise the boy, and she drops him off at the Griffin's house. When Dylan runs rough-shot in the house, Brian's attitude towards parenting doesn't settle too well with Lois and Peter.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Pants Alternative, The
Sheldon's fear of speaking in front of large groups threatens his ability to accept an award, so the gang tries to help him get ready for the big night.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Wheaton Recurrence, The
Sheldon gets to square off on the bowling alley against nemesis Wil Wheaton. Meanwhile, Leonard's miffed when Penny doesn't respond the way he hoped after saying, "I love you."
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Spaghetti Catalysis, The
Subsequent to Leonard and Penny's break-up, Sheldon tries to hide from Leonard and the gang that he had a friendly spaghetti dinner at Penny's.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Plimpton Stimulation, The
Sheldon hosts a visiting female physicist (Judy Greer), but her intelligence seems matched by her libido.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4627
Guests: Bill Hader, Chelsea Peretti, Norah Jones
TV-14
12:00 am
Childrens Hospital
Night Shift, The
Tonight the Childrens Hospital doctors are assigned to work the Nightshfit. European doctor, Velam Geza (Nick Kroll) joins the team to help show them the ropes. A doctor dies.
TV-14
12:15 am
Childrens Hospital
Chet Episode, The
In a very special episode, the action follows a day in the life of the creepy, pathetic paramedic, Chet (Brian Huskey).
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4627
Guests: Bill Hader, Chelsea Peretti, Norah Jones
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Hard on Me
Andy organizes a Gulf Haven 5k in an effort to save his reputation as Mayor after an embarrassing article comes out in the local paper. Jules uses the race to help her dad, Chick (guest star Ken Jenkins), get out of the house and relive his coaching days.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
My Baby's Daddy
Lonnie, Dominic and ''G'' are three bachelor buddies from the hood who, after a lifetime of hard-partying, are in for a crude awakening when their respective girlfriends all get pregnant at the same time. The fathers-to-be embark on an emotional journey while learning as much about themselves as they do about love and fatherhood.
TV-14
3:45 am
TBS Network Preview
Episode 1
A backstage peek at TBS's original programs.
4:00 am
Married With Children
Frat Chance
Desperate for a date, Bud founds his own community college fraternity in his garage.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Chicago Wine Party, The
With the elections coming up, Al convinces his family to register and vote for the first time in an effort to stop a proposed tax on beer. When the tax increase passes, Al leads an angry protest to overturn the bill.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Kelly Doesn't Live Here Anymore
When Al can't afford to pay the bills, he convinces Kelly to get a job. Finding employment as a waitress at a burger joint, Kelly realizes why mother Peg has never worked a day in her life.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Rock of Ages
When Al wins a trip to Hawaii, he poses as an aging rock star to get into the first class lounge. Inside the airport lounge, he meets rock heroes John Sebastian, Peter Noone, Mark Lindsay, Robby Krieger, Richie Havens and Spencer Davis. Mistaking him for a fellow rocker, the musicians convince Al to perform with them at a benefit.
TV-PG
 

Thursday, November 27

6:00 am
Full House
I'm Not D.J.
Stephanie desperately wants to get her ears pierced to be accepted by the "cool" girls. Danny won't give his permission, so Stephanie lets Kimmy pierce her ears.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Pimp My Bride
TV-14
7:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2205
A toddler in a costume fears his own reflection
TV-G
8:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2206
A woman in labor gets held up by a train on the way to the hospital
TV-G
9:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2207
The $100,000 award show includes the "Bride Gets the Giggles"
TV-G
10:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Underdog Gets Away, The
Monica intends to host a cozy Thanksgiving feast in her apartment with her friends, but her plans go awry, and the feast becomes a fiasco.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the List, The
Rachel makes a painful discovery concerning Ross. Monica's new boss (MICHAEL McKEAN) gives her an impossible task.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Football, The
On Thanksgiving, a good-natured football game between the friends reveals some serious rivalries.
TV-PG
11:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Chandler in a Box, The
On Thanksgiving, Joey wants to punish Chandler for kissing Kathy. Monica gets a surprise when she visits an eye doctor.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Thanksgiving Flashbacks, The
The friends find out about Monica's worst Thanksgiving ever. MORGAN FAIRCHILD guest stars as Chandler's mother.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Got High, The
On Thanksgiving, Chandler tries to gain favor with Monica's parents, but an old secret involving Ross causes problems. Undomestic Rachel's dessert proves intriguing.
TV-PG
1:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs, The
Chandler's irrational fear causes problems when Phoebe brings home a cute dog. Rachel's assistant (EDDIE CAHILL) gives her a Thanksgiving surprise.
TV-PG
1:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Rumor, The
Monica encounters a high-school friend (Brad Pitt) and invites him to Thanksgiving Day dinner.
TV-PG
2:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's Other Sister, The
Rachel has a bone to pick with her self-centered sister (Christina Applegate) on Thanksgiving.
TV-PG
2:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Late Thanksgiving, The
Monica prepares a Thanksgiving feast for the gang, then becomes enraged when everyone shows up late; Phoebe convinces Rachel to enter Emma in a baby beauty contest.
TV-PG
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Evil Orthodontist, The
Rachel reunites with her duplicitous ex-fianci. Chandler agonizes about a woman who doesn't call him after the first date.
TV-14
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Routine, The
Joey plots the perfect opportunity to kiss Janine (ELLE MACPHERSON). Ross and Monica resurrect their dorky high school dance routine for a television special.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Fake Monica, The
Monica meets a woman who helps her live out her fantasies. Ross' pet monkey becomes sexually mature and makes everyone crazy.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Ick Factor, The
Monica finds out more than she wants to know about her latest love. Chandler's friends at work treat him differently since his promotion. Ross' ex-wife begins giving birth.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Seinfeld
Millennium, The
Newman nixes Kramer's millennium-party plans; Jerry obsesses about his position on his girlfriend's speed dial.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Seinfeld
Label Maker, The
Jerry and Elaine are suspicious of a friend's gifts; guest Jessica Tuck.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Mom & Pop Store, The
George buys a convertible the salesman claims once belonged to Jon Voight.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Red Dot, The
Elaine's alcoholic boyfriend resumes drinking; Jerry is the unwitting cause.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pick, The
Elaine sends out a revealing photo of herself in Christmas cards.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Strike, The
George's father invents a new holiday; Kramer returns to work at the bagel shop.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Long John Peter
When Peter gets a pet parrot, he begins acting like a pirate. Peter accidentally kills the bird after raising hell through all of Quahog. Meanwhile, when Brian is visiting the vet, Chris falls in love with the intern, Anna.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Love Blactually
When Stewie convinces Brian to go slow with his new girlfriend Carolyn, Cleveland moves in and steals her away; to get her back, Brian does his best to get Cleveland back together with his ex-wife.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
I Dream of Jesus
Peter rediscovers his love for the painfully annoying song, "Surfin' Bird" which drives people around him crazy; and when Peter finds Jesus in a record store, he's determined to be his new best friend.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Staircase Implementation, The
A squabble over the thermostat setting leads to Leonard going over to Penny's and recounting for her the story of how he met and moved in with Sheldon.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Lunar Excitation, The
Howard and Raj try to find the perfect match for Sheldon by setting him up on an Internet dating site. Seeing her moronic new boyfriend interact with the gang makes it abundantly clear to Penny that she can't go back to dating stereotypical dumb jocks after dating Leonard.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Robotic Manipulation, The
In the 4th season opener, Howard uses a robotic arm for his own pleasure; and Sheldon goes on a date with Amy Farrah Fowler---his first date ever---and Penny finds herself accompanying them. (Mayim Bialik guest stars)
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4612
Scraps Show
TV-14
12:00 am
Childrens Hospital
Party Down
Jewish heart surgeon, Glenn Richie, never had a Bar Mitzvah, so now it's up to his girlfriend Valerie and long time nemesis Rabbi Jewy McJewJew (David Wain) to plan one. ŠAlso, Owen Maestro sets out on a quest to get his foreskin back.
TV-14
12:15 am
Childrens Hospital
Newsreaders
Newsreaders is back with their follow up episode on the Childrens Hospital cast.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4612
Scraps Show
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Learning to Fly
Laurie teaches Jules the rules of karma after Jules lies to customers at the annual cul-de-sac yard sale. Andy uses some of his new yard sale purchases to test Ellie after they make a bet that she can't refrain from being snarky for one day. Meanwhile, Bobby must overcome his fear of rollercoasters to fulfill his grandfather's dying wish.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie (DVS)
One for the Money
A proud, born-and-bred Jersey girl, Stephanie Plum's got plenty of attitude, even if she's been out of work for the last six months and just lost her car to a debt collector. Desperate for some fast cash, Stephanie turns to her last resort: convincing her sleazy cousin to give her a job at his bail bonding company as a recovery agent. True, she doesn't even own a pair of handcuffs and her weapon of choice is pepper spray, but that doesn't stop Stephanie from taking on Vinny's biggest bail-jumper: former vice cop and murder suspect Joe Morelli - yup, the same sexy, irresistible Joe Morelli who seduced and dumped her back in high school. Nabbing Morelli would be a satisfying payback - and a hefty payday - but as Stephanie learns the ins and outs of becoming a recovery agent from Ranger, a hunky colleague who is the best in the business, she also realizes the case against Morelli isn't airtight. Add to the mix her meddling family, a potentially homicidal boxer, witnesses who keep dying and the problem of all those flying sparks when she finds Morelli himself. Suddenly Stephanie's new job isn't nearly as easy as she thought.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Christmas
Al does his yearly pre-Christmas inspection of the family and can find they've done nothing wrong, which means he has to buy them presents, but he has to take a job as a Department Store Santa to pay for the gifts.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Wedding Show, The
As the Bundys prepare to attend their cousin Jimmy's wedding, everything begins to go wrong. Al can't find his suit, Peg can't get her make-up right, Kelly and the bridesmaids think they have on the wrong dresses and Bud gets caught with the bride.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This
Al takes a fishing trip alone, only to have Peg and Marcy show up and spoil his vacation.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Heels on Wheels
Kelly buys a motorcycle to put some fun back into her life, but disaster strikes when Al decides to take the bike out for a spin.
TV-PG
 

Friday, November 28

6:00 am
Full House
Designing Mothers
When Vicky's mother, Liz, comes to San Francisco, she almost ruins Danny and Vicky's relationship by insisting that they marry.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Russell's Secret
When Jeff gives Audrey tickets to a musical, she could not be more enthused. However while enjoying her favorite pastime, she spots a familiar face, Russell, at the same venue. Meanwhile, Jennifer decides that Adam needs dance lessons for their pending nuptials, but it turns out that Jennifer is the one who has two left feet.
TV-14
7:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2010
Clips in this holiday episode include a kid with a seemingly endless Christmas list that he recites to a poor Santa in a department store, and a little boy who tricks his mom into looking away so he can steal the cookies left for Santa.
TV-G
8:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2210
TV-G
9:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Debra's Workout
Ray is happily surprised, and curious, when Debra starts initiating sex more often.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Day After Thanksgiving Movie Marathon
Madagascar
Alex the Lion is the king of the urban jungle as the main attraction at New York''s Central Park Zoo. He and his best friends Marty the Zebra, Melman the Giraffe and Gloria the Hippo have lived their entire lives in blissful captivity, complete with lavish meals and their own park views. Not content to leave well enough alone, Marty allows his curiosity to get the better of him and, with the help of some prodigious penguins, makes his escape to explore the world he''s been missing, intending to return before morning. In the middle of the night, Alex, Melman and Gloria discover their friend missing and decide the only course of action is to break out of the zoo and get Marty back home before anyone notices they''re gone. Even in New York, a lion, giraffe and hippopotamus wandering the streets and riding the subway are bound to attract some attention. Alex, Melman and Gloria manage to track Marty down in Grand Central Station, but before they can catch the train home, they are darted, captured, crated and put on a ship to Africa by well-meaning humans who think they should be freed from the stress of New York life. When those plotting penguins sabotage the ship, Alex, Marty, Melman and Gloria find themselves washed ashore on the exotic island of Madagascar. Now, these native New Yorkers have to figure out how to survive in the wild and discover the true meaning of the phrase "It''s a jungle out there."
TV-PG
11:15 am
Day After Thanksgiving Movie Marathon
Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat
Conrad and Sally Walden (Spencer Breslin and Dakota Fanning) are home alone with their pet fish. It is raining outside, and there is nothing to do. Until "The Cat in the Hat" (Mike Myers) walks in the front door. He introduces them to their imagination, and at first it's all fun and games, until things get out of hand, and The Cat must go, go, go, before their parents get back.
TV-PG
1:00 pm
Day After Thanksgiving Movie Marathon (DVS)
Home Alone
A young boy learns to fend for himself after his family accidentally leaves him at home while they go off on their vacation in France for Christmas.
TV-PG
3:15 pm
Special (DVS)
Wizard Of Oz, The
A Kansas farm girl dreams herself into a magical land where she must fight a wicked witch to escape.
TV-G
5:30 pm
Movie Encore (DVS)
Fred Claus
Fred Claus has lived his entire life in his brother's very large shadow. Fred tried, but could hardly live up to the example set by the younger Nicholas, who was just a perfect, well, saint. True to form, Nicholas grew up to be the model of giving, while Fred became the polar opposite: a fast-talking repo man who's run out of luck and money. Over Mrs. Claus' objections, Nicholas agrees to help his brother on one condition: that he come to the North Pole and earn the money he needs by working in Santa's Toy Shop. The trouble is that Fred isn't exactly elf material and, with Christmas fast approaching, Fred could jeopardize the jolliest holiday of the year.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification, The
Sheldon calculates that he'll be dead before technology exists to download his consciousness into a robot, so he goes on a binge of healthy living and ultra-safety.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Zazzy Substitution, The
When Sheldon "breaks up" with Amy Farrah Fowler (Mayim Bialik), the guys worry when he starts replacing her with cats.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Deal With It
Howie Mandel & Jack Osbourne
TURKEY DANCE: After demanding some turkey, then stealing two of the raw birds from a nearby counter, a contestant has his hands full trying to explain himself to his irritated wife. Co-host: Howie Mandel. THANKSGIVING: A contestant gets a little too caught up in the Thanksgiving spirit by drinking straight from a gravy boat, leaving her sister anything but thankful for her bizarre behavior. Co-host: Jack Osbourne.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Movie Encore (DVS)
Four Christmases
No one enjoys the holidays more than Brad and Kate. Every December 25th, this happily unmarried, upscale San Francisco couple embark on a holiday tradition they have shared every year since they met--ditching their crazy families for a relaxing, fun-filled vacation in some sunny exotic locale. There, sipping margaritas by the pool, they toast the season, knowing they have once again avoided the chaos and emotional fallout of their four respective households: divorced parents, squabbling siblings, out-of-control kids and all the simmering resentments and awkward moments that are the hallmarks of every family Christmas. But not this year. Shorts and sunglasses packed, Brad and Kate are trapped at the San Francisco airport by a fogbank that cancels every outbound flight. Worse yet, they are caught on camera by a local news crew, revealing their whereabouts to the whole city--and to their families. With no escape and no excuses, they are now expected home by Brad's father. And Kate's mother. And Brad's mother. And Kate's father. Four Christmases in one day. As they brace themselves for a marathon of homecomings, Brad and Kate expect the worst--and that's exactly what they get. But as Brad counts down the minutes to their freedom, Kate surprisingly finds herself tuned to the ticking of a different clock. At the end of the day, each will gain a new perspective on where they came From--and where they're going. Getting to know themselves and each other as they really are could finally give them a chance at the kind of love they've only been playing at.
TV-14
11:30 pm
Deal With It
Howie Mandel & Jack Osbourne
TURKEY DANCE: After demanding some turkey, then stealing two of the raw birds from a nearby counter, a contestant has his hands full trying to explain himself to his irritated wife. Co-host: Howie Mandel. THANKSGIVING: A contestant gets a little too caught up in the Thanksgiving spirit by drinking straight from a gravy boat, leaving her sister anything but thankful for her bizarre behavior. Co-host: Jack Osbourne.
TV-PG
12:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Time to Move On
With Travis graduating college in a few months, Jules starts to worry about his job prospects with an art degree. Laurie and Ellie pose as a lesbian couple in a desperate effort to get Stan into a fancy new school. Meanwhile, Andy insists on making a cat video with the guys for Bro-day.
TV-14
12:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Mystery of Love
After Travis and Laurie have Jules and Grayson over for a sophisticated brunch, Jules attempts to prove that she and Grayson are the better couple. Andy plans a beach day for Stan so he will be considered a fun dad. Meanwhile, Tom helps Ellie finish a teen novel she started writing years ago.
TV-14
1:00 am
Movie
Eight Below
The fierce Antarctic winter is just setting in when an intrepid team of explorers and scientists on a research mission-survival guide Jerry Shepard, his best friend and cartographer Cooper and the rugged geologist Davis--just narrowly escape a fatal accident, thanks to their steadfast team of eight skilled sled dogs. Forced to evacuate, the men must leave the beloved dogs behind in the frozen wilds--with a promise they will return. But when the storm of the century approaches, cutting off all means of travel, the dogs are stranded. Now, as the intelligent, courageous dogs--including noble pack leader Maya, rambunctious rebel Shorty and rising young alpha-in-training Max--fight to make it through the most unforgiving winter on the planet, the heartbroken Jerry is driven to mount a seemingly impossible rescue mission, aided by a beautiful and adventurous bush pilot, Katie. Held together only by unwavering bonds of friendship, the humans and the dogs alike make a remarkable journey of grit, endurance and belief to find one another again in this spectacular but perilous land.
TV-PG
3:30 am
Movie
Hardball
An aimless young man can't seem to stop gambling, drinking, and scalping tickets, even though all of his friends are settling down and making good money at legitimate jobs. Desperate for cash, he secures a loan from an acquaintance by agreeing to coach the Little League team of the Cabrini Green housing projects in Chicago. His new job gives him purpose and he starts to turn his life around.
TV-14
5:30 am
Married With Children
Un-Alful Entry
Al becomes a local hero when he stands up to a burglar.
TV-PG
 

Saturday, November 29

6:00 am
Married With Children
Movie Show
Kelly gets an unpleasant surprise when the family takes her to a movie on her birthday.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
'Til Death Do Us Part
When Peg complains about Al's lovemaking to the girls at the beauty parlor, he becomes the laughingstock of the town.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Tis Time to Smell the Roses
Peg spends all of Al's early retirement money and forces him to go back to work.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Old Insurance Dodge
When Al's Dodge is stolen, he learns it is only worth $100, and he decides to add a few priceless items to the list of things missing from his trunk.
TV-PG
8:00 am
King of Queens, The
Tank Heaven
Doug deliberately offends Carrie's co-workers by showing them his chest hair.
TV-PG
8:30 am
King of Queens, The
Alter Ego
Doug, Deacon, Danny and Spence take an impulsive trip to Memphis to try and stop the wedding of Spence's ex-girlfriend (Rachel Dratch).
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Icky Shuffle
When Carrie comes down with a cold, Arthur must find a new teammate for the senior center's shuffleboard tournament.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Awful Bigamy
When Holly is kicked out of her apartment, Arthur insists she stay with him until she can find someplace new to live.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Movie
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Heroes Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann are allied with Captain Barbossa in a desperate quest to free Captain Jack Sparrow from his mind-blowing trap in Davy Jones Locker; meanwhile, the terrorizing ghost ship, the Flying Dutchman and Davy Jones--under the control of the East India Trading Company--wreaks havoc across the Seven Seas. Navigating through treachery, betrayal and wild waters, they must forge their way to exotic Singapore and confront the cunning Chinese pirate Sao Feng. Now headed beyond the very ends of the earth, each must ultimately choose a side in a final, titanic battle as their lives and fortunes--and the entire future of the freedom-loving pirate way--hang in the balance.
TV-PG
1:00 pm
Movie
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Captain Jack Sparrow is caught up in another tangled web of supernatural intrigue. Although the curse of the Black Pearl has been lifted, an even more terrifying threat looms over its captain and scurvy crew: it turns out that Jack owes a blood debt to the legendary Davy Jones, Ruler of the Ocean Depths, who captains the ghostly Flying Dutchman, which no other ship can match in speed and stealth. Unless the ever-crafty Jack figures a cunning way out of this Faustian pact, he will be cursed to an afterlife of eternal servitude and damnation in the service of Jones. This startling development interrupts the wedding plans of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann, who once again find themselves thrust into Jack's misadventures, leading to escalating confrontations with sea monsters, very unfriendly islanders, flamboyant soothsayer Tia Dalma and even the mysterious appearance of Will's long-lost father, Bootstrap Bill. Meanwhile, ruthless pirate hunter Lord Cutler Beckett of the East India Trading Company sets his sights on retrieving the fabled "Dead Man's Chest." According to legend, whoever possesses the Dead Man's Chest gains control of Davy Jones, and Beckett intends to use this awesome power to destroy every last Pirate of the Caribbean once and for all. For times are changing on the high seas, with businessmen and bureaucrats becoming the true pirates--and freewheeling, fun-loving buccaneers like Jack and his crew threatened with extinction.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Finds Out, The
Rachel finds out about Ross' secret love for her -- but another surprise awaits her.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's New Girlfriend, The
Rachel gets an unpleasant surprise when Ross returns home. Phoebe has varied success cutting the friends' hair.
TV-14
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Breast Milk, The
Phoebe unwittingly disgusts everybody. Joey competes with a fellow salesman.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Heckles Dies, The
The downstairs neighbor dies and bequeaths his strange possessions to Monica and Rachel.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
No Thanks
Debra spends the entire day cooking with Marie in an attempt to improve their relationship; Frank and Robert accompany Ray to a car show.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Left Back
Ray discovers that he was held back a year of pre-kindergarten; Frank tries to get Michael advanced in school.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Christmas Picture, The
Ray tries to organize a family photo shoot for a Christmas present to his parents.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
What's with Robert?
Robert's sexuality comes into question when he breaks up with Amy again.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hot Troll Deviation, The
Wolowitz is embarrassed when a secret of his is revealed; and Sheldon and Raj battle at work.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Desperation Emanation, The
Sheldon meets Amy Farrah Fowler's mother, and comes to the realization that he no longer wants to see Amy; and Leonard realizes that everyone is in a relationship except for him.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Irish Pub Formulation, The
When Raj's sister has a one-day layover he forbids the others from hooking up with her, unaware she and Leonard already did long ago.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Apology Insufficiency, The
The rest of the gang is interviewed by the FBI for Wolowitz's security clearance, with Sheldon accidentally letting slip some damaging information. (Eliza Dushku guest stars)
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
21-Second Excitation, The
The guys camp out in line to see a print of Raiders of the Lost Ark with :21 extra seconds and are outraged to see Wil Wheaton and his friends being allowed to skip the line. Penny and Bernadette invite Amy to their girls night.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Boyfriend Complexity, The
Penny asks Leonard to lie to her visiting father (Keith Carradine), while Howard, Raj & Bernadette spend all night looking through a telescope.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Deal With It
Howie Mandel & Jack Osbourne
TURKEY DANCE: After demanding some turkey, then stealing two of the raw birds from a nearby counter, a contestant has his hands full trying to explain himself to his irritated wife. Co-host: Howie Mandel. THANKSGIVING: A contestant gets a little too caught up in the Thanksgiving spirit by drinking straight from a gravy boat, leaving her sister anything but thankful for her bizarre behavior. Co-host: Jack Osbourne.
TV-PG
11:30 pm
Movie
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Heroes Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann are allied with Captain Barbossa in a desperate quest to free Captain Jack Sparrow from his mind-blowing trap in Davy Jones Locker; meanwhile, the terrorizing ghost ship, the Flying Dutchman and Davy Jones--under the control of the East India Trading Company--wreaks havoc across the Seven Seas. Navigating through treachery, betrayal and wild waters, they must forge their way to exotic Singapore and confront the cunning Chinese pirate Sao Feng. Now headed beyond the very ends of the earth, each must ultimately choose a side in a final, titanic battle as their lives and fortunes--and the entire future of the freedom-loving pirate way--hang in the balance.
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Captain Jack Sparrow is caught up in another tangled web of supernatural intrigue. Although the curse of the Black Pearl has been lifted, an even more terrifying threat looms over its captain and scurvy crew: it turns out that Jack owes a blood debt to the legendary Davy Jones, Ruler of the Ocean Depths, who captains the ghostly Flying Dutchman, which no other ship can match in speed and stealth. Unless the ever-crafty Jack figures a cunning way out of this Faustian pact, he will be cursed to an afterlife of eternal servitude and damnation in the service of Jones. This startling development interrupts the wedding plans of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann, who once again find themselves thrust into Jack's misadventures, leading to escalating confrontations with sea monsters, very unfriendly islanders, flamboyant soothsayer Tia Dalma and even the mysterious appearance of Will's long-lost father, Bootstrap Bill. Meanwhile, ruthless pirate hunter Lord Cutler Beckett of the East India Trading Company sets his sights on retrieving the fabled "Dead Man's Chest." According to legend, whoever possesses the Dead Man's Chest gains control of Davy Jones, and Beckett intends to use this awesome power to destroy every last Pirate of the Caribbean once and for all. For times are changing on the high seas, with businessmen and bureaucrats becoming the true pirates--and freewheeling, fun-loving buccaneers like Jack and his crew threatened with extinction.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Wedding Repercussions
When Jimmy, the Bundy's relative, learns that his new bride slept with someone the day of their wedding, his temper explodes and a guilty Bud runs for cover.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, November 30

6:00 am
Married With Children
Proposition, The
Coco, a cosmetic millionairess and former girlfriend of Al's, makes a truly indecent proposal by offering Peggy $500,000 for one night of passion with Al.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Tisket, a Tasket, Can Peg Make a Basket, A?
TV-PG
7:00 am
King of Queens, The
Dugan Groupie
Jealous of Carrie's new job, Doug asks his boss for a promotion and gets put in charge of safety.
TV-PG
7:30 am
King of Queens, The
Lost Vegas
Doug takes Carrie to a spa, hoping it will get her to let him take a trip to Vegas with the guys; Arthur teaches Spence his trick for beating the house in blackjack.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Phoebe's Husband, The
Everyone is surprised when Phoebe's husband shows up.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Five Steaks And an Eggplant, The
The friends want to give Ross a birthday party but disagree about money. Monica gets promoted and learns a tough lesson.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Baby On the Bus, The
Matt and Chandler try to attract women with baby Ben. Phoebe gets terminated from her singing job and replaced by a professional, Stephanie (CHRISSIE HYNDE).
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Finds Out, The
Dramatic developments occur in Ross and Rachel's relationship. Chandler regrets asking Monica to help him lose weight.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Movie
Beverly Hills Chihuahua
Chloe, a diamond-clad, bootie wearing Beverly Hills Chihuahua enjoys her luxurious lifestyle so much, she hardly notices Papi, a tough looking Chihuahua who happens to be head-over-paws for the pampered pooch. But when Chloe gets lost in the rough streets of Mexico with only a street-wise German Shepherd to help her find her way home, Papi heads south of the border--joining forces with a motley crew: two humans, a sly rat and a nervous iguana--to rescue his true love.
TV-PG
11:45 am
Movie (DVS)
Shrek (TV-PG-DLV)
1:45 pm
Movie (DVS)
Home Alone
A young boy learns to fend for himself after his family accidentally leaves him at home while they go off on their vacation in France for Christmas.
TV-PG
3:45 pm
Movie (DVS)
Surviving Christmas
Facing another Christmas alone, Drew Latham decides to go back to his idyllic childhood home to spend the holidays with family. There is, however, one problem: the people living there now are not Drew's family. Nevertheless, Drew has his mind set on an old-fashioned family Christmas, and the fact that the "family" in question, the Valcos, are complete strangers, isn't about to put a crimp in his plans. Offering them a small fortune, Drew bribes his newfound "parents" to let him spend Christmas in their home, pretending to be part of the family. Just when the Valcos begin to question if any amount of money is worth being dragged all over town on such traditional family holiday excursions as Christmas shopping and the requisite choosing of the Christmas tree, their eldest daughter Alicia comes home for the holidays, with no intention of adopting a new "brother."
TV-14
5:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
Fred Claus
Fred Claus has lived his entire life in his brother's very large shadow. Fred tried, but could hardly live up to the example set by the younger Nicholas, who was just a perfect, well, saint. True to form, Nicholas grew up to be the model of giving, while Fred became the polar opposite: a fast-talking repo man who's run out of luck and money. Over Mrs. Claus' objections, Nicholas agrees to help his brother on one condition: that he come to the North Pole and earn the money he needs by working in Santa's Toy Shop. The trouble is that Fred isn't exactly elf material and, with Christmas fast approaching, Fred could jeopardize the jolliest holiday of the year.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Movie Encore (DVS)
Four Christmases
No one enjoys the holidays more than Brad and Kate. Every December 25th, this happily unmarried, upscale San Francisco couple embark on a holiday tradition they have shared every year since they met--ditching their crazy families for a relaxing, fun-filled vacation in some sunny exotic locale. There, sipping margaritas by the pool, they toast the season, knowing they have once again avoided the chaos and emotional fallout of their four respective households: divorced parents, squabbling siblings, out-of-control kids and all the simmering resentments and awkward moments that are the hallmarks of every family Christmas. But not this year. Shorts and sunglasses packed, Brad and Kate are trapped at the San Francisco airport by a fogbank that cancels every outbound flight. Worse yet, they are caught on camera by a local news crew, revealing their whereabouts to the whole city--and to their families. With no escape and no excuses, they are now expected home by Brad's father. And Kate's mother. And Brad's mother. And Kate's father. Four Christmases in one day. As they brace themselves for a marathon of homecomings, Brad and Kate expect the worst--and that's exactly what they get. But as Brad counts down the minutes to their freedom, Kate surprisingly finds herself tuned to the ticking of a different clock. At the end of the day, each will gain a new perspective on where they came From--and where they're going. Getting to know themselves and each other as they really are could finally give them a chance at the kind of love they've only been playing at.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Movie Encore (DVS)
Four Christmases
No one enjoys the holidays more than Brad and Kate. Every December 25th, this happily unmarried, upscale San Francisco couple embark on a holiday tradition they have shared every year since they met--ditching their crazy families for a relaxing, fun-filled vacation in some sunny exotic locale. There, sipping margaritas by the pool, they toast the season, knowing they have once again avoided the chaos and emotional fallout of their four respective households: divorced parents, squabbling siblings, out-of-control kids and all the simmering resentments and awkward moments that are the hallmarks of every family Christmas. But not this year. Shorts and sunglasses packed, Brad and Kate are trapped at the San Francisco airport by a fogbank that cancels every outbound flight. Worse yet, they are caught on camera by a local news crew, revealing their whereabouts to the whole city--and to their families. With no escape and no excuses, they are now expected home by Brad's father. And Kate's mother. And Brad's mother. And Kate's father. Four Christmases in one day. As they brace themselves for a marathon of homecomings, Brad and Kate expect the worst--and that's exactly what they get. But as Brad counts down the minutes to their freedom, Kate surprisingly finds herself tuned to the ticking of a different clock. At the end of the day, each will gain a new perspective on where they came From--and where they're going. Getting to know themselves and each other as they really are could finally give them a chance at the kind of love they've only been playing at.
TV-14
12:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Nothing Like the Holidays
It's Christmas time and the far-flung members of the Rodriguez family are converging at their parents' home in Chicago to celebrate the season and rejoice in their youngest brother's safe return from combat overseas. For Jesse, coming home has rekindled feelings for an old flame, although she can't seem to forgive him for leaving. His older sister Roxanna, a struggling actress, has been chasing her Hollywood dreams for years with little to show for it. And much to the dismay of their mother Anna, eldest brother Mauricio brings home a high-powered executive wife who would rather raise capital than a child. In the course of one eventful week, traditions will be celebrated, secrets revealed and major life decisions made. It all begins when Anna announces to her children she is divorcing their father Eduardo. The shock waves from this familial upheaval prompt Roxanna, Mauricio and Jesse, each in their own way, to reevaluate the past and rethink the future. But when the Rodriguezes learn that one of their own is facing a true crisis, they instinctively pull together: Old resentments are forgotten, familial bonds are re-affirmed and the healing power of laughter works its magic as the family discovers they are much stronger than they ever realized.
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Surviving Christmas
Facing another Christmas alone, Drew Latham decides to go back to his idyllic childhood home to spend the holidays with family. There is, however, one problem: the people living there now are not Drew's family. Nevertheless, Drew has his mind set on an old-fashioned family Christmas, and the fact that the "family" in question, the Valcos, are complete strangers, isn't about to put a crimp in his plans. Offering them a small fortune, Drew bribes his newfound "parents" to let him spend Christmas in their home, pretending to be part of the family. Just when the Valcos begin to question if any amount of money is worth being dragged all over town on such traditional family holiday excursions as Christmas shopping and the requisite choosing of the Christmas tree, their eldest daughter Alicia comes home for the holidays, with no intention of adopting a new "brother."
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Hood 'n the Boyz
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Proud to Be Your Bud?
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Luck of the Bundys
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Banking on Marcy
TV-PG
 

Monday, December 1

6:00 am
Full House
Perfect Couple, The
Joey becomes the host of a game show searching for the perfect couple and invites Jesse and Rebecca, D.J. and Steve and Danny and Vicky as contestants. Danny questions his long-distance relationship with Vicky when circumstances arise that prevent her from flying to San Francisco and she sends a substitute.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Voluntary Commitment
While Russell's new male assistant Timmy makes Russell's job and love life a breeze, Adam becomes disgusted with Russell's new reign of boss terror. In the meantime, Jennifer decides to volunteer by reading to the elderly, which provokes Audrey to jump on board the volunteer train yet again.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
No Chicken, No Check
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Take My Wife, Please
TV-PG
8:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Bully on the Bus
Ray and Debra learn that Ally has been bullying another child on the bus.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Prodigal Son
Ray gets criticism for not regularly attending Sunday Mass.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Ron Burgundy is the top-rated anchorman in San Diego in the 1970s. When feminism marches into the newsroom in the form of ambitious newswoman Veronica Corningstone, Ron is willing to play along at first--as long as Veronica stays in her place, covering cat fashion shows, cooking, and other "female" interests. But when Veronica refuses to settle for being eye candy and steps behind the news desk, it's more than a battle between two perfectly coiffed anchor-persons--it's war.
TV-14
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2208
Clips of "guys with their pants on fire" versus "dogs with itchy poopers"
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
American Prankster
A series of escalating pranks between Rallo and Cleveland Jr. lands Rallo in court, where he's sentenced to serve time in juvenile hall.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
B.M.O.C.
While researching potential colleges for Roberta to attend, Cleveland visits his old fraternity, where he's made a fool of; Rallo becomes a substitute for Junior's stuffed animal.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Joint Custody
Stan tries to get an unsuspecting Jeff Fischer out of his life for good by taking him on a road trip to Florida where there is a warrent out for Jeff's arrest. Meanwhile, Roger wants to turn Jeff in himself so he can claim the reward money. The rest of the family wants to intervene as Stan and Roger battle it out on the road, but they are stranded at the Smith house until they can find Francine's car keys.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Vacation Goo, The
The family finds out that their outstanding family vacations have only been experiences in virtual reality. Stan vows to make it up to Francine by taking the family on a real cruise, but, when they are stranded on a remote island, things get out of hand. Meanwhile, Roger goes from cruise ship singer to a dancer in a seedy gentleman's club.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Meter Made
n order to be taken more seriously and to be a somebody, Stan becomes a meter maid who seems to have all of the power. Now he's getting the best tables at restaurants, pocketing quarters from meters and impressing Francine with his prowess. But, when Turlington from Parking Internal Affairs pays him a visit, Stan realizes crime and this lifestyle don't pay.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Dope and Faith
Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but he turns out to be an atheist. Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard until his plan backfires. Meanwhile, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to Hogwarts.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Furious George
Carrie makes Doug join a support group for overeaters, but he secretly joins an abusive relationship group where he blames his eating on her.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Entertainment Weakly
Doug sends a new driver on the wrong route, but the plan backfires when the man winds up in the hospital.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Russ, The
Joey gets a great acting opportunity. Rachel dates a guy who is amazingly similar to Ross. Series star DAVID SCHWIMMER plays a dual role.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Lesbian Wedding, The
Carol and Susan prepare for their wedding, with some help from an uncomfortable Ross. MARLO THOMAS and CANDACE GINGRICH guest star.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After the Super Bowl (Part 1), The
Ross searches for his former pet monkey. Joey dates an obsessed fan. BROOKE SHIELDS, CHRIS ISAAK, ROARK CRITCHLOW, FRED WILLARD and TAHJ MOWRY guest star.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After the Super Bowl (Part 2), The
Ross spends some quality time with Marcel, his former pet monkey. Chandler gets a big surprise from a sexy former classmate. JULIA ROBERTS and JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME guest star.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Maid, The
Jerry begins a relationship with his maid (Angela Featherstone); George wants a nickname.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Finale, The (Part I)
After NBC picks up Jerry and George's sitcom, the four pals are arrested for breaking the good Samaritan law.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Finale, The (Part 2)
After NBC picks up Jerry and George's sitcom, the four pals are arrested for breaking the good Samaritan law.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Keys, The
Kramer visits too much, so Jerry asks for his spare key back.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Baby Got Black
Chris hits it off with Pam, a black girl from school who happens to be Jerome∆s daughter. Jerome doesn∆t approve because he thinks Chris is just interested in sex.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Meg Stinks!
Peter and Meg bond during a college visit to Vermont. The two party all night resulting in Meg missing out on an important interview. Lois begins to worry that Peter is becoming too much of a distraction and warns Meg not to get too attached, but Meg is just happy to be getting positive attention from her father for the first time.
TV-14
9:00 pm
American Dad
Dreaming of a White Porsche Christmas
When Stan wishes he could have Principal Lewis' carefree, single life, a la A Christmas Story, his wish comes true! Meanwhile, in his wish world, Principal Lewis has Stan's family.
TV-14
9:30 pm
American Dad
Minstrel Krampus
When Steve starts acting like a spoiled brat during the holidays, Stan takes him to see his incarcerated Grandpa Jack, who tells him the story of how he caught Minstrel Krampus, a legendary demon who punishes naughty children on Christmas. Stan decides that releasing Krampus is the only way to straighten out Steve's attitude. But when Krampus kidnaps Steve, it's up to Stan and Roger to get him back. Meanwhile, Hayley gets a job at the airport, but quickly realizes that she might not be cut out for customer service.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Alien Parasite Hypothesis, The
Amy crushes on one of Penny's dim ex-boyfriends, Zack. Raj and Wolowitz argue over who'd be the better superhero.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Justice League Recombination, The
The guys get Zack and Penny to join their Justice League costume for a New Year's Eve bash at the comic book store.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5656
Guests: Mindy Kaling, A.J. Jacobs, D.J. Demers
TV-14
12:00 am
Childrens Hospital
Boy with the Pancakes Tattoo
An airborne amnesia virus spreads panic. It also spreads memory loss.
TV-14
12:15 am
Childrens Hospital
Staff Dance
Owen (Rob Huebel) is stunned when pop superstar Madonna (Madonna) pays a visit.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5656
Guests: Mindy Kaling, A.J. Jacobs, D.J. Demers
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Too Much Ain't Enough
After Jules receives a large commission check, she enlists Andy to be her business partner in a get-rich-quick scheme. Meanwhile, Grayson tries to seem cool to Travis's new hipster friends, and Bobby struggles to feel comfortable with his new bag.
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Ron Burgundy is the top-rated anchorman in San Diego in the 1970s. When feminism marches into the newsroom in the form of ambitious newswoman Veronica Corningstone, Ron is willing to play along at first--as long as Veronica stays in her place, covering cat fashion shows, cooking, and other "female" interests. But when Veronica refuses to settle for being eye candy and steps behind the news desk, it's more than a battle between two perfectly coiffed anchor-persons--it's war.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Scared Single
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
NO MA'AM
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Dances with Weezy
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Change for a Buck
TV-PG
 

Tuesday, December 2

6:00 am
Full House
Dating Game, The
Both Joey and Stephanie try to turn friendly dinners into romantic first dates: Josh takes Stephanie out for pizza, and Joey invites his boss, Alison, to the house for dinner.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Jeff's New Friend
As Jeff expands his social network by becoming friends with a guy from his gym, Brad, he's quickly convinced by Audrey and Adam that Brad's gay! Meanwhile, Russell's hot young date may be too close for comfort as he realizes events from his past may present themselves now and change his life forever.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Little off the Top, A
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Worst Noel, The
TV-PG
8:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Robert's Rodeo
When Robert is hurt in the line of duty, Debra convinces Ray to show he cares.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Tenth Anniversary, The
Debra discovers that Ray taped over their wedding with the 1991 Super Bowl.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Paul Blart: Mall Cop
A single, suburban dad tries to make ends meet as a security officer at a New Jersey mall. It''s a job he takes very seriously, though no one else does. When Santa''s helpers at the mall stage a coup, shutting down the megaplex and taking hostages (Paul''s daughter and sweetheart among them), Jersey''s most formidable mall cop will have to become a real cop to save the day.
TV-PG
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2211
This week's episode includes animals on the attack
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Jesus Walks
A cute girl entices Cleveland Jr. to join the church choir; Cleveland thinks Donna may be cheating on him.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Flush of Genius
Cleveland attempts to make toilet seats safer; Rallo thinks he's tall enough to ride his favorite rollercoaster.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Big Trouble in Little Langley
Francine's Chinese, adoptive parents drop in. Stan can't stand them and tries to find Francine's real parents. When it becomes obvious they are selfish people who gave up Francine because she would cramp their lifestyle, Stan makes a detour and never introduces them to Francine. He has a new found appreciation of his in-laws.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Haylias
Stan, unhappy with the decisions Hayley is making for herself, decides to set her up with a proper husband. He gets her to go along by using her "activation word" which was ingrained in her during CIA summer camp visits when she was little. She listens to everything Stan says, but because it takes too long, reverts to a "mind clause" to kill her handler - Stan.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
42-Year-Old Virgin
While playing poker with the guys, Stan is found to be a virgin. Not in the traditional way, but in that he's never killed anyone. Roger and the guys help Stan bust his killing cherry.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Surro-Gate
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska border, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Name Dropper
Doug digs a deeper hole for himself when he fakes a heart attack to avoid angering Carrie for not knowing her friend's name.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Offtrack...Bedding
Doug goes looking for his father at a model train convention and notices his mother with a very seductive Arthur Spooner.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Prom Video, The
Monica's old home video shows Ross' true feelings for Rachel. Joey gives a gaudy gift to Chandler.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross and Rachel...You Know, The
Ross and Rachel encounter obstacles to romance. Monica becomes enamored with a handsome, older doctor (TOM SELLECK).
TV-14
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Moves Out, The
Monica's parents find out about her middle-aged boyfriend (TOM SELLECK). Chandler and Joey argue -- and it could mean the end of their living arrangement.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Eddie Moves In, The
Joey wants to move back in with Chandler, but there's a new problem. Phoebe tapes a rock video. Ross upsets Monica.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Trip, The (Part I)
Jerry and George search for Kramer in Los Angeles; George Wendt; Corbin Bernsen; Elmarie Wendel.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Trip, The (Part 2)
Jerry and George try to save Kramer from a serial-murder accusation; guest Clint Howard.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pitch, The (Part 1)
Network executives ask Jerry to create a show; Jerry tries to evade a vengeful writer; George woos an executive; guest Heidi Swedberg.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Ticket, The (Part 2)
Jerry tries to evade a vengeful writer; George woos an executive.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bus Pants Utilization, The
Their friendship becomes strained when Sheldon tries to take over Leonard's creation of a smartphone application that solves differential equations.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Love Car Displacement, The
Howard is jealous when Bernadette runs into her old boyfriend (Rick Fox) at a science event they're attending.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Thespian Catalyst, The
Sheldon wants acting lessons from Penny, hoping they will make him a better teacher.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Benefactor Factor, The
After meeting at a fundraising gala, an aged, but wealthy, Caltech donor (Jessica Walter) makes Leonard ponder if he's willing to have sex with her to secure another donation.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cohabitation Formulation, The
Howard contemplates a serious decision in his relationship with Bernadette; and Leonard and Raj's sister start seeing each other again.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Toast Derivation, The
Sheldon is in a crisis when he realizes he's not the epicenter of the group, so he decides to find new friends.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5657
Guests: Kellan Lutz, Gavin DeGraw
TV-14
12:00 am
Childrens Hospital
Chief's Origin
Chief tells the story of how she came to be crippled and annoying. The doctors are not interested.
TV-14
12:15 am
Childrens Hospital
Free Day
The Doctors don't have a care (or patient) in the world. Dr. Lola Spratt wears a black bikini.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5657
Guests: Kellan Lutz, Gavin DeGraw
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Too Good to be True
Travis starts an open mic night at Coffee Bucks, but things go awry when Andy tries to do stand-up comedy. Tom's daughter, Haylee (guest star Julianna Guill), comes to visit, and Grayson and Jules decide to play along when they discover that Tom's been lying to Haylee in order to make himself sound cool.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Paul Blart: Mall Cop
A single, suburban dad tries to make ends meet as a security officer at a New Jersey mall. It''s a job he takes very seriously, though no one else does. When Santa''s helpers at the mall stage a coup, shutting down the megaplex and taking hostages (Paul''s daughter and sweetheart among them), Jersey''s most formidable mall cop will have to become a real cop to save the day.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Married With Children
Honey, I Blew Up Myself
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Sofa So Good
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
How Green was My Apple
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Get Outta Dodge
TV-PG
 

Wednesday, December 3

6:00 am
Full House
Be True to Your Pre-School
After Jesse and Rebecca meet a very smart child who seems much more developed than their twins, Jesse lies on an application in order to enroll the twins in a very advanced pre-school.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Dad's Visit
Things get a bit burdensome for Jeff and Audrey when a simple visit from Jeff's father turns into a nightmare after he sprains his ankle and decides to sue them for his injury. Meanwhile, Jennifer and Adam butt heads when she disagrees with how his boss, Russell, treats him more like a servant than an employee. As usual, Russell's "hit it and quit it" ways are challenged when a one-night stand decides to extend her stay.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Valentine's Day Massacre
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Field of Screams
TV-PG
8:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Hackidu
Ray pays a high price for a Hackidu card when the owner (Paul Reubens) of a comic-book store gives him a hard time.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Debra Makes Something Good
Debra throws the Barone family into turmoil when she finally cooks something good.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
The Angels--Natalie, Dylan, and Alex--prepare to strike without warning as they go undercover to retrieve two missing silver bands. These are no ordinary rings. They contain valuable encrypted information that reveal the new identities of every person in the Federal Witness Protection Program. When witnesses start turning up dead, only the Angels, using their expertise as masters of disguise, espionage and martial arts can stop the perpetrator, a mysterious "fallen" Angel. Aided by their trusty colleague, Jimmy Bosley, the Angels'' adventure begins at a remote Mongolian outpost and ends only after Dylan is forced to face a dark secret from her past--a secret that puts the lives of her two best friends in danger.
TV-14
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2212
A boy hides his toys in his pajamas; mishaps caught on camera; angry deer
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Mama Drama
As Mother's Day approaches, Cleveland hires an actress to impersonate Dee Dee, Donna's estranged mother.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
All You Can Eat
After undergoing a stylish makeover, Cleveland Junior asks a girl to accompany him to the school prom. Mistakenly believing that Junior is a lesbian like her, the girl accepts.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Most Adequate Christmas Ever, The
After Stan comes home from another dangerous mission, he finds that his family has decked the halls with boughs of holly and donned themselves with gay apparel, but just not to his satisfaction.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Franny 911
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska border, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Tearjerker
Stan and the family are characters in a James Bond style spoof. Stan must stop Tearjerker, played by Roger, a diabolical film producer who makes movies that can kill. Tearjerker's fiendish plot involves abducting celebrities from his spa and replacing them with celebrity robots that make horrible movies, all in an effort to make his masterpiece "Oscar's Gold" the best and saddest movie ever, causing millions of moviegoers to cry themselves to death.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Oedipal Panties
When Stan's mom gets dumped for the umpteenth time by a boyfriend, she comes running to Stan for support. Feeling threatened by her always-visiting mother-in-law, Francine is determined to cut Stan's umbilical cord and figure out what keeps going wrong with the men in her life. Like a regular Cagney & Lacey, Francine and Roger go undercover to solve the case. Meanwhile, Klaus gives Steve the ick.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Awed Couple
Deacon and Kelly find new couple friends, forcing Doug and Carrie to turn to their old reliable couple friends, Neal and Marcy.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Silent Mite
Doug and Arthur play detective when Doug suspects an admirer of Carrie has stolen his wallet.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Dr. Ramoray Dies, The
Monica and Richard experience the same romantic problems as Rachel and Ross. Joey's ill-advised comments to a fan magazine threaten his acting career.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Eddie Won't Go, The
Chandler wants his annoying new roommate to move out. Joey's exorbitant bills come due. The women learn from a book about personal empowerment.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Old Yeller Dies, The
Monica's boyfriend impresses Chandler and Joey. Phoebe finds out what she missed as a child.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Bullies, The
Chandler and Joey are scared of two bullies. Phoebe meets her long-lost family members. LARAINE NEWMAN (Saturday Night Live) guest stars.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Wallet, The (Part I)
Jerry tries to explain the absence of a watch his parents gave him.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Watch, The (Part 2)
Jerry tries to buy back a discarded watch, a gift from his parents.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Bubble Boy, The
Jerry gets lost en route to visiting a sickly fan; guest Jessica Lundy.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Cheever Letters, The
Jerry and George work on their pilot script.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Road to Germany
When Mort accidentally steps into a time machine, Stewie and Brian decide to follow him; but when they learn they are in Poland on the day of the Nazi invasion, they have to find their way back home.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Baby Not On Board
When Peter wins free gas for a year, Brian suggests a road trip to the Grand Canyon. After careful planning and packing, they depart, only to leave Stewie behind. Hilarity ensues as they race back to Quahog.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Prestidigitation Approximation, The
Leonard has a tough choice to make when Priya asks him to stop spending time with Penny, forcing him to choose between the two women; and Howard keeps pestering Sheldon with a magic trick.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Zarnecki Incursion, The
The guys become sleuths to find out who hacked Sheldon's online-game account.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Herb Garden Germination, The
Sheldon and Amy decide to start rumors about themselves as a social test. Meanwhile, Howard takes his relationship with Bernadette to an even higher level.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Agreement Dissection, The
Priya uses her legal expertise to rip apart Sheldon's roommate agreement, and the women take the flustered Sheldon out dancing.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5658
Guests: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bill Eichner, The Decemberists
TV-14
12:00 am
Childrens Hospital
Behind the Scenes
The actors behave worse than the doctors they play on the show.
TV-14
12:15 am
Childrens Hospital
Return of the Young Billionaire, The
Owen helps a police detective (Michaela Watkins) determine why kids are pooping candy.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5658
Guests: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bill Eichner, The Decemberists
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Refugee
When Bobby's boat goes missing, Jules and Bobby step into their old crime fighting personas, "Blacktop" and "Gumshoe", in order to solve the mystery. Meanwhile, Grayson helps Andy win over his new supervisor by teaching him "the neg," and Laurie and Travis attempt to decorate her apartment together.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
The Angels--Natalie, Dylan, and Alex--prepare to strike without warning as they go undercover to retrieve two missing silver bands. These are no ordinary rings. They contain valuable encrypted information that reveal the new identities of every person in the Federal Witness Protection Program. When witnesses start turning up dead, only the Angels, using their expertise as masters of disguise, espionage and martial arts can stop the perpetrator, a mysterious "fallen" Angel. Aided by their trusty colleague, Jimmy Bosley, the Angels'' adventure begins at a remote Mongolian outpost and ends only after Dylan is forced to face a dark secret from her past--a secret that puts the lives of her two best friends in danger.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
D'Arcy Files, The
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Legend of Ironhead Haynes, The
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Nooner or Nothing
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Kelly Knows Something
TV-PG
 

Thursday, December 4

6:00 am
Full House
Birhday Blues
D.J. almost forgets about Kimmy's 16th birthday and must--somehow--plan a big party for her.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Lyin' King
Things quickly get complicated when Audrey and Jeff decide to ditch a dinner date with Jennifer and Adam in order to attend Brad and Jackie's exclusive, celebrity-packed party. When Jenifer and Adam end up at the same party, Jeff and Audrey's lies begin to snowball and it becomes obvious that the truth is catching up to them. Meanwhile,Russell's womanizing ways get him in trouble at the same venue when he hits on the girlfriend of a NFL great. In order to get out of this messy situation, Russell makes Timmy more than just his personal assistant, which proves to be a bit too close for comfort for Timmy.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Assault and Batteries
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Ride Scare
TV-PG
8:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Marie and Frank's New Friends
Ray and Debra's plan, designed to spend less time with Marie and Frank, backfires.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Alone Time
Ray is worried when Debra asks him to take the kids out more so she can have time to herself.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie
Cop Out
Two longtime NYPD partners on the trail of a stolen, rare, mint-condition baseball card find themselves up against a merciless, memorabilia-obsessed gangster. But before they can recover the prized `52 Pafko, they must first rescue a Mexican beauty who holds the key to millions of dollars in off-shore bank accounts-and who has already witnessed one high-profile murder because of them. Veteran detective Jimmy Monr needs to cash in on his perfect Pafko in order to pay for his daughter''s upcoming wedding, but in the tradition of everything that can go wrong--it''s pilfered before he has a chance to collect. Paul Hodges is Jimmy''s partner-against-crime, whose preoccupation with his wife''s alleged infidelity makes it hard for him to keep his eye on the ball, or his mind on the crime. Already in trouble and with nothing left to lose, Jimmy and Paul will have to break all the rules-including enlisting the aid of stoner thief Dave, who''s working Paul''s last nerve as Paul and Jimmy try to work the case.
TV-14
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2213
A toddler reacts to a phone ringing
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Escape From Goochland
As Halloween approaches...Cleveland and his friends attended a rival high school's football game, only to find themselves stranded in enemy territory; Donna's sexy Halloween costume gets her into trouble with the police; Roberta and Junior dress up as Cleveland and Donna.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Menace II Secret Society
Cleveland discovers the existence of a secret hip hop society after Kenny West refuses to share credit for a hit song they wrote together; Junior starts his own polka band.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Widowmaker
Francine pushes Stan to open up to her emotionally, but she gets more than she bargained for when he tells her that he killed her best friend Julie's husband. Meanwhile, Roger plays psychiatrist to help them work through their issues.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Red October Sky
Stan goes in search of a former KGB agent, Sergei, and is shocked to find that the man is his new next-door neighbor and that Sergei has already turned Steve into a communist. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head to France for a little R&R but their trip takes a turn for the worse when Klaus gets busted for drug smuggling.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Office Spaceman
When the CIA initiates an Alien Task Force, a peculiar twist of fate puts Roger in charge of the task force in disguise, who marks Stan as an alien to protect his own identity. Meanwhile Francine comes to grips with being left-handed.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold
After officially being declared dead do to an accident, Stan comes back to life and realizes he dreams of leaving a legacy on the world. He excavates his home in search of Ollie Norths Contra-band buried treasure.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Cologne Ranger
Doug wears a cologne Carrie dislikes to try to convince himself and the guys that she does not control him.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Domestic Disturbance
Carrie gets a raise and hires a Spanish-speaking housekeeper, but the language barrier frustrates Doug, who retaliates by hiring Veronica as his personal housekeeper.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Two Parties, The
Rachel gets a surprise at her birthday party when her parents (MARLO THOMAS and RON LEIBMAN) show up.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Chicken Pox, The
When Phoebe catches chicken pox, her chances for romance with a former lover (CHARLIE SHEEN) are almost ruined. Monica worries that she is too strange for Richard.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Barry And Mindy's Wedding, The
Rachel is a bridesmaid at her ex-fianci's wedding. Monica and Richard's relationship is jeopardized when the subject of children is discussed.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Princess Leia Fantasy, The
Ross' secret fantasy doesn't stay secret for long after he confides in Rachel. Chandler resumes an old relationship.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Opera, The
Unaware her beau is a mad stalker, Jerry takes Elaine to the opera.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Virgin, The
Hours before a network meeting, Jerry and George draw a blank; guest Jane Leeves.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Contest, The
Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine vie at self-denial; guests Estelle Harris, Jane Leeves.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Airport, The
On a flight, Jerry meets a beauty, while Elaine sits next to a smelly guy.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Man With Two Brians, The
When Brian hurts his back saving Peter, Peter thinks Brian's getting too old, and brings another dog--named New Brian--into the family; and when everyone falls in love with the new pet, Brian leaves home.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Tales of a Third Grade Nothing
Peter is forced to go back to the third grade to try and qualify for a promotion at work. Meanwhile, Brian opens a bar with Frank Sinatra Jr, where they employ Stewie to make it a hotspot.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Ocean's Three and a Half
After seven years of pregnancy, Bonnie gives birth to baby Susie, and Stewie immediately falls in love; but when Joe can't pay the massive hospital bill, Peter and the boys plan to rob Mr. Pewterschmidt.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Wildebeest Implementation, The
Raj makes an attempt to cure his phobia of talking to women; and Penny spies on Leonard and Priya with the help of Bernadette.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Engagement Reaction, The
Mrs. Wolowitz ends up in the hospital after Howard tells her he's marrying Bernadette. While there, Leonard stresses over Penny and Priya warming up to one another.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Roommate Transmogrification, The
In the 4th season finale, Raj moves in with Sheldon when Leonard & Priya's "Star Trek" bedroom fantasy is too much for him; and the guys tease Howard when Bernadette gets her PHD, making Howard the only one without a doctorate.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 5659
Guests: Jennifer Aniston, Bill Burr
TV-14
12:00 am
Childrens Hospital
British Hospital
The British adaptation of America's longest running medical show.
TV-14
12:15 am
Childrens Hospital
Ladies Night
Single moms get discounts and male doctors get horny.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 5659
Guests: Jennifer Aniston, Bill Burr
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Love Is a Long Road
As Chick (guest star Ken Jenkins) deals with the fallout from his first Alzheimers symptoms, Jules convinces him to look at houses nearby. Without meaning to, Grayson introduces the idea of Chick moving in with them, a suggestion he quickly regrets. All the while, the Cul de Sac Crew excitedly prepares for Travis's college graduation which kicks off, among other things, a rivalry between Ellie and Laurie for who is #1 on Jules' most-important-friend list.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Cop Out
Two longtime NYPD partners on the trail of a stolen, rare, mint-condition baseball card find themselves up against a merciless, memorabilia-obsessed gangster. But before they can recover the prized `52 Pafko, they must first rescue a Mexican beauty who holds the key to millions of dollars in off-shore bank accounts-and who has already witnessed one high-profile murder because of them. Veteran detective Jimmy Monr needs to cash in on his perfect Pafko in order to pay for his daughter''s upcoming wedding, but in the tradition of everything that can go wrong--it''s pilfered before he has a chance to collect. Paul Hodges is Jimmy''s partner-against-crime, whose preoccupation with his wife''s alleged infidelity makes it hard for him to keep his eye on the ball, or his mind on the crime. Already in trouble and with nothing left to lose, Jimmy and Paul will have to break all the rules-including enlisting the aid of stoner thief Dave, who''s working Paul''s last nerve as Paul and Jimmy try to work the case.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Al Goes Deep
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Shoeway to Heaven
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Driving Mr. Boondy
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Kelly Breaks Out
TV-PG
 

Friday, December 5

6:00 am
Full House
Heartbreak Kid, The
When D.J.'s boyfriend, Steve, gives Michelle a valentine, Michelle takes it seriously and starts making wedding plans.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Poaching Timmy
When Audrey's ongoing problems with her assistant Tanya becomes too much for her to stand, Russell's new assistant Timmy looks like the perfect replacement. Meanwhile, Jeff's superstitions gets the best of him as he tries to recreate the day his favorite football team won.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Naughty but Niece
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Business Sucks (1)
TV-PG
8:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Someone's Cranky
Debra searches for the cause of Robert's mean-spirited behavior.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Bad Moon Rising
Ray's attempts to alleviate Debra's womanly problems only make her more irritable.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie
Spy Next Door, The
Bob Ho is an undercover CIA superspy who decides to give up his career in espionage to settle down with his next-door neighbor and girlfriend, Gillian. But Bob has one more mission to complete before Gillian agrees to marry him--winning over her three opinionated kids. When Gillian suddenly has to leave town, Bob volunteers to babysit the children so he can earn their approval. But when one of the kids mistakenly downloads a top-secret formula from his computer, Bob''s archenemy, a Russian terrorist, moves in for the attack, forcing Bob to juggle the roles of spy and prospective stepfather in the most challenging mission of his career.
TV-PG
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2214
A girl makes funny comments while disoriented from surgery
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
General Thanksgiving Episode, A
As Thanksgiving approaches...Cleveland opens a bar at the airport; Holt and his estranged father bond when Cleveland becomes trapped on a pilotless airplane.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Turkey Pot Die
As Thanksgiving approaches...Cleveland takes Junior to a turkey farm to pick out holiday dinner, but Junior concocts a plot to set the birds free; Donna and Rallo set to work building a Thanksgiving parade float.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Spring Break-Up
With Francine gone to visit her parents, Roger holds a Spring Break blowout at the Smith house. During the festivities, Stan falls for a "Spring Break Buddy" and Steve is on the verge of losing his virginity.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
1600 Candles
In this Emmy nominated episode, the Smiths' plans to celebrate Roger's 1,600th birthday are sidetracked when Steve announces that he's finally going through puberty. Ever fearful of the thought of a Steve with raging hormones, Stan and Francine try to bypass the pains by having experimental medicine injected into Steve's head.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
One That Got Away, The
Roger discovers that one of his personas has taken on a life of his own. Back at home, the Smith family becomes addicted to the 1970s electronic game "Simon."
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
One Little Word
When Stan becomes his boss' new advisor, he feels like he can't say no to anything, not even outrageous personal requests. But when Francine gets involved in the situation and his annoying "yes-man" antics ruin her Valentine's Day vacation, she does everything in her power to force him to say "no".
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Pour Judgement
Carrie is upset when Doug does not take an exam that could have led to a promotion, so he retaliates by becoming a bartender.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Gym Neighbors
When Doug and Carrie start training with their neighbor (Lou Ferrigno) so Carrie can lose a few pounds, Doug works out a deal that allows him to laze around during exercise time.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where No One's Ready, The
Ross becomes frantic trying to get everyone ready to leave to hear his speech at the museum.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Jam, The
Monica wants to have a baby. A man is stalking Phoebe.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With All the Haste, The
Drastic changes occur in Ross' relationship with Emily. Monica and Rachel will do anything to get their old apartment back from the guys.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With All the Wedding Dresses, The
Rachel reacts drastically to Ross' engagement. Chandler becomes exasperated by Joey's snoring.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Visa, The
A deportee (Brian George) blames helpful Jerry; Kramer returns from baseball fantasy camp.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Movie, The
Jerry tries to coordinate two comedy appearances and a movie with friends; guest Tom La Grua.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Outing, The
Jerry tries to refute reports that he and George are lovers; guest Paula Marshall.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Shoes, The
Jerry and George struggle to keep their idea for a TV series alive.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Skank Reflex Analysis, The
On the fifth season premiere, Penny worries that she's screwed things up permanently with her friends after her night with Raj, while Sheldon takes command of the paintball team.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Infestation Hypothesis, The
A battle of wills between Sheldon and Penny leaves Amy caught in the middle, while Leonard tries to spice up his long-distance relationship with Priya (AARTI MANN).
TV-14
9:00 pm
Deal With It
Penn Jillette & Jessimae Peluso
SPEED DATING (HALLMARK): After stumbling into a speed dating session, a contestant's girlfriend is in for the worst date of her life when an attractive woman wants to "lock-in" with her man. Co-host: Jessimae Peluso. CUPCAKES: Our contestant is unhappy with a cupcake focus group, and after being told not to eat any of the cupcakes, he decides to bite off more than he can chew, literally. Co-host: Penn Jillette.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
National Treasure: Book of Secrets
When a missing page from the diary of John Wilkes Booth surfaces, Ben's great-great grandfather is suddenly implicated as a key conspirator in Abraham Lincoln's death. Determined to prove his ancestor's innocence, Ben follows an international chain of clues that takes him on a chase from Paris to London and ultimately back to America. This journey leads Ben and his crew not only to surprising revelations--but to the trail of the world's most treasured secrets.
TV-PG
12:00 am
Deal With It
Penn Jillette & Jessimae Peluso
SPEED DATING (HALLMARK): After stumbling into a speed dating session, a contestant's girlfriend is in for the worst date of her life when an attractive woman wants to "lock-in" with her man. Co-host: Jessimae Peluso. CUPCAKES: Our contestant is unhappy with a cupcake focus group, and after being told not to eat any of the cupcakes, he decides to bite off more than he can chew, literally. Co-host: Penn Jillette.
TV-14
12:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
We Stand a Chance
After winning Cul de Sac Crew Trivia, Tom gets to pick the location of the next group vacation. The gang is less than thrilled, however, when Tom opts for a stay-cation. Meanwhile, Jules fakes being healthy at her annual physical exam and gets some shocking results. And Bobby accidentally signs Grayson and himself up for a breakdancing competition.
TV-14
1:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Pilot
TV-14
1:30 am
Movie
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Set in 9th century Persia, an adventurous young prince uncovers a dangerous artifact in a remote mountain kingdom. With the help of a rival princess, he must stop a despot from unleashing a sandstorm that could destroy all mankind.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Married With Children
Sleepless in Chicago
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
No Pot to Pease In
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Dud Bowl
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Man for No Seasons, A
TV-PG
 

Saturday, December 6

6:00 am
Full House
Silence Is Not Golden
When a schoolmate admits to Stephanie that his father beats him, she promises not to tell anyone. But she soon realizes that some promises have to be broken.
TV-G
6:30 am
Full House
Please Don't Touch the Dinosaur
When Danny and Jesse disagree over how to chaperone Michelle's trip to the museum, her class ends up almost destroying a dinosaur exhibit.
TV-G
7:00 am
Full House
Subterranean Graduation Blues
Jesse graduates from night school and is chosen to give a speech at the graduation. When the subway breaks down, Jesse misses the ceremony, but he convinces a young man on the train to finish his education.
TV-G
7:30 am
Full House
Grand Gift Auto
When Joey gives D.J. a used car for a birthday present, everyone is thrilled--until they learn the car is stolen.
TV-G
8:00 am
Married With Children
Naked and the Dead, but Mostly the Naked, The
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
I Want My Psycho Dad (1)
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Gorilla Warfare
When Carrie learns Doug stole the romantic line he used when they started dating, he struggles to come up with a new one for Valentine's Day to try to redeem himself.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Hi, School
When Doug makes a delivery to his former high school, the football coach (Burt Reynolds) treats him like a hero, so Doug begins stopping by more often.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Deconstructing Carrie
As Carrie reluctantly approaches her 35th birthday, Doug bribes neighborhood construction workers to hoot and holler at her in order to make her feel younger.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Van, Go
Holly is upset when she learns Carrie was using her to have access to her van; Doug has an argument with a waitress who takes too long to deliver his food.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Movie
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Set in 9th century Persia, an adventurous young prince uncovers a dangerous artifact in a remote mountain kingdom. With the help of a rival princess, he must stop a despot from unleashing a sandstorm that could destroy all mankind.
TV-PG
1:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
National Treasure: Book of Secrets
When a missing page from the diary of John Wilkes Booth surfaces, Ben's great-great grandfather is suddenly implicated as a key conspirator in Abraham Lincoln's death. Determined to prove his ancestor's innocence, Ben follows an international chain of clues that takes him on a chase from Paris to London and ultimately back to America. This journey leads Ben and his crew not only to surprising revelations--but to the trail of the world's most treasured secrets.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Invitation, The
Rachel and the engaged Ross reminisce separately about when they dated each other. The friends get invitations to Ross' wedding--but not all of them are going.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Worst Best Man Ever, The
Joey loses Ross' treasured wedding ring. Phoebe has extreme mood variations from her pregnancy.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Wedding (Part 1), The
Rachel stays home while the others go to England for Ross' wedding. CHRISTINA PICKLES, RICHARD BRANSON, JENNIFER SAUNDERS, TOM CONTI, ELLIOTT GOULD and SARAH, THE DUCHESS OF YORK guest star.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Wedding (Part 2), The
Rachel frantically tries to get to London before Ross marries Emily. Ross' father clashes with Emily's. OLIVIA WILLIAMS and HUGH LAURIE guest star.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Confronting the Attacker
After losing his nerve on the job, Robert quits the force to begin a career in telemarketing.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Robert's Divorce
The sight of Robert's ex-wife prompts the family to reminisce about the demise of the marriage.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Italy (1)
Marie surprises the Barones with a trip to Italy.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Italy (2)
Marie surprises the Barones with a trip to Italy.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Dumpling Paradox, The
With Wolowitz AWOL with one of her friends, Penny's recruited to fill in for him on the guys' Halo team.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bozeman Reaction, The
A robbery of their apartment sees Leonard and Sheldon call on their friends to devise a security system.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Isolation Permutation, The
Bernadette & Penny shop for wedding dresses...without Amy.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Shiny Trinket Maneuver, The
Sheldon gets in trouble with Amy, and it's up to Penny to teach him how to be a better boyfriend. Howard, meanwhile, must come to grips with Bernadette's dislike of children.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Extract Obliteration, The
Sheldon's friendship with renowned scientist STEPHEN HAWKING is threatened by a game of "Words with Friends," while Penny secretly enrolls in a class at the local college.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Contractual Obligation Implementation, The
Leonard, Sheldon and Howard try to advance the cause of women in science by speaking with junior high girls about their future careers, while Raj plans his date with Lucy.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Deal With It
Penn Jillette & Jessimae Peluso
SPEED DATING (HALLMARK): After stumbling into a speed dating session, a contestant's girlfriend is in for the worst date of her life when an attractive woman wants to "lock-in" with her man. Co-host: Jessimae Peluso. CUPCAKES: Our contestant is unhappy with a cupcake focus group, and after being told not to eat any of the cupcakes, he decides to bite off more than he can chew, literally. Co-host: Penn Jillette.
TV-14
11:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
Change-Up, The
Growing up together, Mitch and Dave were inseparable best friends, but as the years have passed they've slowly drifted apart. While Dave is an overworked lawyer, husband and father of three, Mitch has remained a single, quasi-employed man-child who has never met a responsibility he liked. To Mitch, Dave has it all: beautiful wife Jamie, kids who adore him and a high-paying job at a prestigious law firm. To Dave, living Mitch's stress free life without obligation or consequence would be a dream come true. Following a drunken night out together, Mitch and Dave's worlds are turned upside down when they wake up in each other's bodies and proceed to freak out. Despite the freedom from their normal routines and habits, the guys soon discover that each other's lives are nowhere near as rosy as they once seemed. Further complicating matters are Dave's sexy legal associate, Sabrina, and Mitch's estranged father. With time not on their side, Mitch and Dave struggle to avoid completely destroying each other's lives before they can find a way to get their old ones back.
TV-14
1:45 am
Movie
Heartbreak Kid, The
After years of bachelorhood and ample pressure from his father, Doc, and best friend Mac, Eddie Cantrow starts to wonder if he is being too picky about the women he meets. So when a chance encounter with an alluring blonde named Lila leads to a sweet romance, Eddie impulsively proposes. But right after the wedding, as the newlyweds get to know each other on the drive down the California coast, Eddie begins to realize he's made a terrible mistake. Soon after reaching their exotic Mexican hideaway, he falls for the down-to-earth Miranda, who has no clue he's on his honeymoon. Now Eddie has to find a way to extricate himself from his days-old marriage without losing the girl of his dreams.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
I Want My Psycho Dad (2)
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Kelly Takes a Shot
Bud helps Kelly with a commercial audition to prove himself to Marcy's niece.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Something Larry This Way Comes
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Get the Dodge Outta Hell
TV-PG