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SCHEDULE: July 2016

Times listed for EASTERN and PACIFIC timezones except where otherwise noted.

Wednesday, July 27

6:00 am
Married With Children
Peggy Turns 300
Al's one chance at glory is to break the alley record at Jim's Bowlarama, but it's threatened by high-scoring Peggy.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Peggy Made a Little Lamb
Peggy is shocked to discover that she never graduated from high school and, needing one additional course to get her diploma, joins Kelly's home economics class.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Agony of Defeet, The
While an ecstatic Al prepares to judge a beauty contest, Marcy awakens on the Bundy couch next to a lipstick-smeared Bud and fears the worst.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Yard Sale
When Al discovers Peggy's passion for yard sales has gotten out of hand, he decides that the Bundys should hold one of their own.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Al ... with Kelly
After faking colds to get out of visiting Peggy's mother, Al and Kelly rejoice at their week of freedom, but when Kelly really gets sick, Al is forced to play nursemaid.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
We'll Follow the Sun
Al's plans for a family road trip come to a screeching halt when the Bundys get caught in Labor Day traffic.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Flower Power
Carrie thinks Doug has lost his romantic side; Arthur is called for jury duty.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Major Disturbance
The Palmers' vacation plans are ruined when Doug frightens Major so much that he refuses to be babysat by the Heffernans. In the meantime, Arthur begins hiring out himself and friends from the senior center to ride with solo drivers so they can use car-pool lanes.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Brace Yourself
An unflattering picture by Major prompts Arthur to ask Doug and Carrie for braces. Meanwhile, Kelly hires an out-of-work Spence to help out around the house.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Moxie Moron
Doug and Deacon fill in for Supervisor O'Boyle at the IPS depot. Carrie regrets her decision to complain about her company's chinzy gift for work on an important project.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Flush of Genius
Cleveland attempts to make toilet seats safer; Rallo thinks he's tall enough to ride his favorite rollercoaster.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Mama Drama
As Mother's Day approaches, Cleveland hires an actress to impersonate Dee Dee, Donna's estranged mother.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Best Christmas Story Never Told, The
Stan goes to the past to keep Jane Fonda from ruining Christmas, but he winds up creating an alternate future where the United States has been taken over by the Soviet Union.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Bush Comes to Dinner
President Bush comes to dinner when Stan wins an essay-writing contest. Hayley is determined to bring down the presidency after Roger accidentally gets Bush drunk. Meanwhile, Roger thinks he's found Osama bin Laden.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
American Dream Factory
Stan feels like he's not climbing the ladder fast enough at work, so he turns to his lifelong ambition of making festive teddy bears. However, when he realizes that making a quick profit takes a lot of work, he resorts to using illegal aliens as cheap labor.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
A.T. the Abusive Terrestrial
Feeling shunned by Steve, Roger befriends a new boy, Henry. Their honeymoon is short lived as Henry starts abusing Roger. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine hijack the Pibbmobile in an effort to save the fledgling soft drink from going off the market forever.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Leggo my Meg-O
Stewie and Brian attempt to track down Meg after she's abducted in Paris by sex slave operatives.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Tea Peter
Peter joins the Tea Party but doesn't discover until it's too late that Carter Pewterschmidt is using the party to get rid of government for his own selfish motives.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Fancyman (Part II)
Jess' sophisticated date with Russell doesn't go as planned. Meanwhile, Nick's college friend visits and brings out Nick's inner frat boy to help him get over his break-up with Julia. Also, Winston panics when Shelby goes on a girls vacation and Schmidt and Cece try to keep their relationship under the covers, but one of the friends finds out their secret.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Secrets
While training for a marathon, Jess discovers that Cece has been keeping a secret from her, and their friendship is put to the test. Meanwhile, Winston can't handle being the only one who knows about Cece and Schmidt, and Nick reluctantly asks for Schmidt's help as he tries to juggle dating two women at once.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Cop, The
Joey wonders if he is in love with Monica. Phoebe impersonates a police officer.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss, The
Rachel interviews for a great job--but she may get it for the wrong reason. Monica competes to have a better relationship than Phoebe's.
TV-14
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Smokes, The
Rachel submits to peer pressure at work. Joey and Ross' son audition for the same commercial -- but only one can get the part.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Can't Flirt, The
Ross' flirting technique fails to impress a cute pizza-delivery woman. A surprise awaits Joey when he tells everyone about his big television appearance.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Finale (Part 1), The
After NBC picks up Jerry and George's sitcom, the four pals are arrested for breaking the good Samaritan law.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Finale (Part 2), The
After NBC picks up Jerry and George's sitcom, the four pals are arrested for breaking the good Samaritan law.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Mango, The
Jerry learns Elaine pretended to enjoy their intimacy; Kramer is banned from a fruit store.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Glasses, The
George buys effeminate glasses; dog-bite victim Elaine thinks she has rabies.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Russian Rocket Reaction, The
Sheldon and Leonard get invited to a housewarming party at WIL WHEATON's house; while Howard gets an out-of-this-world opportunity!
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Rhinitis Revelation, The
Sheldon craves attention from his visiting mother.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Good Guy Fluctuation, The
Sheldon tries to spook his friends on Halloween.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Isolation Permutation, The
Bernadette & Penny shop for wedding dresses...without Amy.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Ornithophobia Diffusion, The
Sheldon must overcome his fear of birds.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Flaming Spittoon Acquisition, The
Sheldon becomes jealous when Stuart asks Amy for a date.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6920
Guests: Mila Kunis, Will Greenberg, Local Natives
TV-14
12:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the "It" Hole
Caroline's date is a no-show after promising to take her to one of the city's hippest new restaurants, so she and Max decide to take advantage of the hard-to-get reservation.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6920
Guests: Mila Kunis, Will Greenberg, Local Natives
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Don't Come Around Here No More
TV-PG
2:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Two Gunslingers
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie
Our Family Wedding
"Our marriage, their wedding." It''s lesson number one for any newly engaged couple, and Lucia and Marcus are no exception. They learn the hard way that the path to saying "I do" can be rife with familial strife. When they return from college and too suddenly announce their marriage plans, they soon discover that their fathers - two highly competitive over-the-top egos - can wreak a major amount of havoc on their special day. With insults flying and tempers running high, it''s anyone''s guess if the alpha dads will survive to make it down the aisle in one piece. Lucia''s mother is busy planning the wedding of "her" dreams and the only levelheaded one in the bunch is Angela, the groom''s father''s best friend and lawyer, who manages to keep her cool when the madness reaches a crescendo. With only weeks to plan their wedding, Lucia and Marcus soon discover the true meaning of love and find there is truth to the saying - that when you marry someone, you marry their entire family.
TV-14
4:30 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2101
Little bitty butter girl and 21 reasons to love AFV
TV-G
5:30 am
Married With Children
Sue Casa, His Casa
No sooner than Al cancels his auto insurance, the kids get into an accident and Al decides to sue, so the Bundys put on their neck braces and "tell it to the judge."
TV-PG
 

Thursday, July 28

6:00 am
Married With Children
Unnatural, The
Al's pride is on the line when his softball team threatens to bench him right before the league championship.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Dance Show, The
When an attention-starved Peg meets a charming married man, Andy, Al's in for a surprise when Andy's jealous "husband" shows up on Al's doorstep.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Kelly Bounces Back
When Al insists that Kelly get a job, she enrolls in modeling school - at Al's expense - and sets her sights on becoming a car showroom model.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Aliens
When Al is visited by mysterious green creatures who creep into his bedroom and take his dirty socks, he's subjected to ridicule by his disbelieving family, but still determined to get proof of his "close encounter."
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Wabbit Season
A stressed-out Al takes up gardening for relaxation but ends up battling a pesky rabbit.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Do Ya Think I'm Sexy
Peggy becomes worried when the neighborhood women suddenly find Al irresistible.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Ruff Goin'
Feeling hurt over not being invited to a block party, Doug adopts a dog just to prove to the neighbors that he's an okay guy - a decision he soon regrets. Meanwhile, Arthur falls prey to the gambling bug when trying to help Danny beat it.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Mama Cast
Doug decides to spend the Heffernans' tax refund on an ice cream truck. Meanwhile, Carrie fills in as a pretend mom at model homes, and discovers a reemergence of her maternal desires.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Home Cheapo
Carrie is convinced that Deacon and Kelly were only able to afford a vacation home by being cheap. Meanwhile, Arthur tries to help Spence get a new job.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Affair Trade
Doug panics when he starts getting sexy phone messages meant for another Doug Heffernan, but Carrie doesn't seem to care. Meanwhile, Danny tries to force a wedge between Spence and a new lady friend.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
All You Can Eat
After undergoing a stylish makeover, Cleveland Junior asks a girl to accompany him to the school prom. Mistakenly believing that Junior is a lesbian like her, the girl accepts.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Escape From Goochland
As Halloween approaches...Cleveland and his friends attended a rival high school's football game, only to find themselves stranded in enemy territory; Donna's sexy Halloween costume gets her into trouble with the police; Roberta and Junior dress up as Cleveland and Donna.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Black Mystery Month
While researching a paper about George Washington Carver in celebration of Black History Month, Steve uncovers a conspiracy that's been going on since the Civil War. When the curator of the Smithsonian Peanut Museum reaches out to tell Steve the truth, he's mysteriously murdered, and Steve and Stan are tracked by a secret society that will stop at nothing to keep this scandalous secret of American history.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Apocalypse to Remember, An
A misunderstanding at the CIA leads Stan to believe it's the end of the world. Even after he realizes his error, he keeps his family convinced they are the last people on Earth so they will respect him. Meanwhile, Roger gets married so he can buy a new blender.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Four Little Words
Stan goes to great lengths to never, ever end up in a situation ending with Francine telling him, "I told you so." She lets him hook his boss Bullock up with her friend, but when Bullock accidentally kills the woman, Stan frames Francine so she'll stop asking questions.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
When Stan Loves a Woman
Stan gets jealous when he discovers how promiscuous Francine was in the past. He decides the only way to even the score is to divorce Francine and sow some wild oats of his own. Meanwhile, Steve gets addicted to an energy drink.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Family Guy Viewer Mail #2
Three skits: the British program that Family Guy is based on, everybody Peter touches turns into Robin Williams, and a look at the day through Stewie's eyes.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Internal Affairs
Peter talks Joe into having an affair and gets into another epic fight with the giant chicken.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Normal
A nervous Jess invites Russell to spend the weekend at the loft, and her fears are amplified when he gets along better with the guys than she hoped. Meanwhile, Winston begins work at a sports radio station, but quickly finds out his boss is more of a shock jock, and Nick tries to make an invention from his "Idea Notebook" into a reality.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Kids
Jess babysits Russell's pre-teen daughter for the weekend and meets his ex-wife. Then, Schmidt and Cece panic when they think she's pregnant. Also, Nick's new girlfriend may be too young, and Winston discovers his new boss is a big baby.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Ride Along, The
The guys enjoy riding along with a police officer -- until a gunshot is heard. Rachel overhears a telephone message for Ross from his second ex-wife.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Ball, The
Phoebe's boyfriend wants her to move in with him. Ross and Joey involve Chandler and Monica in an obsessive game.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One in Vegas Part 1, The
The gang travels to Las Vegas, Nevada, where more than one surprise awaits. After Ross misinterprets Rachel's actions, a war of public humiliation results.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One in Vegas Part 2, The
Monica and Chandler get lucky in Las Vegas, Nevada. Rachel makes Ross regret playing a prank on her. Joey schemes for fame and fortune.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Puffy Shirt, The
Jerry appears on ``Today'' wearing a silly shirt; guests Bryant Gumbel, Jerry Stiller.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Sniffing Accountant, The
Jerry, Kramer and Newman investigate their accountant's unexplained sniffle.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Bris, The
A religious ceremony makes Jerry and Elaine apprehensive about being godparents.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Lip Reader, The
George enlists a lip-reader (Marlee Matlin) to learn why his girlfriend dumped him.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Pastry Porn
Max applies to the Manhattan School of Pastry and bakes a tart for the entrance exam.
TV-14
8:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the First Day of School
Max attempts to make a good impression on her first day of pastry school, but finds the class clown to be extremely distracting - and intriguing.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Speckerman Recurrance, The
Leonard comes face-to-face with his high school bully.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Shiny Trinket Maneuver, The
Sheldon gets in trouble with Amy, and it's up to Penny to teach him how to be a better boyfriend. Howard, meanwhile, must come to grips with Bernadette's dislike of children.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Life After Death
Caroline learns that her childhood nanny passed away and brings Max with her to attend the funeral. But once there she discovers that the woman never spoke of Caroline to her own family.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the French Kiss
After a great make-out session with Max's teacher, Caroline learns a secret about him that she wishes she'd known beforehand.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6921
Guests: Christina Applegate, Adrienne C. Moore, Lukas Graham
TV-14
12:00 am
2 Broke Girls (SAP)
And the Big But
Max wants to be more than friends with her pastry school partner; Caroline remains attracted to her married teacher.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6921
Guests: Christina Applegate, Adrienne C. Moore, Lukas Graham
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Here Comes My Girl
TV-PG
2:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Mystery Man
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie
Hope Springs
Kay and Arnold are a devoted couple, but decades of marriage have left Kay wanting to spice things up and reconnect with her husband. When she hears of a renowned couple's specialist in the small town of Hope Springs, she attempts to persuade her skeptical husband, a steadfast man of routine, to get on a plane for a week of marriage therapy. Just convincing the stubborn Arnold to go on the retreat is hard enough - the real challenge for both of them comes as they shed their bedroom hang-ups and try to re-ignite the spark that caused them to fall for each other in the first place.
TV-14
4:30 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2102
People getting waxed and the seven dwarfs starring seven dogs
TV-G
5:30 am
Married With Children
One Down, Two to Go
Peggy goes off the deep end when Kelly decides to leave the nest and get an apartment of her own.
TV-PG
 

Friday, July 29

6:00 am
Married With Children
And Baby Makes Money
Al discovers new-found passion when he learns that he and Peggy stand to inherit a fortune by producing another Bundy baby.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Who
When Marcy wakes up to discover a man in her bed and a wedding ring on her finger, she gives Peggy and Al the cash to throw her a lavish wedding, but giving Marcy the party of her dreams is the last thing on their minds.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Look Who's Barking
Buck the Dog, fed up with being neglected by the Bundys, decides to leave home and venture out into the world, where he meets a canine femme fatale.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Godfather, The
Al entertains notions of greatness when he discovers that Kelly's new boyfriend is an influential city politician.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Man's Castle, A
When Peg enrolls in an interior design course, she chooses the Bundy home as her first project, but Al's in an uproar when she sets her sights on his sacred domain...the bathroom.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
All Night Security Dude
When the shoe store temporarily gives Al the boot, he takes a job as Polk High's night security guard, but when his prized football trophy is stolen, he comes face to face with his high school rival, Spare Tire Dixon, who wants to even the score.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Weenie Tot Lovers & Other Strangers
Peg and Al must decided whether to give their last hundred dollars to Bud, who's been selected a top teen and invited to go to the White House and meet the President, or to Kelly, who has a chance to become "Miss Weenie Tot" -- and win a year's supply of Al's favorite treat.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Offensive Fowl
Carrie soon grows tired of Doug's forcing his new vegetarian lifestyle down her throat. Meanwhile, Carrie's boss wants to start discussing novels with her, and Spence takes on some humiliating new jobs.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Mild Bunch
Doug's 20th high school reunion seems like a dud until an old friend comes up with a way to retaliate for past grievances with their old principal, while Danny and Spence try to hook up with old classmates. Carrie and Arthur try to have a movie night together.
TV-14
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Manhanttan Project
Carrie's ecstatic when an affordable apartment opens in Manhattan, but Doug's reluctant to leave Queens. Arthur meets singer Ava St. Clair.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Menace II Secret Society
Cleveland discovers the existence of a secret hip hop society after Kenny West refuses to share credit for a hit song they wrote together; Junior starts his own polka band.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
General Thanksgiving Episode, A
As Thanksgiving approaches...Cleveland opens a bar at the airport; Holt and his estranged father bond when Cleveland becomes trapped on a pilotless airplane.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
I Can't Stan You
Stan drives himself crazy worrying about his neighbors' opinion of him. Roger and Steve become con artists.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Magnificent Steven, The
Stan takes Steve and his friends on a cattle drive through Langley Falls in an effort to turn them into men. But when Stan eats beef tainted with mad cow disease, it's up to the boys to save the day. Meanwhile, Roger pits Francine and Hayley against each other for his own amusement.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Joint Custody
Stan tries to get an unsuspecting Jeff Fischer out of his life for good by taking him on a road trip to Florida, where there is a warrant out for Jeff's arrest. Meanwhile, Roger wants to turn Jeff in himself so he can claim the reward money. Francine, Hayley, and Steve want to intervene as Stan and Roger battle it out on the road, but they are stranded at the Smith house until they can find Francine's car keys.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Vacation Goo, The
The Smiths find out that their outstanding family vacations have only been experiences in virtual reality. Stan vows to redeem himself by taking the family on a cruise, but when they are stranded on a remote island, things get out of hand. Meanwhile, Roger goes from cruise ship singer to a dancer in a seedy gentlemen's club.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Meter Made
In order to be taken more seriously, Stan becomes a meter maid who seems to have all the power. Now he's getting the best tables at restaurants, pocketing quarters from meters, and impressing Francine with his prowess. But when Turlington from Parking Internal Affairs pays him a visit, Stan realizes crime and this lifestyle don't pay.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Into Fat Air
When the successful family of Lois' ex-boyfriend, Ross Fishman, mentions that they're all climbing Mount Everest, Peter announces that the Griffins are climbing it too...and will beat the Fishmans to the top. But the Griffins are woefully unprepared for the trip.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Tomatoes
Jess fears she and Russell don't share the fiery passion he exhibits with his ex-wife Ouli. Meanwhile, Cece is not yet willing to admit her true feelings for Schmidt, so she encourages him to go on a date with one of her Russian model roommates. Then, a down-in-the-dumps Nick channels all of his energy into a new vegetable garden.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Backslide
When Jess and Nick run into their exes Paul and Caroline, the gang fears they both may "backslide" into romantic relationships. Meanwhile, Schmidt desperately tries not to get aroused as he deals with a delicate medical issue, Winston suffers the consequences of a wild night out with his boss and Cece brings Schmidt to a nursing home to meet her grandmother.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Joey's Big Break, The
Joey's first major film role leads to an unexpected experience in Las Vegas. Phoebe can't remember why she hates Ross.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After Vegas, The
Two of the friends leave Las Vegas married. Joey and Phoebe have a cross-country adventure.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Hugs Rachel, The
Monica is bewildered by Rachel's reaction to a change in their living arrangement. Phoebe tries to make Ross confront his feelings for Rachel.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross' Denial, The
Despite Phoebe's admonitions, Ross makes a drastic decision about Rachel. Chandler and Monica bicker over their living arrangements.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Barber, The
Jerry doesn't have the nerve to dump his regular barber.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Non-Fat Yogurt, The
Jerry and Elaine suspect Kramer's yogurt shop is causing their weight gain.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Masseuse, The
Jerry can't get his masseuse girlfriend to give him a massage.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Cigar Store Indian, The
Jerry's gift to Elaine offends Elaine's friend; guest Al Roker.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Recombination Hypothesis, The
Everything might change when Leonard offers Penny a spur of the moment invitation to a romantic dinner for two on the 100th episode of the series.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Beta Test Initiation, The
Leonard and Penny "beta test" their relationship.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Friendship Contraction, The
Sheldon's selfish demands force Leonard to reconsider their friendship. Meanwhile, Howard tries to pick his astronaut nickname. NASA astronaut MIKE MASSIMINO guest stars.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Vacation Solution, The
When Sheldon is forced to take a vacation by the university, he goes to work with Amy in her neurobiology lab.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
ELEAGUE
Semifinals of Valve's Counter-Strike: Global Offensive
From the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre in Atlanta, ELEAGUE's Season One Semifinalists compete to move onto Saturday's Championship.
1:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Rhino Skin
TV-PG
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Scare Easy
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie
Island, The
Lincoln Six-Echo and Jordan Two-Delta are among the hundreds of residents of a contained facility in the mid-21st century. Like all of the inhabitants of this carefully controlled environment, everything about their day-to-day lives is monitored, seemingly for their own good. The only way out--and the hope they all share--is to be chosen to go to The Island, reportedly the last uncontaminated spot in the world following an ecological disaster that took the lives of everyone on the planet except them. Recently plagued by unexplained nightmares, Lincoln is restless and increasingly questioning of the restrictions placed on his life. But he is unprepared for the truth when his growing curiosity leads to the terrible discovery that everything about his existence is a lie, that The Island is a cruel hoax and that he, Jordan and everyone they know are actually more valuable dead than alive. With time running out, Lincoln and Jordan make a daring escape to the outside world they''ve never known. Once they are away from the prying eyes of the institute, the innocent friendship the two shared begins to deepen into something more. But with the forces of the institute relentlessly hunting them down, Lincoln and Jordan have one overriding mission: to live.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Oldies but Young 'Uns
Al struggles to remember a favorite song from his past and enlists the help of an "oldies expert," his pal Charlie Verducci; meanwhile, Charlie's son, Vinnie, falls for Kelly but, under Al's watchful eye, is unable to do anything about it.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
You Better Shop Around (1)
In the first of a two-part episode, after Al buys a shoddy air conditioner and causes a neighborhood blackout, the Bundys seek refuge from the heat and their infuriated neighbors by taking up residence in their local supermarket.
TV-PG
 

Saturday, July 30

6:00 am
Seinfeld
Gymnast, The
Elaine must substitute for her boss in a merger deal; a girlfriend's mom sees George eating out of the trash; guest Maurice Godin.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Seinfeld
Mom & Pop Store, The
George buys a convertible the salesman claims once belonged to Jon Voight.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Seinfeld
Soup, The
Jerry regrets accepting a designer suit from an obnoxious comedian (Stephen Hytner).
TV-PG
7:30 am
Seinfeld
Secretary, The
A new secretary's efficiency arouses George; Jerry spots a dry cleaner wearing his clothes.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Loses His Insurance, The
Injured Joey must get an acting part in order to qualify for health insurance. Rachel finally learns the truth about her marriage to Ross.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Joey's Porsche, The
Rachel forces Ross to terminate their marriage. Phoebe's first triplet baby-sitting experience proves stressful. Joey pretends to own a sports car.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One on the Last Night, The
The guys and the women prepare for big changes in their living arrangements.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Phoebe Runs, The
Chandler learns how obsessively neat Monica is when he attempts to do her a favor. Joey desperately tries not to flirt with his sexy new roommate (ELLE MACPHERSON).
TV-PG
10:00 am
Movie
Jack the Giant Slayer
When a princess is kidnapped, threatening the long-standing peace between humans and giants, a young farmer leads a rescue mission to the giants' kingdom.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Movie
Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The
Bilbo Baggins is swept into an epic quest to reclaim the lost Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor from the fearsome Dragon Smaug. Approached out of the blue by the Wizard Gandalf the Grey, Bilbo finds himself joining a company of 13 Dwarves led by the legendary warrior Thorin Oakenshield. Their journey will take them into the Wild, through treacherous lands swarming with Goblins, Orcs and deadly Wargs, as well as a mysterious and sinister figure known only as the Necromancer. Although their goal lies to the East and the wastelands of the Lonely Mountain, first they must escape the Goblin tunnels, where Bilbo meets the creature that will change his life forever - Gollum. Here, alone with Gollum, on the shores of an underground lake, the unassuming Bilbo Baggins not only discovers depths of ingenuity and courage that surprise even him, he also gains possession of Gollum's "precious" ring that holds unexpected and useful qualities - a simple, gold ring that is tied to the fate of all Middle-earth in ways Bilbo cannot begin to know.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
ELEAGUE
Global Championship of Valve's Counter-Strike: Global Offensive
From the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre in Atlanta, ELEAGUE's Season One Championship of Valve's Counter-Strike: Global Offensive.
7:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Dumpster Sex
Deke takes Max to his place after a great first date, but his so-called home is nothing like she expected. Meanwhile, Caroline feels empowered and then scared after she has a shady-looking car towed from the front of the Cupcake window.
TV-14
7:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Icing on the Cake
When Deke invites Max's friends over to his dumpster house, Caroline learns a big secret about his background.
TV-14
8:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the ATM
Max decides to break up with Deke now that she knows about his wealthy background.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Rothman Disintegration, The
When a corner office at the University opens up, Sheldon must compete for it with his office nemesis, Barry Kripke. Meanwhile, Penny receives an unusual gift from Amy.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Werewolf Transformation, The
A change in Sheldon's routine forces him to re-evaluate his entire life, when his barber is sick. Meanwhile, Howard rethinks his decision to go into space after astronaut training.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Weekend Vortex, The
Sheldon chooses to participate in a guys-only weekend Star Wars gaming marathon rather than go with Amy to her aunt's birthday party... and gets a lesson from Penny and Amy.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Transporter Malfunction, The
It's a dream come true for Sheldon when he has a close encounter with his hero, Mr. Spock -- legendary sci-fi icon LEONARD NIMOY.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hawking Excitation, The
Sheldon has a chance to meet his hero, STEPHEN HAWKING.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
Republican National Convention
Sam visits the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, Ohio.
TV-MA
11:30 pm
Wrecked (DVS)
Adventures of Beth and Lamar, The
Danny and Owen flourish while starting a new camp. After one of their own falls ill, two survivors make a daring escape off the island. And I know we say this a lot, but the island makes a discovery that could change everything.
TV-MA
12:01 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Coast Is Fear, The
A member of the Coast Guard is murdered and somehow Tribeca and Geils connect it to Mayhem Global. Why What is the point of all of this What is it all leading to
TV-14
12:31 am
Movie
House Bunny, The
Shelley Darlington, a Playboy Bunny, is living a carefree life until a rival gets her tossed out of the Playboy Mansion. With nowhere to go, fate delivers her to the sorority girls from Zeta Alpha Zeta. Unless they can sign a new pledge class, the seven socially clueless women will lose their house to the scheming girls of Phi Iota Mu. In order to accomplish their goal, they need Shelley to teach them the ways of makeup and men; at the same time, Shelley needs some of what the Zetas have--a sense of individuality. The combination leads all the girls to learn how to stop pretending and start being themselves.
TV-14
2:31 am
Movie (DVS)
Going the Distance
Erin''s wry wit and unfiltered frankness charms newly single Garrett over beer, bar trivia and breakfast the next morning. Their chemistry sparks a full-fledged summer fling, but neither expects it to last once Erin heads home to San Francisco and Garrett stays behind for his job in New York City. But when six weeks of romping through the city inadvertently become meaningful, neither is sure they want it to end. And while Garrett''s friends, Box and Dan, joke about his pre-flight calorie-cutting and his full-time relationship with his cell phone, they don''t like losing their best drinking buddy to yet another rocky romance. At the same time, Erin''s high-strung, overprotective married sister, Corrine, wants to keep Erin from heading down an all-too-familiar road. But despite the opposite coasts, the nay-saying friends and family, and a few unexpected temptations, the couple just might have found something like love, and with the help of a lot of texting, sexting and late-night phone calls, they might actually go the distance.
TV-14
4:30 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2103
Department of duh and birthdays
TV-G
5:30 am
Married With Children
You Better Shop Around (2)
When the Bundys are evicted from the supermarket where they've taken up temporary residence, Al inadvertently becomes their one millionth customer; but Marcy claims otherwise.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, July 31

6:00 am
Married With Children
Kids! Wadaya Gonna Do?
Needing cold cash for some hot prospects, Bud and Kelly are forced to find creative ways to earn money; meanwhile, Peg hoping for a hot night on the town, settles for an evening of videos with Al and the D'Arcys instead.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Route 666 (1)
When Al takes the family on a road trip to a shoe convention in California, the Bundys discover a golden opportunity when their car breaks down in the middle of a ghost town.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Seinfeld
Switch, The
Kramer's mom (Sheree North) reveals her son's name to George; guest Terry Sweeney.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Seinfeld
Label Maker, The
Jerry and Elaine are suspicious of a friend's gifts; guest Jessica Tuck.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Seinfeld
Race, The
An ex-classmate questions Jerry's status as the fastest runner in high school; guest Vicki Lewis.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Seinfeld
Scofflaw, The
A friend (Jon Lovitz) fakes illness to get Jerry's sympathy; Kramer obstructs justice.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Teeth, The
The guys explore their femininity. Phoebe causes trouble when she kisses someone at Rachel's work.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Apothecary Table, The
Joey finally dates Janine (ELLE MACPHERSON), but she doesn't like his friends. Rachel worries that Phoebe won't appreciate the way she furnishes their apartment
TV-PG
10:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With The Joke, The
Ross and Chandler bicker over which of them created a raunchy joke. Phoebe antagonizes Monica and Rachel with her candor. Joey reluctantly takes a waiter job at Central Perk.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Rachel's Sister Part 1, The
Rachel tries to help her pampered younger sister, Jill (REESE WITHERSPOON), find independence, but Jill flirting with Ross is not part of the plan. Monica won't admit that she is sick.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Role Models
Two salesmen, Wheeler and Danny, trash a company truck on an energy drink-fueled bender. Upon their arrest, the court gives them a choice: do hard time or spend 150 service hours with a mentorship program. After one day with the kids, however, jail doesn''t look half bad. Surrounded by annoying do-gooders, Danny struggles with every neurotic impulse to guide Augie through the trials of becoming a man. Unfortunately, the guy just dumped by his girlfriend has only sarcasm to offer a bashful 16-year-old obsessed with medieval role play. Meanwhile, charming Wheeler tries to trade in an addiction to partying and women to assist a fifth-grader named Ronnie in redirecting his foul-mouthed ways. It would probably help if Ronnie''s new mentor wasn''t an overgrown adolescent whose idea of quality time includes keggers in Venice Beach. Once the center''s ex-con director gives them an ultimatum, Danny and Wheeler are forced to tailor their brand of immature wisdom to their charges. And if they can just make it through probation without getting thrown in jail, the world''s worst role models will prove that, sometimes, it takes a village idiot to raise a child.
TV-14
1:00 pm
MLB on tbs (CC)
St. Louis Cardinals @ Miami Marlins
4:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Killers
Trying to recover from a sudden break-up, Jen Kornfeldt believes she''ll never fall in love again. But when she reluctantly joins her parents on a trip to the French Riviera, Jen happens to meet the man of her dreams, the dashing, handsome Spencer Aimes. Three years later, her seemingly impossible wish has come true: she and Spencer are newlyweds living the ideal suburban life - that is, until the morning after Spencer''s 30th birthday when bullets start flying. Literally. It turns out Spencer never bothered to tell Jen he''s also an international super-spy, and now Jen''s perfect world has been turned upside down. Faced with the fact that her husband is a hit man, Jen is determined to discover what other secrets Spencer might be keeping - all the while trying to dodge bullets, keep up neighborly appearances, manage the in-laws and work out some major trust issues. And you thought suburban life was easy.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Movie
House Bunny, The
Shelley Darlington, a Playboy Bunny, is living a carefree life until a rival gets her tossed out of the Playboy Mansion. With nowhere to go, fate delivers her to the sorority girls from Zeta Alpha Zeta. Unless they can sign a new pledge class, the seven socially clueless women will lose their house to the scheming girls of Phi Iota Mu. In order to accomplish their goal, they need Shelley to teach them the ways of makeup and men; at the same time, Shelley needs some of what the Zetas have--a sense of individuality. The combination leads all the girls to learn how to stop pretending and start being themselves.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
We're the Millers
A drug dealer creates a make-believe family in order to bring 1,400 pounds of marijuana into the U.S.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
Horrible Bosses
Management candidate Nick has been logging 12-hour days and eating everything his twisted supervisor Harken dishes out, toward the promise of a well-earned promotion. But now he knows that's never going to happen. Meanwhile, dental assistant Dale has been struggling to maintain his self-respect against the relentless X-rated advances of Dr. Julia Harris, when she suddenly turns up the heat. And accountant Kurt has just learned that his company's corrupt new owner, Pellit, is not only bent on ruining his career but plans to funnel toxic waste into an unsuspecting population. What can you do when your boss is a psycho, a man-eater or a total tool? Quitting is not an option. These monsters must be stopped. So, on the strength of a few-too-many drinks and some dubious advice from a hustling ex-con whose street cred is priced on a sliding scale, the guys devise a convoluted but foolproof plan to rid the world of their respective employers... permanently. But even the best-laid plans are only as good as the brains behind them.
TV-14
12:45 am
Movie (DVS)
Killers
Trying to recover from a sudden break-up, Jen Kornfeldt believes she''ll never fall in love again. But when she reluctantly joins her parents on a trip to the French Riviera, Jen happens to meet the man of her dreams, the dashing, handsome Spencer Aimes. Three years later, her seemingly impossible wish has come true: she and Spencer are newlyweds living the ideal suburban life - that is, until the morning after Spencer''s 30th birthday when bullets start flying. Literally. It turns out Spencer never bothered to tell Jen he''s also an international super-spy, and now Jen''s perfect world has been turned upside down. Faced with the fact that her husband is a hit man, Jen is determined to discover what other secrets Spencer might be keeping - all the while trying to dodge bullets, keep up neighborly appearances, manage the in-laws and work out some major trust issues. And you thought suburban life was easy.
TV-14
2:45 am
Movie
Sweetest Thing, The
When it comes to dating, Christina Walters has a golden rule: avoid searching for Mr. Right and focus on Mr. Right Now. That is until one night at a club when she unexpectedly meets Peter, only to see him suddenly disappear the next day. She and her best friend Courtney decide to break the rules and go on a road trip to find him, encountering numerous misadventures along the way.
TV-14
4:30 am
Married With Children
Route 666 (2)
The California Coast will have to wait when, stranded in a ghost town, the Bundys and the D'Arcys catch "gold fever" and become wary mining partners.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Buck the Stud
Buck the Dog has romantic designs on every bitch in the neighborhood, but dashes Peg & Al's hopes of becoming wealthy breeders when he refuses to court a pampered pedigree.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Top of the Heap
Al loses his television set on a neighborhood boxing bet; even so, he, along with the boxer's dad, advise defeated fighter Vinnie to marry rich and forget about a career.
TV-PG
 

Monday, August 1

6:00 am
Married With Children
She's Having My Baby (1)
In the season premiere, Marcy excitedly announces that she's pregnant, but Al's glee at Jefferson's misfortune turns to horror when Peg breaks the news that she, too, has a little Bundy in the oven.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
She's Having My Baby (2)
While mothers-to-be Peg and Marcy keep everyone hopping with their demands, Al, unable to face another 20 years of parenting, decides to make a run for it.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
If Al Had a Hammer
Al, seeking refuge from all forms of women - pregnant or otherwise - decides to build a clubhouse where he can get away from it all, but it's soon overrun by other desperate fathers-to-be.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Cheese, Cues and Blood
Lusting for a thousand dollar dress to wear to the "Miss Cheese" competition, Kelly decides to earn the money the old-fashioned way - by hustling pool.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Looking for a Desk in All the Wrong Places
While Peggy and Marcy comb the city for Marcy's old baby furniture after Jefferson sells it to pocket the cash, the guys conduct a search of their own for the perfect maid - although cleanliness is the last thing on their minds.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Buck Has a Belly Ache
When Al and the kids are preoccupied with a seemingly-sick Buck, Peg, feeling neglected, returns home to her "kin" in Wanker County for a little TLC.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Single Spaced
Seeing friends who recently had a child makes Doug and Carrie consider adopting.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
China Syndrome (1)
Doug and Carrie's marital tension continues, as they ponder whether they have a future together. Arthur and Ava's wedding day turns problematic.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
China Syndrome (2)
At Arthur's wedding reception, Doug and Carrie's marital tension continues, and they ponder whether they have a future together.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Sight Gag
Doug's gift to Carrie of corneal surgery results in her temporary blindness.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Turkey Pot Die
As Thanksgiving approaches...Cleveland takes Junior to a turkey farm to pick out holiday dinner, but Junior concocts a plot to set the birds free; Donna and Rallo set to work building a Thanksgiving parade float.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Vas Deferens Between Men and Women, A
Complications ensue when Donna decides she wants another child; Rallo lands the lead role in a local production of the musical "Annie."
TV-14
12:00 pm
Seinfeld
Conversion, The
Jerry thinks his girlfriend has a fungus; George converts.
TV-PG
12:30 pm
Seinfeld
Stall, The
Elaine's toilet stall has no tissue; George acts giddy around Elaine's boyfriend (Dan Cortese); guest Jami Gertz.
TV-PG
1:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Can't Cry Part 2, The
Rachel's sister Jill (REESE WITHERSPOON) wants Ross, but not for the reasons he thinks. Chandler astounds the others with his inability to express emotions. Is Phoebe starring in pornography LISA KUDROW plays a dual role.
TV-PG
1:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One That Could Have Been Part 1, The
The friends ponder what might have come to pass if each had taken a different path in life.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One That Could Have Been Part 2, The
In the speculative fantasy, Ross initiates romantic advances with his wife Carol (JANE SIBBETT); Chandler and Monica help each other overcome loneliness; Rachel learns the truth about her husband; and Phoebe sneaks out of the hospital.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Unagi, The
Chandler gets into trouble with his homemade gift for Monica. Ross tries to teach martial arts to Rachel and Phoebe. Joey hires a look-alike.
TV-PG
3:00 pm
New Girl
Re-Launch
Schmidt throws himself a rebranding party at which Jess, recently fired from her teaching job, volunteers to be a shot girl, alongside a very jaded cocktail waitress. Meanwhile, Winston shows a different side of his personality after drinking some of Nick's fruity concoctions, and Cece introduces the gang to her new boyfriend.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Katie
Mistaken identity abounds as Jess inadvertently captures the attention of a beer delivery guy and then pretends to be someone else when a handsome stranger thinks she is his blind date. Then, a regular at Nick's bar claims to be Nick from the future, and Winston's disapproving mother comes to visit, all the while maintaining her hatred of Schmidt.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Seinfeld
Marine Biologist, The
George poses as a marine biologist; guest Carol Kane.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Seinfeld
Dinner Party, The
The gang shops for last-minute gifts for a dinner party.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
American Dad
Dope and Faith
Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but the friend turns out to be an atheist. Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard, but the plan backfires. Meanwhile, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to Hogwarts.
TV-14
5:30 pm
American Dad
Big Trouble in Little Langley
Francine's Chinese adoptive parents drop in. Stan can't stand them and tries to find Francine's real parents, but when it becomes obvious they are selfish people who gave up Francine because she would cramp their lifestyle, Stan makes a detour and never introduces them to Francine.
TV-14
6:00 pm
American Dad
Haylias
Stan, unhappy with the decisions Hayley is making for herself, decides to set her up with a proper husband. He gets her to go along by using her "activation word" which was ingrained in her during CIA summer camp visits when she was little. She listens to everything Stan says, but because it takes too long, reverts to a "mind clause" to kill her handler - Stan.
TV-14
6:30 pm
American Dad
42-Year-Old Virgin
While playing poker with the guys, Stan is exposed as a virgin, but not in the traditional way - he's never killed anyone. Roger and the guys help Stan bust his killing cherry.
TV-14
7:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Back to the Woods
James Woods returns to seek revenge against Peter. James Woods finds Peter's wallet, which he lost at Barry Manilow's concert, and proceeds to steal Peter's identity, and his family. Peter decides to ruin James' career and image.
TV-14
7:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Play It Again, Brian
Peter and Lois' marriage hits a bit of a snag. When Brian wins the New England Rising Writer's award, the three of them head to Martha's Vineyard for a nice relaxing vacation. Peter's usual drinking habits take over and he soon spirals out of control, as does Brian's self restraint, as he soon professes his love for Lois. Peter and Brian test their friendship over the woman of their dreams.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Former Life of Brian, The
Brian, afraid that he may have lost his last chance at love, searches for a former flame, Tracy. To his surprise, he discovers that he is the father to her son, Dylan. Tracy decides that Brian should raise the boy, and she drops him off at the Griffin's house. When Dylan runs rough-shot in the house, Brian's attitude towards parenting doesn't settle too well with Lois and Peter.
TV-14
8:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Surro-Gate
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska border, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Contains Graphic Designer Violence
When a graphic designer is found dead, all evidence points to Tribeca. Why! What does it mean! It's just needless cliffhanger after needless cliffhanger with absolutely no accountability for narrative satisfaction!
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Long John Peter
When Peter gets a pet parrot, he begins acting like a pirate. Peter accidentally kills the bird after raising hell through all of Quahog. Meanwhile, when Brian is visiting the vet, Chris falls in love with the intern, Anna.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Love Blactually
When Stewie convinces Brian to go slow with his new girlfriend Carolyn, Cleveland moves in and steals her away; to get her back, Brian does his best to get Cleveland back together with his ex-wife.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
Democratic National Convention
Sam visits the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6914
Live from Comic Con (2016) - The Cast of Silicon Valley starring Thomas Middleditch, Kumail Nanjiani, Zach Woods, Amanda Crew
TV-14
12:00 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Contains Graphic Designer Violence
When a graphic designer is found dead, all evidence points to Tribeca. Why! What does it mean! It's just needless cliffhanger after needless cliffhanger with absolutely no accountability for narrative satisfaction!
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6914
Live from Comic Con (2016) - The Cast of Silicon Valley starring Thomas Middleditch, Kumail Nanjiani, Zach Woods, Amanda Crew
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Stop Dragging My Heart Around
TV-PG
2:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
All the Wrong Reasons
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Arthur
Loveable billionaire Arthur Bach, an irresponsible charmer who has always relied on two things to get by: his limitless fortune and the good sense of his lifelong nanny and best friend Hobson, to keep him out of trouble. Kind-hearted, fun-loving, and utterly without purpose, Arthur spends every day in the heedless pursuit of amusement. But when his unpredictable public image threatens the staid reputation of the family foundation, Bach Worldwide, he is given an ultimatum: marry the beautiful but decidedly unlovable Susan Johnson, an ambitious corporate exec who can keep him in line, or say goodbye to his billion-dollar inheritance and the only way of life he knows. It''s a deal Arthur would be inclined to take...if he hadn''t just fallen for Naomi, a New York City tour guide who shares his idealism and spontaneity.
TV-14
4:30 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2104
Electrical shocks and "so you think you know videos"
TV-G
5:30 am
Married With Children
If I Could See Me Now
After nearly driving off a bridge, Al lets the kids convince him to get eyeglasses, only to discover he doesn't like what he sees.
TV-PG
 

Tuesday, August 2

6:00 am
Married With Children
God's Shoes
When Al has a spiritual experience and sees "God's shoes," he makes it his mission to recreate - and promote - his heavenly vision.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Kelly Does Hollywood (1)
Armed with cable TV and a new remote control, Al is determined to stay on the couch until he finds something good to watch on television -- while Kelly's public access show becomes the hottest thing on cable.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Kelly Does Hollywood (2)
The Bundys' dream of fame and fortune remain just that after Kelly's popular local cable talk show is revamped for primetime by Hollywood network executive Jeff Littlehead.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Al Bundy, Shoe Dick
In a style reminiscent of the old Hollywood thriller, Al dreams he's a private eye who finds himself in the middle of a murder when he's hired by a femme fatale to protect her inheritance from her thieving family.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
So This Is How Sinatra Felt
When Peg thinks Al's having an affair, she sends Kelly and Bud out to do some sleuthing, but no one is more shocked than Al to discover that a beautiful "shoe groupie" wants to try him on for size.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
I Who Have Nothing
When Al decides to draw up a will and divide up his worldly belongings, he tracks down his old high school girlfriend, to whom he gave his most prized possession -- his football.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Walk, Man
In an effort to spend more time with Carrie, Doug hires someone to take Arthur for a walk three times a week.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Friender Bender
Doug hits and damages Deacon and Kelly's car.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Mean Streak
Doug tries to break the company record for the largest number of consecutive deliveries.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
No Retreat
Doug goes with Carrie on her company retreat while Arthur is left to fend for himself at home.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
'Tis The Cleveland To Be Sorry
As Christmas approaches...Cleveland pretends to be homeless after discovering that food at a local shelter is better than the meals Donna prepares.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Hustle 'N Bros
Cleveland is shocked when Freight Train adopts Donna's ex-husband, Robert; Junior and Rallo track down lost dogs and use the reward money to pay a debt they owe Donna.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Most Adequate Christmas Ever, The
After Stan comes home from another dangerous mission, he finds that his family has decked the halls with boughs of holly and donned themselves with gay apparel, but just not to his satisfaction.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Franny 911
Francine fakes Roger's kidnapping so she can prove to Roger that Stan still cares about him. So why won't Stan pay his ransom
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Tearjerker
Stan and the family are characters in a James Bond-style spoof. Stan must stop Tearjerker, played by Roger, a diabolical film producer who makes movies that can kill. Tearjerker's fiendish plot involves abducting celebrities from his spa and replacing them with celebrity robots that make horrible movies, all in an effort to make his masterpiece "Oscar's Gold" the best and saddest movie ever, causing millions of moviegoers to cry themselves to death.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Oedipal Panties
When Stan's mom, Betty, gets dumped by a boyfriend for the umpteenth time, she comes running to Stan for support. Feeling threatened by her always-visiting mother-in-law, Francine is determined to cut Stan's umbilical cord and figure out what keeps going wrong with the men in Betty's life. Like a regular Cagney & Lacey, Francine and Roger go undercover to solve the case. Meanwhile, Klaus gives Steve the ick.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Ratings Guy
The Griffins are chosen to be a Neilsen family, and Peter takes advantage of the chance to reformat TV to his taste - except that everyone else hates his changes.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Old Man and the Big C
Brian overhears a doctor telling Carter that Carter has only two weeks to live, but when Lois frantically checks on her father he's mysteriously healthy - and Brian wants to know why.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Fluffer
Nick and Jess address their relationship-without-benefits. Meanwhile, Winston has a lot on his mind besides Shelby. Then, hoping to date a beautiful Republican, Schmidt pretends to be one of presidential candidate Mitt Romney's sons.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Neighbors
When a group of young twenty-something neighbors moves in across the hall, Jess and Schmidt are determined to become friends with them. Meanwhile, Nick enacts a series of pranks on Schmidt to make him think he's getting old.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Dates a Student, The
When a fire damages their apartment, Rachel and Phoebe must choose between living temporarily with Joey or Monica. Ross gets into trouble where he teaches.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Joey's Fridge, The
Ross worries when his student/girlfriend goes on vacation with her wild friends. Meanwhile, Joey's refrigerator breaks down.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E., The
In this episode, primarily composed of clips from earlier shows, Joey auditions for a major television role. But Chandler almost ruins everything.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad, The
Ross is nervous about meeting Paul (BRUCE WILLIS), Elizabeth's (ALEXANDRA HOLDEN) dad, and invites the gang to the coffeehouse for moral support.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pie, The
A date's refusal to eat pie obsesses Jerry; a mannequin resembles Elaine; guest Lane Davies.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Stand-In, The
Kramer is a stand-in on a soap opera; George wants to break up with a girlfriend.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Wife, The
A girlfriend (Courteney Cox) poses as Jerry's wife so he can get a dry-cleaning discount.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Fire, The
A kitchen fire makes George confront his cowardliness; guests Melanie Chartoff, Dom Irrera.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Stag Convergence, The
Howard's wedding plans are in jeopardy after the guys (and Wil Wheaton) throw him a bachelor party and details of his sexual history are leaked online.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Launch Acceleration, The
When NASA reschedules Howard's mission and puts his wedding plans in jeopardy, he's forced to face his fears and Bernadette's dad (guest star CASEY SANDER).
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Countdown Reflection, The
When Howard and Bernadette decide they want to be married before his NASA space launch, the gang rushes to put on a wedding, on the fifth season finale.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Date Night Variable, The
On the sixth season premiere, Howard discovers that he can't escape his mother -- even in space! Back on earth, meanwhile, Raj turns his existence as a third wheel into an art form.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Wrecked (DVS)
Javier and the Gang
Owen has a shocking encounter in the jungle. Todd, Florence and Emma adjust to life off the island. And you might not believe us this time, but seriously, the island makes a discovery that could change everything.
TV-MA
10:30 pm
Wrecked (DVS)
Cop Tricks
The island makes a discovery that could change everything.
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6915
Live from Comic-Con International in San Diego (2016) - Nick Kroll, Arrow's Stephen Amell, the Flash's Grant Gustin and the Supergirl's Melissa Benoist, Weird Al Yankovic.
TV-14
12:00 am
Wrecked (DVS)
Javier and the Gang
Owen has a shocking encounter in the jungle. Todd, Florence and Emma adjust to life off the island. And you might not believe us this time, but seriously, the island makes a discovery that could change everything.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6915
Live from Comic-Con International in San Diego (2016) - Nick Kroll, Arrow's Stephen Amell, the Flash's Grant Gustin and the Supergirl's Melissa Benoist, Weird Al Yankovic.
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
When a Kid Goes Bad
TV-PG
2:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
What Are You Doin' in My Life?
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie
Angels in the Outfield
A foster child believes that his luck will change if his beloved California Angels can win the pennant. Meanwhile, the last-place team''s manager is trying to turn the club around and save his job. He gets help from an angel named Al who miraculously leads the club to the playoffs.
TV-PG
4:30 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2105
State spotlight: Florida and worth another look
TV-G
5:30 am
Married With Children
Mystery of Skull Island, The
While Peggy, Al, Marcy and Jefferson play a New Age board game, Bud finds himself unable to say no to sexy Kara, even if it kills him.
TV-PG
 

Wednesday, August 3

6:00 am
Married With Children
Just Shoe It
Al relives his glory days as a high school football star (All City '66) when he lands a role in a Super Bowl commercial with ex-jocks Sugar Ray Leonard, Steve Carlton and Ed "Too Tall" Jones.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Rites of Passage
Though Peggy has hired Sticky the Clown to entertain at Bud's 18th birthday party, Al follows Bundy tradition and takes his son to the nudie bar for his first brawl.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Egg and I, The
Steve Rhoades, on the run after hijacking an endangered egg, returns to reclaim his ex-wife, but Marcy doesn't want him back and all the Bundys want is to turn him in to the FBI for the reward money.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Psychic Avengers
When Al takes over Jefferson's psychic scam, rival mystic Madame Inga puts a curse on the entire Bundy family.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
My Dinner with Anthrax
It's Al and Peggy's 20th anniversary and Bud and Kelly pack them off to a time-share scam in Florida so heavy metal band Anthrax can party at the Bundy house.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
High I.Q.
Bud is up in arms when Kelly is invited to join a group of geniuses, while Al and Jefferson try their hand at putting together a workbench -- and lose a few fingers in the process.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Oxy Moron
Doug tries to prove to Carrie that he would risk himself to save her.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Ticker Treat
Doug's Halloween decorations frighten Arthur into a minor heart attack.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Lyin' Hearted
Doug encounters one of his delivery customers while accompanying Arthur to the hospital.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Depo Man
Carrie asks Doug to be an expert witness at her boss's trial.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Wide World Of The Cleveland Show, The
As Cleveland and his family travel the world...in Italy, Cleveland must choose between Junior and Rallo to run "the family business;" in Mexico, Junior insists on having a Quinceanera, even though it's for girls; in Japan, Cleveland builds a robot to attend Junior's eating competition.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Here Comes The Bribe
A marriage counselor tells Cleveland he can skew counseling sessions with Donna in his favor, provided he receives compensation; Junior's favorite refrigerator breaks.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Widowmaker
Francine pushes Stan to open up to her emotionally, but she gets more than she bargained for when he tells her that he killed her best friend Julie's husband. Meanwhile, Roger plays psychiatrist to help them work through their issues.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Red October Sky
Stan goes in search of a former KGB agent, Sergei, and is shocked to find that the man is his new next-door neighbor and that Sergei has already turned Steve into a communist. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head to France for a little R&R but their trip takes a turn for the worst when Klaus gets busted for drug smuggling.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Office Spaceman
When the CIA initiates an Alien Task Force, a peculiar twist of fate puts disguised Roger in charge. Roger marks Stan as an alien to protect his own identity. Meanwhile, Francine comes to grips with being left-handed.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold
After officially being declared dead due to an accident, Stan comes back to life and realizes he dreams of leaving a legacy on the world. He excavates his home in search of Ollie North's Contra-band buried treasure.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Yug Ylimaf
Brian discovers that he can use Stewie's time machine to pick up girls, but when he tries to cover his tracks he accidentally reverses the flow of time.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Joe's Revenge
Joe, Peter and Quagmire set out to capture the criminal who caused Joe's paralysis; Brian grows jealous of Quagmire's cat.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Models
After spending a wild night out with Cece and her model friends, Jess jumps in the driver's seat when she must fill in for Cece at a car show. Meanwhile, the guys question what defines male friendship after Schmidt buys Nick a cookie.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Halloween
Jess gets a job as a zombie at a haunted house, but is more frightened of her changing feelings towards Sam. Schmidt and Cece are (unfortunately) perfectly matched in the costumes they're wearing, while Winston and Shelby are worlds apart in theirs. Nick gets a visit from a former college crush who shows her affection in a scary way.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Paul's the Man, The
Elizabeth (ALEXANDRA HOLDEN) and Ross decide to hide their relationship from her father (BRUCE WILLIS) and head up to his cabin for the weekend.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Ring, The
Phoebe helps Chandler pick out an engagement ring for Monica.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Proposal Part 1, The
Chandler plans to propose to Monica.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Proposal Part 2, The
Monica asks Chandler to be her husband.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Raincoats (Part 1), The
Kramer's scheme to sell vintage raincoats backfires; George sells his dad's clothes; guest Judge Reinhold.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Raincoats (Part 2), The
Kramer's scheme to sell vintage raincoats backfires; George sells his dad's clothes; guest Judge Reinhold.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Opposite, The
George learns success lies in doing the opposite of what he would normally do; guests Dedee Pfeiffer, Regis Philbin, Kathie Lee Gifford; French Stewart.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Hamptons, The
Jerry's girlfriend sees George naked during a weekend at the beach.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Decoupling Fluctuation, The
When Sheldon learns that Penny is thinking about breaking up with Leonard, he tries to intervene. Meanwhile, Howard is being picked on in space by the other astronauts.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Higgs Boson Observation, The
Amy's nervous when Sheldon hires Alex, a female assistant.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Re-Entry Minimization, The
Howard returns from space...without the welcome he wanted.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Holographic Excitation, The
The gang celebrates Halloween at Stuart's comic book store. Meanwhile Leonard and Penny discover a new spark in their relationship when he seduces her with science.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Extract Obliteration, The
Sheldon's friendship with renowned scientist STEPHEN HAWKING is threatened by a game of "Words with Friends," while Penny secretly enrolls in a class at the local college.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Habitation Configuration, The
Bernadette pressures Howard to move out of his mother's house, while Sheldon finds himself caught in the middle of a fight between Amy and Wil Wheaton.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6917
Live from Comic-Con (2016) - The Cast of Game of Thrones starring John Bradley, Liam Cunningham, Nathalie Emmanuel, Conleth Hill, Faye Marsay, Kristian Nairn, Iwan Rheon, Issac Hempstead Wright and Executive Producers David Benioff and D.B. Weiss
TV-14
12:00 am
Wrecked (DVS)
Cop Tricks
The island makes a discovery that could change everything.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6917
Live from Comic-Con (2016) - The Cast of Game of Thrones starring John Bradley, Liam Cunningham, Nathalie Emmanuel, Conleth Hill, Faye Marsay, Kristian Nairn, Iwan Rheon, Issac Hempstead Wright and Executive Producers David Benioff and D.B. Weiss
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Counting on You
TV-PG
2:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Turn This Car Around
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie
Father of the Bride
A proud father faces wedding planners, florists and caterers as he prepares for his daughter''''s wedding.
TV-PG
4:30 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2106
Halloween and 28 monsters in 39 seconds
TV-G
5:30 am
Married With Children
Teacher Pets
When Bud's English teacher has the hots for him, he seeks advice from Al, who takes time out of his busy schedule attending birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese to correct the situation with the usual Bundy flair.
TV-PG
 

Thursday, August 4

6:00 am
Married With Children
Goodbye Girl, The
While Al takes a world tour via the living room couch and remote control, Kelly gets a job at the TV World theme park.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Gas Station Show, The
Al takes the family out for a Bundy Sunday Fun Day, but when he can't pay for gas, he is forced to work off his debt as an attendant on the full-serve island.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
England Show (1)
The Bundys win a free trip to England, but little do they know they are being set up for execution, for only the death of every male Bundy can lift the curse of darkness from the English town of Lower Uncton.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
England Show (2)
Al, Peggy and Bud arrive in Lower Uncton, where the townspeople prepare to kill them, but lost, globetrotting Kelly, is able to warn them of danger.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
England Show (3)
When the townspeople of Upper and Lower Uncton fight over who gets to kill Al and Bud, Al jousts to save his neck, but a little trouble in Customs concerning a certain hotel towel gets him thrown in the dungeon.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Magnificent Seven
When Peg's 5-year-old nephew Seven is abandoned at the Bundy doorstep by his loser parents, Peg and Al decide to keep him, much to their kids' dismay.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Life Sentence
Doug sets up a camera in the basement to monitor Arthur.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Veiled Threat
A flashback shows Doug and Carrie's wedding day.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Double Downer
Doug spoils Carrie's plans for a romantic weekend when he organizes an outing to Atlantic City -- and his boss ends up joining them.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Ovary Action
Holiday visitors interrupt Doug and Carrie's attempt to conceive.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
When a Man (Or a Freight Train) Loves His Cookie
When Freight Train misses their anniversary, Cookie runs off with musician George Clinton; Junior's visit to an office supply store triggers an elaborate fantasy.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Pins, Spins and Fins
Rallo thinks he's a stud bowler when he keeps scoring strikes by using the gutter rails. But when his prowess goes to his head, Donna reveals to him the hard truth: little kids mostly suck at everything. Meanwhile, Cleveland, Lester, Holt and Terry decide that their friendship has become too predictable, and attempt to spice things up by taking a road trip to an abandoned amusement park.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Spring Break-Up
With Francine gone to visit her parents, Roger holds a Spring Break blowout at the Smith house. During the festivities, Stan falls for a "Spring Break Buddy" and Steve is on the verge of losing his virginity.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
1600 Candles
In this Emmy-nominated episode, the Smiths' plans to celebrate Roger's 1,600th birthday are sidetracked when Steve announces that he's finally going through puberty. Ever fearful of the thought of a Steve with raging hormones, Stan and Francine try to bypass the pains by having experimental medicine injected into Steve's head.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
One That Got Away, The
Roger discovers that one of his personas has taken on a life of his own. Back at home, the Smith family becomes addicted to the 1970s electronic game "Simon."
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
One Little Word
When Stan becomes his boss' new advisor, he feels like he can't say no to anything, not even outrageous personal requests. But when Francine gets involved in the situation and his annoying "yes-man" antics ruin her Valentine's Day vacation, she does everything in her power to force him to say "no".
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Lois Comes Out of Her Shell
After celebrating another birthday, Lois adopts a younger look and lifestyle - much to Peter's chagrin; a vengeful turtle targets the Griffins.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Friends Without Benefits
Meg discovers that a boy she has a crush on is gay - and that has his eye on Chris.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Menzies
As Jess' job search kicks into high gear, the guys fear her time of the month is also affecting their physical and psychological well-being. Meanwhile, Schmidt begins a "50 Shades of Grey" type of relationship with his corporate boss, and Nick gains wisdom from an unlikely, hands-on (and mute) source.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Parents
Jess invites her divorced Mom and Dad over for Thanksgiving dinner and enlists Nick and Cece to help her with a "Parent Trap" to reunite them. Meanwhile, Schmidt's cousin, Big Schmidt, visits, and Winston manipulates them into an escalating battle to prove their manhood.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Two Parties, The
Rachel gets a surprise at her birthday party when her parents (MARLO THOMAS and RON LEIBMAN) show up.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Chicken Pox, The
When Phoebe catches chicken pox, her chances for romance with a former lover (CHARLIE SHEEN) are almost ruined. Monica worries that she is too strange for Richard.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Barry and Mindy's Wedding, The
Rachel is a bridesmaid at her ex-fianci's wedding. Monica and Richard's relationship is jeopardized when the subject of children is discussed.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Princess Leia Fantasy, The
Ross' secret fantasy doesn't stay secret for long after he confides in Rachel. Chandler resumes an old relationship.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Note, The
Jerry tries to help a dentist friend accused of insurance fraud.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Truth, The
A woman (Valerie Mahaffey) wants to know why George doesn't want to see her.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Dog, The
Jerry gets stuck sitting for an unruly dog.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Library, The
The library asks Jerry about a book overdue since 1971.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Married Man Sleepover
Caroline asks Max and Deke to join on her dinner date at Nicholas' loft to make sure she doesn't do anything she might regret. Caroline and Max also treat themselves to very special hair appointments.
TV-14
8:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Near Death Experience
Caroline goes into a tailspin and drags Max with her when Nicolas tells her that he is going to leave is wife for her.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
43 Peculiarity, The
Howard and Raj try to solve a mystery about Sheldon.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Parking Spot Escalation, The
Sheldon & Howard battle over an assigned parking spot.
TV-14
10:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Kilt Trip
Caroline tries to fit in with Max and the diner gang as they go out to get wild and crazy at the St. Patrick's Day parade, but she finds herself longing to practice her former holiday traditions at the Plaza Hotel.
TV-14
10:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Not Broke Parents
When the pastry school closes Deke has an idea of purchasing it, so he invites Caroline and Max to meet his parents, Max is tongue-tied until his mother confides in her about her secret past.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6916
Live from Comic-Con (2016) - The Cast of Suicide Squad, Starring Will Smith, Margot Robbie, Jared Leto, Cara Delevingne, Joel Kinnaman, Viola Davis, Jai Courtney, Adewale Akkinnuoye-Agbaje, Karen Fukuhara, Jay Hernandez, Adam Beach
TV-14
12:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Old Bike Yarn
Caroline takes an abandoned bicycle to start a delivery service for their cupcake business but soon discovers that Max doesn't know how to ride one.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6916
Live from Comic-Con (2016) - The Cast of Suicide Squad, Starring Will Smith, Margot Robbie, Jared Leto, Cara Delevingne, Joel Kinnaman, Viola Davis, Jai Courtney, Adewale Akkinnuoye-Agbaje, Karen Fukuhara, Jay Hernandez, Adam Beach
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Everything Man
TV-PG
2:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Wake Up Time
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie
Father of the Bride II
Still young at heart, and fully recovered after having been the "Father of the Bride," George Banks finally feels content. His wife Nina loves him as deeply as he loves her. his daughter Annie, and son-in-law Bryan, are happily married and each are responsible working adults. With his son Matty growing into a young man, and the mortgage to his dream house fully paid off, George feels he''s finally ahead of the game. And that''s when his life turns upside down. First Annie and Bryan unexpectedly announce they''re going to be parents. Then, a short while later, it''s Nina''s turn to make the same shocking speech to George. They too, are going to have a baby! George is reeling. He feels much to young to be a grandfather--and way too old to be a father again. And when Annie and Nina call on the flamboyant Franck Egglehoffer to coordinate their double baby shower, George seeks out his own unique way to cope with this ''90s style mid-life crisis.
TV-PG
4:30 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2107
First $100,000 show of season 21
TV-G
5:30 am
Married With Children
T-R-A-Something-Something Spells Tramp
When Kelly's date gives her an ultimatum, she finds herself stranded but not alone on a deserted road 15 miles outside Chicago. Meanwhile, Peg tries to put some spice back into her marriage by spending Saturday night "communicating" with Al.
TV-PG
 

Friday, August 5

6:00 am
Married With Children
Every Bundy Has a Birthday
When Seven can't remember his birthday, Peggy assigns him one, selecting the next day, which also happens to be Al's birthday. The family decides to go to the town park to celebrate, only to find it's been rented by a rich, snobby family.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Al on the Rocks
When Peggy panics over Seven's sneezes, she begins piling up medical bills, forcing Al to take on a second job as a "topless" bartender.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
What I Did for Love
Peg tries everything in the book to renew Al's romantic interest in her -- up to and including promises of five-course meals.
TV-14
7:30 am
Married With Children
Frat Chance
Desperate for a date, Bud founds his own community college fraternity in his garage.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Chicago Wine Party, The
With the elections coming up, Al convinces his family to register and vote for the first time in an effort to stop a proposed tax on beer. When the tax increase passes, Al leads an angry protest to overturn the bill.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Kelly Doesn't Live Here Anymore
When Al can't afford to pay the bills, he convinces Kelly to get a job. Finding employment as a waitress at a burger joint, Kelly realizes why mother Peg has never worked a day in her life.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Married With Children
Rock of Ages
When Al wins a trip to Hawaii, he poses as an aging rock star to get into the first class lounge. Inside the airport lounge, he meets rock heroes John Sebastian, Peter Noone, Mark Lindsay, Robby Krieger, Richie Havens and Spencer Davis. Mistaking him for a fellow rocker, the musicians convince Al to perform with them at a benefit.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Married With Children
Kelly's Gotta Habit
As Kelly agrees to give up sex for a big TV commercial, Al teams with Officer Dan for an appearance on Cops.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Food Fight
Carrie grows jealous when Spence's girlfriend (Christine Nelson) recruits Doug to test her culinary homework.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Dougie Nights
Doug starts club-hopping with newly single Deacon.
TV-PG
11:00 am
King of Queens, The
No Orleans
Doug and Carrie sneak off to New Orleans without Doug's cousins.
TV-PG
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Brownsized
Cleveland accepts Mr. Waterman's offer to quit his job and receive six months severance pay. There's only one catch: figuring out a way to tell Donna. Rallo finds a new beau for Robert after Federline forgets about their anniversary.
TV-14
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Rodent Like This, A
When a rat is discovered in the Brown home, Donna and the kids move out, leaving Cleveland to deal with the problem. But Cleveland discovers he likes living by himself and forms a friendship with the whiskered pest.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Choosey Wives Choose Smith
Stan becomes jealous when he finds out Francine was once engaged to a pilot whose plane crashed, and that she seemed to settle for Stan before learning that her former fiancé was still alive. Stan and Roger try to track the man down, while Francine must choose between her husband and her lost love.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Escape from Pearl Bailey
Steve plots revenge against Lisa Silver and the cool kids after Debbie loses her bid to become student council president. But when the cool kids stage a counterattack, will Steve and his friends survive
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Pulling Double Booty
Hayley's boyfriend, Jeff, breaks up with her. After going on a short rampage through the mall after the break-up, Hayley falls for Stan's body double, Bill, from the CIA. Things take a bizarre twist when the double begins hitting on Francine. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve get their first summer job at a Chinese chicken hatchery.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Phantom of the Telethon
Stan hosts a CIA telethon to raise a million dollars for their torture programs. Meanwhile, an angry Roger works to sabotage the event. When Roger releases a terrorist at the telethon, Stan must find a way to meet the telethon's goal before everyone is blown up.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
As Christmas approaches...Peter tells the story of the Nativity, with friends and family members appearing as biblical characters.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Eggs
When Jess learns that a friend is pregnant, both she and Cece panic that time is running out for them to have children. Meanwhile, Schmidt seeks advice on how to please Emma, and Nick and Winston visit the zoo to find inspiration for Nick's zombie-themed novel.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Bathtub
Tired of taking showers, Jess and Winston scheme to get a bathtub installed in the loft. Then at the bar, Nick meets a tough and beautiful customer with boyfriend troubles. Meanwhile, Schmidt is torn between his boss and trying to win back Cece.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where No One's Ready, The
Ross becomes frantic trying to get everyone ready to leave to hear his speech at the museum.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Jam, The
Monica wants to have a baby. A man is stalking Phoebe.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Metaphorical Tunnel, The
Chandler wants to commit to a relationship with Janice. Phoebe poses as Joey's agent.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Frank Jr., The
Phoebe tries to be more friendly with her half-brother. Ross meets ISABELLA ROSSELLINI (As Herself).
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pen, The
Jerry accepts a gift his parents wanted him to refuse.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Parking Garage, The
Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer lose their car in a mall parking garage.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the New Lease on Life
Max and Caroline are forced to find the original tenant of their apartment when the lease expires and convince him to re-sign or else they will face eviction.
TV-14
7:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Free Money
Caroline's love for horse racing gets out of hand when she and Max go to a racetrack as guests of Sophie's new bookie boyfriend.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Fish Guts Displacement, The
Howard bonds with his father-n-law on a fishing trip.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Santa Simulation, The
Sheldon unwillingly revisits some Christmas memories during a lively game of Dungeons and Dragons, while Raj joins the girls for ladies night out.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Egg Salad Equivalency, The
Sheldon is accused of sexual harassment at the University and winds up dragging Leonard, Raj and Howard into the fray.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bakersfield Expedition, The
Leonard's car is stolen when the guys take a road trip to a comic book convention in Bakersfield, dressed as Star Trek characters.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Rush Hour
As the FBI scrambles to save the life of the kidnapped daughter of the Chinese Consul, the diplomat hires trusted Hong Kong police detective Lee to find the girl. Unwilling to have their investigation invaded by a meddling outsider, the FBI assigns a rogue LAPD detective to keep Detective Lee away from the case at any cost. Carter, the detective, covertly embarks on a one-man crusade to solve the case, having first distracted Lee. Within hours, Carter realises he has greatly underestimated his Hong Kong counterpart, who has seen through his ruse, given Carter the slip, and landed in the middle of the FBI's investigation. Both excluded by the FBI, these two cops from very different worlds must join forces to save the young girl.
TV-14
12:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Letting You Go
TV-PG
12:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Feel a Whole Lot Better
TV-PG
1:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Big Happy Family
Madea, a wise-cracking, take-no-prisoners grandma, jumps into action when her niece, Shirley, receives distressing news about her health. All Shirley wants is to gather her three adult children around her and share the news as a family. But Tammy, Kimberly and Byron are too distracted by their own problems: Tammy can't manage her unruly children or her broken marriage; Kimberly is gripped with anger and takes it out on her husband; and Byron, after spending two years in jail, is under pressure to deal drugs again. It's up to Madea, with the help of the equally rambunctious Aunt Bam, to gather the clan together and make things right the only way she knows how: with a lot of tough love, laughter, and the revelation of a long-buried family secret.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Norbit
Norbit has never had it easy. As a baby, he was abandoned on the steps of a Chinese restaurant/orphanage and raised by Mr. Wong. Things get worse when he''s forced into marriage by the mean, junk food-chugging queen, Rasputia. Just when Norbit''s hanging by his last thread, his childhood sweetheart, Kate, moves back to town.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Death of a Shoe Salesman
While shopping for a burial plot for the family, Al and Peg discover they don't have enough money, so they have to be buried in the same casket.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Old College Try
Bud's big plans to move into his college dorm are destroyed when Al and Peg manage to get their hands on his scholarship money and go on a shopping spree. Broke and dormless, Bud is forced back into the Bundy household.
TV-14
 

Saturday, August 6

6:00 am
Seinfeld
Kiss Hello, The
Jerry stops greeting friends with a kiss; Uncle Leo puts Nana in a nursing home; guest Wendie Malick, Carol Leifer.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Seinfeld
Beard, The
Elaine tries to change a gay man; George and his date have similar problems.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Seinfeld
Doorman, The
A doorman (Larry Miller) tries to cause trouble for Jerry; Kramer develops a male undergarment.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Seinfeld
Jimmy, The
Jerry suspects his dentist and hygienist are living out their fantasies at his expense.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Seinfeld
Doodle, The
Fleas force Jerry and his parents out of his apartment; guest Christa Miller.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too?
Gathered together in the Bahamas for their annual one-week reunion, four close couples eagerly reconnect, sharing news about their lives and relationships. But their intimate week in paradise is disrupted by the unexpected arrival of Sheila''s ex-husband, Mike, who hopes to break up her new marriage with Troy and win her back. The others soon realize they too are not immune to the challenges of commitment and fidelity. Angela doesn''t believe her husband, Marcus, can be faithful now that he''s a celebrity television newscaster. Dianne and Terry''s relationship is feeling the strain of raising children. And Patricia, a successful self-help psychologist, must finally reveal the deep flaws in her seemingly perfect marriage to Gavin. With their relationships hanging in the balance when they return home, each couple must choose between blame and forgiveness, doubt and faith, with life-altering consequences.
TV-14
11:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Big Happy Family
Madea, a wise-cracking, take-no-prisoners grandma, jumps into action when her niece, Shirley, receives distressing news about her health. All Shirley wants is to gather her three adult children around her and share the news as a family. But Tammy, Kimberly and Byron are too distracted by their own problems: Tammy can't manage her unruly children or her broken marriage; Kimberly is gripped with anger and takes it out on her husband; and Byron, after spending two years in jail, is under pressure to deal drugs again. It's up to Madea, with the help of the equally rambunctious Aunt Bam, to gather the clan together and make things right the only way she knows how: with a lot of tough love, laughter, and the revelation of a long-buried family secret.
TV-14
1:00 pm
Movie
Last Holiday
Georgia Byrd lives a small life tucked inside big dreams. A shy cookware salesperson for a New Orleans retail outlet, she handles knives and skillets with the flair of a master chef. But when Georgia learns her days are numbered, she throws caution to the wind and embarks on a dream holiday vacation to a grand resort in Europe. There, thinking she has nothing to lose, Georgia undergoes a metamorphosis--and her transformation affects everyone around her. Georgia's newly uninhibited personality shakes up staff and guests alike, including a venerate chef as well as a retail magnate who becomes convinced she's a rival intent on sabotaging his business plans. From snowy slopes to spectacular spas, delectable dinners to midnight balls, Georgia is going to live a lifetime of fun in just a few weeks.
TV-PG
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Flashback, The
The friends recall secrets from their pasts.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Monica's Thunder, The
Monica excitedly reveals her good news to everyone, but Rachel and Ross upstage her. Chandler has trouble making love.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's Book, The
Monica is outraged to find out what her parents did with her wedding fund. Joey discovers Rachel's late-night reading material.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Phoebe's Cookies, The
Monica desperately tries to figure out a secret cookie recipe. Chandler fails to impress Monica's father.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the First Degree
Season 3 ends with Caroline helping Max earn her high-school diploma and reconnect with her estranged mother.
TV-14
5:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Reality Problem
Season 4 begins with a TV producer approaching Max and Caroline about shooting an episode of a Kardashians reality show at their cupcake window. Kim Kardashian appears as herself.
TV-14
6:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the DJ Face
Max is mortified when she learns the hot guy she's been spending time with is a deejay at a grocery store.
TV-14
6:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Childhood Not Included
Caroline accidentally loses one of Han's expensive fish while cleaning the tank, so Max considers selling a sentimental gift from her mother in order to replace the fish.
TV-14
7:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cooper, The/Kripke Inversion
Outraged that he's being forced to work with his university nemesis, Barry Kripke (guest star JOHN ROSS BOWIE), Sheldon faces a crisis of conscience.
TV-14
7:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Spoiler Alert Segmentation, The
When Sheldon and Leonard fight, it affects Penny and Amy's living arrangements. Meanwhile, Raj takes care of Mrs. Wolowitz while Howard is away.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Tangible Affection Proof, The
Sheldon struggles to find a Valentine's gift for Amy.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Monster Isolation, The
Raj vows never to leave his apartment after a horrible date.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Contractual Obligation Implementation, The
Leonard, Sheldon and Howard try to advance the cause of women in science by speaking with junior high girls about their future careers, while Raj plans his date with Lucy.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Closet Reconfiguration, The
To open or not to open When Howard finds a letter from his father, he's forced to confront his past. And Leonard and Penny throw a "grown-up" cocktail party at the apartment.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Tenure Turbulence, The
Leonard, Sheldon and Raj fight for tenure at the University.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Closure Alternative, The
After one of his favorite TV shows gets canceled too soon, Sheldon feels lost, so Amy tries to help him get over his compulsive need for closure by retraining his brain.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
Democratic National Convention
Sam visits the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
TV-MA
11:30 pm
Wrecked (DVS)
Javier and the Gang
Owen has a shocking encounter in the jungle. Todd, Florence and Emma adjust to life off the island. And you might not believe us this time, but seriously, the island makes a discovery that could change everything.
TV-MA
12:00 am
Wrecked (DVS)
Cop Tricks
The island makes a discovery that could change everything.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Contains Graphic Designer Violence
When a graphic designer is found dead, all evidence points to Tribeca. Why! What does it mean! It's just needless cliffhanger after needless cliffhanger with absolutely no accountability for narrative satisfaction!
TV-14
1:00 am
Movie
Last Holiday
Georgia Byrd lives a small life tucked inside big dreams. A shy cookware salesperson for a New Orleans retail outlet, she handles knives and skillets with the flair of a master chef. But when Georgia learns her days are numbered, she throws caution to the wind and embarks on a dream holiday vacation to a grand resort in Europe. There, thinking she has nothing to lose, Georgia undergoes a metamorphosis--and her transformation affects everyone around her. Georgia's newly uninhibited personality shakes up staff and guests alike, including a venerate chef as well as a retail magnate who becomes convinced she's a rival intent on sabotaging his business plans. From snowy slopes to spectacular spas, delectable dinners to midnight balls, Georgia is going to live a lifetime of fun in just a few weeks.
TV-PG
3:15 am
Movie
College Road Trip
Melanie is eagerly looking forward to taking her first big step towards independence when she plans a "girls only" road trip to check out prospective universities. However, when her imposing police-chief dad insists on escorting her instead, she soon finds her dream trip turning into a nightmare full of misfortune and turmoil. Dad wants to assure total security and safety for his precious daughter, while Melanie has a 17-year-old''s need to become a grown woman and have her own sense of independence. Now, even as dad and daughter bicker, banter and careen from one disaster to the next on their journey, they are about to discover that, sometimes, going that extra mile to be together can forge a family bond so strong it can withstand anything--even wild curves ahead.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Shoeway to Heaven
Al and Jefferson become vintage shoe entrepreneurs.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Christmas
Al does his yearly pre-Christmas inspection of the family and can find they've done nothing wrong, which means he has to buy them presents, but he has to take a job as a Department Store Santa to pay for the gifts.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, August 7

6:00 am
Seinfeld
Fusilli Jerry, The
A mechanic pal (Patrick Warburton) uses Jerry's romantic techniques on Elaine.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Seinfeld
Diplomat's Club, The
Kramer woos a rich Texan in hopes she will finance his women's fashion line; guests Debra Jo Rupp, Kim Zimmer.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Seinfeld
Calzone, The
George becomes his boss's pet when he shares a delicious calzone with him.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's Assistant, The
Rachel is in a quandary when a sexy but unqualified man (EDDIE CAHILL) applies to be her assistant. Chandler, Monica and Ross tell embarrassing secrets about one another.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Engagement Picture, The
Joey tries to teach Chandler how to smile for the camera. Phoebe and Ross bicker over their divorcing friends.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Nap Partners, The
Rachel and Phoebe compete to be Monica's maid of honor, but Monica doesn't want to make the decision. Chandler tries to apologize to a girlfriend from his youth.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Library Book, The
Chandler's former girlfriend (MAGGIE WHEELER) manipulates Chandler and Monica. Rachel and Phoebe meddle in Joey's relationship. KRISTIN DAVIS also guest stars.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Movie
She's the Man
It''s hard enough being the nerdy new guy on campus without also being the new girl on campus, who has fallen for the coolest guy on campus, who is totally obsessed with the most beautiful girl on campus, who is "crushing" on the nerdy new guy on campus. Viola Johnson had her own good reasons for disguising herself as her twin brother Sebastian and enrolling in his place at his new boarding school, Illyria Prep. She was counting on Sebastian being AWOL from school, while he tried to break into the music scene in London. What she didn''t count on was falling in love with her hot roommate, Duke, who in turn only has eyes for the beautiful Olivia. Making matters worse, Olivia is starting to fall for Sebastian, who--for reasons Olivia couldn''t begin to guess--appears to be the sensitive type of guy she''d always dreamed of meeting. If things weren''t complicated enough, the real Sebastian has come back from London two days earlier than expected and arrives on campus having no clue that he''s been replaced--by his own twin sister.
TV-14
11:30 am
Movie (DVS)
17 Again
At 17 Mike O''Donell (Zac Efron) was on top of the world; he was a basketball star and was a shoe in for a college scholarship. But on what''s supposed to be his big game where college scouts are checking him out, His girlfriend Scarlett reveals that she''s pregnant. Mike decides to leave the game and asks Scarlett to marry him. During their marriage, Mike could only whine about the life he lost because he married her. So she throws him out. And when he loses his job, he returns to the only place he''s happy at - his old high school. And while looking at his high school photo, a janitor asks him if he wishes he could be 17 again and he says yes. One night while driving he sees the janitor on a bridge and apparently jumps in and he goes after him. When he returns to his friend Ned''s house, where he has been staying, he sees that he is 17 again. He decides to take this opportunity to get the life he lost.
TV-14
1:30 pm
MLB on tbs (CC)
San Francisco Giants @ Washington Nationals
4:30 pm
Movie
Scary Movie 3
It all begins when roving reporter Cindy Campbell sets out to find a hard news story in the middle of television sweeps. She soon uncovers an outrageous onslaught of globe-threatening developments including alien invaders, killer videotapes, freaky crop circles, prophecies of The One, eerie-eyed children, ambitious white rappers and even a run-in with Michael Jackson. Faced with conspiracies of massive proportions, and a crew of very strange people following her around, Cindy must fight to stop evil from taking over the world yet again.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
50 First Dates
Arctic marine life veterinarian Henry Roth has his future all mapped out. When he''s not tending to the sea animals at Sea Life Park in Hawaii, he is breaking the hearts of mainland tourists in search of a vacation romance. A long-term relationship for Henry is out of the question. It would scuttle his 10-year dream of sailing to Alaska to study the underwater life of walruses. Henry is close to making his dream come true when his schooner, the Sea Serpent, suffers a mishap during a trial run, which lands him at the Hukilau Café where the regulars eye him with distrust when he sets his eyes on one of its patrons, the beautiful young Lucy Whitmore. Henry is immediately smitten with Lucy, and after a first chat with her about waffles and sea mammals, Henry finds himself more and more interested in Lucy. Ignoring his own rule about dating local girls, he makes a date to meet her for breakfast the next day. But when he arrives and makes a reference to their previous conversation, she thinks he''s some kind of freak and calls for help. Lucy has no idea who he is. And Henry realizes that if he wants to win her affections, he''s going to have to start over again every day for the rest of his life.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Blended
After a disastrous blind date, single parents Lauren and Jim agree on only one thing: they never want to see each other again. But when they each sign up separately for a fabulous family vacation with their kids, they're all stuck sharing a suite at a luxurious African safari resort for a week.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
Break-Up, The
Pushed to the breaking-point after their latest, "why can't you do this one little thing for me?" argument, art dealer Brooke calls it quits with her boyfriend, Gary, who hosts bus tours of Chicago. What follows is a series of remedies, war tactics, overtures and underminings suggested by the former couple's friends, confidantes and the occasional total stranger. When neither ex is willing to move out of the condo they used to share, the only solution is to continue living as hostile roommates until somebody caves. But somewhere between protesting the pool table in the living room, the dirty clothes stacked in the kitchen cupboards and the sports played at sleep-killing volume in the middle of the night, Brooke begins to realize that what she may be really fighting for isn't so much the place but the person.
TV-14
12:45 am
Movie (DVS)
17 Again
At 17 Mike O''Donell (Zac Efron) was on top of the world; he was a basketball star and was a shoe in for a college scholarship. But on what''s supposed to be his big game where college scouts are checking him out, His girlfriend Scarlett reveals that she''s pregnant. Mike decides to leave the game and asks Scarlett to marry him. During their marriage, Mike could only whine about the life he lost because he married her. So she throws him out. And when he loses his job, he returns to the only place he''s happy at - his old high school. And while looking at his high school photo, a janitor asks him if he wishes he could be 17 again and he says yes. One night while driving he sees the janitor on a bridge and apparently jumps in and he goes after him. When he returns to his friend Ned''s house, where he has been staying, he sees that he is 17 again. He decides to take this opportunity to get the life he lost.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Going the Distance
Erin''s wry wit and unfiltered frankness charms newly single Garrett over beer, bar trivia and breakfast the next morning. Their chemistry sparks a full-fledged summer fling, but neither expects it to last once Erin heads home to San Francisco and Garrett stays behind for his job in New York City. But when six weeks of romping through the city inadvertently become meaningful, neither is sure they want it to end. And while Garrett''s friends, Box and Dan, joke about his pre-flight calorie-cutting and his full-time relationship with his cell phone, they don''t like losing their best drinking buddy to yet another rocky romance. At the same time, Erin''s high-strung, overprotective married sister, Corrine, wants to keep Erin from heading down an all-too-familiar road. But despite the opposite coasts, the nay-saying friends and family, and a few unexpected temptations, the couple just might have found something like love, and with the help of a lot of texting, sexting and late-night phone calls, they might actually go the distance.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Wedding Show, The
As the Bundys prepare to attend their cousin Jimmy's wedding, everything begins to go wrong. Al can't find his suit, Peg can't get her make-up right, Kelly and the bridesmaids think they have on the wrong dresses and Bud gets caught with the bride.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This
Al takes a fishing trip alone, only to have Peg and Marcy show up and spoil his vacation.
TV-PG
 

Monday, August 8

6:00 am
Married With Children
Heels on Wheels
Kelly buys a motorcycle to put some fun back into her life, but disaster strikes when Al decides to take the bike out for a spin.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Mr. Empty Pants
Peggy's unflattering cartoon makes Al a reluctant celebrity.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
You Can't Miss
Bud goes on a dating game for "nerds."
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Peggy and the Pirates
While reading a romance novel, Peg fantasizes that she is a lady in distress and Al is the pirate who saves her.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Go for the Old
Al becomes obsessed with his age after a theater cashier gives him a senior citizen's discount.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Un-Alful Entry
Al becomes a local hero when he stands up to a burglar.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Missing Links
Doug and Carrie search for a compatible couple to take with them to the firm's annual golf outing.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Hero Worship
Doug's uncle (Gavin MacLeod) offers to back financially his desire to open a sandwich shop.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Screwed Driver
Doug's parents take over the house when Carrie goes on a business trip.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Lush Life
Doug tries to get Carrie inebriated so he can cheat on his diet.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Hangover Part Tubbs, The
Donna campaigns to be elected to the school board; Cleveland accidentally "kills" an opponent while playing "the Hurt Locker game;" Junior realizes he's an excellent driver.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
California Dreamin' (All the Cleves Are Brown)
The Browns relocate to Los Angeles so Cleveland can pursue his fantasy of becoming a major league baseball scout; Donna and the kids are seduced by the glamorous Hollywood lifestyle.
TV-14
12:00 pm
Seinfeld
Cafe, The
Jerry tries to help the owner of a deserted neighborhood cafe.
TV-PG
12:30 pm
Seinfeld
Tape, The
Elaine puts an erotic message on Jerry's tape recorder; George gets excited.
TV-PG
1:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With All the Candy, The
Rachel gets in trouble for dating her assistant (EDDIE CAHILL). Monica tries to become friendlier with her neighbors. Phoebe needs lessons in riding a bike.
TV-PG
1:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With All the Cheesecakes, The
Phoebe's former boyfriend returns for one night only, but Joey could ruin their plans. Monica plots revenge on her cousin's wedding day.
TV-PG
2:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where They're Up All Night, The
Monica falls asleep during sex. Rachel argues with Tag (EDDIE CAHILL). Ross and Joey get stranded on the roof.
TV-PG
2:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rosita Dies, The
Phoebe becomes involved with a suicidal office worker (JASON ALEXANDER). Rachel breaks Joey's favorite chair. Monica's beloved childhood belongings are destroyed.
TV-PG
3:00 pm
New Girl
Santa
When the gang attempts to juggle multiple holiday parties in one night, Jess tries to avoid a remorseful Sam, Nick tries to keep up with a sexually adventurous Angie and Winston panics when he gets a cranberry stuck in his ear.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Cabin
Jess invites Nick and Angie to spend a couples' weekend with her and Sam. Once there, however, she quickly discovers that two's company and four's a crowd. Meanwhile, Winston tries to teach Schmidt about race relations.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Seinfeld
Nose Job, The
Jerry reconsiders dating a vacuous actress (Tawny Kitaen); George dates a woman with a big nose.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Seinfeld
Alternate Side, The
Elaine dumps a 66-year-old, who then has a heart attack.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
American Dad
Chimdale
Roger, Francine, Hayley, and Klaus head off to the Chimdale Spa for a week of relaxation, but instead are hounded by nosey hotel detective, Ron Turlington. Back at home, Steve discovers that Stan is bald. Betrayed by Stan's deception, Steve steals Stan's wig and sneaks off to Chimdale to tell the family the truth.
TV-14
5:30 pm
American Dad
Stan Time
Fed up with a lack of alone time, Stan starts taking experimental CIA pills that allow him to remain fully awake 24/7. Using his new-found "Stan Time," Stan enters the world of competitive classic videogaming. When Francine discovers Stan's pills, she starts off on her own career. As Stan and Francine begin to drift apart, Stan must decide what's more important - "Stan Time" or family time. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger write a movie together.
TV-14
6:00 pm
American Dad
Family Affair
Roger is on the outs with Stan and the family when they discover he has been seeing other families behind their back. Before they can truly forgive him, Roger must overcome his family infidelity. Meanwhile, Klaus buys everyone tickets to see his favorite band.
TV-14
6:30 pm
American Dad
Live and Let Fry
Stan turns to smuggling when trans fat is banned from Langley Falls. But when Inspector Turlington of the Langley Falls police becomes suspicious of Stan, Stan recruits Steve into his illegal enterprise. Now Steve must find a way to keep the trans fat flowing while under Turlington's watch. Meanwhile, Roger helps Klaus claim an inheritance.
TV-14
7:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
I Dream of Jesus
Peter rediscovers his love for the painfully annoying song, "Surfin' Bird" which drives people around him crazy; and when Peter finds Jesus in a record store, he's determined to be his new best friend.
TV-14
7:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Road to Germany
When Mort accidentally steps into a time machine, Stewie and Brian decide to follow him; but when they learn they are in Poland on the day of the Nazi invasion, they have to find their way back home.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Baby Not On Board
When Peter wins free gas for a year, Brian suggests a road trip to the Grand Canyon. After careful planning and packing, they depart, only to leave Stewie behind. Hilarity ensues as they race back to Quahog.
TV-14
8:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Roy Rodgers McFreely
After term limits force Stan out of his position as president of the HOA, Roger steps in as the new leader under the guise of one Roy Rogers McFreely. Roger uses his power to pass new resolutions and by-laws solely to anger Stan, who earlier refused to buy Roger grenadine. Stan teams up with Hayley and plots to have Roger removed from office.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Electoral Dysfunction
The thrilling conclusion to season two. Every question answered. Every twist explained. A logically and emotionally gratifying finale that is sure to silence all critics and guarantee a third season.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Man With Two Brians, The
When Brian hurts his back saving Peter, Peter thinks Brian's getting too old, and brings another dog--named New Brian--into the family; and when everyone falls in love with the new pet, Brian leaves home.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Tales of a Third Grade Nothing
Peter is forced to go back to the third grade to try and qualify for a promotion at work. Meanwhile, Brian opens a bar with Frank Sinatra Jr, where they employ Stewie to make it a hotspot.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6855
Guests: Snoop Dogg, Steve Wozniak, The Record Company.
TV-14
12:00 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Electoral Dysfunction
The thrilling conclusion to season two. Every question answered. Every twist explained. A logically and emotionally gratifying finale that is sure to silence all critics and guarantee a third season.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6855
Guests: Snoop Dogg, Steve Wozniak, The Record Company.
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Breakdown
TV-PG
2:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Finding Out
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie
All About the Benjamins
A caper set in the world of fast cars, diamonds and a missing lottery ticket worth a fortune. Miami bounty hunter Bucum Jackson teams up with Reggie Reed, the slippery mark he''s chasing, for a one-in-a-million chance at a huge payday. It''s about trust, it''s about teamwork, and ''it''s all about the Benjamins''...
TV-14
4:30 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2108
Stage spotlight: New York and what would a monkey do
TV-G
5:30 am
Married With Children
Movie Show
Kelly gets an unpleasant surprise when the family takes her to a movie on her birthday.
TV-PG
 

Tuesday, August 9

6:00 am
Married With Children
'Til Death Do Us Part
When Peg complains about Al's lovemaking to the girls at the beauty parlor, he becomes the laughingstock of the town.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Tis Time to Smell the Roses
Peg spends all of Al's early retirement money and forces him to go back to work.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Old Insurance Dodge
When Al's Dodge is stolen, he learns it is only worth $100, and he decides to add a few priceless items to the list of things missing from his trunk.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Wedding Repercussions
When Jimmy, the Bundy's relative, learns that his new bride slept with someone the day of their wedding, his temper explodes and a guilty Bud runs for cover.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Proposition, The
Coco, a cosmetic millionairess and former girlfriend of Al's, makes a truly indecent proposal by offering Peggy $500,000 for one night of passion with Al.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Tisket, a Tasket, Can Peg Make a Basket?, A
Al and Peggy go to a basketball game, and they switch seats. Soon, Peg is called up for a free throw, which Al feels should have been his since it was his seat in the first place. It's up to Peggy to make the free throw and win the $10,000.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Patrons Ain't
When their accountant makes them feel guilty about their lack of charitable donations, Doug and Carrie decide to make a large donation to a school library.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Bun Dummy
Doug tries to find a tactful way of telling Carrie he does not like her new hairstyle.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Shrink Wrap
Carrie and Doug send Arthur to a psychiatrist (William Hurt), to whom he reveals his relationship with his father (Ben Stiller).
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Eddie Money
Doug tries to keep secret from Carrie $5,000 he won in a gambling pool.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Fist and the Furious
Cleveland attempts to improve Dr. Fist's social life, only to discover he used to work for the mob; Rallo and Junior discover a business opportunity in the form of a food truck.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Who Done Did It?
Cleveland seeks revenge against people who've wronged him and his family...until he's accused of a murder he didn't commit.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Bar Mitzvah Shuffle
When snobby rich kid Etan steals Steve's girlfriend Debbie, Steve concocts a scheme to get revenge. Aided by Roger, Toshi, and Barry, Steve plots to rob Etan's Bar Mitzvah and get back his girlfriend. But when the plan goes awry and Snot takes the blame, Steve must decide whether to tell the truth and clear Snot's name or remain silent and get back Debbie. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine pitch an idea to a cell phone company.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Wife Insurance
Stan reveals to Francine that, in the case she should die, he has a backup wife. Enraged with Stan, Francine takes Jim, one of Stan's CIA buddies, as her backup husband. Jealous, Stan breaks it off with his backup and tells Jim to break it off with Francine. However, Jim confesses that he is in love with Francine and attempts to kill Stan. Now Stan must stop Jim from killing him and taking Francine. Meanwhile Wheels and the Legman (Steve and Roger's detective personae) are on the case trying to find Hayley's lost iPod Shuffle.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
DeLorean Story-An
Frustrated with their lack of common interests, Steve and Stan attempt to bond while on a cross-country trip to find a door for Stan's nearly complete DeLorean. Meanwhile, Roger, Francine, and Hayley brainstorm ideas for an adventure to have while Stan and Steve are gone.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Every Which Way But Lose
Stan volunteers to coach Steve's junior football team and cuts Steve when he sees how terrible Steve is. Furious with his father, Steve enlists Roger to coach a new football team in an attempt to beat Stan's team and make Stan cry. When Steve and Roger succeed, Stan goes home not to cry, but to kill himself. Now Steve must teach Stan how to lose without wanting to kill himself. Meanwhile, Francine and Hayley compete in a pie baking contest.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Brian's Play
Brian's dreams come true when he writes a play and it's a hit...but his happiness evaporates when Stewie writes a better play in one night.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Giggity Wife, The
After accidentally marrying a prostitute, Quagmire pretends to be gay to end the relationship.
TV-14
3:00 pm
New Girl
Father's Love, A
When Nick's con-man father suddenly reappears, Jess tries her best to fix the two men's relationship, despite Nick's fears that he's being used in another one of his dad's gambling schemes. Meanwhile, Schmidt teams up with Robby to try to win back Cece.
TV-14
3:30 pm
New Girl
Pepperwood
When Nick is convinced that one of Jess' students is hiding a nefarious secret, he goes undercover in her adult night school class. Meanwhile, Winston has an embarrassing encounter with Cece, causing an examination of all the loft-mate's peculiarities.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where They All Turn Thirty, The
Rachel's 30th birthday prompts the friends to reminisce about their own 30th birthdays.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Joey's New Brain, The
Joey's character on a daytime drama becomes more prominent to the chagrin of the show's diva star (SUSAN SARANDON). Phoebe and Rachel argue over who should return a sexy man's misplaced cell phone to him.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Truth About London, The
Chandler finds out who Monica really wanted to have sex with on the night they became lovers. Ross is furious after Rachel teaches Ben (COLE MITCHELL SPROUSE) practical jokes.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Cheap Wedding Dress, The
Monica battles another shopper for the perfect wedding dress. Ross and Joey compete for the same woman.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Red Dot, The
Elaine's alcoholic boyfriend resumes drinking; Jerry is the unwitting cause.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Suicide, The
Jerry fears his girlfriend's comatose ex-boyfriend will awaken; guest Wayne Knight.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Subway, The
The friends encounter adventure on the subway.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pez Dispenser, The
George worries over gaining the upper hand in his current romance.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Proton Resurgence, The
Leonard and Sheldon hire Professor Proton (guest star BOB NEWHART), the host of their favorite childhood TV show to perform. Raj leaves his dog with Howard and Bernadette.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Love Spell Potential, The
When the girls' trip to Vegas falls through, the guys invite them to a Dungeons & Dragons date night that causes Sheldon and Amy's relationship to take an unexpected turn.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bon Voyage Reaction, The
On the sixth season finale, Sheldon and Penny are thrown for a loop when Leonard is offered an exciting new job opportunity overseas.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hofstadter Insufficiency, The
In the Season 7 premiere, Leonard is away at sea, so Sheldon & Penny spend some time together and spill some revealing secrets. Meanwhile, Howard comes to Raj's aid after his breakup with his girlfriend.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Deception Verification, The
Leonard returns from the North Sea expedition and finds things chilly between him and Sheldon, while Howard's relationship with his mother opens the door to questions about his masculinity.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Scavenger Vortex, The
Raj puts together a scavenger hunt that turns into serious, cutthroat competition among the gang.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 6858
Guests: Jason Bateman, Wendy Williams, Kaleo.
TV-14
12:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Brand Job
Max and Caroline's friendship is severely tested when Caroline drags Max to a motivational business seminar to help brand their cupcake business.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 6858
Guests: Jason Bateman, Wendy Williams, Kaleo.
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
All Mixed Up
TV-PG
2:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Let Yourself Go
TV-PG
2:30 am
Movie
Love Guru, The
Guru Pitka was once an ordinary American child, until his family left him at the gates of an Indian ashram to be raised by the exhaulted Guru Tugginmypuddha. Growing up in the small fishing village of Harenmahkeester, Pitka was schooled in the inner secrets of spiritual attainment along with his friend and sole rival, Deepak Chopra. But now, Chopra is a massive celebrity in America, and Pitka is still playing second-fiddle without even an "Oprah" episode on his resume. Determined to share his unending insights into the nature of life and get famous to boot, Pitka responds to a fateful call for help from Jane Bullard, owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team. It seems her star player, Darren Roanoke has gone overnight from being a big hero to a big zero-scorer because his wife, Prudence, left him and is now dating the L.A. Kings'' legendary goalie, Jacques "Le Coq" Grande. Pitka''s new quest--to restore loving bliss between Darren and Prudence and attain the celestial heights of the Stanley Cup--will challenge everything he thought he knew about the inner workings of truth, love, happiness and hockey.
TV-14
4:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2109
Golden oldies, a day at the beach, spotlight on Ohio, and more.
TV-G
5:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2110
Christmas 2010
TV-G