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SCHEDULE: May 2017

Times listed for EASTERN and PACIFIC timezones except where otherwise noted.

Tuesday, May 23

6:00 am
Married With Children
Desperate Half-Hour Part 1, The
Bud's prison pen pal arrives to rob the Bundys.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
How to Marry a Moron Part 2
Al objects to Kelly marrying an armed robber, until he discovers that he's the heir to a family fortune.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Pilot
Al and Peg Bundy meet their newlywed neighbors, Steve and Marcy Rhoades. Peg informs Marcy how to train her new husband, while Al teaches Steve how to be a man again.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Thinergy
Marcy enlightens Peggy with a new diet book called Thinergy, a program which only works if both partners go through it together.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Sixteen Years and What Do You Get?
Al's credit card is maxed out when he tries to find a gift for Peggy on their anniversary.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
But I Didn't Shoot the Deputy
Steve and Marcy buy a huge watch dog which annoys Al with his constant barking. But when Peggy hears a noise in the night, Al accidentally shoots the dog.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Clothes Encounter
Carrie returns expensive clothes for a full refund after wearing them.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Bed Spread
Doug and Carrie borrow twin beds belonging to Deacon's children after their own bed breaks.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Taste Buds
After Arthur chooses their dinner and movie, Doug stews about not getting his way.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Dog Shelter
Carrie learns Doug's parents have been sheltering him by replacing his beloved dog with look-alikes.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Fat and Wet
Donna asks Cleveland to keep an eye on Rallo, but the boy almost drowns in a swimming pool, leaving Cleveland vulnerable to Rallo's blackmail scheme; Cleveland Jr. and Kendra attempt to eliminate discrimination against heavy-set people.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Another Bad Thanksgiving
Donna's sister abandons her two children during the Thanksgiving holiday so she and Holt can run off to Las Vegas.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
I Can't Stan You
Stan drives himself crazy worrying about his neighbors' opinion of him. Roger and Steve become con artists.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Magnificent Steven, The
Stan takes Steve and his friends on a cattle drive through Langley Falls in an effort to turn them into men. But when Stan eats beef tainted with mad cow disease, it's up to the boys to save the day. Meanwhile, Roger pits Francine and Hayley against each other for his own amusement.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Joint Custody
Stan tries to get an unsuspecting Jeff Fischer out of his life for good by taking him on a road trip to Florida, where there is a warrant out for Jeff's arrest. Meanwhile, Roger wants to turn Jeff in himself so he can claim the reward money. Francine, Hayley, and Steve want to intervene as Stan and Roger battle it out on the road, but they are stranded at the Smith house until they can find Francine's car keys.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Vacation Goo, The
The Smiths find out that their outstanding family vacations have only been experiences in virtual reality. Stan vows to redeem himself by taking the family on a cruise, but when they are stranded on a remote island, things get out of hand. Meanwhile, Roger goes from cruise ship singer to a dancer in a seedy gentlemen's club.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Encyclopedia Griffin
When Stewie complains that his tricycle has been stolen, Peter and his friends are spurred into action. Peter finds the kid responsible, and the success leads the group to start a detective agency for kids.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Brian Griffin's House of Payne
Brian's television pilot script gets picked up by a network, but he's horrified when changes are made to his concept; Chris and Meg accidentally knock Stewie unconscious.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After Joey and Rachel Kiss, The
In Barbados, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe eavesdrop on their friends' passionate encounters; Monica styles her hair to look like a blowfish; Phoebe and Mike rekindle their romance.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Is Fine, The
Ross drinks too much alcohol at dinner with Rachel, Joey and Charlie; Frank Jr. cannot cope with his precocious triplets.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross's Tan, The
Rachel and Joey nervously anticipate their first real date; Monica and Phoebe try to avoid an obnoxious friend with a fake British accent; Ross emerges from a tanning booth with a two-toned appearance.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Cake, The
An X-rated cake is delivered to Emma's first birthday party.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits, The
Rachel convinces her sister to baby-sit over Ross' protests; Joey writes a letter to an adoption agency on Monica and Chandler's behalf.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross's Grant, The
When Ross interviews with Charlie's ex-boyfriend for a prized grant, the doctor makes a shocking stipulation; Chandler lies about watching Joey's bizarre audition tape.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Suicide, The
Jerry fears his girlfriend's comatose ex-boyfriend will awaken; guest Wayne Knight.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Subway, The
The friends encounter adventure on the subway.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pez Dispenser, The
George worries over gaining the upper hand in his current romance.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Boyfriend Part 1, The
Jerry and Elaine vie for time with his new friend, baseball player Keith Hernandez.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Jerusalem Duality, The
With Sheldon rattled and impossible to be around after meeting Dennis, a 15-year-old physicist who's smarter than he, the rest of the guys search for a way to eliminate the threat.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bat Jar Conjecture, The
Sheldon finds himself booted from the gang's Physics Bowl team and replaced with Leslie so he forms his own team hoping to prove he's superior.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Nerdvana Annihilation, The
When the delivery of a full-size prop of 1960's The Time Machine makes Penny miss work, she scolds Leonard about his sci-fi collectibles. He decides it's time to give up such childish pursuits.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Pork Chop Indeterminacy, The
The rest of the gang fall for Sheldon's twin sister, and Leonard's plan to win her heart is derailed when Sheldon declares he'll be the one to decide who can date her.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Peanut Reaction, The
Penny wants to throw a surprise party for Leonard but Sheldon's indulgence at an electronics store throws her off-track.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Tangerine Factor, The
Penny's break-up spurs Leonard to summon the courage to ask her out, and each goes to Sheldon for advice on their upcoming date.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71038
Guests: Nick Kroll, Ben Falcone, Dawes
TV-14
12:00 am
Seinfeld
Boyfriend Part 2, The
Jerry and Elaine vie for time with his new friend, baseball player Keith Hernandez.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71038
Guests: Nick Kroll, Ben Falcone, Dawes
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Fixup, The
Jerry and Elaine play matchmaker for George.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the DJ Face
Max is mortified when she learns the hot guy she's been spending time with is a deejay at a grocery store.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Childhood Not Included
Caroline accidentally loses one of Han's expensive fish while cleaning the tank, so Max considers selling a sentimental gift from her mother in order to replace the fish.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Die Hard 2
Some terrorist-fighting New York cops just can't catch a break. That's what Bruce Willis's hero John McClane must be thinking in this sequel to the blockbuster action flick Die Hard (1988). This time out, Willis is waiting to pick up his wife Bonnie Bedelia at the airport on Christmas Eve. Also waiting is a team of mercenaries led by William Sadler. They want to bust out an evil dictator, and they're taking the whole airport hostage. Big mistake with John McClane on the scene. It has all the terrific action, fisticuffs and gun battles you expect from a Die Hard feature.
TV-14
5:30 am
Married With Children
Have You Driven a Ford Lately?
Al and Steve buy a classic Mustang and become consumed in restoring back to mint condition.
TV-PG
 

Wednesday, May 24

6:00 am
Married With Children
Whose Room Is It Anyway?
The Rhoades get a tax refund and they decide to build a room, but can't decide on what kind of room to build, a pool room for Al or an exercise room for Peggy.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Al Loses His Cherry
An argument leads Al to Luke's bachelor pad, where he basks in the swingers life he had envisioned.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Peggy Sue Got Work
When Peggy asks Al for a VCR, Marcy suggests that she go to work and earn the money herself where she learns what having a job is all about minimum wage.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Married ... Without Children
Al and Peg run away for the weekend and leave Bud and Kelly with the Rhoades, who've underestimated their intelligence.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Poker Game, The
Steve loses his paycheck in a poker game to Al and needs to get it back before Marcy finds out.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Where's the Boss?
Al can't seem to find Gary anywhere, which leads him to the conclusion that she's dead. He decides to go find another job.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Vocal Discord
Carrie and Doug decide marriage counseling is in order and turn to their neighbor for help, but his techniques only make things worse.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Like Hell
Doug tries to impress new driver Jared when he learns he was the only one at IPS not invited to Jared's barbecue.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Consummate Professional
Carrie learns that in the beginning of their relationship Doug lied to her about getting a job at IPS so she would sleep with him.
TV-14
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Pole Lox
Doug convinces Carrie to take pole dancing lessons but is disappointed when she puts on a show for him.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Murray Christmas
During the Christmas holiday, Cleveland inadvertently gives his father a heart attack; Rallo makes friends with a Jewish man who lives at a retirement home.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Beer Walk
Cleveland invites his friend from Quahog to participate in a charity beer walk; Rallo dresses up like characters from famous horror movies.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Meter Made
In order to be taken more seriously, Stan becomes a meter maid who seems to have all the power. Now he's getting the best tables at restaurants, pocketing quarters from meters, and impressing Francine with his prowess. But when Turlington from Parking Internal Affairs pays him a visit, Stan realizes crime and this lifestyle don't pay.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Dope and Faith
Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but the friend turns out to be an atheist. Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard, but the plan backfires. Meanwhile, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to Hogwarts.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Big Trouble in Little Langley
Francine's Chinese adoptive parents drop in. Stan can't stand them and tries to find Francine's real parents, but when it becomes obvious they are selfish people who gave up Francine because she would cramp their lifestyle, Stan makes a detour and never introduces them to Francine.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Haylias
Stan, unhappy with the decisions Hayley is making for herself, decides to set her up with a proper husband. He gets her to go along by using her "activation word" which was ingrained in her during CIA summer camp visits when she was little. She listens to everything Stan says, but because it takes too long, reverts to a "mind clause" to kill her handler - Stan.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
April in Quahog
When a black hole threatens to destroy the Earth, Peter tells Lois he doesn't like their children.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Brian and Stewie
Brian and Stewie are locked up inside a bank vault for an entire episode.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Home Study, The
Monica and Chandler fuss over their apartment as they expect a visit from the adoption worker; Phoebe and Mike opt for a small wedding and donate the extra money to a children's charity.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Birth Mother, The
A prospective birth mother labors under a misconception about Monica and Chandler's respective occupations.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Gets Caught, The
Rachel and Phoebe spot Chandler getting into a vehicle with a mysterious blond woman.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where the Stripper Cries, The
Joey appears as a celebrity contestant on $100,000 Pyramid. Monica and Rachel hire an ungainly stripper for Phoebe's bachelorette party.
TV-14
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Phoebe's Wedding, The
A blizzard causes Phoebe and Mike's wedding to spiral out of control; uptight Monica steps in as her friend's wedding planner, then drives everyone crazy.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Speaks French, The
Monica and Chandler show Erica the sights but also learn their baby's biological father might be an unsavory character. Joey begs Phoebe to teach him how to speak French before an audition.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Limo, The
Jerry and George commandeer a limousine headed for a neo-Nazi rally.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Good Samaritan, The
Jerry tracks down a hit-and-run driver, then wants to date her; guest Helen Slater.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Letter, The
Jerry's new girlfriend is a plagiarist.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Parking Space, The
Jerry's car clanks after Elaine and George borrow it.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bad Fish Paradigm, The
Penny opens up to a reluctant Sheldon after a less-than-stellar first date with Leonard, placing him in the uncomfortable position of having to keep a secret.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Codpiece Topology, The
Seeing Penny with another guy sends Leonard back to Leslie Winkle much to Sheldon's dismay.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Barbarian Sublimation, The
Penny becomes addicted to an online game based on the world of Conan the Barbarian and persistently pesters Sheldon for advice.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Griffin Equivalency, The
Full of confidence following being named one of People's 30 to Watch Under 30, Raj hits on Penny and becomes impossibly arrogant.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Euclid Alternative, The
An intervention is used to try to force Sheldon to overcome his fear of driving.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
May 10, 2017
Between religious freedom and healthcare reform, Republicans have been very busy! Full Frontal examines the (rotten) fruits of their labors.
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71039
Guests: T.J. Miller, Lennon Parham, Missio
TV-14
12:00 am
Seinfeld
Keys, The
Kramer visits too much, so Jerry asks for his spare key back.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71039
Guests: T.J. Miller, Lennon Parham, Missio
TV-14
1:30 am
The Detour
Wedding, The
Instead of getting back on the road, Robin agrees to marry the southern gentleman Dr. Rob and his Russian bride but soon realizes that something is very, very, very, very wrong.
TV-MA
2:00 am
The Detour
Road, The
Blue Thunder is stuck in traffic. Nate and Robin take a stroll down memory lane about how they met and the kids learn an important lesson in too much information. Seriously. Too much. Stop telling us all this.
TV-MA
2:30 am
The Detour
Drop, The
Nate needs to take a detour to Salvation, Florida where it's Christmas every day of the year except on Christmas. Things get tense when the family discovers Nate has been lying to them in addition to the fact that they are being followed by government goons.
TV-MA
3:00 am
The Detour
Track, The
The Parkers finally make it to Ft. Lauderdale only to have Nate's plan of getting his job back completely unravel. Fortunately, at a nearby race track, there is hope.
TV-MA
3:30 am
The Detour
Beach, The
Nate, Robin and the kids attempt to take down Nate's company in epic whistle blowing fashion. It won't be easy, but if there's one thing we've learned about this family is that they don't give up without at least a punch to the throat and maybe a cheap kick to the groin.
TV-MA
4:00 am
Married With Children
Nightmare on Al's Street
Marcy has dreams about Al while Steve is on a business trip, leading her to ask Peggy for help.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Johnny B. Gone
Al and Peggy have tickets to attend the final night of their favorite hamburger joint. But when family problems get in the way, Al may miss out on the historical night.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Buck Can Do It
Buck mates another dog, making the owner of the dog so angry that he sues Al.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Poppy's by the Tree Part 1
The Bundys are at a hotel in Florida, only to find that an ax murderer lives there.
TV-PG
 

Thursday, May 25

6:00 am
Married With Children
Poppy's by the Tree Part 2
Peg gets kidnapped! Can Al get her back
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
If I Were a Rich Man
Al and Steve find out about 1 million dollars missing from the bank and the other Bundys think they have it.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
For Whom the Bell Tolls
The phone line to the Bundys get cut off after Al refuses to pay the bill.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Part 1
Marcy and Peggy go to a strip club but Marcy ends up losing her ring in a very uncomfortable space.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Part 2
The men take action over Peg and Marcy, just to make them feel bad about what happened.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Born to Walk
Al needs to renew his license but fails the test. Kelly, on the other hand, gets her license on the same day.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Sandwiched Out
The guys' neighborhood restaurant names a new sandwich after Deacon, so Doug determines to get some kind of food named after himself.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Shear Torture
Carrie discovers that Doug's frequent trips to the hair salon are due to his attractive new hairstylist.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Inn Escapable
Doug and Carrie's romantic getaway is a nightmare when the owners of the bed-and-breakfast become too much to take.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Fresh Brood
When Doug is not allowed to hold Danny's girlfriend's baby, Doug tries to convince Carrie to have a child so he can get back at Danny.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Ain't Nothin' But Mutton Bustin'
Cleveland and Rallo bond at a sheep-riding exhibit at a petting zoo, but Rallo is crushed when he finds out what happens to the animals when they can no longer be ridden.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Roberta?
Donna puts Cleveland's parenting skills to the test by leaving him alone with Roberta for a weekend; Rallo thinks he's invisible.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
42-Year-Old Virgin
While playing poker with the guys, Stan is exposed as a virgin, but not in the traditional way - he's never killed anyone. Roger and the guys help Stan bust his killing cherry.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Surro-Gate
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska border, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Most Adequate Christmas Ever, The
After Stan comes home from another dangerous mission, he finds that his family has decked the halls with boughs of holly and donned themselves with gay apparel, but just not to his satisfaction.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Franny 911
Francine fakes Roger's kidnapping so she can prove to Roger that Stan still cares about him. So why won't Stan pay his ransom
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Bahama Mama
Stan is upset at the idea of becoming a grandfather after Hayley and Jeff announce they're trying to have a baby. Steve and Klaus join a drug gang after Steve decides to take being an uncle extra seriously.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Splendid Source, The
Peter and his friends embark on a journey to find the source of the world's dirty jokes.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Princess Consuela, The
Rachel goes to a job interview at a restaurant and winds up sitting next to her current boss. Joey feels abandoned because Monica and Chandler are leaving.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Estelle Dies, The
Ross tries to win back Rachel's job with her former fashion employer. Phoebe tries to keep Joey from learning about his agent's death; Monica and Chandler make a horrifying discovery.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Rachel's Going Away Party
One of the guys becomes offended when Rachel does not give him the same goodbye she gives the others.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
Last One Part 1, The
The six friends say goodbye and embark on the next chapters of their lives.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
Last One Part 2, The
The six friends say goodbye and embark on the next chapters of their lives.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
Pilot
Six friends in their twenties pursue careers, love and happiness in New York City while relying on each other for support.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Mango, The
Jerry learns Elaine pretended to enjoy their intimacy; Kramer is banned from a fruit store.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Glasses, The
George buys effeminate glasses; dog-bite victim Elaine thinks she has rabies.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Puffy Shirt, The
Jerry appears on ``Today'' wearing a silly shirt; guests Bryant Gumbel, Jerry Stiller.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Sniffing Accountant, The
Jerry, Kramer and Newman investigate their accountant's unexplained sniffle.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Seinfeld
Bris, The
A religious ceremony makes Jerry and Elaine apprehensive about being godparents.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Seinfeld
Lip Reader, The
George enlists a lip-reader (Marlee Matlin) to learn why his girlfriend dumped him.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem, The
Sheldon and his friends are mystified when a younger undergraduate student is attracted to him.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Panty Pinata Polarization, The
When Sheldon bans Penny from the apartment for numerous minor infractions, she decides to retaliate. Howard and Raj search for the America's Next Top Model house.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Lizard-Spock Expansion, The
Sheldon wants to use an alternate version of rock-paper-scissors to help resolve conflicts. A girl Wolowitz has a major crush on falls for Leonard.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
White Asparagus Triangulation, The
Sheldon is overexuberant that Leonard finally has a girlfriend matching his high standards.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71040
Guests: The Cast of Veep starring Julia Louis Dreyfus, Tony Hale, Anna Chlumsky, Reid Scott, Matt Walsh, Kevin Dunn, Gary Cole, Sam Richardson, Mastodon performs.
TV-14
12:00 am
Seinfeld
Barber, The
Jerry doesn't have the nerve to dump his regular barber.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71040
Guests: The Cast of Veep starring Julia Louis Dreyfus, Tony Hale, Anna Chlumsky, Reid Scott, Matt Walsh, Kevin Dunn, Gary Cole, Sam Richardson, Mastodon performs.
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Non-Fat Yogurt, The
Jerry and Elaine suspect Kramer's yogurt shop is causing their weight gain.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Old Bike Yarn
Caroline takes an abandoned bicycle to start a delivery service for their cupcake business but soon discovers that Max doesn't know how to ride one.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Brand Job
Max and Caroline's friendship is severely tested when Caroline drags Max to a motivational business seminar to help brand their cupcake business.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Die Hard with a Vengeance
On the streets of New York, police officer John McClane has just about seen it all. He's got a nose for danger, a penchant for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and a talent for overcoming incredible odds. But this time, danger is looking for him. Seeking a very personal and mysterious revenge against McClane, a malevolent genius named Simon is forcing the heroic cop to play a deadly game. The stakes: New York City itself. The game begins when a phone call from Simon sends McClane to Harlem, where he unexpectedly forms an alliance with the very unwilling Zeus Carver. McClane and Zeus soon find themselves careening across the Big Apple, pursuing the deadly Simon, who's always one step ahead of them. In the past, McClane's had his share of bad days. But on this blisteringly hot summer day in the City, Simon Says John McClane is about to have a really bad day...
TV-14
5:30 am
Married With Children
Alley of the Dolls
When Peggy's old high school rival challenges her to a family bowl-off, Peggy is determined to win with the help of an adopted Bundy, ringer Steve Rhoades.
TV-PG
 

Friday, May 26

6:00 am
Married With Children
Razor's Edge, The
When Steve returns from a river rafting trip, Marcy refuses to let him back into the house until he shaves his newly-grown beard, and he's forced to seek refuge with the Bundys.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
How Do You Spell Revenge?
Al is too busy scheming to get Peggy thrown off their neighbor-hood baseball team to notice that Kelly is about to be tattooed with the name of her latest boyfriend.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Earth Angel
When Bud brings a beautiful, homeless young woman to stay with the Bundys, Al and the rest of the neighborhood guys begin acting like sex-crazed teenagers.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
You Better Watch Out
This Christmas episode tells about Santa Claus, who is late showing up at the mall. His parachute doesn't open up and he falls off his sleigh and onto the Bundy property...dead.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Guys and Dolls
When Al and Steve become obsessed with collecting baseball cards, Peggy and Marcy dig out their old Barbie dolls and re-live their childhood fantasies.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Build a Better Mousetrap
Al and Steve stare danger in the face when they decide to exterminate a pesky field mouse without the aid of professional help.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
G'Night Stalker
Doug lets the attention go to his head when he starts getting fan mail from someone who saw his performance at a karaoke club.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Move Doubt
Doug and Carrie are confused when Deacon and Kelly are not interested in buying the house next door to theirs.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Gambling N' Diction
Doug tries to capitalize on his mother's poker skills by having her help him win a high-stakes tournament.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Apartment Complex
Doug and the guys secretly rent an apartment above their favorite Chinese restaurant; Carrie goes to extremes to keep her newest client, Kirstie Alley, happy.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Like a Boss
Cleveland attempts to sabotage Tim after he gets a promotion at Waterman Cable; Rallo tricks Junior into thinking his pet turtle talks.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Short Story and a Tall Tale, A
Rallo incurs a diminutive mobster's wrath after reneging on a promise to marry the mobster's sister.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Tearjerker
Stan and the family are characters in a James Bond-style spoof. Stan must stop Tearjerker, played by Roger, a diabolical film producer who makes movies that can kill. Tearjerker's fiendish plot involves abducting celebrities from his spa and replacing them with celebrity robots that make horrible movies, all in an effort to make his masterpiece "Oscar's Gold" the best and saddest movie ever, causing millions of moviegoers to cry themselves to death.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Oedipal Panties
When Stan's mom, Betty, gets dumped by a boyfriend for the umpteenth time, she comes running to Stan for support. Feeling threatened by her always-visiting mother-in-law, Francine is determined to cut Stan's umbilical cord and figure out what keeps going wrong with the men in Betty's life. Like a regular Cagney & Lacey, Francine and Roger go undercover to solve the case. Meanwhile, Klaus gives Steve the ick.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Widowmaker
Francine pushes Stan to open up to her emotionally, but she gets more than she bargained for when he tells her that he killed her best friend Julie's husband. Meanwhile, Roger plays psychiatrist to help them work through their issues.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Red October Sky
Stan goes in search of a former KGB agent, Sergei, and is shocked to find that the man is his new next-door neighbor and that Sergei has already turned Steve into a communist. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head to France for a little R&R but their trip takes a turn for the worst when Klaus gets busted for drug smuggling.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Something, Something, Something Dark Side Part 1 & 2
When the Griffins experience a power outage, Peter decides to tell his version of the "Star Wars" saga, "The Empire Strikes Back."
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Sonogram, The
Ross is stunned to learn his ex-wife is pregnant with their child. Monica's dinner for her overly critical parents is a disaster.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Thumb, The
The group loves Monica's new boyfriend; Chandler resumes smoking; and Phoebe receives a large sum of money unexpectedly.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with George Stephanopoulos, The
While the men attend a hockey game and end up at a hospital, the women spy on President Clinton's top aide, George Stephanopoulos, who lives across the street. Rachel receives her first paycheck.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the East German Laundry Detergent, The
While Phoebe and Chandler end their respective romantic relationships, Rachel and Ross do laundry together on their first date.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Butt, The
Joey gets a film role as a stand-in for Al Pacino's butt. Ross tries to be less conservative. Chandler has an affair with a married woman.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Blackout, The
A citywide power outage leaves Chandler stranded in the vestibule for an automatic banking machine with gorgeous model Jill Connick. Ross tries to ask Rachel out on a date. Joey learns Monica used to be infatuated with him.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Masseuse, The
Jerry can't get his masseuse girlfriend to give him a massage.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Cigar Store Indian, The
Jerry's gift to Elaine offends Elaine's friend; guest Al Roker.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Conversion, The
Jerry thinks his girlfriend has a fungus; George converts.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Stall, The
Elaine's toilet stall has no tissue; George acts giddy around Elaine's boyfriend (Dan Cortese); guest Jami Gertz.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Vartabedian Conundrum, The
Leonard seeks Penny's counsel when his relationship with Stephanie takes off faster than he'd like. Sheldon's hypochondriac tendencies get the better of him.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bath Item Gift Hypothesis, The
Sheldon irks the gangs with his obsession with proper Christmas gift protocol. Leonard's crushed when Penny dates a colleague of his.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Killer Robot Instability, The
Penny's criticism of Wolowitz's romantic life pushes him into depression and AWOL for a fighting robot battle the rest of guys are depending on him for.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Friendship Algorithim, The
Looking to get friendly with Barry Kripke to gain access to a piece of high-tech lab equipment, Sheldon develops a flowchart process to make friends.
TV-14
10:00 pm
ELEAGUE
Street Fighter V - Semifinals & Finals
The $250,000 Street Fighter V Invitational: Tournament Playoffs & Grand Final.
12:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Pacifier, The
Assigned to protect the endangered children of an assassinated scientist working on a secret invention, Shane Wolfe is suddenly faced with juggling two incompatible jobs: fighting evil while keeping house. As he adds to his usual arsenal of wetsuits and weapons the new tools of juice boxes and a minivan, Shane not only must defeat a world-threatening enemy but also wrangle teen rebel Zoe, uplift sullen 14-year-old Seth and outwit 8-year-old Ninja-wannabe Lulu, simultaneously keeping toddler Peter and baby Tyler out of mischief, not to mention harm's way. While drop zones, demolitions and destroying enemy targets come naturally to Shane, he has no idea what tough really is until he pits his courage against diapering, den-mothering and driver's education. He's truly a S.E.A.L. out of water, but this tough-guy loner soon realizes that he's also facing the most important mission of his life: becoming part of a family and bringing them all closer together.
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie (DVS)
17 Again
At 17 Mike O''Donell (Zac Efron) was on top of the world; he was a basketball star and was a shoe in for a college scholarship. But on what''s supposed to be his big game where college scouts are checking him out, His girlfriend Scarlett reveals that she''s pregnant. Mike decides to leave the game and asks Scarlett to marry him. During their marriage, Mike could only whine about the life he lost because he married her. So she throws him out. And when he loses his job, he returns to the only place he''s happy at - his old high school. And while looking at his high school photo, a janitor asks him if he wishes he could be 17 again and he says yes. One night while driving he sees the janitor on a bridge and apparently jumps in and he goes after him. When he returns to his friend Ned''s house, where he has been staying, he sees that he is 17 again. He decides to take this opportunity to get the life he lost.
TV-14
4:00 am
New Girl
Dress
Jess rushes to get alterations to Cece's bridal dress done on time; Schmidt struggles to keep his "wedding workshop" a secret at work; and Nick has trouble asking Reagan to be his date to the nuptials. Meanwhile, Winston and Aly attempt to keep coworkers in the dark about their relationship.
TV-14
4:30 am
New Girl
Return to Sender
Jess is introduced to Sam's female best friend; Nick worries that Gavin will leave Schmidt disappointed again; Winston isn't happy about someone's reaction to a birthday present.
TV-14
5:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Debra's Sick
To save time, Ray schedules a meeting with Terry Bradshaw at the pediatrician's office.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Ball, The
Ray discovers, after many years, the autographed Mickey Mantle ball he got as a kid from his father isn't authentic. Feeling hurt by the fact his father was not truthful about the ball, Ray decides he's going to tell Ally the truth about Santa Claus. But when two familiar looking Santas unexpectedly show up at his house to surprise Ally, she's even more confused about the truth. Christmas episode.
TV-PG
 

Saturday, May 27

6:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Who's Handsome?
Debra's compliments to insecure Robert prompt Ray to change.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Car, The
Ray buys his high-school make-out mobile.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Game, The
After the cable goes out, the family plays Scruples.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Diamonds
Ray takes Debra's wedding ring to replace its fake diamond.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Movie (DVS)
17 Again
At 17 Mike O''Donell (Zac Efron) was on top of the world; he was a basketball star and was a shoe in for a college scholarship. But on what''s supposed to be his big game where college scouts are checking him out, His girlfriend Scarlett reveals that she''s pregnant. Mike decides to leave the game and asks Scarlett to marry him. During their marriage, Mike could only whine about the life he lost because he married her. So she throws him out. And when he loses his job, he returns to the only place he''s happy at - his old high school. And while looking at his high school photo, a janitor asks him if he wishes he could be 17 again and he says yes. One night while driving he sees the janitor on a bridge and apparently jumps in and he goes after him. When he returns to his friend Ned''s house, where he has been staying, he sees that he is 17 again. He decides to take this opportunity to get the life he lost.
TV-14
10:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Pacifier, The
Assigned to protect the endangered children of an assassinated scientist working on a secret invention, Shane Wolfe is suddenly faced with juggling two incompatible jobs: fighting evil while keeping house. As he adds to his usual arsenal of wetsuits and weapons the new tools of juice boxes and a minivan, Shane not only must defeat a world-threatening enemy but also wrangle teen rebel Zoe, uplift sullen 14-year-old Seth and outwit 8-year-old Ninja-wannabe Lulu, simultaneously keeping toddler Peter and baby Tyler out of mischief, not to mention harm's way. While drop zones, demolitions and destroying enemy targets come naturally to Shane, he has no idea what tough really is until he pits his courage against diapering, den-mothering and driver's education. He's truly a S.E.A.L. out of water, but this tough-guy loner soon realizes that he's also facing the most important mission of his life: becoming part of a family and bringing them all closer together.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Lego Movie, The
Emmet is an ordinary, rules-following, perfectly average LEGO minifigure who is mistakenly identified as the most extraordinary person and the key to saving the world. He is drafted into a fellowship of strangers on an epic quest to stop an evil tyrant, a journey for which Emmet is hopelessly under-prepared.
TV-PG
2:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where the Nana Dies Twice, The
When Ross and Monica's grandmother dies, the whole gang attends the funeral service. Chandler questions his sexual persona when a co-worker wants to arrange a date for him with another guy.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Mrs. Bing, The
Chandler's flamboyant mother comes to New York for a visit. Phoebe and Monica cause a traffic accident.
TV-PG
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Dozen Lasagnas, The
Rachel's Italian boyfriend tries to seduce Phoebe. Rachel accidentally reveals a secret to Ross. Monica's aunt refuses to take the lasagnas she ordered from Monica.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Boobies, The
Chandler sees Rachel nude. Joey learns his father is having an affair.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Stoned Guy, The
A restaurant owner interviews Monica for a chef's position. Ross asks Joey how to talk dirty to women.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Two Parts Part 1, The
Phoebe's twin sister causes confusion and conflict. Ross attends childbirth classes with his ex-wife and her girlfriend.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Two Parts Part 2, The
Rachel and Monica squabble over two handsome doctors. Ross ponders his impending fatherhood with his own father.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Model Apartment
Supermodels Lily Aldridge and Martha Hunt rent Max and Caroline's apartment for a fun girls' weekend.
TV-14
6:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And a Loan for Christmas
Max and Caroline obtain a bank loan to mass-produce their cupcake T-shirts so they can sell them at high-end boutiques. Meanwhile, the diner gang poses in Chestnut's barn for a holiday decorating contest Sophie entered.
TV-14
6:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Fun Factory
Max and Caroline hire a factory to produce their cupcake T-shirts, but they become suspicious of the work conditions there due to the company's overly enthusiastic employees.
TV-14
7:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Past and the Furious
Caroline is shocked when she receives a Lamborghini for her birthday, which her father ordered for her four years ago. Meanwhile, Oleg plans something special for Sophie.
TV-14
7:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Move-in Meltdown
Max, Caroline, Earl and Han help Oleg move into Sophie's apartment, until she begins turning away all of his stuff.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Financial Permeability, The
When Sheldon loans money to Penny so she can pay her rent, it leads to Leonard coming face-to-face with her ex, Kurt.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Maternal Capacitance, The
A visit from Leonard's mother ends up bringing him and Penny closer.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cushion Saturation, The
Paintball leads to a squabble between Sheldon and Penny as well as romance between Howard and Leslie.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Terminator Decoupling, The
The gang is thrilled when they see Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles' Summer Glau is also aboard their train to San Francisco for a scientific symposium. Meanwhile, Sheldon frets over having forgotten a paper he wants to present to George Smoot.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Work Song Nanocluster, The
Penny's business selling hair accessories out of her apartment gets out of hand when an over-caffeinated Sheldon takes charge.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Dead Hooker Juxtaposition, The
Penny feels threatened when another sexy woman moves into the apartment building and angered when she senses the guys are being taken advantage of.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
February 15, 2017
Full Frontal finally takes a look at all the bulls**t we've been missing since the White House of Horrors opened.
TV-MA
11:30 pm
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
License to Drill
When a sultry woman convinces Geils to investigate whether her husband is having an affair, he dons his P.I. hat, which lands him in trouble. Think Chinatown, because that's where this story comes from.
TV-14
12:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Interview, The
Dave Skylark and producer Aaron Rapoport run the celebrity tabloid show "Skylark Tonight." When they land an interview with a surprise fan, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, they are recruited by the CIA to turn their trip to Pyongyang into an assassination mission.
TV-14
2:30 am
Movie
Fright Night
Charley is a high school senior who's on top of the world-he's running with the popular crowd and dating Amy, the most coveted girl in school. In fact, he's so cool, he's even dissing his best friend, Ed. But trouble arrives when Jerry moves in next door. He seems like a nice guy--at first. But there's something not quite right, and no one else, including Charley's mom seems to notice. After observing some very strange activity, Charley comes to an unmistakable conclusion: Jerry is a vampire preying on the neighborhood. Unable to convince anyone of this, Charley looks to popular Las Vegas illusionist and self-proclaimed vampire expert Peter Vincent for help and advice before taking matters into his own hands to get rid of the monster.
TV-14
4:30 am
Movie
Scary Movie 3
It all begins when roving reporter Cindy Campbell sets out to find a hard news story in the middle of television sweeps. She soon uncovers an outrageous onslaught of globe-threatening developments including alien invaders, killer videotapes, freaky crop circles, prophecies of The One, eerie-eyed children, ambitious white rappers and even a run-in with Michael Jackson. Faced with conspiracies of massive proportions, and a crew of very strange people following her around, Cindy must fight to stop evil from taking over the world yet again.
TV-14
 

Sunday, May 28

6:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Recovering Pessimist
Ray's efforts at optimism backfire.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Dog, The
Both Ray and Robert want to keep a stray bulldog.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where the Monkey Gets Away, The
Rachel accidentally lets Ross' pet monkey escape, and the friends form a search party. Rachel learns that her former best friend is engaged to marry Rachel's former fiance.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Evil Orthodontist, The
Rachel reunites with her duplicitous ex-fiance. Chandler agonizes about a woman who doesn't call him after the first date.
TV-14
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Fake Monica, The
Monica meets a woman who helps her live out her fantasies. Ross' pet monkey becomes sexually mature and makes everyone crazy.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Ick Factor, The
Monica finds out more than she wants to know about her latest love. Chandler's friends at work treat him differently since his promotion. Ross' ex-wife begins giving birth.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Birth, The
When Carol gives birth, Ross and Susan almost miss the event. Joey befriends an unmarried pregnant woman.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Finds Out, The
Rachel finds out about Ross' secret love for her but another surprise awaits her.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Search Party
Mysterious Disappearance of the Girl No One Knew, The
When Dory discovers that her friend, Chantal has gone missing, she becomes obsessed with finding out what happened, even though her boyfriend, Drew and friends, Elliott and Portia, could care less.
TV-MA
10:30 am
Search Party
Woman Who Knew Too Much, The
Dory begins to doubt whether she saw Chantal the night before, but an offbeat realtor claims that she has the proof that Dory is looking for.
TV-14
11:00 am
Search Party
Night of One Hundred Candles, The
The crew makes waves at Chantal's vigil, where Dory is intent on telling the parents that she saw their daughter.
TV-14
11:30 am
Search Party
Captive Dinner Guest, The
It's the dinner party from Hell when Dory and Drew invite Portia and Chantal's intense ex-boyfriend over in an effort to get some answers out of him.
TV-14
12:00 pm
Search Party
Mystery of the Golden Charm, The
Dory meets a handsome private investigator named Keith, who guides her through a risky adventure to probe deeper into Chantal's personal life.
TV-MA
12:30 pm
Search Party
Secret of the Sinister Ceremony, The
The crew drops in on a sinister cult tied to Chantal's disappearance, but they may have bitten off more than they can chew when Dory and Drew come home to a threatening note.
TV-14
1:00 pm
Search Party
Riddle Within the Trash, The
Dory makes a huge connection in the case, while Drew is tempted by the fruits of another. Elliott's big charity launch ends disastrously when his integrity is challenged, and Portia causes a stir on the set of her show.
TV-MA
1:30 pm
Search Party
Return of the Forgotten Phantom, The
The world shames Elliott for being a liar so he seeks comfort from his ex-boyfriend, Marc. Portia copes with disappointments in her career and personal life, and Dory quits the case but gets reeled back in when she makes a sinister connection.
TV-MA
2:00 pm
Search Party
Password to the Shadows
The crew kicks into high gear sleuthing when they discover their biggest lead yet and they have no choice but to pay off an unlikely source for Chantal's possible whereabouts.
TV-MA
2:30 pm
Search Party
House of Uncanny Truths, The
The crew heads to where they suspect Chantal may be hiding, but when Dory is floored by a terrifying threat, things take a disastrous turn.
TV-MA
3:00 pm
Movie
Scary Movie 3
It all begins when roving reporter Cindy Campbell sets out to find a hard news story in the middle of television sweeps. She soon uncovers an outrageous onslaught of globe-threatening developments including alien invaders, killer videotapes, freaky crop circles, prophecies of The One, eerie-eyed children, ambitious white rappers and even a run-in with Michael Jackson. Faced with conspiracies of massive proportions, and a crew of very strange people following her around, Cindy must fight to stop evil from taking over the world yet again.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Movie
Fright Night
Charley is a high school senior who's on top of the world-he's running with the popular crowd and dating Amy, the most coveted girl in school. In fact, he's so cool, he's even dissing his best friend, Ed. But trouble arrives when Jerry moves in next door. He seems like a nice guy--at first. But there's something not quite right, and no one else, including Charley's mom seems to notice. After observing some very strange activity, Charley comes to an unmistakable conclusion: Jerry is a vampire preying on the neighborhood. Unable to convince anyone of this, Charley looks to popular Las Vegas illusionist and self-proclaimed vampire expert Peter Vincent for help and advice before taking matters into his own hands to get rid of the monster.
TV-14
6:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
Interview, The
Dave Skylark and producer Aaron Rapoport run the celebrity tabloid show "Skylark Tonight." When they land an interview with a surprise fan, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, they are recruited by the CIA to turn their trip to Pyongyang into an assassination mission.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Rush Hour 2
A Hong Kong trip turns into a working vacation when two detectives stumble on a counterfeiting ring.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Shrek
Once upon a time, in a far away swamp, there lived an ornery ogre named Shrek whose precious solitude is suddenly shattered by an invasion of annoying fairy tale characters. There are blind mice in his food, a big, bad wolf in his bed, three little homeless pigs and more, all banished from their kingdom by the evil Lord Farquaad. Determined to save their home--not to mention his own--Shrek cuts a deal with Farquaad and sets out to rescue the beautiful Princess Fiona to be Farquaad''s bride. Accompanying him on his mission is wisecracking Donkey, who will do anything for Shrek... except shut up. Rescuing the Princess from a fire-breathing dragon may prove the least of their problems when the deep, dark secret she has been keeping is revealed.
TV-PG
1:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Shrek 2
After battling a fire-breathing dragon and the evil Lord Farquaad to win the hand of Princess Fiona, Shrek now faces his greatest challenge: the in-laws. Shrek and Princess Fiona return from their honeymoon to find an invitation to visit Fiona''s parents, the King and Queen of the Kingdom of Far, Far Away. With Donkey along for the ride, the newlyweds set off. All of the citizens of Far, Far Away turn out to greet their returning Princess, and her parents happily anticipate the homecoming of their daughter and her new Prince. But no one could have prepared them for the sight of their new son-in-law, not to mention how much their little girl had changed. Little did Shrek and Fiona know that their marriage had foiled all of her father''s plans for her future--and his own. Now the King must enlist the help of a powerful Fairy Godmother, the handsome Prince Charming and that famed ogre killer ''Puss In Boots'' to put right his version of "happily ever after."
TV-PG
3:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Shrek the Third
Being king isn''t for everyone--especially if you''re a prickly ogre who smells like the shallow end of a swamp. When Shrek married Fiona, the last thing he wanted was to rule Far Far Away, but when his frogger-in-law, King Harold, suddenly croaks, Shrek is quickly fitted for the crown. Now, unless the reluctant would-be king can find a suitable replacement, he''ll be royally screwed for the rest of his days. As if Shrek didn''t have enough on his plate, Princess Fiona has another little surprise on the way. With his head spinning and his belly in knots, Shrek sets off on a quest to find the only other possible heir to the throne, Fiona''s long-lost cousin Artie, an underachieving medieval high schooler. While the ogre is away, his old nemesis Prince Charming rears his handsome head and returns to the kingdom of Far Far Away with redemption on his shallow little mind. Even with Donkey and the ever-so-suave Puss-in-Boots by their side, it''s going to take an ogre-sized effort--and a whole lot of help from Fiona and her band of princesses--for Shrek and Artie to save the day and find their own "Happily Ever After."
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Master the Possibilities
When Buck, the Bundy family pooch, mistakenly receives a credit card in his name, Al and Peg decide to sample the good life and embark on a wild spending spree.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Peggy Loves Al, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
All Peggy wants for Valentine's Day is to hear unromantic Al utter those three little words, I love you.
TV-PG
 

Monday, May 29

6:00 am
Married With Children
Great Escape, The
When the Bundy family spends the night in Al's shoe store while their house is being exterminated, Kelly is forced to be especially creative in slipping out for the night.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Impo-Dent
When Marcy accidentally dents Steve's brand new Mercedes, she finds it affects more than just his performance on the road.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Just Married ... with Children
Peggy and Al masquerade as their newlywed neighbors, Steve and Marcy Rhoades, on a game show called How Do I Love Thee and have shocking results.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Father Lode
Al finally comes into some money at the track but hasn't time to enjoy his winnings. He's too busy hiding the loot from his family.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross's New Girlfriend, The
Rachel gets an unpleasant surprise when Ross returns home. Phoebe has varied success cutting the friends' hair.
TV-14
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Breast Milk, The
Phoebe unwittingly disgusts everybody. Joey competes with a fellow salesman.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Heckles Dies, The
The downstairs neighbor dies and bequeaths his strange possessions to Monica and Rachel.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Phoebe's Husband, The
Everyone is surprised when Phoebe's husband shows up.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Memorial Day Movie Marathon (DVS)
Shrek
Once upon a time, in a far away swamp, there lived an ornery ogre named Shrek whose precious solitude is suddenly shattered by an invasion of annoying fairy tale characters. There are blind mice in his food, a big, bad wolf in his bed, three little homeless pigs and more, all banished from their kingdom by the evil Lord Farquaad. Determined to save their home--not to mention his own--Shrek cuts a deal with Farquaad and sets out to rescue the beautiful Princess Fiona to be Farquaad''s bride. Accompanying him on his mission is wisecracking Donkey, who will do anything for Shrek... except shut up. Rescuing the Princess from a fire-breathing dragon may prove the least of their problems when the deep, dark secret she has been keeping is revealed.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Memorial Day Movie Marathon (DVS)
Shrek 2
After battling a fire-breathing dragon and the evil Lord Farquaad to win the hand of Princess Fiona, Shrek now faces his greatest challenge: the in-laws. Shrek and Princess Fiona return from their honeymoon to find an invitation to visit Fiona''s parents, the King and Queen of the Kingdom of Far, Far Away. With Donkey along for the ride, the newlyweds set off. All of the citizens of Far, Far Away turn out to greet their returning Princess, and her parents happily anticipate the homecoming of their daughter and her new Prince. But no one could have prepared them for the sight of their new son-in-law, not to mention how much their little girl had changed. Little did Shrek and Fiona know that their marriage had foiled all of her father''s plans for her future--and his own. Now the King must enlist the help of a powerful Fairy Godmother, the handsome Prince Charming and that famed ogre killer ''Puss In Boots'' to put right his version of "happily ever after."
TV-PG
2:00 pm
Memorial Day Movie Marathon (DVS)
Shrek the Third
Being king isn''t for everyone--especially if you''re a prickly ogre who smells like the shallow end of a swamp. When Shrek married Fiona, the last thing he wanted was to rule Far Far Away, but when his frogger-in-law, King Harold, suddenly croaks, Shrek is quickly fitted for the crown. Now, unless the reluctant would-be king can find a suitable replacement, he''ll be royally screwed for the rest of his days. As if Shrek didn''t have enough on his plate, Princess Fiona has another little surprise on the way. With his head spinning and his belly in knots, Shrek sets off on a quest to find the only other possible heir to the throne, Fiona''s long-lost cousin Artie, an underachieving medieval high schooler. While the ogre is away, his old nemesis Prince Charming rears his handsome head and returns to the kingdom of Far Far Away with redemption on his shallow little mind. Even with Donkey and the ever-so-suave Puss-in-Boots by their side, it''s going to take an ogre-sized effort--and a whole lot of help from Fiona and her band of princesses--for Shrek and Artie to save the day and find their own "Happily Ever After."
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Boyz 4 Now
While accompanying Tina to a "Boyz 4 Now" concert, Louise develops a crush on one of the lead singers, Boo Boo - and is in disbelief that she actually likes a boy! Meanwhile, Gene gets creative - and slightly offensive - in a table-setting competition.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Bob's Burgers
Carpe Museum
While acting as a parent chaperone on the school's trip to the museum, Bob has a father- daughter bonding moment with Louise. Meanwhile, Gene and his friends are on a hunt to find exhibits that feature the female anatomy. Also, Tina questions her dorkiness; and on the steps of the museum, Linda lends her unique chanting abilities to striking museum workers.
TV-14
5:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Unnatural, The
After Gene loses his confidence at his baseball game, Linda decides to sign him up for baseball camp. The only problem is, she needs money to pay for it! Meanwhile, Tina discovers her love for espresso and becomes a caffeine addict.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Stewie Is Enceinte
Stewie fears that he and Brian are growing apart after Brian avoids several invitations to hangout. In an effort to rekindle their friendship, Stewie decides that having a baby would bring them back together.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Dr. C & the Women
After Cleveland diffuses an argument between Quagmire and Joe, Peter encourages him to open his own therapy office. Meanwhile, Meg gets a job as a TSA agent, and revels in the positive attention she gets for being the office hottie.
TV-14
6:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
#JOLO
Joe decides to become more spontaneous and independent, leaving Bonnie and quitting his job. This new Joe invites the guys on a road trip to Niagara Falls to celebrate.
TV-14
7:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Once Bitten
After Brian gets diagnosed with liver disease from his heavy drinking, Peter is stuck with the task of inserting BrianĂs suppository pills. When Brian bites PeterĂs arm in self-defense, Brian becomes the alpha dog.
TV-14
7:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Roasted Guy
While watching a celebrity roast with Brian, Peter is inspired to throw a roast for himself, but it backfires when his friends go further then he expected. Hurt by what was said, Peter decides to seek out a new group of friends.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Fighting Irish
When Liam Nesson comes to town to shoot a movie, Peter is convinced that he can beat him up. Unsuccessful, Peter winds up in jail but is bailed out by Liam Neeson and becomes his manservant.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Take My Wife
Peter and the guys are invited on a Bahamas couples' vacation with their wives. Upon arrival, their host reveals that they're at a couples' counseling retreat.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Pilling Them Softly
After Quagmire shows off his cooking skills to the gang, Lois suggests that he audition for Channel 5's new cooking show.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Papa Has a Rollin' Son
ItĂs nearly FathersĂ Day, and when Peter learns about JoeĂs distant relationship with his father Bud, he invites Bud to town.
TV-14
10:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Bazooka Steve
Steve becomes the town pariah after he convinces the star quarterback of the arena football team to stop playing. Roger forces Hayley to become a cab driver to pay him back for her gambling debts.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
If You See Something, Solve Something
A naked woman crawls out of a child's backpack and doesn't remember a thing. Why She couldn't tell you. Tribeca helps her trace her steps while Geils and Tanner track down a murderer on the run from prison.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 7987
Guests: Bill Burr, Lea DeLaria, Melissa Etheridge
TV-14
12:00 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
If You See Something, Solve Something
A naked woman crawls out of a child's backpack and doesn't remember a thing. Why She couldn't tell you. Tribeca helps her trace her steps while Geils and Tanner track down a murderer on the run from prison.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 7987
Guests: Bill Burr, Lea DeLaria, Melissa Etheridge
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Marine Biologist, The
George poses as a marine biologist; guest Carol Kane.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Maybe Baby
The girls run into Caroline's newly engaged ex, Candy Andy, and Caroline offers to make his wedding cake. Later, when she sees Andy's seemingly perfect relationship and how he supports his fiancee's career, she wonders if she should have stayed with him.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Crime Ring
Max and Caroline are arrested for breaking into a cute guy's apartment to retrieve some rings Caroline left there after she spent the night.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Bad Boys II
Miami narcotics detectives Mike Lowrey and Marcus Burnett become part of a high-tech task force assigned to stem the flood of designer ecstasy into Miami. They unwittingly uncover a deadly conspiracy involving a ruthless drug lord who is determined to expand his empire and take control of the city's burgeoning narcotics trade, killing anyone who stands in his way. To make matters worse, Marcus' beautiful sister Syd, an undercover DEA agent, gets caught in the crossfire, forcing our heroes to the edge of the law. The assignment takes on further complications when romantic sparks start to fly between Mike and Syd, driving her overly protective brother completely around the bend. But Marcus and Mike must overcome their differences to bring down Tapia. And when Syd's cover is jeopardized, it's up to the Bad Boys to rescue her.
TV-14
5:30 am
Married With Children
Camping Show, The
Al and Steve's much-anticipated vacation in the great outdoors is ruined by female hormones and man-eating animals.
TV-PG
 

Tuesday, May 30

6:00 am
Married With Children
He Thought He Could
When Al finds a library book that is 31 years overdue, he decides to finally face the librarian who once pegged him as a deadbeat.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
I'm Going to Sweatland
Al is up to his armpits in rock 'n' roll fanatics after Peggy sees an image of her idol in the sweat stains on one of Al's tee-shirts.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Poke High
While Kelly tries to score with a high school fullback, Al roots for the opposing team in hopes his old school record will remain intact.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Dump of My Own, A
Al sets out to fulfill a lifelong dream when he begins construction on his very own bathroom, equipped with the legendary Ferguson Toilet.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Her Cups Runneth Over
Peggy is so miserable when her favorite bra is discontinued that Al is forced to take matters into his own hands and find a replacement.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Bald and the Beautiful, The
When Al and Steve face up to the bald fact that they are both losing their hair, they decide to seek the counsel and encouragement of a hairless support group.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Raygin Bulls
When Carrie goes on a trip with her father, Doug and his friend (Ray Romano) plan a guys night on the town.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Knee Jerk
Doug fakes being injured so that Carrie, who feels responsible, will continue to tend to his every need and allow him to miss a dreaded wedding.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Baker's Doesn't
Doug needles Carrie when she is not as quick as he is to fulfill a promise to help out at church.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Present Tense
When the Heffernans receive an oil painting of themselves as an anniversary gift from Deacon and Kelly, they dislike the picture so much that they decide to stage a robbery rather than hang the painting in their home.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Terry Unmarried
When Donna reveals she never finalized her divorce, Cleveland decides to live the life of a bachelor and go drinking with his friends...only to discover that Terry Kimple is gay.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Blue and the Gray and the Brown, The
Cleveland and his friends attempt to change the outcome of the Civil War after Cleveland is tricked into preserving a statue of the city's founding father, a slaveholder.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Office Spaceman
When the CIA initiates an Alien Task Force, a peculiar twist of fate puts disguised Roger in charge. Roger marks Stan as an alien to protect his own identity. Meanwhile, Francine comes to grips with being left-handed.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold
After officially being declared dead due to an accident, Stan comes back to life and realizes he dreams of leaving a legacy on the world. He excavates his home in search of Ollie North's Contra-band buried treasure.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Spring Break-Up
With Francine gone to visit her parents, Roger holds a Spring Break blowout at the Smith house. During the festivities, Stan falls for a "Spring Break Buddy" and Steve is on the verge of losing his virginity.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
1600 Candles
In this Emmy-nominated episode, the Smiths' plans to celebrate Roger's 1,600th birthday are sidetracked when Steve announces that he's finally going through puberty. Ever fearful of the thought of a Steve with raging hormones, Stan and Francine try to bypass the pains by having experimental medicine injected into Steve's head.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
And Then There Were Fewer Part 1 & 2
Some vacations are to die for.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Five Steaks and an Eggplant, The
The friends want to give Ross a birthday party but disagree about money. Monica gets promoted and learns a tough lesson.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Baby on the Bus, The
Matt and Chandler try to attract women with baby Ben. Phoebe gets terminated from her singing job and replaced by a professional, Stephanie.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Finds Out, The
Dramatic developments occur in Ross and Rachel's relationship. Chandler regrets asking Monica to help him lose weight.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Lesbian Wedding, The
Carol and Susan prepare for their wedding with some help from an uncomfortable Ross.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After the Super Bowl Part 1, The
Ross searches for his former pet monkey. Joey dates an obsessed fan.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After the Super Bowl Part 2, The
Ross spends some quality time with Marcel, his former pet monkey. Chandler gets a big surprise from a sexy former classmate.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Dinner Party, The
The gang shops for last-minute gifts for a dinner party.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pie, The
A date's refusal to eat pie obsesses Jerry; a mannequin resembles Elaine; guest Lane Davies.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Stand-In, The
Kramer is a stand-in on a soap opera; George wants to break up with a girlfriend.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Wife, The
A girlfriend (Courteney Cox) poses as Jerry's wife so he can get a dry-cleaning discount.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hofstadter Isotope, The
A fellow comic book enthusiast's hitting on Penny leads to Leonard, Raj and Howard going to a bar's Ladies' Night.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Vegas Renormalization, The
Leonard and Raj take Wolowitz to Las Vegas to help him get over his break-up with Leslie. Sheldon, home alone and looking forward to it, locks himself out and has only one other place to stay, Penny's.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Classified Materials Turbulence, The
Leonard is torn between being honest or self-serving when Stuart asks his advice for an upcoming second date with Penny. Wolowitz realizes there's a crucial error in a toilet he designed for the International Space Station.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Monopolar Expedition, The
The guys' prestigious offer to work over the summer at the North Pole, and Penny's resultant behavior leaves Leonard unsure if he should go.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Electric Can Opener Fluctuation, The
Discovering Leonard, Raj and Howard fudged the results of his Arctic research expedition, a disgraced Sheldon heads home to Texas.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Jiminy Conjecture, The
Sheldon and Howard wager comic books over a cricket's species. Meanwhile, a less-than-perfect romantic night agonizes Leonard and Penny.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 7989
Guests: Jamie Dornan, Blake Anderson, Orny Adams
TV-14
12:00 am
Seinfeld
Fire, The
A kitchen fire makes George confront his cowardliness; guests Melanie Chartoff, Dom Irrera.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 7989
Guests: Jamie Dornan, Blake Anderson, Orny Adams
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Opposite, The
George learns success lies in doing the opposite of what he would normally do; guests Dedee Pfeiffer, Regis Philbin, Kathie Lee Gifford; French Stewart.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Knock Off Knockout
Max and Caroline get into a legal battle with two teens who knocked off their cupcake T-shirts and sold them.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Great Unwashed
Max and Caroline learn that one of their customers at the diner is a successful photographer who is keeping a secret.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Gravity
Two astronauts must fight for survival after disaster strikes during a space mission.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
I'll See You in Court
Peggy hopes an overnight stay in a motel will liven up her sex life with Al only to discover their most intimate moments have been videotaped by the management.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Gypsy Cried, The
When a gypsy fortune teller predicts disaster for Marcy and good fortune for Al, Steve and Peggy, Marcy insists that they accompany her on a plane trip to New York, first class, of course.
TV-PG
 

Wednesday, May 31

6:00 am
Married With Children
Requiem for a Dead Barber
When Al's long-time barber passes on, Al is forced to face the fact that the old-fashioned barber shop is a thing of the past and resigns himself to a future of beauty salon haircuts.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Eatin' Out
When the Bundy's receive a modest inheritance check from Peg's deceased uncle, they decide to splurge and eat out at an elegant restaurant.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
My Mom, the Mom
Peggy is the hit of Mother/Daughter Career Day at Kelly's school when she instructs the girls in the art of being a housewife, including demonstrations of wallet pilfering and mastering the TV remote control.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Can't Dance, Don't Ask Me
When Kelly is faced with a choice of getting kicked out of school or joining the tap dance club, she swallows her pride, buckles on her tap shoes and performs some dirty dancing that leaves the audience sweating in their seats.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Three Job, No Income Family, A
When Peggy gets a job selling cosmetics and brings home more money than Al, he gets a second job to regain his self-respect but still finds himself losing the breadwinning game.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Harder They Fall, The
After Peggy gives the highway salute to a rude driver while in the Rhoades' car, Steve is obsessed with the fear the enraged driver, a possible ex-con, may come looking for him.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Buggie Nights
When Arthur brings back bug-infested hotel sheets from his vacation in Florida, the creatures take over the house and force Doug and Carrie to move out.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Sold-y Locks
Doug convinces Carrie to sell her hair so they can afford a cruise, but finds he does not like her new, shorter style.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Emotional Rollrcoaster
Doug tells Carrie that, as part of the IPS management program, he needs to conquer a local roller coaster he's been yearning to ride.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Four Play
Doug realizes he has more in common with Deacon's wife than with Deacon, so he starts spending time with her.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Way the Cookie Crumbles, The
Cleveland and his friends target a con man who scammed Cookie and Freight Train out of their life savings; Rallo uses a toy microphone to give his vocal skills a workout.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
To Live and Die in VA
Lester grows suicidal after losing his life savings in Cleveland's beer truck business; Rallo opens his own barbershop.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
One That Got Away, The
Roger discovers that one of his personas has taken on a life of his own. Back at home, the Smith family becomes addicted to the 1970s electronic game "Simon."
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
One Little Word
When Stan becomes his boss' new advisor, he feels like he can't say no to anything, not even outrageous personal requests. But when Francine gets involved in the situation and his annoying "yes-man" antics ruin her Valentine's Day vacation, she does everything in her power to force him to say "no".
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Choosey Wives Choose Smith
Stan becomes jealous when he finds out Francine was once engaged to a pilot whose plane crashed, and that she seemed to settle for Stan before learning that her former fiancÚ was still alive. Stan and Roger try to track the man down, while Francine must choose between her husband and her lost love.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Escape from Pearl Bailey
Steve plots revenge against Lisa Silver and the cool kids after Debbie loses her bid to become student council president. But when the cool kids stage a counterattack, will Steve and his friends survive
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Excellence in Broadcasting
Lois accuses conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh of brainwashing Brian into thinking he supports Republican values.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Welcome Back, Carter
Peter extorts Carter after finding out he's having an affair with another woman.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Prom Video, The
Monica's old home video shows Ross' true feelings for Rachel. Joey gives a gaudy gift to Chandler.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross and Rachel...You Know, The
Ross and Rachel encounter obstacles to romance. Monica becomes enamored with a handsome, older doctor.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Moves Out, The
Monica's parents find out about her middle-aged boyfriend. Chandler and Joey argue and it could mean the end of their living arrangement.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Eddie Moves In, The
Joey wants to move back in with Chandler, but there's a new problem. Phoebe tapes a rock video. Ross upsets Monica.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Dr. Ramoray Dies, The
Monica and Richard experience the same romantic problems as Rachel and Ross. Joey's ill-advised comments to a fan magazine threaten his acting career.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Eddie Won't Go, The
Chandler wants his annoying new roommate to move out. Joey's exorbitant bills come due. The women learn from a book about personal empowerment.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Raincoats Part 1, The
Kramer's scheme to sell vintage raincoats backfires; George sells his dad's clothes; guest Judge Reinhold.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Raincoats Part 2, The
Kramer's scheme to sell vintage raincoats backfires; George sells his dad's clothes; guest Judge Reinhold.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Hamptons, The
Jerry's girlfriend sees George naked during a weekend at the beach.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pilot
A woman's impending visit excites Jerry, until he learns she's getting married.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Gothowitz Deviation, The
Howard takes Raj along to check out the Goth dating scene. Sheldon uses chocolate as part of a behavior modification experiment on Penny.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Pirate Solution, The
Facing a return to India, Raj needs a job desperately enough to consider working for Sheldon. Meanwhile, Howard becomes a third wheel to Leonard and Penny.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Creepy Candy Coating Corollary, The
Sheldon looks forward to squaring off against the one actor from the Star Trek universe he holds enmity towards, Wil Wheaton, in a fantasy collectible card game tournament. Wolowitz cashes in on an old pact with Leonard to get Penny to set him up with a friend of hers.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cornhusker Vortex, The
Leonard, hoping to fit in with Penny's football-loving friends, gets tutored in the sport by Sheldon. Raj is infuriated when Wolowitz's skirt-chasing leads to the loss of his prized patang.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Guitarist Amplification, The
Leonard and Penny's first big fight sees Sheldon playing mediator due to childhood trauma that's left him with an inability to be around loud verbal conflicts.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
Episode 2048
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 7995
Guests: David Oyelowo, Louie Anderson, Angel Olsen
TV-14
12:00 am
Seinfeld
Male Unbonding
Jerry finds ending a friendship harder than ending a romance.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 7995
Guests: David Oyelowo, Louie Anderson, Angel Olsen
TV-14
1:30 am
Angie Tribeca
Pilot
The mayor is being blackmailed and the lieutenant is just sick about it. Angie Tribeca is assigned a new partner, Jay Geils, to find the blackmailer and bring him to justice. The only problem Tribeca works alone.
TV-14
2:00 am
Angie Tribeca
Wedding Planner Did It, The
A baker's been murdered and the lieutenant is just sick about it. Tribeca must track down the murderer before any other people get murdered by that murderer. The only problem She doesn't know who did it.
TV-14
2:30 am
Angie Tribeca
Famous Ventriloquist Did It, The
A ventriloquist is dead and the lieutenant is just sick about it. On the case, Tribeca delves into the salacious world of American ventriloquism. The only problem Geils always wanted to be a ventriloquist, which may not sound like a problem but is.
TV-PG
3:00 am
Angie Tribeca
Thumb Affair, The
A priceless work of art is missing and the lieutenant is extremely sick. Tribeca and Geils search and high and low and in the middle to recover the stolen painting. The only problems The demons in Tribeca's past and the lieutenant's lingering illness.
TV-14
3:30 am
Angie Tribeca
Commissioner Bigfish
Tribeca and Geils are poking around into a prostitution ring and the lieutenant is just sick, mostly about it. Afraid of what they might uncover, he orders them to stop. The only problem "Stop" isn't a word in Angie Tribeca's vocabulary.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
House That Peg Lost, The
When Steve and Marcy return from vacation after entrusting the keys to their house to Peggy, they're shocked to find a big hole where their house used to be.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Prom Queen Part 1
In this two-part story, Peggy and Al attend the Polk High School Reunion where Peggy is determined to defeat her old nemesis for the title of Reunion Queen.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Prom Queen: the Sequel Part 2
Peggy vigorously campaigns for the title of Reunion Queen while Al settles an old score with a former classmate at the Polk High School Reunion.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Computer Show, The
Peggy brings the family closer to the poorhouse when she insists on buying a home computer.
TV-PG
 

Thursday, June 1

6:00 am
Married With Children
Here's Lookin' at You, Kid
When a neighborhood peeping tom has taken a peek at everyone on the block except Peggy, she tries to rectify the situation by leaving milk, cookies and a ladder.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Hot off the Grill
In honor of Labor Day, Al Bundy treats Peggy, Kelly, Bud, Steve and Marcy to an old-fashioned barbecue, Bundy style.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Dead Men Don't Do Aerobics
When Peggy wins a personalized workout with TV fitness host Jim Jupiter, the healthiest man in Chicago, he sets out to change her unhealthful lifestyle but she changes his instead.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Buck Saves the Day
When Al and Steve take Bud and his friends on a camping trip, Kelly sees a friendly poker game with the girls as a chance to earn money for a rock concert.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Tooth or Consequences
Stricken with a toothache, Al reluctantly visits a dentist for the first time, leaving him in too much pain to enjoy the family meal that Peggy has begrudgingly agreed to prepare.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
He Ain't Much, But He's Mine
When a flashy blond at the beauty parlor brags about her affair with a married man, Peggy worries Al is picking up more than a spare on his bowling night.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Hartford Whaler
Doug tries to be romantic by making an unexpected appearance at Carrie's company retreat; Danny and Spence sneak into a Huey Lewis concert.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Acting Out
Carrie considers moving Arthur into a retirement home after he sets the basement on fire.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Fight Schlub
Doug plots revenge after learning that his friendship with a driver from a rival service was nothing more than a con.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
King Pong
After losing to Carrie, Doug asks Arthur to help him improve his pingpong game.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Essence of Cleveland, The
Complications ensue when Cleveland bonds with a formerly heavyset classmate of Donna's.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Ship'rect
Cleveland befriends celebrity idol Barry Shadwell and joins his sailing team, but has a change of heart about participating in a sailing event after he and Shadwell share a kiss.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Pulling Double Booty
Hayley's boyfriend, Jeff, breaks up with her. After going on a short rampage through the mall after the break-up, Hayley falls for Stan's body double, Bill, from the CIA. Things take a bizarre twist when the double begins hitting on Francine. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve get their first summer job at a Chinese chicken hatchery.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Phantom of the Telethon
Stan hosts a CIA telethon to raise a million dollars for their torture programs. Meanwhile, an angry Roger works to sabotage the event. When Roger releases a terrorist at the telethon, Stan must find a way to meet the telethon's goal before everyone is blown up.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Chimdale
Roger, Francine, Hayley, and Klaus head off to the Chimdale Spa for a week of relaxation, but instead are hounded by nosey hotel detective, Ron Turlington. Back at home, Steve discovers that Stan is bald. Betrayed by Stan's deception, Steve steals Stan's wig and sneaks off to Chimdale to tell the family the truth.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Stan Time
Fed up with a lack of alone time, Stan starts taking experimental CIA pills that allow him to remain fully awake 24/7. Using his new-found "Stan Time," Stan enters the world of competitive classic videogaming. When Francine discovers Stan's pills, she starts off on her own career. As Stan and Francine begin to drift apart, Stan must decide what's more important - "Stan Time" or family time. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger write a movie together.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Halloween on Spooner Street
On Halloween, Stewie plots revenge after his candy is taken away by bullies; Meg determines to use a Halloween disguise as a means of hooking up with a boy; Peter and Joe target Quagmire for Halloween pranks.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Baby, You Knock Me Out
Peter coaxes Lois into entering an amateur boxing match, where Lois easily defeats her opponent-launching her career as a professional pugilist.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Old Yeller Dies, The
Monica's boyfriend impresses Chandler and Joey. Phoebe finds out what she missed as a child.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Bullies, The
Chandler and Joey are scared of two bullies. Phoebe meets her long-lost family members.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Two Parties, The
Rachel gets a surprise at her birthday party when her parents show up.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Chicken Pox, The
When Phoebe catches chicken pox, her chances for romance with a former lover are almost ruined. Monica worries that she is too strange for Richard.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Barry and Mindy's Wedding, The
Rachel is a bridesmaid at her ex-fiance's wedding. Monica and Richard's relationship is jeopardized when the subject of children is discussed.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Princess Leia Fantasy, The
Ross' secret fantasy doesn't stay secret for long after he confides in Rachel. Chandler resumes an old relationship.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Stakeout, The
Jerry woos an ex-girlfriend's friend.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Robbery, The
Jerry's decision to move sets off a chain of events.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Stock Tip, The
George gives Jerry a bad stock-tip.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Engagement, The
In an effort to grow up, George proposes marriage to former girlfriend Susan.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Seinfeld
Postponement, The
Feeling overwhelmed, George wants to postpone marrying Susan.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Seinfeld
Maestro, The
Elaine's boyfriend's comments on villas in Tuscany stirs Jerry's curiosity.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Adhesive Duck Deficiency, The
With the rest of the gang off on a desert camping trip to view the Leonid meteor shower, Sheldon must play hero after Penny slips in the tub and dislocates her shoulder.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Vengeance Formulation, The
Barry Kripke pranks Sheldon during his spot on NPR, leaving him with a taste for vengeance. Wolowitz, pressured by Bernadette to define their relationship, gets advice from a fantasy version of Katee Sackhoff.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Gorilla Experiment, The
Penny seeks Sheldon's help to better comprehend Leonard's physics work. Wolowitz sees green when Leonard invites Bernadette to watch an experiment.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Maternal Congruence, The
A Christmas visit from his mother has Leonard discovering she's kept a lot of news from him that she shares with Sheldon and worrying if she'll approve of his romance with Penny.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Conan Without Borders: Made in Mexico
With all of the negative news about the current state of the U.S.-Mexico relationship, Conan has decided to strike a positive note by heading to Mexico City, where he'll outsource his show by shooting his latest "CONAN Without Borders" special with the help of an all-Mexican staff, crew, guests and studio audience.
TV-14
12:00 am
Seinfeld
Wink, The
An uncontrollable wink creates problems for George and Kramer.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Conan Without Borders: Made in Mexico
With all of the negative news about the current state of the U.S.-Mexico relationship, Conan has decided to strike a positive note by heading to Mexico City, where he'll outsource his show by shooting his latest "CONAN Without Borders" special with the help of an all-Mexican staff, crew, guests and studio audience.
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Hot Tub, The
Elaine's house guest arrives for the city's marathon; Kramer gets a hot tub.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Cupcake Captives
Sophie's wedding is interrupted by a hostage situation. Meanwhile, Max and Caroline's cupcake business gets some unwanted attention when a tenant who is wearing one of their company's T-shirts is arrested.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Fat Cat
Max and Caroline's missing cat, Nancy, is returned by a handsome businessman; and Nancy comes home with a big surprise.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Knight and Day
At breakneck speed, secret agent Roy Miller sends the ordinary-seeming June Havens' life on a screeching detour and vice versa. June boarded a plane in Wichita, Kansas and began chatting up her charming, mysterious seatmate - Roy. Soon after, everything changed. Suddenly, the plane was hurtling into a cornfield without any living crew or passengers. Without even time to catch her breath, June finds herself being pursued around the globe - dodging bullets in Boston, leaping rooftops in Austria, and running from bulls in Seville - all in the company of a potentially duplicitous, possibly unstable yet decidedly alluring secret agent at the center of a life-or-death adventure that will push these two people from opposite worlds to do the one thing they've long avoided: trust. Now, nothing will be the same again for them, as this exceptional secret operative finds himself undone by ordinary love and this everyday woman finds herself capable of the most extraordinary things she could imagine.
TV-14
5:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Mozart
As an example for Ally, Ray takes piano lessons from Marie.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Anniversary
Ray blames himself for his parents' long, miserable marriage.
TV-PG
 

Friday, June 2

6:00 am
Married With Children
Fair Exchange
The Bundys are elated over the extra income they receive when they house a foreign exchange student but Kelly gets a run for her money when the student turns out to be a beautiful, sexy French girl.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Desperately Seeking Miss October
Al panics when Peggy sells his beloved collection of Playboy magazines to buy a good luck idol to help her win the lottery.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
976-SHOE
Al tries to cash in on his knowledge of shoe business by starting a shoe hotline.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Oh, What a Feeling
When Al's car bites the dust, he digs up his nest egg and heads for the auto showroom to wheel and deal for the car of his dreams.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
At the Zoo
After couch potato in-training Steve is fired, he plays hooky from his job hunt to go to the zoo determined to save a sea turtle named Bosco.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Who'll Stop the Rain
A rainstorm brings out the handyman in Al, who doggedly attempts to fix a leaky roof.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Dreading Vows
Doug and Carrie decide to renew their wedding vows, then try to cancel the ceremony; Arthur debates keeping his wedding present for himself.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Doug Less Part 2
Newly slim Doug surprises Carrie with a romantic getaway to a resort in the mountain; romance turns to anger when Carrie discovers that Doug was at the same resort with an old girlfriend.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Doug Less Part 1
Newly slim Doug surprises Carrie with a romantic getaway to a resort in the mountain; romance turns to anger when Carrie discovers that Doug was at the same resort with an old girlfriend.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Nocturnal Omission
Doug decides not to ruin Deacon's weekend with a beautiful stewardess by telling him about his ex-wife's plans.
TV-14
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Back to Cool
After Junior bonds with Donna's ex-husband, Robert, Cleveland challenges Robert to a "Coolympics" competition.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Show of Shows, The
After his public access television show bombs, Cleveland changes the format after studying day time talk shows with a large female demographic; Murray writes Rallo a hip hop song.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Family Affair
Roger is on the outs with Stan and the family when they discover he has been seeing other families behind their back. Before they can truly forgive him, Roger must overcome his family infidelity. Meanwhile, Klaus buys everyone tickets to see his favorite band.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Live and Let Fry
Stan turns to smuggling when trans fat is banned from Langley Falls. But when Inspector Turlington of the Langley Falls police becomes suspicious of Stan, Stan recruits Steve into his illegal enterprise. Now Steve must find a way to keep the trans fat flowing while under Turlington's watch. Meanwhile, Roger helps Klaus claim an inheritance.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Roy Rodgers McFreely
After term limits force Stan out of his position as president of the HOA, Roger steps in as the new leader under the guise of one Roy Rogers McFreely. Roger uses his power to pass new resolutions and by-laws solely to anger Stan, who earlier refused to buy Roger grenadine. Stan teams up with Hayley and plots to have Roger removed from office.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Jack's Back
When Stan's con-man dad Jack resurfaces in prison awaiting trial for a crime he did not commit, Steve gets Stan to let Jack stay with them under house arrest. Steve takes the opportunity to reconcile the two, but Stan is convinced that Jack is just using them to escape prison. Meanwhile, Hayley interns at Roger's attic bar.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Brian Writes a Best Seller
After Brian writes a bestselling self-help book, he hires Stewie to be his publicist and begins treating him poorly during a book promotion.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
New Kidney in Town
Peter ruins his kidneys after concocting his own energy drink, prompting Brian to volunteer donating his organs; as President Obama plans on visiting the high school, Chris plagiarizes Meg's thoughts for an essay on hope.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where No One's Ready, The
Ross becomes frantic trying to get everyone ready to leave to hear his speech at the museum.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Jam, The
Monica wants to have a baby. A man is stalking Phoebe.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Metaphorical Tunnel, The
Chandler wants to commit to a relationship with Janice. Phoebe poses as Joey's agent.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Frank Jr., The
Phoebe tries to be more friendly with her half-brother. Ross meets Isabella Rossellini.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Flashback, The
The friends recall secrets from their pasts.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Race Car Bed, The
Joey sees Janice kissing her husband, whom she is divorcing while she dates Chandler. Rachel's father clashes with Ross.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Soup Nazi, The
Jerry's favorite soup vendor won't serve his new girlfriend (Alexandra Wentworth).
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Secret Code, The
George conceals his ATM code from fiancee Susan; guest John O'Hurley.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pool Guy, The
The pool man at Jerry's health club wants to be his best friend.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Sponge, The
Elaine considers intimacy with her new boyfriend (Scott Patterson).
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Wrath of the Titans
A decade after his heroic defeat of the monstrous Kraken, Perseus-the demigod son of Zeus-is attempting to live a quieter life as a village fisherman and the sole parent to his 10-year old son, Helius. Meanwhile, a struggle for supremacy rages between the gods and the Titans. Dangerously weakened by humanity's lack of devotion, the gods are losing control of the imprisoned Titans and their ferocious leader, Kronos, father of the long-ruling brothers Zeus, Hades and Poseidon. The triumvirate had overthrown their powerful father long ago, leaving him to rot in the gloomy abyss of Tartarus, a dungeon that lies deep within the cavernous underworld. Perseus cannot ignore his true calling when Hades, along with Zeus' godly son, Ares, switch loyalty and make a deal with Kronos to capture Zeus. The Titans' strength grows stronger as Zeus' remaining godly powers are siphoned, and hell is unleashed on earth. Enlisting the help of the warrior Queen Andromeda, Poseidon's demigod son, Argenor, and fallen god Hephaestus, Perseus bravely embarks on a treacherous quest into the underworld to rescue Zeus, overthrow the Titans and save mankind.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Knight and Day
At breakneck speed, secret agent Roy Miller sends the ordinary-seeming June Havens' life on a screeching detour and vice versa. June boarded a plane in Wichita, Kansas and began chatting up her charming, mysterious seatmate - Roy. Soon after, everything changed. Suddenly, the plane was hurtling into a cornfield without any living crew or passengers. Without even time to catch her breath, June finds herself being pursued around the globe - dodging bullets in Boston, leaping rooftops in Austria, and running from bulls in Seville - all in the company of a potentially duplicitous, possibly unstable yet decidedly alluring secret agent at the center of a life-or-death adventure that will push these two people from opposite worlds to do the one thing they've long avoided: trust. Now, nothing will be the same again for them, as this exceptional secret operative finds himself undone by ordinary love and this everyday woman finds herself capable of the most extraordinary things she could imagine.
TV-14
12:00 am
Movie
Wild Wild West
Special government agent James West and his co-hort Artemus Gordon, team up to thwart the diabolical Dr Arliss Loveless who is plotting to assassinate the President of the United States with the aid of a huge, walking weapon-transport vehicle called "The Tarantula."
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Norbit
Norbit has never had it easy. As a baby, he was abandoned on the steps of a Chinese restaurant/orphanage and raised by Mr. Wong. Things get worse when he''s forced into marriage by the mean, junk food-chugging queen, Rasputia. Just when Norbit''s hanging by his last thread, his childhood sweetheart, Kate, moves back to town.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Movie
Wild Wild West
Special government agent James West and his co-hort Artemus Gordon, team up to thwart the diabolical Dr Arliss Loveless who is plotting to assassinate the President of the United States with the aid of a huge, walking weapon-transport vehicle called "The Tarantula."
TV-14
 

Saturday, June 3

6:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Working Late Again
Debra gets Ray to set up a home office so he can spend more time with the family.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Children's Book, The
Debra and Ray's children's book collaboration turns competitive.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Gift, The
Frank seems depressed by the aquarium Ray bought him.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
High School
At his high-school reunion, Ray discovers Debra is cool and he is not.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Movie
Nutty Professor, The
For Professor Sherman Klump, being the big man on campus wasn''t all it''s cracked up to be. His body was disproportionate. His family was dysfunctional. And his love life was disastrous. Having tried everything--diets, exercise and weight loss experts--in an unsuccessful attempt to shed some of his 400 pounds, Sherman Klump invents a revolutionary fat gene formula. Testing it on himself, he discovers he''s no longer the man he used to be; in fact, he''s only half the man he used to be. With one swig, the gentle, painfully shy academic is transformed into the swaggering Casanova, Buddy Love--an irresistible ladies'' man who can talk his way out of any predicament. This new personality gives Sherman the confidence to pursue the chemistry department''s beautiful new professor, Carla Purty. Indeed everything, to Sherman''s utter amazement, is beyond his most perfect dreams--until he discovers that his long-lasting creation is actually an unstable substance that can wear off at any time.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Movie
Nutty Professor II: The Klumps
The shy Professor Sherman Klump is getting married. And the Klump family couldn''t be more delighted. His fiancee Denise is thrilled to become a Klump, and with her appetite she''ll fit right in; Mama thinks it''s fabulous; Papa''s less grouchy; Granny''s relieved that Sherman will finally be enjoying the pleasures of intimate relations; and Ernie has simmered down. But Buddy Love--well, Buddy that''s another matter. Professor Klump''s ferocious alter ego Buddy Love breaks loose just as Klump is getting ready to marry his colleague. Hoping to finally rid himself of the monstrous Buddy, Klump decides to utilize Denise''s cutting-edge DNA research and extract Buddy''s DNA from his system. But Buddy reacts by laying claim to the professor''s astounding invention -- a revolutionary youth serum -- which Klump then hides in his family''s home. But Buddy locates the "youth juice" and makes off with it, forcing Klump into a desperate race against time that may restore his family and win him back the woman he loves.
TV-14
12:00 pm
Movie
Norbit
Norbit has never had it easy. As a baby, he was abandoned on the steps of a Chinese restaurant/orphanage and raised by Mr. Wong. Things get worse when he''s forced into marriage by the mean, junk food-chugging queen, Rasputia. Just when Norbit''s hanging by his last thread, his childhood sweetheart, Kate, moves back to town.
TV-PG
2:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Giant Poking Device, The
Chandler and Janice make a difficult decision about their relationship. Monica accidentally injures Ben and tries to hide it from Ross.
TV-PG
2:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister, The
Rachel meets a handsome stranger, who might help her career. Chandler gets into trouble with Joey's sisters.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with All the Jealousy, The
Ross overreacts when Rachel starts working with a handsome guy. Monica becomes enamored with a sexy busboy.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Monica and Richard Are Just Friends, The
When Monica and Richard accidentally meet, they decide to become friends with dire consequences.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Phoebe's Ex-Partner, The
Phoebe's ex-singing partner wants to make Phoebe's signature song, Smelly Cat, a commercial success. Chandler dates a woman with a handicap.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross and Rachel Take a Break Part 1, The
Phoebe becomes involved with a foreign diplomat. Ross becomes involved with another woman after a fight with Rachel.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One the Morning After Part 2, The
Ross wakes up with Chloe but an oblivious Rachel wants to resume their relationship.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Without the Ski Trip, The
Ross and Rachel remain apart while their friends feel forced to choose between them.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Zero Tolerance
Max and Caroline get second jobs as a pastry chef and a hostess at a trendy restaurant to help pay off their bank loan.
TV-14
6:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the High Hook-Up
Max pursues a handsome new coworker at the restaurant, despite the owner's "no hook-up" rule.
TV-14
7:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Taste Test
Sophie takes Max and Caroline shopping for their bridesmaid dresses, so the girls enlist the diner gang's help to hide the most hideous ones to avoid being utterly humiliated.
TV-14
7:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Look of the Irish
Max and Caroline try to get work for Nash as a model in an effort to make some extra money acting as his managers. Meanwhile, Sophie and Oleg attempt to remain celibate for 30 days before their wedding.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Psychic Vortex, The
Leonard is aghast to find out a secret of Penny's: she believes in psychics. Meanwhile, Sheldon tries to assist Koothrappali in picking up a girl at a university party.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bozeman Reaction, The
A robbery of their apartment sees Leonard and Sheldon call on their friends to devise a security system.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Einstein Approximation, The
Stuck on the solution to a physics problem, Sheldon seeks a number of alternative approaches to change his thinking and free the mental block; including working with Penny at The Cheesecake Factory.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Large Hadron Collision, The
When Leonard is offered a trip to Switzerland on Valentine's Day to see a particle accelerator, he must choose between taking Penny or Sheldon.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Excelsior Acquisition, The
An appearance in traffic court comes at the worst possible time for Sheldon, the same day Stan Lee is appearing at the comic book store.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Precious Fragmentation, The
The guys go to a garage sale and find a ring from the Lord of the Rings films, and the rare find threatens their friendship.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Claws
Sneak Peek
A special "Sneak Peek" of the new TNT Drama Series "Claws", a midnight-dark, wickedly funny meditation on female badness set in a South Florida nail salon.
TV-MA
12:05 am
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
Episode 2048
TV-MA
12:35 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
If You See Something, Solve Something
A naked woman crawls out of a child's backpack and doesn't remember a thing. Why She couldn't tell you. Tribeca helps her trace her steps while Geils and Tanner track down a murderer on the run from prison.
TV-14
1:05 am
Movie (DVS)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Big Happy Family
Madea, a wise-cracking, take-no-prisoners grandma, jumps into action when her niece, Shirley, receives distressing news about her health. All Shirley wants is to gather her three adult children around her and share the news as a family. But Tammy, Kimberly and Byron are too distracted by their own problems: Tammy can't manage her unruly children or her broken marriage; Kimberly is gripped with anger and takes it out on her husband; and Byron, after spending two years in jail, is under pressure to deal drugs again. It's up to Madea, with the help of the equally rambunctious Aunt Bam, to gather the clan together and make things right the only way she knows how: with a lot of tough love, laughter, and the revelation of a long-buried family secret.
TV-14
3:05 am
Movie
Nutty Professor, The
For Professor Sherman Klump, being the big man on campus wasn''t all it''s cracked up to be. His body was disproportionate. His family was dysfunctional. And his love life was disastrous. Having tried everything--diets, exercise and weight loss experts--in an unsuccessful attempt to shed some of his 400 pounds, Sherman Klump invents a revolutionary fat gene formula. Testing it on himself, he discovers he''s no longer the man he used to be; in fact, he''s only half the man he used to be. With one swig, the gentle, painfully shy academic is transformed into the swaggering Casanova, Buddy Love--an irresistible ladies'' man who can talk his way out of any predicament. This new personality gives Sherman the confidence to pursue the chemistry department''s beautiful new professor, Carla Purty. Indeed everything, to Sherman''s utter amazement, is beyond his most perfect dreams--until he discovers that his long-lasting creation is actually an unstable substance that can wear off at any time.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Sitter, The
The kids like the new baby sitter too much, according to Debra.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Getting Even
Debra vows to get even after Ray gets laughs at her expense.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, June 4

6:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Hypnosis Tape, The
Phoebe is distraught when her brother wants to marry a woman twice his age. While working as a waitress, Monica gets a tip from an admirer worth a small fortune. A hypnosis tape makes Chandler act like a woman.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Tiny T-Shirt, The
Ross is upset when Rachel returns his personal belongings and dates Mark. Monica dates a millionaire.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Dollhouse, The
Joey thinks he's found his true love. Rachel's boss dates Chandler, creating big trouble for Rachel. Monica inherits a dollhouse.
TV-14
7:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with a Chick and a Duck, The
When Pete buys a restaurant, Monica must make a difficult decision. Ross makes a sacrifice for Rachel. Joey buys Chandler an unusual pet.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Screamer, The
Ross tries to convince Rachel that her date is psychotic. Joey's play gets terrible reviews.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross's Thing, The
Ross finds a strange growth on his buttocks. Phoebe can't choose between two guys. Monica's boyfriend surprises her.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Ultimate Fighting Champion, The
Monica's boyfriend cannot stop fighting. Chandler's boss is overly friendly.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Lego Movie, The
Emmet is an ordinary, rules-following, perfectly average LEGO minifigure who is mistakenly identified as the most extraordinary person and the key to saving the world. He is drafted into a fellowship of strangers on an epic quest to stop an evil tyrant, a journey for which Emmet is hopelessly under-prepared.
TV-PG
11:30 am
Movie
Back to the Future
"Back to the Future" follows a boy, played by Michael J. Fox, and his rough life in high school after being tormented by the principal, and a rough relationship with his father. When he befriends a scientist, played by Christopher Lloyd, he finds out that he is working on a time machine and is accidentally sent to the 1950s. He interferes with the romance of his parents, and must get them reunited to ensure his own existence back in the 1980s. "Back to the Future" has cemented itself as a 1980s classic.
TV-PG
2:00 pm
Movie
Back to the Future Part II
Sequel to the 1985 hit "Back to the Future," where Marty McFly goes into the future.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Movie
Back to the Future Part III
Marty McFly drives into the Old West to rescue Doc, whose blossoming romance makes him reluctant to return, from the clutches of the villainous Tannen Gang.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby has always dreamed of driving fast--real fast--like his father, Reese Bobby, who left the family to pursue his racing dreams. Early on, Ricky''s mother, Lucy Bobby worried that her boy was also destined to end up as a professional daredevil on wheels. Ricky enters the racing arena as a "jackman" for slovenly driver Terry Cheveaux and accidentally gets his big break behind the wheel when Cheveaux makes an unscheduled pit stop during a race to gorge on a chicken sandwich. Ricky jumps into the car and so begins the ballad of Ricky Bobby. Ricky quickly becomes one of NASCAR''s top stars, supported by his pit boys--the impressively large crew chief Lucius Washington, a trio of lovably moronic but loyal crew members, Herschell, Kyle and Glenn, as well as racing partner and boyhood best friend, Cal Naughton, Jr. They are all part of the Dennit Racing team, headed by wealthy Dennit Senior and his petulant son, Dennit Junior, whose jealousy of Ricky Bobby increases with every victory. In a short time, Ricky Bobby is on top of the world. He has everything a championship NASCAR driver could ever want--a gorgeous wife, Carley, a lakeside mansion, two hell-raising sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, huge sponsor endorsements and a string of victories from Daytona to Darlington. Ricky Bobby''s "win at all costs" approach had made him a natural hero. But after a frightening crash sends Ricky Bobby to the hospital, he loses his nerve and falls on hard times. When his career and his wife are taken over by his friend Cal, Ricky Bobby turns his back on racing and takes his sons back to his small hometown to live with his mother. But Ricky just isn''t cut for the slow life away from the race track and soon hits rock bottom. His mother reluctantly turns to the only person she can think of to help her son--his estranged father Reese Bobby. Ricky Bobby will do anything to find a way back to the top, no matter how many speed bumps life throws his way.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Rush Hour 2
A Hong Kong trip turns into a working vacation when two detectives stumble on a counterfeiting ring.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Movie
Back to the Future
"Back to the Future" follows a boy, played by Michael J. Fox, and his rough life in high school after being tormented by the principal, and a rough relationship with his father. When he befriends a scientist, played by Christopher Lloyd, he finds out that he is working on a time machine and is accidentally sent to the 1950s. He interferes with the romance of his parents, and must get them reunited to ensure his own existence back in the 1980s. "Back to the Future" has cemented itself as a 1980s classic.
TV-PG
1:30 am
Movie
Back to the Future Part II
Sequel to the 1985 hit "Back to the Future," where Marty McFly goes into the future.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Married With Children
It's a Bundyful Life Part 1
Despite his rare good intentions, Al fails to make it to the bank in time to withdraw his Christmas Club money, and the Bundy family is destined to go presentless, again, unless Al can find a way to make some quick cash.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
It's a Bundyful Life Part 2
When Al blows his only chance to give the family a merry Christmas, he miserably wishes he didn't exist until a not-so-angelic angel shows what life without Al but with Peggy's loving husband Norman would be like.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Taxing Problem
About to be audited by the IRS, Al has to come up with a quick five grand and decides to sell Peggy's hair.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Rock and Roll Girl
Sick and tired of being the sole breadwinner, Al challenges the family to find jobs but is in for a surprise when Kelly's talents land her the lead as the girl in the Guttercats' music video.
TV-PG
 

Monday, June 5

6:00 am
Married With Children
You Gotta Know When to Fold 'Em Part 1
When Steve dumps Marcy to become a park ranger, ever-supportive Peggy talks her into a Las Vegas vacation with Al.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
You Gotta Know When to Fold 'Em Part 2
When Peg and Marcy lose everything in Las Vegas, Al attempts to win back their money by going into the ring with a lady wrestler.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
What Goes Around Comes Around
Bent on revenge, Bud makes a date with the girl who once stole his clothes and ran his underwear up the flagpole.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Peggy Turns 300
Al's one chance at glory is to break the alley record at Jim's Bowlarama but it's threatened by high-scoring Peggy.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One at the Beach, The
The friends stay at a beach house. Phoebe meets someone who knows details about her family. Rachel expresses her jealousy of Ross' uninhibited girlfriend.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Jellyfish, The
Ross loves dating Rachel again but hates what he did to accomplish the reconciliation. Phoebe gets to know her mother.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Cat, The
Phoebe thinks her adoptive mother's spirit inhabits a stray cat. Joey's attempt to sell his entertainment center proves hazardous.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Cuffs, The
Monica tries to prove her mother wrong. Chandler gets into an embarrassing situation while dating Rachel's boss.
TV-14
10:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Ballroom Dancing, The
Joey makes an odd deal with the building superintendent to prevent him from evicting Rachel and Monica. Phoebe wants to date her sexy massage client.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Joey's New Girlfriend, The
Joey thinks Chandler hates Joey's new girlfriend--but the truth could be even more upsetting. Ross and Rachel try to make each other jealous.
TV-14
11:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Dirty Girl, The
Ross' beautiful new girlfriend has a disgusting secret. Chandler becomes more familiar with Joey's girlfriend.
TV-PG
11:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Crosses the Line, The
Chandler is guilt-ridden after kissing Joey's girlfriend. Ross' musical talents are not as amazing as he and Phoebe think.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Hot Cocoa Bang Bang
Cleveland tries to generate interest for a comic book character at ComicCon; Donna is horrified to discover that director Robert Rodriguez is screening a Blaxploitation film she appeared in years earlier.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
BFFs
Cleveland takes his friends on a canoeing trip, where the guys encounter a group of deviant hillbillies; Donna enters Rollo in a quiz tournament to prove he's as smart as the other kids.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Bar Mitzvah Shuffle
When snobby rich kid Etan steals Steve's girlfriend Debbie, Steve concocts a scheme to get revenge. Aided by Roger, Toshi, and Barry, Steve plots to rob Etan's Bar Mitzvah and get back his girlfriend. But when the plan goes awry and Snot takes the blame, Steve must decide whether to tell the truth and clear Snot's name or remain silent and get back Debbie. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine pitch an idea to a cell phone company.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Wife Insurance
Stan reveals to Francine that, in the case she should die, he has a backup wife. Enraged with Stan, Francine takes Jim, one of Stan's CIA buddies, as her backup husband. Jealous, Stan breaks it off with his backup and tells Jim to break it off with Francine. However, Jim confesses that he is in love with Francine and attempts to kill Stan. Now Stan must stop Jim from killing him and taking Francine. Meanwhile Wheels and the Legman (Steve and Roger's detective personae) are on the case trying to find Hayley's lost iPod Shuffle.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
DeLorean Story-An
Frustrated with their lack of common interests, Steve and Stan attempt to bond while on a cross-country trip to find a door for Stan's nearly complete DeLorean. Meanwhile, Roger, Francine, and Hayley brainstorm ideas for an adventure to have while Stan and Steve are gone.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Every Which Way But Lose
Stan volunteers to coach Steve's junior football team and cuts Steve when he sees how terrible Steve is. Furious with his father, Steve enlists Roger to coach a new football team in an attempt to beat Stan's team and make Stan cry. When Steve and Roger succeed, Stan goes home not to cry, but to kill himself. Now Steve must teach Stan how to lose without wanting to kill himself. Meanwhile, Francine and Hayley compete in a pie baking contest.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
River Runs Through Bob, A
Bob, Linda and the kids go on a camping adventure and face the perils of nature... and Bob's intestines. Braving wild river rapids, eager squirrels and parent/child separation, the Belchers prove they are worth their mettle.
TV-14
3:30 pm
Bob's Burgers
Fort Night
Tina, Gene and Louise are filled with the Halloween spirit and head out with their friends for a candy-fueled adventure. However, things take a turn for the worse when the kids build their own fort and find themselves held hostage by Louise's wacko friend, Millie.
TV-14
4:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Seaplane!
Linda is bored by BobĂs tired attempts at Date Night and decides to sign up for flying lessons. When Bob wonĂt join her, she becomes the target of ˘Upskirt Kurt,÷ the most charming pilot in the air.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Bob's Burgers
My Big Fat Greek Bob
Bob scores a temporary gig as a cook at an "underdog" frat house and discovers that he fits right in! Hijinks ensue as Bob and the rest of the fraternity brothers find themselves in the middle of a collegiate prank war that involves the house's most famous alumnus, Dr. Yap. Meanwhile, the kids are on a mission to invade the frat house and get in on the action.
TV-14
5:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Turkey in a Can
Determined to have a perfect Thanksgiving, Bob meticulously prepares the family turkey. But, to his horror, he finds that someone then dumps the turkey in the toilet in an act of Thanksgiving sabotage.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Guy, Robot
Brian decides to do stand up comedy, but when his set begins to tank, he starts stealing Stewie's Twitter material.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Family Guy
Peternormal Activity
After watching a bad sequel to their favorite horror film, Maniac Pope, Peter and the guys decide they could write a better scary movie themselves.
TV-14
6:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Peter, Chris, & Brian
After learning his childhood home has finally been sold after his mother's death, Peter and the gang plan on breaking in to retrieve Peter's old porn video collection.
TV-14
7:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Peter's Sister
Peter's estranged sister Karen shows up to the Griffin family's Thanksgiving dinner, and Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire realize she is the famous wrestler, Heavy Flo.
TV-14
7:30 pm
Family Guy
Hot Pocket-Dial
Peter takes his family to a fancy restaurant and falls in love with his toothpick. When Peter accidentally swallows it, he goes back to the restaurant to get another one.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Brokeback Swanson
Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire are super excited about going to the Seriously Wicked Bull Run, but they're worried that Joe would be dead weight.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Shot in the Dark, A
Peter gets arrested and charged with a hate crime after he shoots an intruder climbing into Cleveland's house.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Candy Quahog Marshmallow!
As the guys go through Quagmire's father's old clothes, Peter finds a bunch of VHS tapes of a Korean soap opera called Winter Summer. It turns out Quagmire starred in the show years earlier while he was stationed in Busan with the Navy.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Peanut Butter Kid, The
Stressed about their poor finances, Lois and Peter try to find a way to save money for Stewie's college fund. Peter buys a metal detector to search for expensive metals on the beach.
TV-14
10:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Camp Campawanda
Steve is upset when Snot threatens their summer camp fun by becoming a counselor-in-training. Hayley and Jeff are suspicious of Roger when he organizes a Burning Man reenactment in the yard for their anniversary.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Germs of Endearment
When an outbreak of a lethal virus threatens to liquefy everyone in Los Angeles and perhaps the world, the team realizes this might be the season's serial killer's magnum opus.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71041
TV-14
12:00 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Germs of Endearment
When an outbreak of a lethal virus threatens to liquefy everyone in Los Angeles and perhaps the world, the team realizes this might be the season's serial killer's magnum opus.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71041
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Gum, The
Kramer complicates Jerry's quest to locate a special brand of Chinese gum.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Minor Problem
Max and Caroline's attempt to break Nash into the modeling business is threatened when his mother arrives from Ireland to retrieve her son.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Grate Expectations
Max and Caroline help launch the opening of The High's new location at JFK airport. Meanwhile, Sophie learns that Oleg may have an ulterior motive for wanting to marry her.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Limitless
Aspiring author Eddie Morra is suffering from chronic writer''s block, but his life changes instantly when an old friend introduces him to NZT, a revolutionary new pharmaceutical that allows him to tap his full potential. With every synapse crackling, Eddie can recall everything he has ever read, seen or heard, learn any language in a day, comprehend complex equations and beguile anyone he meets-as long as he keeps taking the untested drug. Soon Eddie takes Wall Street by storm, parlaying a small stake into millions. His accomplishments catch the eye of mega-mogul Carl Van Loon, who invites him to help broker the largest merger in corporate history. But they also bring Eddie to the attention of people willing to do anything to get their hands on his stash of NZT. With his life in jeopardy and the drug''s brutal side effects taking their toll, Eddie dodges mysterious stalkers, a vicious gangster and an intense police investigation as he attempts to hang on to his dwindling supply long enough to outwit his enemies.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Peggy Made a Little Lamb
Peggy is shocked to discover that she never graduated from high school and needing one additional course to get her diploma, joins Kelly's home economics class.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Raingirl
Al's groveling at the shoe store earns him a five-dollar-a-week-raise but Kelly bursts his bubble when she announces she'll be bringing home a thousand bucks a week as a cable TV weather girl.
TV-PG