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SCHEDULE: September 2014

Times listed for EASTERN and PACIFIC timezones except where otherwise noted.

Monday, September 22

6:00 am
Married With Children
Earth Angel
When Bud brings a beautiful, homeless young woman to stay with the Bundys, Al and the rest of the neighborhood guys begin acting like sex-crazed teenagers.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Dirty Talk
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
You Better Watch Out
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Guys and Dolls
When Al and Steve become obsessed with collecting baseball cards, Peggy and Marcy dig out their old Barbie dolls and re-live their childhood fantasies.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Build a Better Mousetrap
Al and Steve stare danger in the face when they decide to exterminate a pesky field mouse without the aid of professional help.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Peggy Loves Al, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
All Peggy wants for Valentine's Day is to hear unromantic Al utter those three little words - I love you.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Cousins
Will has a lot of explaining to do when Sasha discovers photos on his cell phone from a bachelor party. Meanwhile, Mr. Brown searches his own family tree only to discover a connection between Mrs. Daisy's ancestors and his own ancestors.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Moral Dilemma
C.J. finds a bag of money and must decide what to do with it.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 1), The
The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 2), The
The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Blackout, The
A citywide power outage leaves Chandler stranded in the vestibule for an automatic banking machine with gorgeous model JILL CONNICK. Ross tries to ask Rachel out on a date. Joey learns that Monica used to be infatuated with him.
TV-PG
11:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Routine, The
Joey plots the perfect opportunity to kiss Janine (ELLE MACPHERSON). Ross and Monica resurrect their dorky high school dance routine for a television special.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Proposal (Part 1), The
Chandler plans to propose to Monica.
TV-PG
12:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Proposal (Part 2), The
Monica asks Chandler to be her husband.
TV-PG
1:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where No One's Ready, The
Ross becomes frantic trying to get everyone ready to leave to hear his speech at the museum.
TV-PG
1:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Chandler in a Box, The
On Thanksgiving, Joey wants to punish Chandler for kissing Kathy. Monica gets a surprise when she visits an eye doctor.
TV-PG
2:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Unagi, The
Chandler gets into trouble with his homemade gift for Monica. Ross tries to teach martial arts to Rachel and Phoebe. Joey hires a look-alike.
TV-PG
2:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Football, The
On Thanksgiving, a good-natured football game between the friends reveals some serious rivalries.
TV-PG
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Eddie Moves In, The
Joey wants to move back in with Chandler, but there's a new problem. Phoebe tapes a rock video. Ross upsets Monica.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Cop, The
Joey wonders if he is in love with Monica. Phoebe impersonates a police officer.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With All the Holiday Armadillo, The
Ross teaches Ben (COLE MITCHELL SPROUSE) about Chanukah. Phoebe worries that Rachel prefers living with Joey .
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Stripper, The
Rachel tells her belligerent father (Ron Leibman) that she is pregnant with Ross' child.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Everybody Finds Out, The
Chandler and Monica's relationship becomes less of a secret. Ross must prove to his boss that he's sane in order to return to work.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Jellyfish, The
Ross loves dating Rachel again -- but hates what he did to accomplish the reconciliation. Phoebe gets to know her mother.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With All the Cheesecakes, The
Phoebe's former boyfriend returns for one night only, but Joey could ruin their plans. Monica plots revenge on her cousin's wedding day.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Finds Out, The
Dramatic developments occur in Ross and Rachel's relationship. Chandler regrets asking Monica to help him lose weight.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Prom Video, The
Monica's old home video shows Ross' true feelings for Rachel. Joey gives a gaudy gift to Chandler.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Embryos, The
Phoebe finds out whether she is pregnant or not. A simple challenge escalates into a full-blown contest between the guys and the women.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Back to the Pilot
Brian and Stewie travel back in time to January 31, 1999 and witness the events that took place in the very first episode of Family Guy, "Death Has a Shadow".
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Thanksgiving
Joe's son, who was reported missing in Iraq, suddenly and unexpectedly appears during Thanksgiving dinner, but the story of his disappearance doesn't add up.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Amish Guy
While stranded in Amish country with her family, Meg falls for a cute Amish boy-leading to a feud between Peter and the boy's father.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Cool Hand Peter
Peter and the guys take a stand against their wives and flee to the Deep South on a road trip. On the way there, the men earn a one-way ticket to jail. But when they decide to make a run for it, Joe's quick planning and Peter's seductive ways help them escape. Meanwhile, Lois spends some quality time with the girls and they engage in childish antics.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bon Voyage Reaction, The
On the sixth season finale, Sheldon and Penny are thrown for a loop when Leonard is offered an exciting new job opportunity overseas.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Pilot
In the Series opener, brilliant physicist roommates Leonard and Sheldon meet their new neighbor Penny, who begins showing them that as much as they know about science, they know little about actual living.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4624
Guests: Zooey Deschanel, Breckin Meyer, Beck
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Cafe Disco
Michael repurposes his old office space into a cafe-disco lounge for the Dunder Miffin staff. Pam and Jim plan a secret trip to elope. Phyllis is taken aback by Bob's new secretary.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4624
Guests: Zooey Deschanel, Breckin Meyer, Beck
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Everything Man
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie
Domestic Disturbance
Frank Morrison wants what''s best for his son. Since he and his wife Susan divorced a few years ago, their son Danny has been rebellious and troubled, with a history of lying. Frank and Susan love Danny dearly; they understand that beneath his defiant exterior lies an eleven year old boy who needs compassion, understanding and good parenting. Now everything is changing. Susan is about to become Mrs. Rick Barnes. A newcomer in town, Barnes has already made his mark as a wealthy philanthropist. He''ll be able to give Danny things that Frank, a boatbuilder, simply can''t. Struggling with jealousy, Frank has to admit that two parents at home might be just what Danny needs. When Danny starts telling Frank troubling stories about Rick Barnes, Frank is torn between refusing to believe his son, whose reputation for telling the truth has always been spotty, and considering the awful possibility that Barnes might be an altogether different person than he appears.
TV-14
3:45 am
TBS Network Preview
Episode 1
A backstage peek at TBS's original programs.
4:00 am
Married With Children
Master the Possibilities
When Buck, the Bundy family pooch, mistakenly receives a credit card in his name, Al and Peg decide to sample "the good life" and embark on a wild spending spree.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Body
Brown gives Edna an ultimatum: no more men. But one can't leave...he died in her room. She tries to get rid of the body before Brown finds out. Meanwhile, Brianna rejects Sasha's mothering efforts, when Sasha buys her a fancy dress for the upcoming legacy ball.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Mexican
Jesus gets himself in trouble when he lies to his father who is about to visit, telling him that he is a successful lawyer, who owns a house and servants. Meanwhile, London is expecting a visit from her wealthy father, and is heartbroken when he doesn't show up.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Great Escape, The
When the Bundy family spends the night in Al's shoe store while their house is being exterminated, Kelly is forced to be especially creative in slipping out for the night.
TV-PG
 

Tuesday, September 23

6:00 am
Married With Children
Impo-Dent
When Marcy accidentally dents Steve's brand new Mercedes, she finds it affects more than just his performance on the road.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Bros Before Nodes
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Just Married ... with Children
Peggy and Al masquerade as their newlywed neighbors, Steve and Marcy Rhoades, on the game show "How Do I Love Thee" - with shocking results.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Father Lode
Al finally comes into some money at the track, but hasn't time to enjoy his winnings - he's too busy hiding the loot from his family.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
All in the Family
Al is less than thrilled when Peggy announces her family is coming for a visit - all six of them.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Entrepreneur
Will gets very cold feet about being a father to Brianna and Joaquin. He vents to Brown about his doubts, but Brianna overhears him. She and Joaquin, thinking they're not wanted, run away. Brown is convinced by everyone to market the secret family barbecue sauce recipe. Brown's very excited about the prospect of getting rich off the sauce. But he loses the recipe and scrambles to recreate it.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Sex, Lies and Videotapes
The FBI take over the Payne's house for a stakeout and Claretha and all her equipment come over to help with the case.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
One Last Kiss
When Jesse attends his high school reunion, he finds that he's still attracted to his high school sweetheart, although he's engaged to Rebecca.
TV-G
10:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Wake Up Time
TV-PG
10:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Company Picnic
At the Dunder Mifflin company picnic, Michael and Holly are reunited for the first time since their split and put on a show the attendees won't soon forget. The branches compete in a volleyball tournament.
TV-PG
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2007
With the first $100,000 prize of the season to be awarded, here are the videos in the running: "Hidden Honkers," a car alarm prank; "U Don't Know Uvulas," a little girl with a smarty pants vocabulary; "Ballpark Promise," a Dodger fan catching a ball; "Laser Chasers," a Great Dane and a little boy chasing a laser pointer; "Soda Bottle Blowout," a kid's science experiment having explosive results; and "Boohoo in the Loo," a little boy pitching a dramatic fit in the bathroom.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Das Shrimp Boot
Cleveland's determination to attend an all-you-can-eat shrimp cruise ends up getting him addicted to energy supplements and kidnapped by pirates.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
March Dadness
When Freight Train bonds with Cleveland Jr., Cleveland goes head-to-head with the pair in a two-man golf tournament - choosing the man who kept Freight Train from playing pro football as his teammate.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Dope and Faith
Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but he turns out to be an atheist. Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard until his plan backfires. Meanwhile, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to Hogwarts.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Big Trouble in Little Langley
Francine's Chinese, adoptive parents drop in. Stan can't stand them and tries to find Francine's real parents. When it becomes obvious they are selfish people who gave up Francine because she would cramp their lifestyle, Stan makes a detour and never introduces them to Francine. He has a new found appreciation of his in-laws.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Haylias
Stan, unhappy with the decisions Hayley is making for herself, decides to set her up with a proper husband. He gets her to go along by using her "activation word" which was ingrained in her during CIA summer camp visits when she was little. She listens to everything Stan says, but because it takes too long, reverts to a "mind clause" to kill her handler - Stan.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
42-Year-Old Virgin
While playing poker with the guys, Stan is found to be a virgin. Not in the traditional way, but in that he's never killed anyone. Roger and the guys help Stan bust his killing cherry.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Strike Out
The IPS strike continues and Carrie arranges a play date for Doug.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Class Struggle
After Carrie decides to go back to college, Doug turns to his sister (Ricki Lake) for advice.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Phoebe's Rats, The
Monica invites Rachel's workplace rival (Dermot Mulroney) to her birthday party; Joey flirts with Emma's new nanny (Melissa George); Phoebe and Mike (Paul Rudd) take care of a litter of rats.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Monica Sings, The
Monica exults in the applause she receives on karaoke night, unaware that the cheering audience can see through her blouse.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Blind Dates, The
Joey and Phoebe conspire to send Rachel and Ross on disastrous blind dates.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Mugging, The
Joey stumbles upon a way to impress a famous actor (Jeff Goldblum) during an audition; Ross learns the identity of a long-ago mugger; Chandler accepts an internship at a shoe company.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Wizard, The
Jerry buys his father an electronic organizer; Kramer retires to Florida.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Burning, The
George seeks timely exits; Jerry's gal has a secret; Elaine learns Puddy is religious.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Bookstore, The
George hopes to meet women at a bookstore where Jerry spots Uncle Leo shoplifting.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Frogger, The
Elaine eats Peterman's cake; Kramer helps George steal an arcade game.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Big Bran Hypothesis, The
Leonard volunteers to sign for a package in an attempt to make a good impression on Penny, but when he enlists Sheldon for help, his attempt at chivalry goes terribly awry.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Fuzzy Boots Corollary, The
Leonard asks a work colleague (Sara Gilbert) out after he finds out that Penny is seeing someone.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Luminous Fish Effect, The
Sheldon's getting fired forces him to explore what life has to offer outside physics, leaving Leonard to take drastic action to snap his friend out of his funk.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hamburger Postulate, The
Fearing he's wasting his time on Penny, Leonard ends up making a connection with Leslie. (Sara Gilbert) Meanwhile, Sheldon frets over a change to his hamburger routine.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Middle Earth Paradigm, The
Penny hosts a Halloween party, putting Leonard, Sheldon, Wolowitz, and Koothrappali through a new test of their social skills.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Dumpling Paradox, The
With Wolowitz AWOL with one of her friends, Penny's recruited to fill in for him on the guys' Halo team.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4625
Guests: Kirsten Dunst, Ike Barinholtz, Paul Simon
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Gossip
Michael regrets revealing that Stanley is having an affair, so he spreads a bunch of lies about everyone else to cover his tracks--except that one of the lies that he spread actually turns out to be true.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4625
Guests: Kirsten Dunst, Ike Barinholtz, Paul Simon
TV-14
1:30 am
Movie
Invincible
It's every sports fan's wildest, craziest fantasy--the chance to play on the field and go toe-to-toe with the larger-than-life heroes they idolize. Yet, in 1976, this seemingly fairy-tale scenario happened in real life. It was then that Vince Papale, a 30-year-old teacher and part-time bartender with little football experience other than being a season ticket-holder, entered the unprecedented public tryouts for his NFL favorites, the Philadelphia Eagles, and defied all expectations. Not only did Papale make the team--he remade the team, helping to inspire them to break through their 11-season losing and streak and rediscover their winning spirit. In the bicentennial year of 1976, Papale lived out the dreams of a city and a nation by taking on the impossible with an unsinkable attitude and becoming the NFL's most unlikely rookie ever.
TV-PG
3:30 am
Married With Children
Camping Show (aka A Period Piece), The
Al and Steve's much-anticipated vacation in the great outdoors is ruined by female hormones and man-eating animals.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Ex
Will's gorgeous (and very free-spirited) socialite ex-girlfriend shows up as a donor for a charity benefit that he is chairing. Sasha is jealous of her, until she realizes who Lynn is really attracted to...Sasha. Edna is considering plastic surgery, so London steps in and convinces her and the ladies to throw a "Botox Party".
TV-14
4:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the E.R.
Brown is shot in the butt during a robbery at a convenience store, hurting his pride more than his bottom. But he milks the situation and has the residents wait on him hand and foot, until they rebel. Edna has a health scare and decides to change her sensual ways.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
He Thought He Could
When Al finds a library book that is 31 years overdue, he decides to finally face the librarian who once pegged him as a deadbeat.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
I'm Going to Sweatland
Al is up to his armpits in rock `n' roll fanatics after Peggy "sees" an image of her idol in the sweat stains on one of Al's tee-shirts.
TV-PG
 

Wednesday, September 24

6:00 am
Married With Children
Poke High (aka The Red Grange Story)
While Kelly tries to score with a high school fullback, Al roots for the opposing team in hopes his old school record will remain intact.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Audrey Is Dumb
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Dump of My Own, A
Al sets out to fulfill a lifelong dream when he begins construction on his very own bathroom, equipped with the legendary Ferguson Toilet.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Her Cups Runneth Over
Peggy is so miserable when her favorite bra is discontinued, that Al is forced to take matters into his own hands and find a replacement.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Bald and the Beautiful, The
When Al and Steve face up to the bald fact that they are both losing their hair, they decide to seek the counsel and encouragement of a hairless support group.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Secret
Joaquin's little league coach turns out to be a pedophile. When Cora tries to convince Brown to get a will, he thinks she's out to kill him.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Time to Clean House
Calvin readjust to living back at home. Jazmine and Malik help Claretha with her spring cleaning.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Terror in Tanner Town
Danny invites his new girlfriend, Cindy, and her son, Rusty, to dinner. When an emergency happens, Cindy is forced to leave early without Rusty, who stays and annoys everyone in the house with his mischief.
TV-G
10:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Letting You Go
TV-PG
10:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Meeting, The
Michael sabotages--then promotes--Jim's efforts at getting a promotion, while Dwight and Toby try to prove that Darryl has submitted a fraudulent medical claim.
TV-PG
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2008
Former "America's Funniest Home Videos" host Bob Saget returns as a guest co-host with Tom Bergeron in an episode that salutes the show's funniest moments in its two decades on the air.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Men in Me, The
After winning a dance contest and being labeled "The Whitest Man in America," Cleveland decides to retrace his roots with help from his former nanny.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Frapp Attack!
An online video of Donna throwing a frappuccino in Cleveland's face attracts the attention of a music producer who tries stealing Donna away from Cleveland.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Surro-Gate
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska border, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Most Adequate Christmas Ever, The
After Stan comes home from another dangerous mission, he finds that his family has decked the halls with boughs of holly and donned themselves with gay apparel, but just not to his satisfaction.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Franny 911
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska border, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Tearjerker
Stan and the family are characters in a James Bond style spoof. Stan must stop Tearjerker, played by Roger, a diabolical film producer who makes movies that can kill. Tearjerker's fiendish plot involves abducting celebrities from his spa and replacing them with celebrity robots that make horrible movies, all in an effort to make his masterpiece "Oscar's Gold" the best and saddest movie ever, causing millions of moviegoers to cry themselves to death.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Dark Meet
Doug and Carrie have flashbacks of their first Thanksgiving together.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Work Related
Arthur accepts a job at Carrie's company; Doug and Deacon compete for a place in their company's calendar of hunks.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Boob Job, The
Both Monica and Chandler secretly approach Joey for a loan; Phoebe invites Mike (Paul Rudd) to move in with her; Rachel baby-proofs the apartment.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Memorial Service, The
Ross and Chandler trade barbed insults on their alma mater's Web site.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Lottery, The
The gang buys scads of lottery tickets for the multimillion-dollar jackpot.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's Dream, The
Rachel's visit to a soap opera set inspires her to dream about Joey; Chandler takes Ross on a weekend getaway after Monica cannot take time off from work.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Clip Show, The (Part I)
Clips highlight the show's past nine seasons.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Clip Show, The (Part 2)
Jerry Seinfeld presents highlights from the series' first 100 episodes.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Finale, The (Part I)
After NBC picks up Jerry and George's sitcom, the four pals are arrested for breaking the good Samaritan law.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Finale, The (Part 2)
After NBC picks up Jerry and George's sitcom, the four pals are arrested for breaking the good Samaritan law.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Grasshopper Experiment, The
Raj's parents set him up on a blind date, and when he discovers he can talk to her, she shows interest in Sheldon.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization, The
When they're invited to present at a physics conference, Sheldon's reluctance to share the credit leads to a tiff between him and Leonard, and Penny's intervention only exacerbates the situation.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Loobenfeld Decay, The
Leonard and Sheldon each lie to avoid hearing Penny sing in a production of Rent. However, Sheldon's lie becomes a bit too complicated for its own good.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Pancake Batter Anomaly, The
With his friends knowing how sour he acts when sick; and avoiding him as a result; Sheldon is nursed for by Penny, who hasn't a clue what she's in for.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Jerusalem Duality, The
With Sheldon rattled and impossible to be around after meeting Dennis, a 15-year-old physicist who's smarter than he, the rest of the guys search for a way to eliminate the threat.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bat Jar Conjecture, The
Sheldon finds himself booted from the gang's Physics Bowl team and replaced with Leslie (Sara Gilbert), so he forms his own team, hoping to prove he's superior.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4626
Guests: Luke Wilson, Dhani Harrison and Friends
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Promotion, The
Jim discovers just how hard being the boss can be when David Wallace forces Michael and him to determine which employees will be getting a raise.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4626
Guests: Luke Wilson, Dhani Harrison and Friends
TV-14
1:30 am
Movie
Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde
Having conquered Harvard, Elle Woods, the blonde, effervescent, pink-loving law school grad, is now a rising young lawyer at a great firm, balancing a demanding a career with preparations for her wedding to the man of her dreams. But when she finds out that her beloved dog Bruiser's family members are being used as cosmetic test subjects by one of her firm's own clients, she stands up for their rights--and is promptly fired. She's devastated, but you can't keep an optimist down. Ms. Woods goes to Washington to take matters into her own French-manicured hands. Trying to learn the political ropes and win over politicians, Elle faces a formidable challenge--and in a sea of grey, black, and navy, she sticks out like a pink thumb. Others on The Hill aren't immediately kind to "Capitol Barbie" and D.C. isn't an easy place for a person with impeccable fashion sense and a Harvard Law degree. But with her clever and sassy signature blend of intelligence and determination, she bucks the system the Elle Woods way. Speaking up for Bruiser and his family, Elle eventually inspires those around her to find voices of their own.
TV-14
3:30 am
Married With Children
I'll See You in Court
Peggy hopes that an overnight stay in a motel will liven up her sex life with Al only to discover that their most intimate moments have been videotaped by the management.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Intervention
Brown gets hooked on the lotto and the family and the residents plan an intervention. Brianna freaks out when a boy, Jamal, makes an innocent pass at her.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the New Job
Cora is given a full-time teaching job at the high school by the attractive principal, Mr. Hughes, and is immediately challenged when troublesome Angie shows up to class, drunk. After discovering he's lost his nest egg, the Colonel has to try to get a job.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Gypsy Cried, The
When a gypsy fortune teller predicts disaster for Marcy and good fortune for Al, Steve and Peggy, Marcy insists that they accompany her on a plane trip to New York, first class, of course.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Requiem for a Dead Barber
When Al's long-time barber passes on, Al is forced to face the fact that the old-fashioned barber shop is a thing of the past and resigns himself to a future of beauty salon haircuts.
TV-PG
 

Thursday, September 25

6:00 am
Married With Children
Eatin' Out
When the Bundy's receive a modest inheritance check from Peg's deceased uncle, they decide to splurge and eat out at an elegant restaurant.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Nature Calls
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
My Mom, the Mom
Peggy is the hit of Mother/Daughter Career Day at Kelly's school when she instructs the girls in the art of being a housewife, including demonstrations of wallet pilfering and mastering the TV remote control.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Can't Dance, Don't Ask Me (aka Kelly's Dance)
When Kelly is faced with a choice of getting kicked out of school or joining the tap dance club, she swallows her pride, buckles on her tap shoes and performs some dirty dancing that leaves the audience sweating in their seats.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Three Job, No Income Family, A
When Peggy gets a job selling cosmetics and brings home more money than Al, he gets a second job to regain his self-respect, but still finds himself losing the breadwinning game.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Hubby
Edna asks Brown to pretend to be her husband when an old friend comes to town. Sasha and London clash when London takes Brianna to a concert behind Sasha's back.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Living with Liz
Liz unexpectantly visits and ends up staying with the Payne's for a while and Curtis is not happy.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Secret Admirer
An unsigned love note causes nearly everyone in the Tanner family to believe he or she has a secret admirer.
TV-G
10:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Feel a Whole Lot Better
TV-PG
10:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Niagara Part 1
The Dunder Mifflin staff head to Niagara Falls for Jim and Pam's wedding, with the understanding that her pregnancy is a forbidden discussion topic, but Jim's slip of the tongue prods Michael to attempt damage control.
TV-PG
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2009
Clips include unusual sneezes, golf mishaps and a cat who jumps on to a counter to attack a freshly baked cake. Also, a salute to the "Land of 10,000 Lakes," with clips submitted from Minnesota.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
American Prankster
A series of escalating pranks between Rallo and Cleveland Jr. lands Rallo in court, where he's sentenced to serve time in juvenile hall.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
B.M.O.C.
While researching potential colleges for Roberta to attend, Cleveland visits his old fraternity, where he's made a fool of; Rallo becomes a substitute for Junior's stuffed animal.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Oedipal Panties
When Stan's mom gets dumped for the umpteenth time by a boyfriend, she comes running to Stan for support. Feeling threatened by her always-visiting mother-in-law, Francine is determined to cut Stan's umbilical cord and figure out what keeps going wrong with the men in her life. Like a regular Cagney & Lacey, Francine and Roger go undercover to solve the case. Meanwhile, Klaus gives Steve the ick.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Widowmaker
Francine pushes Stan to open up to her emotionally, but she gets more than she bargained for when he tells her that he killed her best friend Julie's husband. Meanwhile, Roger plays psychiatrist to help them work through their issues.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Red October Sky
Stan goes in search of a former KGB agent, Sergei, and is shocked to find that the man is his new next-door neighbor and that Sergei has already turned Steve into a communist. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head to France for a little R&R but their trip takes a turn for the worse when Klaus gets busted for drug smuggling.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Office Spaceman
When the CIA initiates an Alien Task Force, a peculiar twist of fate puts Roger in charge of the task force in disguise, who marks Stan as an alien to protect his own identity. Meanwhile Francine comes to grips with being left-handed.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Twisted Sitters
Doug and Carrie are caught in embarrassing circumstances while looking after Deacon and Kelly's children.
TV-14
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Better Camera
Doug surprises Carrie with a new camera for Christmas.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Impractical Jokers
Loser Presents, A
Four friends compete to embarrass each other in the ultimate hidden camera showdown. The guys return to White Castle to serve up a new round of mischief, pose as bouncers at a nightclub, and offer phony horoscope readings in a mall.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Impractical Jokers
Theater del Absurado
Four friends compete to embarrass each other in the ultimate hidden camera showdown. The guys raise money for absurd charities at a donut shop, join diners mid-meal in a Chinese restaurant, and offer unsolicited advice to shoppers in a mall.
TV-14
5:00 pm
Impractical Jokers
Elephant in the Room
Four friends compete to embarrass each other in the ultimate hidden camera showdown. The guys mouth off to patients in a dentist's office, toss popcorn at movie goers in a theater, and take photos for their outrageous blogs in a public park.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Impractical Jokers
Out of Fashion
Four friends compete to embarrass each other in the ultimate hidden camera showdown. The guys host a taste test with embarrassing survey questions, haggle over priceless pieces of junk at a flea market, and tank as attendants at a gas station.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Maid, The
Jerry begins a relationship with his maid (Angela Featherstone); George wants a nickname.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Ex-Girlfriend, The
George puzzles over how to dump a domineering girlfriend.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pony Remark, The
Jerry thinks his off-the-cuff remark killed a woman.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Busboy, The
A busboy loses his job and his cat because of George.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Nerdvana Annihilation, The
When the delivery of a full-size prop of 1960's The Time Machine makes Penny miss work, she scolds Leonard about his sci-fi collectibles. He decides it's time to give up such childish pursuits.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Pork Chop Indeterminacy, The
The rest of the gang fall for Sheldon's twin sister, and Leonard's plan to win her heart is derailed when Sheldon declares he'll be the one to decide who can date her.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Peanut Reaction, The
Penny wants to throw a surprise party for Leonard, but Sheldon's indulgence at an electronics store throws her off-track.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Tangerine Factor, The
Penny's break-up spurs Leonard to summon the courage to ask her out, and each goes to Sheldon for advice on their upcoming date.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bad Fish Paradigm, The
Penny opens up to a reluctant Sheldon after a less-than-stellar first date with Leonard, placing him in the uncomfortable position of having to keep a secret.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Codpiece Topology, The
Seeing Penny with another guy sends Leonard back to Leslie Winkle (Sarah Gilbert), much to Sheldon's dismay.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4627
Guests: Bill Hader, Chelsea Peretti, Norah Jones
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Niagara Part 2
The Dunder Mifflin staff head to Niagara Falls for Jim and Pam's wedding, with the understanding that her pregnancy is a forbidden discussion topic, but Jim's slip of the tongue prods Michael to attempt damage control.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4627
Guests: Bill Hader, Chelsea Peretti, Norah Jones
TV-14
1:30 am
Movie
Norbit
Norbit has never had it easy. As a baby, he was abandoned on the steps of a Chinese restaurant/orphanage and raised by Mr. Wong. Things get worse when he''s forced into marriage by the mean, junk food-chugging queen, Rasputia. Just when Norbit''s hanging by his last thread, his childhood sweetheart, Kate, moves back to town.
TV-PG
3:30 am
Married With Children
Harder They Fall, The
After Peggy gives the highway salute to a rude driver while in the Rhoades' car, Steve is obsessed with the fear that the enraged driver - a possible ex-con - may come looking for him.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the H.B.I.C
Cora and Sasha battle over who runs the household. Brown decides to hold a safety drill at Brown Meadows.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Troublemaker
A student who is being bullied brings a gun to Cora's classroom. London is saddened when she realizes her probation is almost over and she'll be leaving Brown Meadows.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
House That Peg Lost, The
When Steve and Marcy return from vacation after entrusting the keys to their house to Peggy, they're shocked to find a big hole where their house used to be.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Prom Queen (1)
In this two-part story, Peggy and Al attend the Polk High School Reunion where Peggy is determined to defeat her old nemesis for the title of Reunion Queen.
TV-PG
 

Friday, September 26

6:00 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Prom Queen: the Sequel (2)
Peggy vigorously campaigns for the title of Reunion Queen while Al settles an old score with a former classmate at the Polk High School Reunion.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Shy Dial
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Computer Show, The
Peggy brings the family closer to the poorhouse when she insists on buying a home computer.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Dateless Amigo, The
When Bud finds it difficult to line up a date, he resorts to the next best thing - a mannequin -with a penchant for losing her head.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Life's a Beach
When Al decides the Bundy clan needs to spend quality time together, they pack up the suntan oil, bug spray and portable TV and head for the beach.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Bully
A troubled boy brings a gun to Cora's class after repeated bullying. London tries to sabotage her community service so she can stay at Brown Meadows.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Beat Down, The
Ella and Claretha are preparing for the clothing drive at the Firehouse when Sheila, a woman being abused by her boyfriend, stops by to drop off a few things. Meanwhile, Delante dates to women.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Danny in Charge
When Joey and Jesse go on a camping trip, Danny discovers that the duties of a single parent can be overwhelming.
TV-G
10:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Breakdown
TV-PG
10:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Finding Out
TV-PG
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2010
Clips in this holiday episode include a kid with a seemingly endless Christmas list that he recites to a poor Santa in a department store, and a little boy who tricks his mom into looking away so he can steal the cookies left for Santa.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Jesus Walks
A cute girl entices Cleveland Jr. to join the church choir; Cleveland thinks Donna may be cheating on him.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Flush of Genius
Cleveland attempts to make toilet seats safer; Rallo thinks he's tall enough to ride his favorite rollercoaster.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold
After officially being declared dead do to an accident, Stan comes back to life and realizes he dreams of leaving a legacy on the world. He excavates his home in search of Ollie Norths Contra-band buried treasure.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Spring Break-Up
With Francine gone to visit her parents, Roger holds a Spring Break blowout at the Smith house. During the festivities, Stan falls for a "Spring Break Buddy" and Steve is on the verge of losing his virginity.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
1600 Candles
In this Emmy nominated episode, the Smiths' plans to celebrate Roger's 1,600th birthday are sidetracked when Steve announces that he's finally going through puberty. Ever fearful of the thought of a Steve with raging hormones, Stan and Francine try to bypass the pains by having experimental medicine injected into Steve's head.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
One That Got Away, The
Roger discovers that one of his personas has taken on a life of his own. Back at home, the Smith family becomes addicted to the 1970s electronic game "Simon."
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Wedding Presence
Doug and Carrie try to come up with an excuse not to attend a wedding.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Papa Pill
Doug learns that taking care of Arthur is not an easy task.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Donor, The
Monica and Chandler interview unsuspecting candidates, hoping to find the right man to father their baby.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After Joey and Rachel Kiss, The
In Barbados, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe eavesdrop on their friends' passionate encounters; Monica styles her hair to look like a blowfish; Phoebe and Mike rekindle their romance.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Is Fine, The
Ross drinks too much alcohol at dinner with Rachel, Joey and Charlie; Frank Jr. (Giovanni Ribisi) cannot cope with his precocious triplets.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Tan, The
Rachel and Joey nervously anticipate their first real date; Monica and Phoebe try to avoid an obnoxious friend (Jennifer Coolidge) with a fake British accent; Ross emerges from a tanning booth with a two-toned appearance.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Baby Shower, The
Kramer persuades Jerry to get illegal cable service; guest Christine Dunford.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Jacket, The
Jerry loves an expensive suede jacket until he buys it.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Chinese Restaurant, The
Jerry, Elaine and George need reservations at a Chinese restaurant.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Phone Message, The
George regrets a nasty message he put on a date's answering machine.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Grumpy Old Man
After Lois's father, Carter, falls asleep while driving, the Griffins realize he is getting close to retirement, and visit retirement communities in Florida.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Quagmire and Meg
When Meg turns 18, Peter and Lois attempt to keep Quagmire from seducing their daughter.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Blind Side, The
Brian starts dating a blind girl and things get a little crazy when she says that she hates dogs. Meanwhile, the Griffin family installs a new staircase in their home when Peter keeps falling on the old one and decides to live upstairs full-time.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
17 Again
At 17 Mike O'Donell (Zac Efron) was on top of the world; he was a basketball star and was a shoe in for a college scholarship. But on what's supposed to be his big game where college scouts are checking him out, His girlfriend Scarlett reveals that she's pregnant. Mike decides to leave the game and asks Scarlett to marry him. During their marriage, Mike could only whine about the life he lost because he married her. So she throws him out. And when he loses his job, he returns to the only place he's happy at - his old high school. And while looking at his high school photo, a janitor asks him if he wishes he could be 17 again and he says yes. One night while driving he sees the janitor on a bridge and apparently jumps in and he goes after him. When he returns to his friend Ned's house, where he has been staying, he sees that he is 17 again. He decides to take this opportunity to get the life he lost.
TV-14
11:45 pm
Movie (DVS)
Definitely, Maybe
A thirtysomething Manhattan dad is in the midst of a divorce when his 10-year-old daughter, Maya, starts to question him about his life before marriage. Maya wants to know absolutely everything about how her parents met and fell in love: Will's story begins in 1992, as a young, starry-eyed aspiring politician who moves to New York from Wisconsin in order to work on the presidential campaign. For Maya, Will relives his past as an idealistic young man learning the 'ins' and 'outs' of big city politics, and recounts the history of his romantic relationships with three very different women. Will hopelessly attempts a gentler version of his story for his daughter, and changes the names so Maya has to guess who is the woman her father finally married. Is her mother Will's college sweetheart, the dependable girl next door Emily? Is she his longtime best friend and confidante, the apolitical April? Or is she the free-spirited but ambitious journalist Summer? As Maya puts together the pieces of her dad's romantic puzzle, she begins to understand that love is not so simple or easy. And as Will tells her his tale, Maya helps him to understand that it's definitely never too late to go back--and maybe even possible to find a happy ending.
TV-14
2:15 am
Movie
American Wedding
With Great East Falls High now just a memory, the kids have grown into adults ready to wreak havoc with a new rite of passage: Jim and Michelle are getting married--in a hurry. Jim's grandmother is sick and wants to see Jim walk down the aisle, so they're going for it in two frantic weeks. Stifler plans to be there (for the bridesmaids!) and, more importantly, to throw the ultimate bachelor party (for the strippers!). Finch is all for the hedonistic rituals, but not for letting Stifler steal the maid of honor, who happens to be Michelle's sexy younger sister, Cadence. But while everybody else sweats and frets, Jim's Dad is cool as ever, dispensing advice that no one wants to hear and getting ready for one of the best days of his life.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Here's Lookin' at You, Kid
When a neighborhood peeping tom has taken a peek at everyone on the block except Peggy, she tries to rectify the situation by leaving milk, cookies and a ladder.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Hot off the Grill
In honor of Labor Day, Al Bundy "treats" Peggy, Kelly, Bud, Steve and Marcy to an oldfashioned barbecue - Bundy style.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Jeff Foxworthy Show, The
Where the Donuts are Good, Not Great
Karen's lack of enthusiasm about their new hometown creates some friction with Jeff.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Jeff Foxworthy Show, The
Gift, The
When his philandering gets him thrown out of the house, Karen invites Jeff's dad to stay.
TV-PG
 

Saturday, September 27

6:00 am
Full House
Happy New Year
Joey doesn't have a date for New Year's Eve, so Jesse and Danny enroll him in a video dating service.
TV-G
6:30 am
Full House
Working Girl
D.J. takes a job at the mall to earn some money for an expensive pair of shoes, while Jesse and Rebecca set a wedding date--and location.
TV-G
7:00 am
Full House
Ol' Brown Eyes
D.J. is horrified when she learns that her father, Danny, wants to sing at her school dance.
TV-G
7:30 am
Full House
Stephanie Gets Framed
Stephanie is upset when she finds out she needs to wear glasses and is worried that her classmates will ridicule her. Her neighbor Steve Urkel gives her some tips on how to handle her classmates.
TV-G
8:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Expectations
C.J. and Janine attend a fight party with their significant others and surprises arise. Meanwhile, Curtis meets a guy he thinks might be his son.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Naked Truth
An overwhelmed Sasha has a night out and comes home tipsy -- to Brianna's shock. Brown and the Colonel attend an art class but to Brown's surprise Colonel is the model.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Paint Misbehavin'
The gang plays paintball to celebrate Deacon's birthday.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Hi-Def Jam
Doug wants to watch the Super Bowl on a high-definition television.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Deacon Blues
Doug is surprised to find his married friend Deacon out with another woman.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Definitely, Maybe
A thirtysomething Manhattan dad is in the midst of a divorce when his 10-year-old daughter, Maya, starts to question him about his life before marriage. Maya wants to know absolutely everything about how her parents met and fell in love: Will's story begins in 1992, as a young, starry-eyed aspiring politician who moves to New York from Wisconsin in order to work on the presidential campaign. For Maya, Will relives his past as an idealistic young man learning the 'ins' and 'outs' of big city politics, and recounts the history of his romantic relationships with three very different women. Will hopelessly attempts a gentler version of his story for his daughter, and changes the names so Maya has to guess who is the woman her father finally married. Is her mother Will's college sweetheart, the dependable girl next door Emily? Is she his longtime best friend and confidante, the apolitical April? Or is she the free-spirited but ambitious journalist Summer? As Maya puts together the pieces of her dad's romantic puzzle, she begins to understand that love is not so simple or easy. And as Will tells her his tale, Maya helps him to understand that it's definitely never too late to go back--and maybe even possible to find a happy ending.
TV-14
1:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
17 Again
At 17 Mike O'Donell (Zac Efron) was on top of the world; he was a basketball star and was a shoe in for a college scholarship. But on what's supposed to be his big game where college scouts are checking him out, His girlfriend Scarlett reveals that she's pregnant. Mike decides to leave the game and asks Scarlett to marry him. During their marriage, Mike could only whine about the life he lost because he married her. So she throws him out. And when he loses his job, he returns to the only place he's happy at - his old high school. And while looking at his high school photo, a janitor asks him if he wishes he could be 17 again and he says yes. One night while driving he sees the janitor on a bridge and apparently jumps in and he goes after him. When he returns to his friend Ned's house, where he has been staying, he sees that he is 17 again. He decides to take this opportunity to get the life he lost.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Cake, The
An X-rated cake is delivered to Emma's first birthday party.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits, The
Rachel convinces her sister (Christina Applegate) to baby-sit over Ross' protests; Joey writes a letter to an adoption agency on Monica and Chandler's behalf.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Grant, The
When Ross interviews with Charlie's ex-boyfriend (Greg Kinnear) for a prized grant, the doctor makes a shocking stipulation; Chandler lies about watching Joey's bizarre audition tape.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Home Study, The
Monica and Chandler fuss over their apartment as they expect a visit from the adoption worker (Maria Pitillo); Phoebe and Mike opt for a small wedding and donate the extra money to a children's charity.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Horizontal Hold
Carrie begins to question her relationship with Doug.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Package Deal
Doug quits his job to work for a competitor; Carrie acquires a self-tanning cream addiction.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Power of No, The
Ray's latest manipulative plan involves constantly turning down Debra in the bedroom.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Pat's Secret
Robert discovers Pat smoking and she pleads for him not to tell. Later, when Amy smells smoke on Robert, she thinks Robert smokes. . Robert gets yelled at, and Pat doesn't tell the truth or back him up.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Finale
Ray fears getting his adenoids removed, but Debra convinces him to go through with the surgery.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Pilot
Sportswriter Ray Barone has parents who like to mind his business.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Barbarian Sublimation, The
Penny becomes addicted to an online game based on the world of Conan the Barbarian and persistantly pesters Sheldon for advice.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Griffin Equivalency, The
Full of confidence following being named one of People's "30 to Watch Under 30", Raj hits on Penny and becomes impossibly arrogant.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Euclid Alternative, The
An intervention is used to try to force Sheldon to overcome his fear of driving.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem, The
Sheldon, and his friends, are mystified when a younger undergraduate student is attracted to him.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Panty Pinata Polarization, The
When Sheldon bans Penny from the apartment for numerous minor infractions, she decides to retaliate. Howard and Raj search for the America's Next Top Model house.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Lizard-Spock Expansion, The
Sheldon wants to use an alternate version of rock-paper-scissors to help resolve conflicts. A girl (Sara Rue) Wolowitz has a major crush on falls for Leonard.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Hitch
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens is a legendary--and deliberately anonymous--New York City "date doctor" who, for a fee, has helped countless men woo the women of their dreams. While coaching Albert, a meek accountant who is smitten with a glamorous celebrity, Allegra Cole, Hitch finally meets his match in the person of the gorgeous, whip-smart Sara Melas, a gossip columnist who follows Allegra''s every move. The ultimate professional bachelor, Hitch suddenly finds himself falling deliriously in love with Sarah, a reporter whose biggest scoop could very well be the unmasking of Manhattan''s most famous date doctor.
TV-14
1:30 am
Movie
My Baby's Daddy
Lonnie, Dominic and ''G'' are three bachelor buddies from the hood who, after a lifetime of hard-partying, are in for a crude awakening when their respective girlfriends all get pregnant at the same time. The fathers-to-be embark on an emotional journey while learning as much about themselves as they do about love and fatherhood.
TV-14
3:15 am
TBS Network Preview
Episode 1
A backstage peek at TBS's original programs.
3:30 am
Married With Children
Dead Men Don't Do Aerobics
When Peggy wins a personalized workout with TV fitness host Jim Jupiter, "the healthiest man in Chicago," he sets out to change her unhealthful lifestyle, but she changes his instead.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Married With Children
Buck Saves the Day
When Al and Steve take Bud and his friends on a camping trip, Kelly sees a friendly poker game with the girls as a chance to earn money for a rock concert.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Tooth or Consequences
Stricken with a toothache, Al reluctantly visits a dentist for the first time, leaving him in too much pain to enjoy the family meal that Peggy has begrudgingly agreed to prepare.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Jeff Foxworthy Show, The
My Dinner with Betty
Jeff is upset when Karen invites a close friend's ex-wife for dinner.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
He Ain't Much, But He's Mine
When a flashy blond at the beauty parlor brags about her affair with a married man, Peggy worries that Al is picking up more than a spare on his bowling night.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, September 28

6:00 am
Married With Children
Fair Exchange
The Bundys are elated over the extra income they receive when they house a foreign exchange student, but Kelly gets a run for her money when the student turns out to be a beautiful, sexy French girl.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Birth Mother, The
A prospective birth mother (Anna Faris) labors under a misconception about Monica and Chandler's respective occupations.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Gets Caught, The
Rachel and Phoebe spot Chandler getting into a vehicle with a mysterious blond woman.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where the Stripper Cries, The
Joey appears as a celebrity contestant on ``$100,000 Pyramid''; Monica and Rachel hire an ungainly stripper (Danny DeVito) for Phoebe's bachelorette party.
TV-14
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Phoebe's Wedding, The
A blizzard causes Phoebe and Mike's wedding to spiral out of control; uptight Monica steps in as her friend's wedding planner, then drives everyone crazy.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Movie
Lottery Ticket
Kevin Carson a young man living in the projects, is just an ordinary Guy -- until he wins $370 million in the Mondo Millions Lottery. That's the good news. The bad news is, the lottery claim office is closed for the long Fourth of July weekend, so, before he can collect his prize, Kevin is going to have to figure out how to keep a lid on his good fortune and survive the next three days. As news of his windfall spreads through the community like a grass fire, Kevin quickly discovers the good, the bad and the ugly in his closest friends and neighbors. Girls who could never be bothered before start chasing him down. Everyone wants a piece of him-including the reverend, the local loan shark and one very threatening recent parolee won't take no for an answer. On edge and on the run, he even begins to question the intentions of his best friend, Benny. He also starts to realize the power he holds in his hands and what this lottery ticket could really mean to him, his future, and the community. It's funny what people will do when money is involved.
TV-14
10:30 am
Movie
Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys
Wealthy socialite Charlotte Cartwright and her dear friend Alice Pratt, a working class woman of high ideals, have enjoyed a lasting friendship throughout many years. Suddenly, their lives become mired in turmoil as their adult children's extramarital affairs, unethical business practices and a dark paternity secret threaten to derail family fortunes and unravel the lives of all involved. Alice's self-centered newlywed daughter Andrea is betraying her trusting husband Chris by engaging in a torrid affair with her boss and mother's best friend's son William. While cheating on his wife Jillian with a string of ongoing dalliances with his mistress Andrea, William's true focus is to replace the COO of his mother's lucrative construction corporation. Meanwhile, Alice's other daughter Pam, a kind but no nonsense woman married to a hard working construction worker, tries to steer the family in a more positive direction. While paternity secrets, marital infidelity, greed and unsavory business dealings threaten to derail both families, Charlotte and Alice decide to take a breather from it all by making a cross-country road trip in which they rediscover themselves and possibly find a way to save their families from ruin.
TV-14
12:30 pm
MLB on tbs (CC)
MLB on Deck
1:00 pm
MLB on tbs (CC)
Game 13
4:00 pm
Movie
My Baby's Daddy
Lonnie, Dominic and ''G'' are three bachelor buddies from the hood who, after a lifetime of hard-partying, are in for a crude awakening when their respective girlfriends all get pregnant at the same time. The fathers-to-be embark on an emotional journey while learning as much about themselves as they do about love and fatherhood.
TV-14
5:45 pm
Movie (DVS)
Hitch
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens is a legendary--and deliberately anonymous--New York City "date doctor" who, for a fee, has helped countless men woo the women of their dreams. While coaching Albert, a meek accountant who is smitten with a glamorous celebrity, Allegra Cole, Hitch finally meets his match in the person of the gorgeous, whip-smart Sara Melas, a gossip columnist who follows Allegra''s every move. The ultimate professional bachelor, Hitch suddenly finds himself falling deliriously in love with Sarah, a reporter whose biggest scoop could very well be the unmasking of Manhattan''s most famous date doctor.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Big Happy Family
Madea, a wise-cracking, take-no-prisoners grandma, jumps into action when her niece, Shirley, receives distressing news about her health. All Shirley wants is to gather her three adult children around her and share the news as a family. But Tammy, Kimberly and Byron are too distracted by their own problems: Tammy can't manage her unruly children or her broken marriage; Kimberly is gripped with anger and takes it out on her husband; and Byron, after spending two years in jail, is under pressure to deal drugs again. It's up to Madea, with the help of the equally rambunctious Aunt Bam, to gather the clan together and make things right the only way she knows how: with a lot of tough love, laughter, and the revelation of a long-buried family secret.
TV-14
10:15 pm
Movie (DVS)
Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail
After a high-speed freeway chase puts Madea in front of the judge, her reprieve is short-lived as anger management issues get the best of her and land her in jail. A gleeful Joe couldn't be happier at Madea's misfortune. But Madea's eccentric family members the Browns rally behind her, lending their special "country" brand of support. Meanwhile, Assistant District Attorney Joshua Hardaway is on the fast track to career success. But Hardaway lands a case too personal to handle--defending young prostitute and former drug addict Candace Washington--and asks his fiancée and fellow ADA Linda Holmes to fill in on his behalf. When Candace ends up in jail, Madea befriends the young woman, protecting her in a "motherly" way as only Madea can.
TV-14
12:30 am
Movie
Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys
Wealthy socialite Charlotte Cartwright and her dear friend Alice Pratt, a working class woman of high ideals, have enjoyed a lasting friendship throughout many years. Suddenly, their lives become mired in turmoil as their adult children's extramarital affairs, unethical business practices and a dark paternity secret threaten to derail family fortunes and unravel the lives of all involved. Alice's self-centered newlywed daughter Andrea is betraying her trusting husband Chris by engaging in a torrid affair with her boss and mother's best friend's son William. While cheating on his wife Jillian with a string of ongoing dalliances with his mistress Andrea, William's true focus is to replace the COO of his mother's lucrative construction corporation. Meanwhile, Alice's other daughter Pam, a kind but no nonsense woman married to a hard working construction worker, tries to steer the family in a more positive direction. While paternity secrets, marital infidelity, greed and unsavory business dealings threaten to derail both families, Charlotte and Alice decide to take a breather from it all by making a cross-country road trip in which they rediscover themselves and possibly find a way to save their families from ruin.
TV-14
2:30 am
Movie
Lottery Ticket
Kevin Carson a young man living in the projects, is just an ordinary Guy -- until he wins $370 million in the Mondo Millions Lottery. That's the good news. The bad news is, the lottery claim office is closed for the long Fourth of July weekend, so, before he can collect his prize, Kevin is going to have to figure out how to keep a lid on his good fortune and survive the next three days. As news of his windfall spreads through the community like a grass fire, Kevin quickly discovers the good, the bad and the ugly in his closest friends and neighbors. Girls who could never be bothered before start chasing him down. Everyone wants a piece of him-including the reverend, the local loan shark and one very threatening recent parolee won't take no for an answer. On edge and on the run, he even begins to question the intentions of his best friend, Benny. He also starts to realize the power he holds in his hands and what this lottery ticket could really mean to him, his future, and the community. It's funny what people will do when money is involved.
TV-14
4:30 am
Married With Children
Desperately Seeking Miss October
Al panics when Peggy sells his beloved collection of Playboy magazines to buy a good luck idol to help her win the lottery.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
976-SHOE
Al tries to cash in on his knowledge of shoe business by starting a shoe hotline.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Oh, What a Feeling
When Al's car bites the dust, he digs up his nest egg and heads for the auto showroom to wheel and deal for the car of his dreams.
TV-PG
 

Monday, September 29

6:00 am
Full House
Fish Called Martin, A
Michelle's new fish, Martin, dies tragically when she gives him a bubble bath. In order to attract a boy she knows, D.J. learns all about his favorite topic--cars.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Cheating
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
At the Zoo
After couch potato in-training Steve is fired, he plays hooky from his job hunt to go to the zoo, determined to save a sea turtle named Bosco.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Who'll Stop the Rain
A rainstorm brings out the handyman in Al, who doggedly attempts to fix a leaky roof.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
I Love You
Ray cannot utter those three little words to his spouse.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Frank the Writer
Frank submits a column idea to Ray's editor.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Change-Up, The
Growing up together, Mitch and Dave were inseparable best friends, but as the years have passed they've slowly drifted apart. While Dave is an overworked lawyer, husband and father of three, Mitch has remained a single, quasi-employed man-child who has never met a responsibility he liked. To Mitch, Dave has it all: beautiful wife Jamie, kids who adore him and a high-paying job at a prestigious law firm. To Dave, living Mitch's stress free life without obligation or consequence would be a dream come true. Following a drunken night out together, Mitch and Dave's worlds are turned upside down when they wake up in each other's bodies and proceed to freak out. Despite the freedom from their normal routines and habits, the guys soon discover that each other's lives are nowhere near as rosy as they once seemed. Further complicating matters are Dave's sexy legal associate, Sabrina, and Mitch's estranged father. With time not on their side, Mitch and Dave struggle to avoid completely destroying each other's lives before they can find a way to get their old ones back.
TV-14
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2011
"Muppetpalooza" features guest appearances from Miss Piggy, Kermit and other favorites. Clips in this episode include what happens when a dog really does eat one girl's homework, wedding mishaps, kitchen disasters and a not-so-bright canine who tries to find the cat whose image appears on a computer laptop.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Mama Drama
As Mother's Day approaches, Cleveland hires an actress to impersonate Dee Dee, Donna's estranged mother.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
All You Can Eat
After undergoing a stylish makeover, Cleveland Junior asks a girl to accompany him to the school prom. Mistakenly believing that Junior is a lesbian like her, the girl accepts.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
One Little Word
When Stan becomes his boss' new advisor, he feels like he can't say no to anything, not even outrageous personal requests. But when Francine gets involved in the situation and his annoying "yes-man" antics ruin her Valentine's Day vacation, she does everything in her power to force him to say "no".
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Choosey Wives Choose Smith
Stan becomes jealous when he finds out Francine was once engaged to a pilot whose plane crashed, and that she seemed to settle for Stan before learning her former fiancé was still alive. He and Roger try to track the man down, while Francine must choose between her husband or her lost love.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Escape from Pearl Bailey
Steve plots revenge against Lisa Silver and the cool kids after Debbie loses her bid to become Student Council president. But when the cool kids stage a counterattack, will Steve and his friends survive
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Pulling Double Booty
Hayley's boyfriend, Jeff, breaks up with her and Hayley, after going on a short rampage through the mall after the break up, falls for Stan's body double, Bill, from the CIA. Things take a bizarre twist when the double begins hitting on Francine. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve get their first summer job at a Chinese chicken hatchery.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Separation Anxiety
Doug and Carrie have different opinions about Deacon and Kelly's separation and share them with each other.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Inner Tube
After lying to Carrie, Doug dreams he appears on a variety of television shows.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Speaks French, The
Monica and Chandler show Erica (Anna Faris) the sights but also learn their baby's biological father might be an unsavory character; Joey begs Phoebe to teach him how to speak French before an audition.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Princess Consuela, The
Rachel goes to a job interview at a restaurant and winds up sitting next to her current boss; Joey feels abandoned because Monica and Chandler are leaving.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Estelle Dies, The
Ross tries to win back Rachel's job with her former fashion employer; Phoebe tries to keep Joey from learning about his agent's death; Monica and Chandler make a horrifying discovery.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's Going Away Party
One of the guys becomes offended when Rachel does not give him the same goodbye she gives the others.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Apartment, The
Jerry regrets encouraging Elaine to move into his building.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Stranded, The
Waiting for a ride, Jerry and Elaine keep a party's host up late.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Statue, The
Jerry thinks a friend stole his statue, but doesn't know how to get it back.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Heart Attack, The
George thinks he's having a heart attack.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Burning Down the Bayit
Overwhelmed with financial troubles, Mort asks Peter and Quagmire to help him save his pharmacy. However, things take a turn for the worse when the trio decides to burn it down to collect insurance money.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Killer Queen
When Peter and Chris go away to fat camp, they cross paths with a serial killer who targets overweight kids. Meanwhile, Stewie is traumatized by the frightening cover of a Queen album.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bath Item Gift Hypothesis, The
Sheldon irks the gangs with his obession with proper Christmas gift protocol. Lenoard's crushed when Penny dates a colleague of his.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Killer Robot Instability, The
Penny's criticism of Wolowitz's romantic life pushes him into depression and AWOL for a fighting robot battle the rest of guys are depending on him for.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Friendship Algorithim, The
Looking to get friendly with Barry Kripke to gain access to a piece of high-tech lab equipment, Sheldon develops a flowchart process to make friends.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Financial Permeability, The
When Sheldon loans money to Penny so she can pay her rent, it leads to Leonard coming face-to-face with her ex, Kurt.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4628
TV-14
12:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
All Mixed Up
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4628
TV-14
1:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Let Yourself Go
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie
Final Destination 3
On what should be one of the happiest days of her life, high school senior Wendy joins her friends for a graduation night celebration at a local amusement park. As they're about to board a roller coaster, Wendy is suddenly spooked. Her boyfriend Jason reassures her that it's merely the act of relinquishing control that's giving her the jitters. Wendy overcomes her fear, but no sooner has the pneumatic harness descended, securing her in her seat, than Wendy experiences a vivid premonition of a fatal accident in which the roller coaster becomes a death trap for her and her friends. Emerging from her terrifying vision and still on the ride platform, Wendy freaks out and demands to be let off. Her classmate, Kevin, who's seated beside her, feels compelled to accompany Wendy. As they're leaving, Lewis taunts Kevin, calling him a wimp. Insults turn to blows, others join the scuffle, and soon a handful of students are forcibly ejected from the ride. As they watch from below, Wendy's premonition proves nightmarishly true--the coaster careens out of control, and all those aboard perish. But that's only about the beginning. Those who survive the disaster discover that fate is hard to escape. They were meant to die--and death is not so easily cheated! It's not long before death comes to claim its next victim, and it's through this tragedy that Wendy realizes there are clues to the survivors' impending demise contained in photos she took at the amusement park that fateful night. As Wendy and Kevin desperately try to interpret the clues that might save lives, one-by-one their friends meet fantastically gruesome ends--and soon it will be their turn.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
It's a Bundyful Life (1)
Despite his rare good intentions, Al fails to make it to the bank in time to withdraw his Christmas Club money, and the Bundy family is destined to go presentless, again, unless Al can find a way to make some quick cash. (Part I of II)
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
It's a Bundyful Life (2)
When Al blows his only chance to give the family a merry Christmas, he miserably wishes that he didn't exist until a not-so-angelic angel shows what life without Al - but with Peggy's loving husband Norman - would be like. (Part II)
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Rock and Roll Girl
Sick and tired of being the sole breadwinner, Al challenges the family to find jobs, but is in for a surprise when Kelly's talents land her the lead as "The Girl" in the Guttercats" music video.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Taxing Problem
About to be audited by the IRS, Al has to come up with a quick five grand and decides to sell Peggy's hair.
TV-PG
 

Tuesday, September 30

6:00 am
Full House
Wedding (Part 1), The
Wanting one last adventure before marriage, Jesse goes skydiving on his wedding day. Unfortunately, he lands in a tree and can't get down.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Chair, The
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
You Gotta Know When to Fold 'Em (1)
About to be audited by the IRS, Al has to come up with a quick five grand and decides to sell Peggy's hair.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
You Gotta Know When to Fold 'Em (2)
When Peg and Marcy lose everything in Las Vegas, Al attempts to win back their money by going into the ring with a lady wrestler. (Part II)
TV-PG
8:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
I Wish I Were Gus
Ray hopes his eulogy for Uncle Gus will resolve a family feud.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Standard Deviation
Robert's psychology project stirs Ray's and Debra's (Ray Romano, Patricia Heaton) competitive streaks.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Due Date
Peter Highman is an expectant first-time father whose wife''s due date is a mere five days away. As Peter hurries to catch a flight home from Atlanta to be at her side for the birth, his best intentions go completely awry when a chance encounter with aspiring actor Ethan Tremblay forces Peter to hitch a ride with Ethan--on what turns out to be a cross-country road trip that will ultimately destroy several cars, numerous friendships and Peter''s last nerve.
TV-14
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2012
Clips include one little boy's hilarious toast at a wedding, funny reactions from people learning that their loved ones are pregnant, a Beluga whale that tries to get a boy's cookie, and practical jokes.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Escape From Goochland
As Halloween approaches...Cleveland and his friends attended a rival high school's football game, only to find themselves stranded in enemy territory; Donna's sexy Halloween costume gets her into trouble with the police; Roberta and Junior dress up as Cleveland and Donna.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Menace II Secret Society
Cleveland discovers the existence of a secret hip hop society after Kenny West refuses to share credit for a hit song they wrote together; Junior starts his own polka band.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Phantom of the Telethon
Stan hosts a CIA telethon to raise a million dollars for their torture programs. Meanwhile, an angry Roger works to sabotage the event. When Roger releases a terrorist at the telethon, Stan must find a way to meet the telethon's goal before everyone is blown up.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Chimdale
Roger, Francine, Hayley, and Klaus head off to the Chimdale Spa for a week of relaxation, but instead are hounded by nosey hotel detective, Ron Turlington. Back at home, Steve discovers that Stan is bald. Betrayed by Stan's deception, Steve steals Stan's wig and sneaks off to Chimdale to tell the family the truth.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Stan Time
Fed up with the lack of time to himself, Stan starts taking experimental CIA pills that allow him to remain fully awake 24/7. Using his newfound "Stan Time," Stan enters the world of competitive classic videogaming. When Francine discovers Stan's pills, she starts off on her own career. As Stan and Francine begin to drift apart, Stan must decide what's more important - "Stan Time" or family time Meanwhile, Steve and Roger write a movie together.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
McStroke
After growing a moustache and then losing it in a fire at McBurgertown, Peter is given a years worth of hamburgers for free. He eats thirty burgers and in turn, he has a stroke, paralyzing the left half of his body. Meanwhile, Stewie makes a bet with Brian that he can become the most popular kid at Meg's school in a week. Using a few catchphrases to the popular kids, he's in.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Departure Time
Doug's parents ask him to sign their living will.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Swim Neighbors
Doug and Carrie's neighbor (Bryan Cranston) builds an above-ground pool that looks directly into their property.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Russ, The
Joey gets a great acting opportunity. Rachel dates a guy who is amazingly similar to Ross. Series star DAVID SCHWIMMER plays a dual role.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Lesbian Wedding, The
Carol and Susan prepare for their wedding, with some help from an uncomfortable Ross. MARLO THOMAS and CANDACE GINGRICH guest star.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After the Super Bowl (Part 1), The
Ross searches for his former pet monkey. Joey dates an obsessed fan. BROOKE SHIELDS, CHRIS ISAAK, ROARK CRITCHLOW, FRED WILLARD and TAHJ MOWRY guest star.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After the Super Bowl (Part 2), The
Ross spends some quality time with Marcel, his former pet monkey. Chandler gets a big surprise from a sexy former classmate. JULIA ROBERTS and JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME guest star.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Revenge, The
George seeks revenge on his ex-boss for not rehiring him.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Deal, The
Jerry and Elaine mull intimacy but without commitment.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pilot
A woman's impending visit excites Jerry, until he learns she's getting married.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
MLB Playoffs
MLB Postseason Pre-Game on TBS presented by the Chrysler 200
8:00 pm
MLB Wild Card
2014 American League Wild Card presented by Budweiser
11:30 pm
MLB Playoffs
Postseason Show on TBS
12:00 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4629
TV-14
1:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Makin' Some Noise
TV-PG
1:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4629
TV-14
2:30 am
Movie
Land of the Lost
Has-been scientist Dr. Rick Marshall, is a man with no weapons, few skills and questionable smarts who must survive an alternate universe full of marauding dinosaurs and fantastic creatures from beyond our world. Marshall has been sucked through a space-time vortex to a place of spectacular sights known as the Land of the Lost. Coming along with him for the adventure are crack-smart research assistant Holly and a redneck souvenirist named Will. Chased by a T. rex and stalked by painfully slow reptiles known as Sleestak, Marshall, Will and Holly must rely on their only ally-a primate called Chaka-to navigate out of the hybrid dimension. Escape from this routine expedition gone awry and they're her s. Get stuck, and they'll be permanent refugees in the Land of the Lost.
TV-14
4:30 am
Married With Children
What Goes Around Comes Around
Bent on revenge, Bud makes a date with the girl who once stole his clothes and ran his underwear up the flagpole.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Raingirl
Al's groveling at the shoe store earns him a five-dollar-a-week-raise, but Kelly bursts his bubble when she announces that she'll be bringing home a thousand bucks a week as a cable TV weather girl.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Peggy Turns 300
Al's one chance at glory is to break the alley record at Jim's Bowlarama, but it's threatened by high-scoring Peggy.
TV-PG
 

Wednesday, October 1

6:00 am
Full House
Wedding (Part 2), The
Jesse is late for his wedding--because he's in jail.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Scavenger Hunt
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Peggy Made a Little Lamb
Peggy is shocked to discover that she never graduated from high school and, needing one additional course to get her diploma, joins Kelly's home economics class.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Agony of Defeet, The
While an ecstatic Al prepares to judge a beauty contest, Marcy awakens on the Bundy couch next to a lipstick-smeared Bud and fears the worst.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Look Don't Touch
Debra fears Ray is flirting with a waitress.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Your Place or Mine
Marie moves in with Raymond and Debra.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie
Land of the Lost
Has-been scientist Dr. Rick Marshall, is a man with no weapons, few skills and questionable smarts who must survive an alternate universe full of marauding dinosaurs and fantastic creatures from beyond our world. Marshall has been sucked through a space-time vortex to a place of spectacular sights known as the Land of the Lost. Coming along with him for the adventure are crack-smart research assistant Holly and a redneck souvenirist named Will. Chased by a T. rex and stalked by painfully slow reptiles known as Sleestak, Marshall, Will and Holly must rely on their only ally-a primate called Chaka-to navigate out of the hybrid dimension. Escape from this routine expedition gone awry and they're her s. Get stuck, and they'll be permanent refugees in the Land of the Lost.
TV-14
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2013
Clips include a Grizzly bear that tries to steal a fisherman's catch, only to be then challenged by a bigger Grizzly; a musical montage of birds attacking people, and a cat giving a dog a massage.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
General Thanksgiving Episode, A
As Thanksgiving approaches...Cleveland opens a bar at the airport; Holt and his estranged father bond when Cleveland becomes trapped on a pilotless airplane.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Turkey Pot Die
As Thanksgiving approaches...Cleveland takes Junior to a turkey farm to pick out holiday dinner, but Junior concocts a plot to set the birds free; Donna and Rallo set to work building a Thanksgiving parade float.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Live and Let Fry
Stan turns to smuggling when trans fat is banned from Langley Falls. But when Inspector Turlington of the Langley Falls police becomes suspicious of Stan, Stan recruits Steve into his illegal enterprise. Now Steve must find a way to keep the trans fat flowing while under Turlington's watch. Meanwhile, Roger helps Klaus claim an inheritance.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Roy Rodgers McFreely
After term limits force Stan out of his position as president of the HOA, Roger steps in as the new leader under the guise of one Roy Rogers McFreely. Roger uses his power to pass new resolutions and by-laws solely to anger Stan, who earlier refused to buy Roger grenadine. Stan teams up with Hayley and plots to have Roger removed from office.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Back to the Woods
Peter and Lois' marriage hits a bit of a snag. When Brian wins the New England Rising Writer's award, the three of them head to Martha's Vineyard for a nice relaxing vacation. Peter's usual drinking habits take over and he soon spirals out of control, as does Brian's self restraint, as he soon professes his love for Lois. Peter and Brian test their friendship over the woman of their dreams.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (SAP)
Forget Me Not
After a car accident, Peter, Brian, Joe, and Quagmire wake up in a hospital with no memory and discover that they're the last people left on Earth.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Sno Job
Doug helps his cousin get a job; Arthur joins a film focus-group.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Pregnant Pause (1)
Carrie learns that she is pregnant.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Prom Video, The
Monica's old home video shows Ross' true feelings for Rachel. Joey gives a gaudy gift to Chandler.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross and Rachel...You Know, The
Ross and Rachel encounter obstacles to romance. Monica becomes enamored with a handsome, older doctor (TOM SELLECK).
TV-14
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Moves Out, The
Monica's parents find out about her middle-aged boyfriend (TOM SELLECK). Chandler and Joey argue -- and it could mean the end of their living arrangement.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Seinfeld
Male Unbonding
Jerry finds ending a friendship harder than ending a romance.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Stakeout, The
Jerry woos an ex-girlfriend's friend.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Robbery, The
Jerry's decision to move sets off a chain of events.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Stock Tip, The
George gives Jerry a bad stock-tip.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Note, The
Jerry tries to help a dentist friend accused of insurance fraud.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Maternal Capacitance, The
A visit from Leonard's mother (Christine Baranski) ends up bringing him and Penny closer.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cushion Saturation, The
Paintball leads to a squabble between Sheldon and Penny, as well as romance between Howard and Leslie.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Terminator Decoupling, The
The gang is thrilled when they see Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles' Summer Glau is also aboard their train to San Francisco for a scientific symposium. Meanwhile, Sheldon frets over having forgotten a paper he wants to present to George Smoot.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Work Song Nanocluster, The
Penny's business selling hair accessories out of her apartment gets out of hand when an over-caffeinated Sheldon takes charge.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Dead Hooker Juxtaposition, The
Penny feels threatened when another sexy woman moves into the apartment building and angered when she senses the guys are being taken advantage of.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hofstadter Isotope, The
A fellow comic book enthusiast's hitting on Penny leads to Leonard, Raj, and Howard going to a bar's Ladies' Night.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4630
TV-14
12:00 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Damage You've Done, The
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4630
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Mafia
Michael meets with an insurance salesman who visits the office and is later convinced by Dwight and Andy that he is part of the mafia. Erin accidentally ruins Pam's painting.
TV-PG
2:00 am
Movie
1408
Renowned horror novelist Mike Enslin believes only in what he can see with his own two eyes. But after a string of best-sellers, discrediting paranormal events in the most infamous haunted houses and graveyards around the world, he has no real proof of the after-life. But Enslin's phantom-free run of long and lonely nights is about to change forever when he checks into suite 1408 of the notorious Dolphin Hotel for his latest project, "Ten Nights in Haunted Hotel Rooms." Defying the warnings of the hotel manager, the author is the first person in years to stay in the reputedly haunted room. Another best-seller may be imminent, but first he must go from skeptic to true believer--and ultimately survive the night.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Yard Sale
When Al discovers Peggy's passion for yard sales has gotten out of hand, he decides that the Bundys should hold one of their own.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Al ... with Kelly
After faking colds to get out of visiting Peggy's mother, Al and Kelly rejoice at their week of freedom, but when Kelly really gets sick, Al is forced to play nursemaid.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
We'll Follow the Sun
Al's plans for a family road trip come to a screeching halt when the Bundys get caught in Labor Day traffic.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Sue Casa, His Casa
No sooner than Al cancels his auto insurance, the kids get into an accident and Al decides to sue, so the Bundys put on their neck braces and "tell it to the judge."
TV-PG
 

Thursday, October 2

6:00 am
Full House
Fuller House
Jesse is sad when he returns from his honeymoon and realizes that it's time to move out of the Tanner house. But Rebecca has a plan that makes everyone happy.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
Big Bust, A
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Unnatural, The
Al's pride is on the line when his softball team threatens to bench him right before the league championship.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Dance Show, The
When an attention-starved Peg meets a charming married man, Andy, Al's in for a surprise when Andy's jealous "husband" shows up on Al's doorstep.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
In-Laws
Ray's well-to-do in-laws (Robert Culp, Katherine Helmond) visit.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Win, Lose or Draw
Ray loses all his money at poker to his dad.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie
Cop Out
Two longtime NYPD partners on the trail of a stolen, rare, mint-condition baseball card find themselves up against a merciless, memorabilia-obsessed gangster. But before they can recover the prized `52 Pafko, they must first rescue a Mexican beauty who holds the key to millions of dollars in off-shore bank accounts-and who has already witnessed one high-profile murder because of them. Veteran detective Jimmy Monr needs to cash in on his perfect Pafko in order to pay for his daughter''s upcoming wedding, but in the tradition of everything that can go wrong--it''s pilfered before he has a chance to collect. Paul Hodges is Jimmy''s partner-against-crime, whose preoccupation with his wife''s alleged infidelity makes it hard for him to keep his eye on the ball, or his mind on the crime. Already in trouble and with nothing left to lose, Jimmy and Paul will have to break all the rules-including enlisting the aid of stoner thief Dave, who''s working Paul''s last nerve as Paul and Jimmy try to work the case.
TV-14
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2014
Clips include kids saying the funniest things, a dreaming puppy that runs in its sleep and a musical montage of fishing mishaps. This week's video salute is to the Evergreen State, with videos submitted from or taking place in Washington.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Vas Deferens Between Men and Women, A
Complications ensue when Donna decides she wants another child; Rallo lands the lead role in a local production of the musical "Annie."
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
'Tis The Cleveland To Be Sorry
As Christmas approaches...Cleveland pretends to be homeless after discovering that food at a local shelter is better than the meals Donna prepares.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Wife Insurance
Stan reveals to Francine that, in the case she should die, he has a back up wife. Enraged with Stan, Francine takes Jim, one of Stan's CIA buddies, as her back up husband. Jealous and realizing that he was wrong, Stan breaks it off with his back up and tells Jim to break it off with Francine. However, Jim confesses that he is in love with Francine and attempts to kill Stan. Now Stan must stop Jim from killing him and taking Francine. Meanwhile Wheels and the Legman (Steve and Roger's detective personas) are on the case trying to find Hayley's lost iPod Shuffle.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
DeLorean Story-An
Frustrated with their lack of common interests, Steve and Stan attempt to bond while on a cross-country trip to find a door for Stan's nearly complete DeLorean. Meanwhile, Roger, Francine and Hayley brainstorm ideas for an adventure to have while Stan and Steve are gone.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
You Can't Do That on Television, Peter
After Peter's favorite children's television show gets cancelled, he takes matters into his own hands by creating and starring in his own show for kids. Meanwhile, Meg begins an internship at the hospital with Dr. Hartman.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Mr. and Mrs. Stewie
Stewie meets a little girl who might be his soulmate; Lois buys twin beds after Peter repeatedly crushes her in his sleep.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Seinfeld
Truth, The
A woman (Valerie Mahaffey) wants to know why George doesn't want to see her.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Seinfeld
Dog, The
Jerry gets stuck sitting for an unruly dog.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Seinfeld
Library, The
The library asks Jerry about a book overdue since 1971.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pen, The
Jerry accepts a gift his parents wanted him to refuse.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Seinfeld
Parking Garage, The
Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer lose their car in a mall parking garage.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
MLB Playoffs
MLB Postseason Pre-Game on TBS presented by the Chrysler 200
6:00 pm
MLB Division Series
Game 2
9:30 pm
MLB Division Series
Game 3
1:00 am
MLB Playoffs
Postseason Show on TBS
1:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4631
TV-14
2:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4631
TV-14
3:30 am
Cougar Town (SAP)
Keeping Me Alive
TV-PG
4:00 am
Married With Children
Kelly Bounces Back
When Al insists that Kelly get a job, she enrolls in modeling school - at Al's expense - and sets her sights on becoming a car showroom model.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Aliens
When Al is visited by mysterious green creatures who creep into his bedroom and take his dirty socks, he's subjected to ridicule by his disbelieving family, but still determined to get proof of his "close encounter."
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Wabbit Season
A stressed-out Al takes up gardening for relaxation but ends up battling a pesky rabbit.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Do Ya Think I'm Sexy
Peggy becomes worried when the neighborhood women suddenly find Al irresistible.
TV-PG
 

Friday, October 3

6:00 am
Full House
Hole in the Wall Gang, The
D.J. and Stephanie accidentally knock a hole in their father's bedroom wall, and they desperately try to fix it before he returns home.
TV-G
6:30 am
Rules of Engagement
After the Lovin'
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
One Down, Two to Go
Peggy goes off the deep end when Kelly decides to leave the nest and get an apartment of her own.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
And Baby Makes Money
Al discovers new-found passion when he learns that he and Peggy stand to inherit a fortune by producing another Bundy baby.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Captain Nemo
Ray coaches a team for the Pizza League basketball championship.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Turkey or Fish
Debra opts for Thanksgiving fish to avoid competing with Marie's cooking.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie
Get Smart
Maxwell Smart is on a mission to thwart the latest plot for world domination by the evil crime syndicate known as KAOS. When the headquarters of U.S. spy agency Control is attacked and the identities of its agents compromised, the Chief has no choice but to promote his ever-eager analyst Maxwell Smart, who has always dreamt of working in the field alongside stalwart superstar Agent 23. Smart is partnered instead with the lovely-but-lethal veteran Agent 99. Given little field experience and even less time, Smart--armed with nothing but a few spy-tech gadgets and his unbridled enthusiasm--must thwart the doomsday plans of KAOS head Siegfried.
TV-14
11:00 am
America's Funniest Home Videos
AFHV #2015
Six previous winners compete for a $100,000 prize. Clips include "The Waterhorse and the Waterworks," a little boy having an emotional reaction to a movie; "Talking Before Take-off," a little girl's reaction to an amusement park ride; "Barking Through the Blinds," a curious Labrador becoming entangled in some discarded window blinds; "The Great Escape," a daring Chihuahua making an escape from a utility room; "Short Ride, Long Fall," an adult on an out-of-control skateboard; and "Amen's Best Friend," a dog that says grace before a meal.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Hustle 'N Bros
Cleveland is shocked when Freight Train adopts Donna's ex-husband, Robert; Junior and Rallo track down lost dogs and use the reward money to pay a debt they owe Donna.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Wide World Of The Cleveland Show, The
As Cleveland and his family travel the world...in Italy, Cleveland must choose between Junior and Rallo to run "the family business;" in Mexico, Junior insists on having a Quinceanera, even though it's for girls; in Japan, Cleveland builds a robot to attend Junior's eating competition.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Every Which Way But Lose
Stan volunteers to coach Steve's junior football team and cuts Steve when he sees how terrible Steve is. Furious with his father, Steve enlists Roger to coach a new football team in an attempt to beat Stan's team and make Stan cry. When Steve and Roger succeed, Stan goes home not to cry, but to kill himself. Now Steve must teach Stan how to lose without wanting to kill himself. Meanwhile, Francine and Hayley compete in a pie baking contest.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Weiner of Our Discontent
For over seventy years Roger has been acting like he's the most important person on the planet, and Stan is sick of it! Stan considers Roger to be a worthless, lazy, lying, cheating, alcoholic slob.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (SAP)
Leggo my Meg-O
Stewie and Brian attempt to track down Meg after she's abducted in Paris by sex slave operatives.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (SAP)
Tea Peter
Peter joins the Tea Party but doesn't discover until it's too late that Carter Pewterschmidt is using the party to get rid of government for his own selfish motives.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Pregnant Pause (2)
Carrie learns that she is pregnant.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Vocal Discord
Carrie and Doug decide marriage counseling is in order and turn to their neighbor for help, but his techniques only make things worse.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Seinfeld
Cafe, The
Jerry tries to help the owner of a deserted neighborhood cafe.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Seinfeld
Tape, The
Elaine puts an erotic message on Jerry's tape recorder; George gets excited.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Seinfeld
Nose Job, The
Jerry reconsiders dating a vacuous actress (Tawny Kitaen); George dates a woman with a big nose.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
MLB Playoffs
MLB Postseason Pre-Game on TBS presented by the Chrysler 200
6:00 pm
MLB Division Series
Game 4
9:30 pm
MLB Division Series
Game 5
1:00 am
MLB Playoffs
Postseason Show on TBS
1:30 am
Movie
Get Smart
Maxwell Smart is on a mission to thwart the latest plot for world domination by the evil crime syndicate known as KAOS. When the headquarters of U.S. spy agency Control is attacked and the identities of its agents compromised, the Chief has no choice but to promote his ever-eager analyst Maxwell Smart, who has always dreamt of working in the field alongside stalwart superstar Agent 23. Smart is partnered instead with the lovely-but-lethal veteran Agent 99. Given little field experience and even less time, Smart--armed with nothing but a few spy-tech gadgets and his unbridled enthusiasm--must thwart the doomsday plans of KAOS head Siegfried.
TV-14
3:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Lover, The
Jim and Pam return from their honeymoon and learn, to their dismay, that Michael is dating Pam's mom. Meanwhile, Dwight gives Jim a "gift"--that has a listening device attached to it.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Koi Pond
Michael is upset when he becomes the butt of all the office jokes after he falls in a koi pond. Andy and Pam go out together on some cold calls, and everybody mistakes them as a married couple.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Double Date
Jim and Pam are out of excuses so they have no choice but to go out with Michael and Helene. Meanwhile, Dwight is strangely doing nice things for everyone in the office.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Murder
The entire office is preoccupied about rumors of Dunder Mifflin's bankruptcy. Michael tries to create a distraction by engaging everyone in murder-mystery game, but Jim wonders if that is a good idea.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Married ... with Who
When Marcy wakes up to discover a man in her bed and a wedding ring on her finger, she gives Peggy and Al the cash to throw her a lavish wedding, but giving Marcy the party of her dreams is the last thing on their minds.
TV-PG
 

Saturday, October 4

6:00 am
Full House
Stephanie Plays the Field
Brett, Stephanie's new boyfriend, plays on the Little League baseball team opposing her team. She's the star pitcher, and when he asks her to cheat so that his team can win the game, Stephanie makes a tough decision.
TV-G
6:30 am
Full House
Joey Goes Hollywood
Joey is cast in a new "Beach Party" television series with the stars of the original 1960s movies, FRANKIE AVALON and ANNETTE FUNICELLO. The whole family visits Hollywood for the taping of the pilot.
TV-G
7:00 am
Full House
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
When D.J. sneaks out of the house, against Danny's wishes, to meet her boyfriend, Ryan, Rebecca is caught in the dual role of being her trusting friend and a responsible adult.
TV-G
7:30 am
Full House
Graduates, The
Seeing his daughters graduate to the next grade level causes Danny to go through a mid-life crisis at the age of thirty-three, which results in a short-lived romance with a 21-year-old woman.
TV-G
8:00 am
King of Queens, The
Like Hell
Doug tries to impress new driver Jared when he learns he was the only one at IPS not invited to Jared's barbecue.
TV-PG
8:30 am
King of Queens, The
Consummate Professional
Carrie learns that in the beginning of their relationship Doug lied to her about getting a job at IPS so she would sleep with him.
TV-14
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Pole Lox
Doug convinces Carrie to take pole dancing lessons but is disappointed when she puts on a show for him.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Sandwiched Out
The guys' neighborhood restaurant names a new sandwich after Deacon, so Doug determines to get some kind of food named after himself.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Shear Torture
Carrie discovers that Doug's frequent trips to the hair salon are due to his attractive new hairstylist.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Inn Escapable
Doug and Carrie's romantic getaway is a nightmare when the owners of the bed-and-breakfast become too much to take.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Movie
Spy Next Door, The
Bob Ho is an undercover CIA superspy who decides to give up his career in espionage to settle down with his next-door neighbor and girlfriend, Gillian. But Bob has one more mission to complete before Gillian agrees to marry him--winning over her three opinionated kids. When Gillian suddenly has to leave town, Bob volunteers to babysit the children so he can earn their approval. But when one of the kids mistakenly downloads a top-secret formula from his computer, Bob''s archenemy, a Russian terrorist, moves in for the attack, forcing Bob to juggle the roles of spy and prospective stepfather in the most challenging mission of his career.
TV-PG
1:00 pm
Movie
Tuxedo, The
Cabbie-turned-chauffeur Jimmy Tong learns there is really only one rule when you work for playboy millionaire Clark Devlin: Never touch Devlin's prized tuxedo. But when Devlin is temporarily put out of commission in an explosive "accident," Jimmy puts on the tux and soon discovers that this extraordinary suit may be more black belt than black tie. Suddenly thrust into a dangerous world of espionage, paired with a rookie partner as inexperienced as he is, Jimmy becomes an unwitting--if impeccably dressed--secret agent.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Cougar Town (SAP)
Fooled Again (I Don't Like It)
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Cougar Town (SAP)
Little Girl Blues
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Two Parties, The
Rachel gets a surprise at her birthday party when her parents (MARLO THOMAS and RON LEIBMAN) show up.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Chicken Pox, The
When Phoebe catches chicken pox, her chances for romance with a former lover (CHARLIE SHEEN) are almost ruined. Monica worries that she is too strange for Richard.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Barry And Mindy's Wedding, The
Rachel is a bridesmaid at her ex-fianci's wedding. Monica and Richard's relationship is jeopardized when the subject of children is discussed.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Princess Leia Fantasy, The
Ross' secret fantasy doesn't stay secret for long after he confides in Rachel. Chandler resumes an old relationship.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Rush Hour 3
In the heart of Paris lies a deadly secret. Half a world away in Los Angeles, Ambassador Han is about to disclose it. In his possession is explosive new evidence about the inner workings of the Triads--the most powerful and notorious crime syndicate in the world. The Ambassador has discovered the identity of Shy Shen, the very crux of the wide-ranging crime ring, and he's about to reveal it to the World Criminal Court--until he is silenced by an assassin's bullet. The Triads will go to any lengths to make sure their secrets stay buried, and there's only one hope for stopping them. LAPD Detective Carter and Chinese Inspector Lee are back--back where they don't belong. The unlikely duo is headed to the City of Lights to stop a global criminal conspiracy and save the life of an old friend, Ambassador Han's now-grown daughter, Soo Yung. They don't know the city, the language or even exactly what they're looking for, but their race will take them across the city, from the depths of the Paris underground to the breathtaking heights of the Eiffel Tower, as they fight to outrun the world's most deadly criminals and save the day.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Vegas Renormalization, The
Leonard and Raj take Wolowitz to Las Vegas to help him get over his break-up with Leslie (Sara Gilbert). Sheldon, home alone and looking forward to it, locks himself out and has only one other place to stay; Penny's.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Classified Materials Turbulence, The
Leonard is torn between being honest or self-serving when Stuart asks his advice for an upcoming second date with Penny. Wolowitz realizes there's a crucial error in a toilet he designed for the International Space Station.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Monopolar Expedition, The
The guys' prestigious offer to work over the summer at the North Pole; and Penny's resultant behavior; leaves Leonard unsure if he should go.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Electric Can Opener Fluctuation, The
Discovering that Leonard, Raj, and Howard fudged the results of his Arctic research expedition, a disgraced Sheldon heads home to Texas.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Jiminy Conjecture, The
Sheldon and Howard wager comic books over a cricket's species. Meanwhile, a less-than-perfect romantic night agonizes Leonard and Penny.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Gothowitz Deviation, The
Howard takes Raj along to check out the Goth dating scene. Sheldon uses chocolate as part of a behavior modification experiment on Penny.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Tower Heist
Queens native Josh Kovaks has managed one of the most luxurious and well-secured residences in New York City for more than a decade. Under his watchful eye, nothing goes undetected. In the swankiest unit atop Josh's building, Wall Street titan Arthur Shaw is under house arrest after being caught stealing two billion from his investors. The hardest hit among those he defrauded? The tower staffers whose pensions he was entrusted to manage. With only days before Arthur gets away with the perfect crime, Josh's crew turns to petty crook Slide to plan the nearly impossible...to steal what they are sure is hidden in Arthur's guarded condo. Though amateurs, these rookie thieves know the building better than anyone. Turns out they've been casing the place for years, they just didn't know it.
TV-14
1:00 am
Movie
Tuxedo, The
Cabbie-turned-chauffeur Jimmy Tong learns there is really only one rule when you work for playboy millionaire Clark Devlin: Never touch Devlin's prized tuxedo. But when Devlin is temporarily put out of commission in an explosive "accident," Jimmy puts on the tux and soon discovers that this extraordinary suit may be more black belt than black tie. Suddenly thrust into a dangerous world of espionage, paired with a rookie partner as inexperienced as he is, Jimmy becomes an unwitting--if impeccably dressed--secret agent.
TV-14
3:00 am
Married With Children
Look Who's Barking
Buck the Dog, fed up with being neglected by the Bundys, decides to leave home and venture out into the world, where he meets a canine femme fatale.
TV-PG
3:30 am
Married With Children
Godfather, The
Al entertains notions of greatness when he discovers that Kelly's new boyfriend is an influential city politician.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Married With Children
Man's Castle, A
When Peg enrolls in an interior design course, she chooses the Bundy home as her first project, but Al's in an uproar when she sets her sights on his sacred domain...the bathroom.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
All Night Security Dude
When the shoe store temporarily gives Al the boot, he takes a job as Polk High's night security guard, but when his prized football trophy is stolen, he comes face to face with his high school rival, Spare Tire Dixon, who wants to even the score.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Weenie Tot Lovers & Other Strangers
Peg and Al must decided whether to give their last hundred dollars to Bud, who's been selected a top teen and invited to go to the White House and meet the President, or to Kelly, who has a chance to become "Miss Weenie Tot" -- and win a year's supply of Al's favorite treat.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Oldies but Young 'Uns
Al struggles to remember a favorite song from his past and enlists the help of an "oldies expert," his pal Charlie Verducci; meanwhile, Charlie's son, Vinnie, falls for Kelly but, under Al's watchful eye, is unable to do anything about it.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, October 5

6:00 am
Married With Children
You Better Shop Around (1)
In the first of a two-part episode, after Al buys a shoddy air conditioner and causes a neighborhood blackout, the Bundys seek refuge from the heat and their infuriated neighbors by taking up residence in their local supermarket.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
You Better Shop Around (2)
When the Bundys are evicted from the supermarket where they've taken up temporary residence, Al inadvertently becomes their one millionth customer; but Marcy claims otherwise.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Kids! Wadaya Gonna Do?
Needing cold cash for some hot prospects, Bud and Kelly are forced to find creative ways to earn money; meanwhile, Peg hoping for a hot night on the town, settles for an evening of videos with Al and the D'Arcys instead.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Route 666 (1)
When Al takes the family on a road trip to a shoe convention in California, the Bundys discover a golden opportunity when their car breaks down in the middle of a ghost town.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where No One's Ready, The
Ross becomes frantic trying to get everyone ready to leave to hear his speech at the museum.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Jam, The
Monica wants to have a baby. A man is stalking Phoebe.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Metaphorical Tunnel, The
Chandler wants to commit to a relationship with Janice. Phoebe poses as Joey's agent.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Movie
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
The Angels--Natalie, Dylan, and Alex--prepare to strike without warning as they go undercover to retrieve two missing silver bands. These are no ordinary rings. They contain valuable encrypted information that reveal the new identities of every person in the Federal Witness Protection Program. When witnesses start turning up dead, only the Angels, using their expertise as masters of disguise, espionage and martial arts can stop the perpetrator, a mysterious "fallen" Angel. Aided by their trusty colleague, Jimmy Bosley, the Angels'' adventure begins at a remote Mongolian outpost and ends only after Dylan is forced to face a dark secret from her past--a secret that puts the lives of her two best friends in danger.
TV-14
11:30 am
Movie
Get Smart
Maxwell Smart is on a mission to thwart the latest plot for world domination by the evil crime syndicate known as KAOS. When the headquarters of U.S. spy agency Control is attacked and the identities of its agents compromised, the Chief has no choice but to promote his ever-eager analyst Maxwell Smart, who has always dreamt of working in the field alongside stalwart superstar Agent 23. Smart is partnered instead with the lovely-but-lethal veteran Agent 99. Given little field experience and even less time, Smart--armed with nothing but a few spy-tech gadgets and his unbridled enthusiasm--must thwart the doomsday plans of KAOS head Siegfried.
TV-14
1:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
Tower Heist
Queens native Josh Kovaks has managed one of the most luxurious and well-secured residences in New York City for more than a decade. Under his watchful eye, nothing goes undetected. In the swankiest unit atop Josh's building, Wall Street titan Arthur Shaw is under house arrest after being caught stealing two billion from his investors. The hardest hit among those he defrauded? The tower staffers whose pensions he was entrusted to manage. With only days before Arthur gets away with the perfect crime, Josh's crew turns to petty crook Slide to plan the nearly impossible...to steal what they are sure is hidden in Arthur's guarded condo. Though amateurs, these rookie thieves know the building better than anyone. Turns out they've been casing the place for years, they just didn't know it.
TV-14
3:45 pm
Movie (DVS)
Men in Black II
Kay and Jay reunite to provide our best, last and only line of defense against a sinister seductress who levels the toughest challenge yet to the MIBs untarnished mission statement: protecting the earth from the scum of the universe. It's been four years since the alien-seeking agents averted an intergalactic disaster of epic proportions. Kay has since returned to the comforts of civilian life while Jay continues to work for the Men In Black, the highly funded yet unofficial government agency that regulates all things alien on earth. While investigating a seemingly routine crime, Jay uncovers a diabolical plot masterminded by Serleena, an evil Kylothian monster who disguises herself as a sexy lingerie model. When Serleena takes the entire MIB building hostage, there is only one person left Jay can turn to-his former MIB partner who is now a drone in another large government office, the U.S. postal service, and prefers simple pleasures like his wife's cookies over standoffs with mammoth alien insects. It's a race against the clock as Jay must convince Kay-who not only has absolutely no memory of his time spent with the Men In Black, but is also the only living person left with the expertise to save the galaxy-to reunite with the MIB before the earth submits to ultimate destruction.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
MLB Playoffs
MLB Postseason Pre-Game on TBS presented by the Chrysler 200
6:00 pm
MLB Division Series
Game 6
9:30 pm
MLB Division Series
Game 7
1:00 am
MLB Playoffs
Postseason Show on TBS
1:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Men in Black II
Kay and Jay reunite to provide our best, last and only line of defense against a sinister seductress who levels the toughest challenge yet to the MIBs untarnished mission statement: protecting the earth from the scum of the universe. It's been four years since the alien-seeking agents averted an intergalactic disaster of epic proportions. Kay has since returned to the comforts of civilian life while Jay continues to work for the Men In Black, the highly funded yet unofficial government agency that regulates all things alien on earth. While investigating a seemingly routine crime, Jay uncovers a diabolical plot masterminded by Serleena, an evil Kylothian monster who disguises herself as a sexy lingerie model. When Serleena takes the entire MIB building hostage, there is only one person left Jay can turn to-his former MIB partner who is now a drone in another large government office, the U.S. postal service, and prefers simple pleasures like his wife's cookies over standoffs with mammoth alien insects. It's a race against the clock as Jay must convince Kay-who not only has absolutely no memory of his time spent with the Men In Black, but is also the only living person left with the expertise to save the galaxy-to reunite with the MIB before the earth submits to ultimate destruction.
TV-PG
3:15 am
Movie
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
The Angels--Natalie, Dylan, and Alex--prepare to strike without warning as they go undercover to retrieve two missing silver bands. These are no ordinary rings. They contain valuable encrypted information that reveal the new identities of every person in the Federal Witness Protection Program. When witnesses start turning up dead, only the Angels, using their expertise as masters of disguise, espionage and martial arts can stop the perpetrator, a mysterious "fallen" Angel. Aided by their trusty colleague, Jimmy Bosley, the Angels'' adventure begins at a remote Mongolian outpost and ends only after Dylan is forced to face a dark secret from her past--a secret that puts the lives of her two best friends in danger.
TV-14
5:30 am
Married With Children
Route 666 (2)
The California Coast will have to wait when, stranded in a ghost town, the Bundys and the D'Arcys catch "gold fever" and become wary mining partners.
TV-PG