Joint Custody Mon. December, 01 at 01:00 pmStan tries to get an unsuspecting Jeff Fischer out of his life for good by taking him on a road trip to Florida where there is a warrent out for Jeff's arrest. Meanwhile, Roger wants to turn Jeff in himself so he can claim the reward money. The rest of the family wants to intervene as Stan and Roger battle it out on the road, but they are stranded at the Smith house until they can find Francine's car keys.
Vacation Goo, The Mon. December, 01 at 01:30 pmThe family finds out that their outstanding family vacations have only been experiences in virtual reality. Stan vows to make it up to Francine by taking the family on a real cruise, but, when they are stranded on a remote island, things get out of hand. Meanwhile, Roger goes from cruise ship singer to a dancer in a seedy gentleman's club.
Meter Made Mon. December, 01 at 02:00 pmn order to be taken more seriously and to be a somebody, Stan becomes a meter maid who seems to have all of the power. Now he's getting the best tables at restaurants, pocketing quarters from meters and impressing Francine with his prowess. But, when Turlington from Parking Internal Affairs pays him a visit, Stan realizes crime and this lifestyle don't pay.
Dope and Faith Mon. December, 01 at 02:30 pmStan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but he turns out to be an atheist. Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard until his plan backfires. Meanwhile, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to Hogwarts.
Dreaming of a White Porsche Christmas Mon. December, 01 at 09:00 pmWhen Stan wishes he could have Principal Lewis' carefree, single life, a la A Christmas Story, his wish comes true! Meanwhile, in his wish world, Principal Lewis has Stan's family.
Minstrel Krampus Mon. December, 01 at 09:30 pmWhen Steve starts acting like a spoiled brat during the holidays, Stan takes him to see his incarcerated Grandpa Jack, who tells him the story of how he caught Minstrel Krampus, a legendary demon who punishes naughty children on Christmas. Stan decides that releasing Krampus is the only way to straighten out Steve's attitude. But when Krampus kidnaps Steve, it's up to Stan and Roger to get him back. Meanwhile, Hayley gets a job at the airport, but quickly realizes that she might not be cut out for customer service.
Big Trouble in Little Langley Tue. December, 02 at 01:00 pmFrancine's Chinese, adoptive parents drop in. Stan can't stand them and tries to find Francine's real parents. When it becomes obvious they are selfish people who gave up Francine because she would cramp their lifestyle, Stan makes a detour and never introduces them to Francine. He has a new found appreciation of his in-laws.
Haylias Tue. December, 02 at 01:30 pmStan, unhappy with the decisions Hayley is making for herself, decides to set her up with a proper husband. He gets her to go along by using her "activation word" which was ingrained in her during CIA summer camp visits when she was little. She listens to everything Stan says, but because it takes too long, reverts to a "mind clause" to kill her handler - Stan.
42-Year-Old Virgin Tue. December, 02 at 02:00 pmWhile playing poker with the guys, Stan is found to be a virgin. Not in the traditional way, but in that he's never killed anyone. Roger and the guys help Stan bust his killing cherry.
Surro-Gate Tue. December, 02 at 02:30 pmWhen Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska border, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.